Moving on from caregiving after your loved one dies
Any death is heartbreaking, but the death of someone you’ve cared for can be particularly difficult to cope with. When someone passes away after weeks, months, years of devoting your time to their care, it’s only natural to think, “what now?”
Aside from the normal grieving process, there’s the added factor of a feeling of emptiness – after all, this person accounted for so much of your time. Many caregivers can find themselves feeling lost, as though they no longer have a purpose, but really, the opposite is true. At the time of loss, you might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s important to keep in mind that after you’ve done your grieving, you’ll finally have time to look after yourself and do what you love.
First, however, you must come to terms with your loved one’s death. Here are three simple tips to help you do just that.
- Get support – it’s hard to admit you need help. It’s even harder to follow through with it. However, having a strong support network is the most important tool you can have when coping with grief. From friends and family to therapists and community groups, there are countless people out there who are happy to help you, even if it may not seem that way now. To learn more, read our tips on how you can meet new people over 60 both online or in the real world.
- Move on from your guilt – sadly, guilt is one of the most common feelings experienced by caregivers, and most of the time it’s completely unfounded – of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any less painful. You may also be feeling relieved, and kicking yourself for it. Don’t. It’s completely natural to feel relieved that your loved one is no longer in pain. Gary Bradt, author of Put Your Mask on First: The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care, advises carers to “try to accept your feelings for what they are — common human reactions to difficult life circumstances.”
- Care for yourself – for those who have had to care for another, caring for yourself can feel like a foreign concept. However, it’s a completely necessary one. Whether it’s your mind or body that’s calling out for some TLC, now’s the time to do so. If alone time is what you need, book a spa day, go for a long walk or immerse yourself in a great book. If you’d rather not be by yourself, enlist a friend for a shopping day, short road trip or even just a coffee. Anything you can do to take your mind off the loss will help you recover quicker.
Have you had to deal with the loss of a loved one you cared for? How did you cope? Share your tips with us in the comments below – you never know, your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
Related links:
How to get the best hospital care
8 surprising things that increase life expectancy
Tips to cope with losing independence with age