The moments my 97-year-old mother stunned us all
Robyn Lee is in her 70s and lives with two lovable but naughty cats. She has published a book on seniors behaving badly, entitled Old Age and Villainy, and considers herself an expert on the subject.
My 97-year-old mother (aka The Matriarch, or TM for short) is an original in that we never know what she is going to come out with in a conversion. She can emit the most wonderful Mrs Malapropisms and get her words mixed with hilarious results.
TM and her husband (we shall call him The Third) live in a retirement village. TM had lived there for some years previously with her second husband, my much-loved stepfather so when she and The Third married, the arrangement stayed the same... only with a different husband.
Their retirement village has a policy whereby no resident is ever asked to leave if they run out of money. The complex has a fund, improbably named the Puckey Fund, from which money is provided if some unfortunate soul runs out of cash. Various fundraising activities are held throughout the year with the proceeds going to the Fund which is wisely managed by the trustees or some other illustrious body. They also have a lot of money willed to them by deceased residents.
On one memorable occasion TM was describing the above to a couple of friends and in her enthusiasm transposed the first two letters of the words Puckey Fund. A stunned expression crossed her face as her friends reacted with screams of laughter and she realised what she had said. To give TM her due, she has since related that episode, laughing at herself.
The Matriarch is an avid nature watcher and gardener. Back in the ‘60s, she and my late stepfather purchased a licensed restaurant which they ran until the mid-70s. To TM’s delight there were two enormous oak trees flanking the entrance to the long driveway.
I visited them one Sunday not long after they had moved and was excitedly greeted by The Matriarch with the eyebrow raising pronouncement that there were “two magpies rooting in the oak trees.” I looked at TM in amazement and suggested she may want to rephrase that. She was obviously mixing up her gardening activities with the magpies' springtime antics.
I remember in one of our phone conversations, she was telling me about a young married couple in my extended family who were trying to make babies, “Your cousin is going to help them.”
“What, make babies?” My mind boggled!
“Don’t be so silly,” replied TM. “She’s going to help them paint the nursery.”
I think I may have mentioned this one some time ago. I was thrilled at my cholesterol results which had dropped back to normal. On relating this good news to The Matriarch, she commented that it was unusual and asked how I did it. I explained that I had cut out eating red meat and put the positive result down to that.
“Oh, I couldn’t do that,” declared TM. “I’m a real cannibal!”
She meant carnivore but considering the history of our ancestors, there may be more truth to that statement than we know!
Robyn is writing a series on her 97-year-old mother (aka The Matriarch). Read part one here, part two here and part three here.