What scares me about ageing and an open letter to my five daughters
I’m so afraid of getting old and becoming a different person. I fear the day when I no longer recognise the person looking back at me when I look in the mirror – but most of all I fear the day when my children no longer recognise me as the mum they have come to, leaned on, cried with, learnt from and talked with about everything and anything since the day they came into the world. How is that going to make me feel? And more importantly, how is that going to make my daughters feel?
To my darling daughters,
My dear girls, the day each of you came into the world were truly the happiest days of my life. I didn’t know the lengths and breadths of love until there was each of you. My patience, empathy and need to protect you were limitless as I watched each of you grow into extraordinary young women. The day you see I'm getting old, I ask you to please be patient with me and try to understand what I'm going through. If when we talk, I ask the same questions over and over, don't interrupt to say: "I’ve already told you about that mum"... Just answer and listen, please. In these moments try to remember the times when you were all little and we would watch the same movies over and over or the times when you wanted the same thing for dinner every night.
When I call you every other day asking if you’d like to go for coffee or come over for dinner because I don’t like being alone, don't be mad. Remember when you were all little and you’d come into my room in the middle of the night because you were afraid of the dark and didn’t want to sleep in your room by yourself?
When I can no longer do my make-up right, I wear old women’s shoes and my outfits become boring, don't be embarrassed by me. Remember when you were all little and I would plead with you to take your dress-up princess dresses off but you’d insist on wearing them everywhere and I let you because dressing up made you all so happy?
When you see what a novice I am when it comes to the internet and my iPad, don’t roll you eyes at me, instead sit with me for five minutes and show me how it’s done. Remember, darlings, I taught you how to eat, talk, walk, to shrug off a bad day and follow your dream. The day you see I'm getting old, I ask you to please be patient with me and try to understand what I'm going through.
If the day comes that I begin to occasionally lose track of who I am, where I am and what we're talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can't, don't be anxious, impatient or sad. Just know that, like every day of your life since you were born, the most important thing for me is to be with you.
And when my old, tired body fails me and begins to slow me down, don’t hurry me up or become impatient, instead give me your hand to lean on the same way that I held onto yours when you took your first steps.
When these days come, don't feel sad... just be with me, talk to me, tell me stories and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. Each moment with you is a gift. I love you, my darling daughters.