Ben Squires
Family & Pets

Are our kids getting meaner?

A new survey from the US has revealed that kids are getting meaner, and it looks like parents are to blame.

NBC News polled 2600 people in the state of kindness survey. They found that 62 per cent of participants think that today's kids are not as kind as they used to be. Perhaps gloomier still, 77 per cent of respondents thought that the lack of kindness is down to mums and dads.

The survey also revealed that when it comes to teaching kids values, Americans don't put kindness at the top of the list. Values such as honesty, courage, leadership, and a strong work ethic all came ahead of kindness.

Richard Weissbourd is a psychology lecturer at Harvard University and head of the Making Caring Common project, which aims to promote the importance of kindness. He says that he is not surprised by the results of the survey.

"Kids tend to think that other kids are less kind and respectful than they are, and parents do, too," he told Yahoo Parenting.

"Overvaluing ourselves or not being aware of our blind spots, while being hyperaware of those in others, is not uncommon."

Weissbourd also notes that stories in the media about cruelty – from bullying and sexual harassment to school shootings – can taint our belief that young people are essentially good.

On top of this, Weissbourd points out that survey participants who claimed children are not as kind as they used to be, also ranked kindness fairly low on the list of values to teach them. He says that this is a powerful mixed message.

"I think, historically, the messages kids got were different, as public schools were created to foster ethical character, colleges were meant to foster ethical character, and it was considered a mother's responsibility — not that it should be all on the mother — to make sure kids learned kindness," explains Weissbourd.

He continues: "It's not like caring has now disappeared, but it has become subordinated, it has become secondary."

Noting his own research, Weissbourd says that 80 per cent of children think their parents are more concerned with achievements than whether they cared for others.

"Kids don't perceive that parents prioritise kindness, so part of it is that we need to walk the walk," he says.

The NBC poll also asked participants whether kindness is learned or taught. Interestingly, the results were split - 52 per cent said everyone is born with the ability to be kind, while 47 per cent think that kindness is a quality that has to be developed.

"It's absolutely teachable," Weissbourd says. "And almost everyone is kind to somebody — a good friend, a family member. So the issue is not whether they have the capacity, it's who they are kind to, and [the aim is] expanding that circle of concern and kindness."

If you want to teach your children how to be kinder, Weissbourd suggests the following strategies from the Making Caring Common project.

1. Make caring for others a priority

2. Provide opportunities for children to practice caring and gratitude

3. Expand your child's circle of concern

4. Be a strong moral role model and mentor

Written by Catherine Rodie. First appeared on Stuff.co.nz.

Related links:

22 tips for bringing up a happy child

Why the grandparent grandchild relationship is important for happiness

15 hilarious texts from grandparents

Tags:
family, kids, Children, Social, mean