Likeness with partner predicts how long you’ll last
Theories abound as to why some relationships go the distance and others fail to even leave the starting blocks. While plenty of research has examined a variety of reasons as to why this occurs, a new study carried out by the University Of Toronto points to a new concept, that of the “self-other” overlap.
A term coined by psychologists, the “self-other” overlap refers to what and how much of yourself you see in your partner. This occurs when romantically involved partners senses of self gradually begin to merge together to create a common thread of identity. This is usually indicated verbally with more use of words like “us” and “we” as opposed to “I” and “he/she”.
The study has found that couples that have high levels of self-other overlap are able to maintain positive views of their partner even when called upon or drawn to compare them to others. This comes down to the desire to protect ones partner and the relationship as a whole.
On the other hand, those who are low in “self-partner” overlap may have more trouble remaining positive in the face of comparisons with others and more easily fall into the trap of feeling misunderstood or undervalued.
The researchers heading up the study are hopeful that highlighting the presence and benefit of the “self-partner” overlap will help bolster relationships and foster better connection.
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