What I’ve learnt from parenting with hindsight
<p><strong><em>Margaret Cunningham, 61, is “semi-retired” from her role in digital communications. She is a hobby writer who particularly enjoys writing articles with a reflective viewpoint. A lifelong passion of health and fitness means she is known in her community as “that lady who runs.”</em></strong></p>
<p>Parenting is a time of relentless self-revelation. It is as much about self-discovery as it is about nurturing. What we consider to be the very best of ourselves children will challenge and what we know to be the very worst of ourselves children will expose – sometimes very publicly!</p>
<p>As a grandparent who has raised a grandchild I considered myself fortunate to have had the luxury of parenting with the benefit of hindsight. Don’t misunderstand me; I have not said parenting was any easier. No! The challenges of parenting were still there looming as large as ever – exhaustion, tantrums, picky eaters, illnesses, peer pressure, teenagers … this will never change. What did change for me though was my awareness of just how irreplaceable and fleeting the years of childhood are.</p>
<p>Time! When you want it to go fast it goes slow and when you want it to go slow it goes – <em>zoooom</em>!</p>
<p>I well remember my “I can’t wait…” days with my own children. “I can’t wait until you’re out of nappies.” “I can’t wait until you start walking.” From walking to talking, from kindergarten to school I keenly awaited the next stage of childhood growth to occur. Well, the next stage did occur and the next and so on, until one day you woke up and the children have left home. The wished away, “I can’t wait…” years reappear as snapshots and memories; the kind that give birth to hindsight. </p>
<p>So the one aspect of past parenting I endeavored to change was the tendency to hasten the stages of growth. Children are children for such a short period of time when you consider that the natural life expectancy for New Zealanders is 79.5 (male) and 83.2 years (female), yet there is enormous pressure to rush through our children’s growth, instead of delighting in the very unique and precious moments that childhood offers.</p>
<p>With the pace of life moving faster and faster the pressure to rush our children’s childhood to make life less complicated for ourselves has become more urgent. Current fads and opportunities have reduced the amount of time set aside for children to be children, or parents to be parents, and in our effort to have our children succeed in today's world, we teach them to read earlier, use computers as soon they can hold their head up, and allow them to experience life via the television screen instead of through their own life endeavours.</p>
<p>The fashion industry, especially girls, had taken a giant leap forward since I first shopped for children’s clothes. In fact, it seemed to have overlooked the “child” in children altogether. Prominent fashion stores promoted make-up, accessories, high heeled shoes and thong knickers for children as young as five and six with offensive and sexual slogans sexualising babies and young children passed off as just a bit of harmless fun.</p>
<p>In August 2009 National Council of Women (NCWNZ) launched a campaign against clothing chain Cotton On calling for a boycott of the retail chain until they removed their line of baby wear that featured offensive and sexual slogans.</p>
<p>According to the Australian Institute, premature sexualisation, carries a range of risks for children and affects all aspects of their development. It can lead to:</p>
<ul>
<li>Compromised development of a healthy body image</li>
<li>Eating disorders</li>
<li>Compromised sexual and emotional development</li>
<li>Potential normalising and encouragement of paedophilic sexual desire for children. This does not sound like a harmless bit of fun to me!</li>
</ul>
<p>I still found myself getting caught up in the very marketable explosion of opportunity available to children and like most parents wanted to see my granddaughter do well; but equally as important for me was that my child had space away from the pressures of this new fast world just to experience being a kid and that I too had time to delight in the experience. </p>
<p>One thing progress cannot provide for our children is “time”. If anything progress has eroded time – our time to be with our children and our children to be with us. There is so little time to teach a child to be a responsible and caring person and the job too important to rush development. Don’t wish that time away. Let kids be kids.</p>
<p>Parenting with hindsight did not make me a parent expert by any means but hindsight did allow me to reflect on past parenting experiences and take what I have learned into my new parenting role. I often respond to people who ask if parenting is easier the second time by saying, “Hindsight is only beneficial if we pay attention to it.”</p>
<p>Wishing away time is like throwing out a pot of gold. Hindsight understands just how precious that pot of gold really is. </p>
<p>What have you learnt about parenting with hindsight? Share with us in the comments below.</p>
<p><em>Note: image is a stock photo and not of Margaret Cunningham.</em></p>
<p><strong><em>If you have a story to share please get in touch at <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="mailto:melody@overisixty.com.au" target="_blank">melody@overisixty.com.au</a></span>.</em></strong></p>
<p><strong>Related links:</strong></p>
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<p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/10-factors-that-influence-how-you-grandparent/"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">10 factors that influence how you grandparent</span></strong></a></p>
<p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/anne-marr-tribute-to-dad-for-fathers-day/"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Thank you dad for everything you taught me</span></strong></em></a></p>
