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"Ridiculous": Debate erupts over whether grandparents should be paid to babysit

Any parent knows how difficult it is to get your child into daycare or preschool. With limited spaces across the country and rising costs, many are turning to their families for help. Many rely on grandma and grandpa to help out with the kids, and while some say they'd happily do it for free, others think it's time to put a price on it. According to a Nine.com.au poll 42 per cent of Aussies believe that grandparents should be paid for babysitting, while 58 per cent of them believe there's no need to pay grandparents for their services. However, the question is more complicated than a simple yes or no, with many explaining that it depends on the circumstance. "If grandparents are babysitting for special occasions or at their request then I don't think they should be paid. Most would do it for love and time with grandkids. If grandparents are providing child minding then that's different. If it's a regular occurrence then yes they should be paid," explained one person. "Grandparents should be paid to babysit if they are required for more than two full days a week," echoed another. "Grandparents should be paid, it is cheaper than creche and the kids won't be as sick mixing with a batch of others," a third wrote. For many there's a big difference between babysitting on a weekend or a one-off day versus during the week. "Being paid as a grandparent to babysit in my opinion is ridiculous, however if a grandparent is enlisted to provide child care more than two days a week so that parents can work, I think a payment in some form isn't unreasonable, even if it's a surprise gift intermittently," one wrote. "I babysit my grandchildren while my daughter works she pays me $20 for petrol, but if they want to go out and I babysit then she doesn't pay me which I'm OK with," added another person. The parents and grandparents' financial position was also a big factor. "I think the grandparent babysitting for payment is a personal thing. Some parents can really afford it, some are struggling and the grandparents do it to help out," one explained. Image: Shutterstock

Retirement Income

Grandma banned from babysitting after ignoring daughter's simple request

A new mum has banned her own mother from babysitting duties, after she blatantly refused to follow a few basic safety instructions. The young mum took to Reddit to share her plight, after moving back home so she could save up to buy a house, which at the time her mum "very enthusiastically agreed to". But, after a few months of living together again, the 23-year-old mum has had more things added onto her plate, as she's constantly worried about her own mum not following her instructions when it comes to her son, who was born in September. She said that her mum has been "constantly checking to see if he has teeth" or pushing them to "stop feeding him milk", or even trying to "give him really complicated food" like candy yams. And whenever she expresses her concerns, her mum nonchalantly responds with: "I did with you and you survived". It reached a peak when her mother gave her baby boy some water, which according to The World Health Organisation, children under six months should not be drinking anything else other than breast milk or formula. This is because babies stomachs are very small and their kidneys are still developing, so they are unable to process water in the same way adults do, plus it puts them at risk of water intoxication and nutrition loss. The grandmother blatantly ignored her daughter's request and gave her grandson water anyways responding with, "See, he's fine. He isn't dead." That was the young mum's breaking point and she immediately took her baby away. "She will no longer be watching the baby alone since she is constantly overstepping my boundaries and doing everything I ask her to not do," she wrote. But she said that things are complicated since they're living together and now her mother isn't speaking to her because she made her "feel like a bad parent and grandparent." The young mum questioned whether she was the bad guy in this scenario, but other Reddit users were quick to defend her for setting her boundaries. "One would hope for a *little* bit more for their kid than "not dead"," one wrote. "This is an incredibly low standard for her to be proud of maintaining", another added. Image: Getty

