Newly single mum divides the internet over changing her baby's surname
Most people generally have their future children’s name thought of before the test of time. And once a couple find out they are pregnant, that’s one of the main topics of discussion to make sure both parties agree with what the child will go by for the rest of their life.
But that’s just the first name – what about the baby’s surname?
A mother looking for advice turned to parenting forum Mumsnet, asking whether she should change her one-year-old baby’s surname – and it has the internet divided.
Posting on the forum, the confused mother wrote, “I’m just about to get divorced and my 1yr DD [darling daughter] has his surname,” she wrote.
The woman went on to clarify that she will be changing her surname back to her maiden name and doesn’t want her daughter to carry a different name due to the father’s choice of walking out on them because they’re “too much hassle".
“He said to me he finds being a dad stressful and he wants to focus on himself,” she continued.
She said she knows that he won’t be fond of the decision, and she is aware that she will need his permission to have it changed.
She has asked the internet if it would be unreasonable to change both hers and her daughter's to a double-barrelled surname, combining both his and her names.
“I know its just semantics, but I always dreamed of having a child and I love being a mum and I don’t see why I have to lose our family name connection because I married the wrong man.”
Her post gathered mixed responses as some people felt it wasn’t important to have matching names, suggesting the woman simply keep her married name to match her daughter.
“What’s in a name?” asked another, who said she should ask her dad’s permission, but then “if he says no then that’s that isn’t it? It won’t really affect her life so don’t let this upset you too much.”
A few wise posters advised the mother to focus on the future:
“If you were to marry again in the future would you take your new spouse’s name? Would any of the children of that marriage take your ‘maiden’ name or their father’s name. Your dd [darling daughter] could turn out to be the only one with your ‘family name connection’.”
They then went on to suggest that the mum just leave it as it is for now and allow her daughter to make her own decision in the future.
Others mentioned that the father, who is no longer in the picture, shouldn’t have a say in what their child is called.
“If he’s really said he wants out because he wants ‘Me Time’ and you’ll be the main carer of DD [darling daughter] then yeah why shouldn’t she have your last name?” replied one person.
Another user questioned as to why he would “really give a sh*t what her name is” if he didn’t want to be a dad. “Just tell him you’d like her to have the same surname as you and to sign here please.”
And one poster responded bluntly, writing, “I would change it. Why does your name trump his? Because he cannot be bothered to be part of your family so why should he have the family name.
“Just because he’s the biological father didn’t mean he’s the proper dad. You and your dd [darling daughter] will have a bright future without this deadweight. Sorry he turned out to be such an arse.”
Do you think the newly single mum should change her child's surname to her own? Let us know in the comments below.