10 signs you’re too self-critical
Too often we are our own worst critic and say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to another person. Internal criticisms can erode your confidence and self-worth, and ultimately have a far greater impact on you than the words of others. Here are 10 signs that you are being too hard on yourself.
1. Our internal voice is the one we hear most often, so it’s important to recognise if it is constantly critical. A negative internal monologue is a sign that you judge yourself too harshly. Thoughts like “I’m so fat” or “I wish I wasn’t so stupid” serve no constructive purpose. It is reasonable to acknowledge when you have made a mistake or behaved badly, but you should not be constantly running yourself down – even if you are the only one who can hear it.
2. Everyone makes mistakes, but most people are able to accept them and let them go. People who are too self-critical will hold onto these mistakes and obsess over them long after the situation has past. They use them as a virtual rod to beat themselves up with. Becoming preoccupied with past mistakes serves no purpose. What’s done is done and the only way is forward.
3.The world is not black and white but myriad shades of grey. People who are overly critical tend to have a very absolute view of the world with little room for anything in between. They see everything as either good or bad. This means they find it hard to accept partial successes or to dismiss small failures. Learn to accept all the colours of the spectrum.
4. Your self-esteem should not be determined by how you feel you stack up against others. Comparing yourself unfavourably to others is unnecessary and will only make you feel bad about your own life. Your accomplishments are your own and the success or failure of others has no impact on you. Run your own race and be happy for others running theirs.
5. When you’re too self-critical, the only outcome is going to be a bad one. You tend to always assume the worst, rather than thinking of the best thing that could happen.
6. And when you always assume the worst, you avoid taking risks or trying new things. If you know the result is going to be bad, why would you bother? Being too self-critical can limit your options as you are too afraid to step out of your comfort zone. It is a terrible thing to live your entire life in fear of failure.
7. One of the problems of being too self-critical is that your own achievements are never good enough for you. This is because you set your standards so high that, even if you succeed, you won’t have reached your own impossible level. Remember that you are the only one who sets these standards for yourself and be kind.
8. Being highly self-critical makes it hard for people to accept compliments from others. Being recognised for an achievement – or even just for trying – should make people feel fantastic and inspired to go further. Rejecting praise can also frustrate those around you. Your friends, family and colleagues are genuinely proud of you – so be proud of yourself.
9. Constantly criticising yourself means that you come to believe your opinions or needs have no worth. If you think they are so stupid, then surely everyone else will agree? Don’t let your own internal critique prevent you from speaking your mind and making a valid contribution to your workplace or relationships.
10. For the self-critical, there’s no such thing as a simple mistake. Each failing is in fact an example of the failure of you as a person. These people have a hard time separating their actions from themselves as a being and apply criticism to their whole person. Instead, focus on the behaviour or actions that cause a problem and understand that they do not define you.
Related links:
5 ways stress can work for you
Why we should let go of the pursuit of perfect