Family & Pets

When babysitting your grandkids is not the retirement plan

Megan Giles is a retirement designer for women. She supports and coaches women approaching retirement to successfully transition and create a lifestyle that is fulfilling, meaningful to them and lights them up each day. You’re retiring, or maybe you’re about to cut down to part-time hours and you can smell freedom in the air. You have the schedule for a pilates studio on your fridge, a list of restaurants to try, and a couple ideas for that abandoned corner of your garden. At last you have time to do all of those things you’ve always wanted to do. And then the phone rings. “Mum, now that you’re not working, it would be great if you could look after [grandchild] on a Friday…” And your heart sinks. You love your grandchild to bits, but a regular baby-sitting gig is not part of your plan. While this is the perfect scenario for many people approaching retirement, it’s important to recognise that it’s not for everyone. What happens if your family has other ideas for your life after work, e.g. caring for grandchildren, or they have assumptions about what you can and can't (or shouldn't!) do in retirement. Do you acquiesce and abandon your dreams or do you recognise the value of your time and dreams and decide to ‘just go for it’? The trouble with choosing to pursue your own path is the huge amount of guilt this can bring up, particularly for women. You feel that you should be there for your children and grandchildren. You know that your support will make their life easier as they have demanding jobs and because the cost of living and day care is expensive. Or perhaps you convince yourself that you do have the time and energy because, well, you’re not working anymore. But the risk that goes with this is that you start to feel resentful because you’re not being true to your dreams. Broaching this with adult children, however, can be a tricky thing to do. It brings up conflicting emotions including love, guilt, joy, fear and obligation and the last thing you want to do is make a loved one feel bad. In recognition of this, the following provides tips for sharing your retirement ideals with your family in a positive way: <ul> <li>Make an uninterrupted time to talk. While it might be an easy time to catch your children, try to avoid the early evening ‘witching hour’ when feeding and bathing can create mayhem</li> <li>Share your goals. Rather than assuming your family know what will be important to you, let them know what you would like to get out of retirement, particularly while you are active and have good health</li> <li>Articulate your concerns or fears. Let them know, for example, that you worry about being able to keep up with your energetic grandchild, or that you risk letting them down in the longer term when you decide to go travelling and can’t do that regular Tuesday ‘gig’</li> <li>Listen to what it is that your adult children are seeking and see if you can come up with alternate options together (it doesn’t always have to be one thing or the other)</li> <li>Let your family know that you love and care for them unconditionally. Not being able to provide regular baby-sitting duties does not mean that you love them any less</li> </ul> As the saying goes, you first have to look after yourself before you can look after others and this applies especially in retirement. However uncomfortable it may seem initially, have the conversation in order to understand and align both your and your family’s expectations, and then give yourself permission to follow your dreams in retirement! Images: Getty

Retirement Life

Babysitting grandkids can ward off Alzheimer’s

Good news for grandmothers! A new study finds grandchildren not only add joy to grandparents’ lives but that spending time with grandkids can ward off Alzheimer’s. The study, published in the journal Menopause, found post-menopausal women who spend time taking care of grandkids lower their risk of developing Alzheimer's and other cognitive disorders. However, too much time with the grandchildren – five or more days a week – wasn’t so good for grandma. Researchers for Women’s Health Ageing Project in Australia administered three different tests to assess the cognitive abilities of 186 women, ages 57 to 68. Among the group, 120 were grandmothers. The study found that grandmothers who helped with their grandchildren at least one day per week scored highest on the tests, while the women who spent five or more days a week with their grandkids scored significantly lower. Researchers found that grandmothers who helped out more often felt their own children – the parents of the grandkids – were too demanding on their time which dampened moods and impacted brain function. “The motivation of the present study was to expand on the current literature by examining the impact of grandparenting on cognitive function," the authors write in the new study. “To our knowledge, this is the first study to examine the relationship between grandparenting and cognition.” Image: Getty

Caring

Elderly couple's car vandalised while babysitting grandkids

A mother-of-three has been left "absolutely sickened" after her a neighbour vandalised the car of her elderly parents. The woman's parents, who are both in their 70s, were babysitting their grandchildren in their daughter's Sydney home when an angry neighbour wrote on the car in permanent marker. When they returned to the car, they found 'footpath' scrawled in the difficult to remove ink across the bonnet. The north shore local posted a photo of the vandalism to a local community Facebook group to appeal for more information. "My dad parked in our driveway to help my mother get closer access to the house given her abilities," she wrote. "In doing so, they were blocking the footpath but walkers could still walk around the back of the car." The woman explained that her parents had planned to move the car, but didn't get the chance as their three young grandchildren required constant supervision. The couple went to move their car at 9 am on Sunday morning when they saw the permanent marker across the bonnet of their white Toyota Camry. "I totally understand the concerns of blocking the footpath but to write with permanent marker all over their front bonnet is disgusting erratic behaviour and I'm absolutely sickened to think a person such as this lives nearby," the post read. "This is vandalism and is illegal!! I feel so sorry for this person in every way as they would have had so much hatred at the thought of walking around a car to go home and get a marker, come back and vandalise a car." "Just WOW!!! Next time be a big enough person to ring the doorbell and advise [us] directly so we can fix this in an amicable way and you can walk the straight path that you so desire. Or if you wish to remain anonymous write it on PAPER!" The post was flooded with sympathising locals, while others believed her parents should have seen it coming. "Wow I can't believe someone did this what an a**hole!!!! Your poor parents I hope they are ok and not too upset," one local wrote. In opposition, one person wrote, "Unpopular opinion, but I don't have much sympathy available for this. Don't block the footpath. Easy as." Image credits: Facebook

Legal

Babysitting boundaries for ‘Granny Nannies’

