Why kindness through a divorce is so important
The general public perception of divorce is hatred, animosity, resentment and bitterness.
Difficult separation proceedings can often negatively impact the outcomes of the separation, as well as individuals health and wellbeing.
However, there are more peaceful ways to amicably end a relationship and go your separate ways as equals.
Family lawyer, mediator and divorce guide Kirsty Salvestro has had experience with divorced couples since her parents separated when she was a child.
Kirsty says the key to recalibrating how we think of divorce is kindness.
She says, “We really need to focus on resolving the pain and hurt, to focus on good behaviour, strong morals, and kind actions. It is hard, but we can do it.”
While this can often be a challenge when separating from someone, there are steps to help achieve this amicable divorce.
Kirsty believes that step one is redefining the cause of the separation.
“Divorce should be seen as the acceptance and acknowledgment of a shared problem that needs to be solved. We need not immediately declare war to resolve that problem, what we need to do is work together to create the best solution.”
She says that the most important thing is treating your partner with kindness, without feeling the need to be overflowing with love and affection.
“This means choosing a kind and calm response rather than a hurtful and inflammatory one. The kindest response may be to do nothing at all.”
Kirsty also believes in the importance of not taking any drastic actions that could exacerbate an already fragile situation.
Instead, partners need to be understanding of each other’s individual needs and allow each other their space during this difficult time.
There is also an important need for a dedicated support system during a separation, to help both parties reach a resolution.
There are studies that show how showing kindness and selflessness can enrich your life and the life of those around you, which can be a valuable tool in a separation.
Kirsty Salvestro’s book What Are We Fighting For? A Peaceful Pathway for Separating Couples is available now.
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