WombatGate explodes!
Australia’s latest national outrage comes courtesy of Sam Jones, an American hunting influencer and self-proclaimed wildlife biologist, who has managed to do the impossible: unite an entire country in their collective disdain.
Jones, whose credentials in “wildlife biology” appear to include snatching baby animals and boasting about it online, has triggered a full-scale diplomatic crisis after gleefully abducting a baby wombat and uploading her crime to Instagram.
The now-infamous 34-second video, which has since been deleted (presumably after Jones realised that we take or wildlife more seriously than our politicians), shows her sprinting back to a vehicle, baby wombat in hand, while her Aussie colleague laughs and films. Meanwhile, in a tragic cameo, the mother wombat can be seen pursuing her offspring with the determination of an underpaid retail worker chasing down a shoplifter.
Minister for Immigration Tony Burke wasted no time in weighing in on the scandal, stating that his department is now reviewing whether Jones has violated Australian immigration laws.
“Either way, given the level of scrutiny that will happen if she ever applies for a visa again, I’ll be surprised if she even bothers,” he remarked, adding, “I can’t wait for Australia to see the back of this individual. I don’t expect she will return.”
A Change.org petition to permanently ban Jones from re-entering the country has already gathered over 10,000 signatures, and Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has also joined the fray, taking a moment from his busy schedule to issue a rather novel suggestion to Jones:
“I suggest to this so-called influencer maybe she might try some other Australian animals,” he said. "Take a baby crocodile from its mother and see how you go there. Take another animal that can actually fight back rather than stealing a baby wombat from its mother. See how you go there.”
As the backlash intensifies, even Americans are scrambling to disown their rogue citizen. Social media has been flooded with messages from US users hastily clarifying that they, too, find Jones’ behaviour reprehensible. “I’m American, and I say kick her out,” wrote one X user.
Meanwhile, medical experts have pointed out that the stolen wombat and its mother appear to be suffering from sarcoptic mange, a disease that can be transferred to humans as scabies. This has prompted some to suggest that Jones may have, quite literally, scammed herself.
As the dust settles on this debacle, one thing is clear: we as Australians do not take kindly to wombat theft. While Jones may have thought she was creating engaging social media content, she instead succeeded in getting herself blacklisted from an entire continent.
Images: Instagram