Condolence messages that will help you find the right words
Condolence messages for every situation
When someone you care about has lost someone they care about, it’s important to reach out and show your love. “We’re hard-wired as human beings to connect with others, especially when we’re grieving,” says Abigail Nathanson, a licensed social worker and professor of grief and trauma at New York University. “Being able to talk about the pain and loss and receive support from others is an essential part of the grieving process.” While you may eventually engage in longer discussions, condolence messages are the first step after any loss.
These messages of sympathy are a simple and beautiful way to connect with a grieving loved one. But even though death and grief are universal experiences, it can be hard to find the right things to say to someone who is grieving or know what to write in a condolence card—probably because there aren’t any words that can take away their pain.
But it’s proper etiquette to say something rather than to stay silent. Otherwise, the person who’s grieving might think you don’t care.
What can you say to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one?
“Just like there is no one ‘right’ way to grieve, there is no one script for what to say to someone who has experienced a great loss,” Nathanson says. “However we do know that there are some things that many people find comforting and supportive.”
When thinking of what to say when someone dies, Nathanson offers these tips:
- Lead with sympathy or empathy.
- Offer to listen (and then listen without interrupting).
- Don’t offer banal platitudes, like: “Everything will turn out for the best.”
- Don’t tell them how to feel, like: “Your father wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
- Reinforce your love and support for them.
- Offer to help in meaningful ways.
- Don’t offer advice unless they ask for it.
How to write a condolence message
“Remember that the goal of a condolence message is not to talk the person out of being sad or to ‘cure’ their grief,” Nathanson says. “It’s to offer love and support during a trying time.”
Expressing condolences in person is incredibly powerful, but if you can’t be there with them, sending a condolence message is the next best thing. In this digital age, you have lots of options.
- Video messages offer the added bonus of face-to-face connection.
- Condolence text messages are an immediate way to reach out.
- Email is a great way to share longer thoughts, including pictures or memories of the loved one. They can also be read at the person’s leisure.
- Handwritten notes show extra care and are often sentimental keepsakes.
- Comments on social media show public support and allow you to interact with others who may be grieving the loss as well.
Regardless of which method you choose to convey your love and support, keep your message relatively short. Grief can induce brain fog, making it difficult to concentrate on long messages, Nathanson says. And send your message as soon as you can (but better late than never!), and consider attaching it to one of these beautiful sympathy gifts.
Short condolence messages
To help you find the right words, here’s a list of heartfelt short condolence messages messages. Your kind words will be appreciated more than you know.
- I’m so sorry for your loss.
- My heart breaks for you.
- This hurts, and it sucks!
- You are in my prayers.
- My heart is with you at this time.
- I love you, and I’m here for you.
- I’m so sorry you are hurting.
- Sending love and peace.
- You are in my thoughts.
- May you find comfort at this time.
- Blessings for you and your loved ones.
- I’m with you during this difficult time.
- I hope you can feel my love.
- Love and support for you and yours.
- I wish I could give you the biggest hug.
- Sending you peaceful and loving vibes.
- Praying you feel comforted.
- You can cry on my shoulder.
- I’m devastated for you.
- My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.
Image credits: Shutterstock
This article originally appeared on Reader's Digest.