Ben Squires

Cruising

5 juicy confessions from cruise crewmembers

5 juicy confessions from cruise crewmembers

As you can probably imagine, when living on the high seas you get to pick up a story or two. While while most of these tales don’t make it back to shore, for the first time ever a few of these interesting stories have made their way to land. 

Porthole Cruise Magazine has explored the industry to find five of the juiciest confessions from cruise crew members. You’ll never look at cruise staff the same way.

And of course, the staff member’s names have been kept anonymous.

1. One shore excursions manager told about the time she was woken up by 3am as two colleagues burst into her cabin. She said, “They woke up my roommate and I and were shouting to get our lifejackets on and to abandon ship, and then they ran out of the room. My roommate and I started freaking out, bumping into each other trying to find our lifejackets. Then we ran out of the room down the hallway in our pyjamas — only to be met by an entire group of crewmembers taking pictures and laughing. That was just Part One of our initiation.”

2. A cruise gift shop manager told Porthole about a disput between dining room staff and restaurant management which resulted in a strike. As a result, staff managers from the other sections of the boat had to fill in, everyone from the casino to the beauty shop. She said, “We were instructed to bring as many of our staff members as we could spare to help serve more than 500 hungry guests. So there we all went, in our respective uniforms, off to the dining room to be waiters for the evening. I’m not sure how we did it, but we did. All of the guests managed to get their rolls, salads, entrées, coffee, and dessert while being served by an eclectic staff in an assortment of uniforms. That was the essence of good teamwork if I’ve ever seen it.”

3. Another anonymous cruise staff member told of a game she played when greeting guests walking into the dining room. She and her offsider decided to make a game of inserting wacky words into conversation. She said, “One of the most memorable words that we actually pulled off quite well, and surprisingly without realization or offense to the guests, was penis. How? Guest walks through the door…. cruise staff says ‘Good Evening! Have you just come from the lounge? They have an amazing penis playing up there and the sing-a-long is great fun!” Guest smiled and answered: “YES! The pianist is one of the best I’ve seen on ships!’”

4. A cruise casino dealer recalls, “One of the hardest things I had to do as a casino dealer was to keep a straight face. And I’m not necessarily talking about because we were in the middle of an intense game. I’m talking about the times when certain guests, well, smelled. One time a player sat at my table and was letting out such bad gas that other players began to slowly inch away and eventually left the area. Truth be told: No matter what sights – and smells – I encountered, it was always a challenge to remain neutral. Perhaps this is the true origin of the term ‘poker face.’

5. A cabin steward told the story of cruisers who were continually complaining about bites. After three nights of complaints he, “Advised them to visit the onboard infirmary to see if they could identify the ‘bites’ and see if there was something that could be done for them. The nurse in the infirmary concluded that neither of them had bug bites, and that the red scratches on their arms were caused simply by their own fingernails. On the fourth day, the couple marched up to the front office and announced they had found the bugs and showed the guest relations manager a box containing the ‘bugs.’ When I was called to the front office to look at the bugs, everyone was laughing in disbelief. The guests had presented them with a small box full of lint.”

Haha, wow, what do you think of these cruise confessions? Do you have any holiday plans on the horizon, and where are you going?

Let us know in the comments. 

Image: Shutterstock

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Related links:

Secrets from a cruise ship kitchen

Cabin staff reveal what it’s really like to work on a cruise ship

Are cruise crew members being taken for a ride?

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