You are the kind of parent who, in order to help your adult children, get ahead in life and pay off a large mortgage, are chipping in to babysit grandchildren to ease the burden of childcare costs. The amount of caring you are doing may vary from a few hours a week to multiple days per week. In doing so you are also contributing significantly to the nation’s coffers. Research shows that $5.54 billion is added to the Australian economy by unpaid carers and $1.26 billion from unpaid childcare provided by the over 50s. It is a very natural, altruistic and noble intention to want to help your children in this way and research published in May this year by the University of Melbourne revealed that it can be good for you. The study found postmenopausal women who took care of their grandchildren one day a week had better memory and faster cognitive speed than those who didn’t. Balancing yours and your children’s needs The researchers however carry a warning about over-using the generous nature of grandparents noting that women who cared for grandchildren five or more days a week had significantly slower processing speed and planning scores, possibly because they felt exhausted and stressed. National Seniors CEO, Michael O’Neill says it’s important for grandparents to aim for a balance in enjoying their retirement years and providing support to their children. “It’s about balance and not giving up on your dreams, expectations and goals to achieve. Those goals shouldn’t be subsumed by the demands of a younger generation". However, the economic reality is that there is an increasing reliance on grandparents for childcare assistance in dual income families and so here are some good ideas for negotiating the babysitting/caring parameters successfully: Tips for setting babysitting boundaries Set limits early on – you might even like to start the conversation with your adult child before your grandchild is born <ul> <li>Consider how far in advance of sitting time you'd like to be approached. If you prefer a week’s notice and not same-day requests </li> <li>Let your children know in advance if you are okay with taking grandchildren to doctor’s appointments or something similar.</li> <li>Let your children know if you are comfortable with supervising homework/study.</li> <li>Set time parameters around drop-off and pick-up </li> <li>School holiday arrangements need to be set early and be clear about school holiday activities i.e. signing grandkids up to camps/classes etc.</li> <li>Will you have grandchildren for sleepovers or not?</li> <li>Will playdates need to be arranged?</li> </ul> More ideas for stress-free babysitting <ul> <li>If you have a skill or hobby that you are talented at share this with your grandkids where appropriate</li> <li>Decide if and/or how you will deliver discipline. You are not obligated to share this role, but it will help your child and grandchild if you have a plan in place</li> <li>Let your household standards slip a bit and put away the precious ornaments while grandkids are around, as this can save heartache for them and you</li> <li>Discuss food and nutrition issues with your child as they may have strong views on this</li> <li>Discuss sleep pattern and arrangements i.e. will the grandchild be required to nap during the day or not</li> <li>Discuss appropriateness of certain movies, books and video games with your child ahead of the sitting/caring time</li> <li>The key thing to remember is to have open, honest communication about babysitting with your children early to avoid unrealistic expectations. You shouldn’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with so you should try not to be a ‘yes’ man or woman to your children all the time, or your generosity could be taken for granted and lead to stress for both you and your children.</li> </ul> What are some of your tips? Let us know in the comments below. Written by Danielle Cesta. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/wyza-life/the-granny-nanny-trend.aspx">Wyza.com.au. </a>

Caring

The intergenerational squeeze: Grandparents struggling to juggle work and childcare

