How to apologise properly
Apologising sincerely and effectively can be a difficult skill to master. Equal parts head, heart, art and science, a true, heartfelt apology can be the difference between a relationship flourishing or faltering. While we all understand what the intent behind an apology is, many of us aren’t aware of the key elements that should be included in any apology. These include:
- A thorough account of the situation
- Acknowledgment of the hurt or distress caused
- Accepting responsibility for the situation
- Recognition of your contribution to the situation
- A statement asking for forgiveness
- A declaration that the actions won’t be repeated
- A form of restitution if possible
By giving a complete account of the situation you are not only acknowledging what has happened but ensuring that both you and the other person are both on the same page. Being specific is important as it focuses your apology and lasers in on the hurt caused.
An acknowledgement of the hurt party’s feelings gives both validation and empathy and shows that you understand the situation at hand. By taking responsibility for your actions you show that you want to fix the problem once and for all.
It’s important not to try and justify the situation or defend yourself when apologising. It’s a very easy trap to fall into, especially when we feel uncomfortable. The apology however is not about you or about helping you feel better. It’s about the wrong party.
At the conclusion of any apology, you should always ask for forgiveness. This puts the ball into the recipient’s court and allows them to share their own feelings and open up a dialogue that will hopefully restore your relationship.
What do you think is the most important element of an apology? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.
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