How to comfort your friend in any situation
Life is unpredictable. But we’ve all worked that out by now, right? Just when it seems things are going your way, something comes along to shake you up. And while it’s hard enough dealing with hard times yourself, it can be utterly crushing to see a loved one go through the same. Thankfully, there are always things you can do to show your support, and be supported in return. Let’s take a look at how you can help comfort a friend through any tough situation.
1. Job loss
We all dream of retirement, but sadly for some retirement isn’t an option – it’s forced. Losing a job in your 60s can be extremely difficult to come to terms with, as it can be extremely difficult to try and find a new one. Your friend may find themselves without a steady income stream, which can put their entire life on hold. So, how can you help? Become your friend’s on-call job hunter. If you’re more technologically savvy than them, log on to job seeker websites and set up alerts for any work that might be of interest. Encourage them to improve their skillset and even recommend classes – there are hundreds of free online courses available, and your local community may even offer affordable adult education.
2. Illness
This is a tough one. If your friend is diagnosed with a serious (or even not-so-serious) illness, while you can be tempted to try and empathise with them, try not to talk about yourself too much. Saying something like, “Oh, I had that a few years ago and I was fine. You’ll be fine,” isn’t going to be of much help. The best thing you can do is lend an ear, be a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes all you feel like doing when you’re sick is venting all your problems. For more practical assistance, why not offer to drive them to the doctor? If it’s a serious illness, it’s likely to be playing on their mind constantly, so taking one less stress away will definitely help.
3. Marriage troubles
First thing’s first: don’t take sides. Of course, this is a lot easier said than done, but experts believe you should only ever be a sounding board when it comes to other people’s relationship matters – even if your friend asks if you think they should stay with their partner or not. In this situation, there’s not much that you alone can do to help, aside from being a good listener and providing general support. What you can do, however, is suggest a counsellor. Often having an outsider to mediate these issues is the best course of action.
4. Death
Everyone who’s dealt with loss before knows that it’s a process. Don’t expect your friend to be their chipper old self just days after losing a loved one, and don’t expect them to be overly talkative, either. Of course, everyone grieves in their own way, but a good place to start is to recognise the death. Send a bunch of flowers or a nice card expressing your sympathy and wait until they contact you. It may be that they simply want some time alone to grieve. As long as you make sure they know you’re there when they’re ready to talk, they’ll feel supported. In the months and years following the death, try and encourage your friend to remember the good times, rather than the sad ending.
How do you like to show your appreciation for your friends? Tell us in the comment section below.
Related links:
Navigating the path of ageing as a single
How to care for someone with depression
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty for prioritising yourself