How to help a friend in an unhealthy relationship
We’ve all been there – seeing someone we love caught up in a romantic relationship that is no good for them. This doesn’t have to mean it is physically or emotionally abusive, though. A bad relationship can affect people in different ways, and you, the friend, are best placed to notice. Here are some signs you can watch out for in your friend:
- A disconnect from the people and things that they love
- Their personality goes from burning blaze to struggling candle
- They exhibit moodiness
If you see these signs, or just strongly believe one of your friends is caught in an unhealthy relationship, we have some advice on how to help them without pushing them away.
1. Listen
Before you do anything else, you need to do one of the most difficult things – listen to your friend. Take the time to have a conversation about their relationship and find out exactly how they feel about the situation. This is a pivotal moment, because it will inform how you proceed. Does your friend feel happy in the relationship? Are they worn out by their partner? Have they noticed the same changes in their own personality that you have? Try not to rush this conversation – let it unfold naturally, and without pushing.
2. Talk
Now is when you calmly and rationally let your friend know that you’re concerned. It’s important that you tell them why you feel this way, but remember to keep your talking points grounded in firm facts – free from your emotional point of view, and from exaggeration.
3. Let them reflect
When you’re talking with your friend, a helpful way to let them see a change in themselves is to ask them personal questions so that they are able to hear their own answers. Simple questions like, “how does that make you feel?” are powerful tools when you want to hold up a mirror to someone who has lost their self-awareness.
4. Don’t attack
Do not verbally attack anyone involved. If you start in on your friend’s partner, or even your friend, you’re likely going to lose this fight. Remember – this isn’t about a dislike for your friend’s partner, it’s about an unhealthy relationship. Keep your concerns focused on the relationship itself so as not to make your friend defensive.
5. Stay present
Whatever happens, your friendship is important, so remember to stay a presence in your friend’s life. Sometimes an unhealthy relationship can cause people to withdraw from their social circles, and you need to be aware of that. But you should also be prepared to help your friend through whatever comes next – whether that’s a breakup, or a new phase of the relationship you dislike. Make sure that your friend knows that you’ll always be there for them whether you do this through words or actions.
How have you helped a friend in an unhealthy relationship? Share your story with us in the comments below.