Myra Hamilton is a Research Fellow in Social Policy at the University of New South Wales. Grandparents are the most popular providers of childcare in Australia today. This reliance on them exposes weaknesses in current labour market and childcare policies. Increasing workforce participation by mothers and older people have been the dual goals of policy for some time, particularly as the population ages. What is overlooked is that these policy priorities place increasing, and competing, pressures on one group of older Australians – grandparents who provide childcare. Boosting workforce participation among women and older people is essential to Australia’s future prosperity, according to the <a href="http://www.treasury.gov.au/PublicationsAndMedia/Publications/2015/2015-Intergenerational-Report" target="_blank">2015 Intergenerational Report</a>. In a speech the week before its release, the then-treasurer, Joe Hockey, <a href="http://jbh.ministers.treasury.gov.au/speech/002-2015/" target="_blank">said</a>: How can we contribute more and get more from a nation that has given us much over such a long period of time? Increasing the workforce participation of women and older Australians, Hockey said, can provide a huge boost to our economy. But that participation depends heavily on the childcare that grandparents provide. In 2014, approximately <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4402.0" target="_blank">837,000 children</a> received childcare from their grandparents. This is many more children than in any other form of care, including long day care or before- and after-school care. Grandmothers provided most of this childcare. Increased maternal labour market participation, coupled with a lack of affordable and available formal childcare, is likely to result in continued reliance on grandparents for childcare. At the same time, measures to boost employment and delay retirement among mature-age Australians place pressure on many grandparents to work longer and harder. The former policy priority places pressure on grandparents to provide more care; the latter asks them to undertake more work. Grandparents reorganise own working lives How do grandparents perceive and navigate the twin demands of childcare provider and mature-age worker? <a href="https://www.nationalseniors.com.au/be-informed/research/publications/grandparents" target="_blank">New research</a> I conducted with my colleague Bridget Jenkins for the National Seniors Productive Ageing Centre suggests that many grandparents who regularly care for their grandchildren reorganise their working lives considerably to do so. Among those surveyed, 70 per cent altered the days or shifts they work, 55 per cent reduced their working hours and 18 per cent even changed their job because of their caring commitment. In addition, grandparents regularly accommodate atypical, short-notice requests for care – such as when a child is sick or a parent is suddenly called into work. Their care commitments also affect the way they use their workplace entitlements. Many organise their leave or request flexible work arrangements to accommodate the care of grandchildren. More than 40 per cent reported finding it difficult to juggle the competing demands of work and care. One-third of grandparents surveyed also reported that their childcare commitment changed the timing or expected timing of their retirement. For many others, while providing regular childcare is not the only factor, it figures heavily in shaping their decision to retire. Significantly, most grandparents said they provided this care, and adjusted their work accordingly, to enable their children, particularly daughters and daughters-in-law, to participate in work. The dual policy priorities of boosting paid work among mothers and older people therefore create tensions for grandparents faced with competing demands. Many go to considerable lengths to be able to provide the care their children require while also remaining in work. Grandmothers, who provide most of the childcare, probably feel these tensions most strongly. The research also revealed an “intergenerational trade-off” that challenges these dual policy priorities. This trade-off is heavily gendered. Mature-age grandparents, mostly grandmothers, are adjusting or reducing their own workforce participation to help their daughters and daughters-in-law participate in the workforce. In other words, one generation of women is reducing their workforce participation to support the participation of another. A massive policy blindspot In spite of the huge contribution grandparents make in supporting families to work, and the considerable impacts this has on their own patterns of work, the 2015 Intergenerational Report completely overlooked grandparent childcare. Nor was it acknowledged in public discussion of the report, or in any previous intergenerational report. The role of grandparents in childcare is also invisible in all of the most relevant policy spheres. This affects not just maternal and mature-age employment policy but early childhood education and care and retirement incomes policies too. As a result, current policy is blind to the potential intergenerational impacts of meeting the desired goals. If we achieve the 2015 Intergenerational Report’s objective of boosting workforce participation by both mothers and grandparents, what will be the implications for childcare demand and supply? What’s more, policy is being formulated on the basis of incomplete information about the conditions facing Australian families and shaping their decisions about work and childcare. Recognising the importance of childcare provision in the work and retirement decisions of grandparents is essential in the design of effective mature-age employment and retirement incomes policies. And understanding the role that grandparents play in families’ decisions about work and childcare is essential to the design of effective maternal employment and childcare policies. In a <a href="http://jbh.ministers.treasury.gov.au/speech/004-2015/" target="_blank">ministerial statement</a> on the 2015 Intergenerational Report, Hockey said: The Intergenerational Report is the social compact between the generations – children, grandchildren, parents, grandparents and each other. Grandparents are central to Australia’s social compact. They make a fundamental contribution to families and to our social and economic fabric. It’s time to recognise what grandparents do and to adjust policy frameworks to account for their important role. Written by Myra Hamilton. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/47939/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Family & Pets

Grandparents who babysit live longer than those who don’t

<a href="http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(16)30072-1/abstract">A study</a> has found that older people who provide care for others on a semi-regular basis will likely live longer than those who don’t. Researchers from the University of Western Australia partnered with others from the University of Basel, Edith Cowan University, the Humboldt University of Berlin, and the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin to look at the survival rates of grandparents who cared for their grandchildren. Using data from the <a href="https://www.base-berlin.mpg.de/en">Berlin Aging Study</a> collected between 1990 and 2009, the international team analysed over 500 people aged between 70 and 103. Their research showed that grandparents who care for their grandchildren live longer on average than those grandparents who don’t. Unlike with similar studies in the past, this one did not include those grandparents who were the primary caregivers, instead focusing on grandparents who provided occasional childcare. Those who don’t have grandchildren will be interested to know that the study also took into account adults who did not have children or grandchildren, but who provided care for others within their social network. The results showed that half of the grandparents who provided care were still alive ten years after their initial interview – regardless of whether this care was given to grandchildren, or by helping out with housework for adult children. Of those who did not provide care for others, about half had died within the first five years of the study. Those who didn’t have children, but who helped others within their social network typically lived another seven years after the study began, while those who didn’t provide support to others lived only another four years on average. Helping others too much can, however, be detrimental to one’s own health. <a href="https://www.mpib-berlin.mpg.de/en/media/2016/12/helping-pays-off-people-who-care-for-others-live-longer">Ralph Hertwig</a>, Director of the Center for Adaptive Rationality at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development cautioned, “previous studies have shown that more intense involvement causes stress, which has negative effects on physical and mental health.” The results are thought to point to prosocial behaviour having its roots in the family. Sonja Hilbrand from the Department of Psychology at the University of Basel stated, “It seems plausible that the development of parents’ and grandparents’ prosocial behaviour toward their kin left its imprint on the human body in terms of a neural and hormonal system”. Hilbrand goes on to explain that this system is potentially responsible for the evolution of “cooperation and altruistic behaviour towards non-kin”. Do you look after your grandchildren? And if you don’t have any grandies, do you support others in your community? Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/superstar-grandmas-picture-book-defying-old-stereotypes/">“Superstar Grandmas” children’s book defying old stereotypes</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/the-new-grandparenting-handbook/">The new grandparenting handbook</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2017/01/grandfather-learns-to-draw-to-connect-with-grandchildren/">Grandfather learns to draw to connect with grandchildren</a>

Family & Pets

Grandmas who babysit less likely to develop Alzheimer’s

New research shows that babysitting your grandchildren can help you stay mentally sharp. The study, published in a 2014 edition of Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society, showed that grandmothers who helped out with childcare duties at least one day per week scored better in cognitive tests, which could be a sign of a lower risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer's disease. Interestingly, it’s all about a good balance as too much babysitting can backfire. The study showed that grandmothers who helped out five or more times per week scored lower in the tests. Striking a good balance is beneficial for everyone, with research from Oxford University and the Institute of Education in London showing that children are generally happier if grandparents are involved in their upbringing. Grandparents often have more time than working parents to provide support, advice and problem solving for children, especially those working in a part-time carer capacity. How often do you look after your grandchildren? Let us know in the comments below. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/how-to-say-no-to-babysitting-grandkids/">How to say no when you’re unable to babysit grandkids</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/important-things-to-let-little-children-do/">7 important things little children should be allowed to do</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/what-i-hate-about-being-a-grandparent-today/">Grandparenting in the 21st century</a>

News

Artist shares “naughty” images from babysitting day

Photographer and artist, Fern Smooch, recently babysat his friend’s kids under one condition: She got to bring her camera.“My friend told me that since they had kids they don’t have any time to even go to the movies or do anything anymore, so here I come to save the day!” said the photographer.“Babysitting 101: don’t hire a friend that holds a camera.”The result was some hilariously “naughty” photos. And don’t worry, although the photos look dangerous, the kids were never at any risk. Fern took multiple photos and Photoshopped them together. He also held the children during the dangerous-looking shots, using a tripod and timer to capture the photos, and then Photoshopping himself out of the pictures.<img width="541" height="360" src="http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i-agreed-to-babysit-my-friends-babies-for-a-day-under-one-condition-i-get-to-bring-a-camera__880.jpg"><img width="541" height="360" src="http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i-agreed-to-babysit-my-friends-babies-for-a-day-under-one-condition-i-get-to-bring-a-camera-3__880.jpg"><img width="539" height="340" src="http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i-agreed-to-babysit-my-friends-babies-for-a-day-under-one-condition-i-get-to-bring-a-camera-4__880.jpg"><img width="539" height="359" src="http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i-agreed-to-babysit-my-friends-babies-for-a-day-under-one-condition-i-get-to-bring-a-camera-5__880.jpg">

Family & Pets

Artist shares “naughty” images from babysitting day

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"Ridiculous": Debate erupts over whether grandparents should be paid to babysit

Grandma banned from babysitting after ignoring daughter's simple request

When babysitting your grandkids is not the retirement plan

Babysitting grandkids can ward off Alzheimer’s

Elderly couple's car vandalised while babysitting grandkids

Babysitting boundaries for ‘Granny Nannies’

The intergenerational squeeze: Grandparents struggling to juggle work and childcare

Grandparents who babysit live longer than those who don’t

Grandmas who babysit less likely to develop Alzheimer’s

Artist shares “naughty” images from babysitting day

Artist shares “naughty” images from babysitting day

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