How to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you
A healthy relationship is inherent with ups and downs. At its core it must be based on trust, mutual respect and security. That doesn’t mean that everything will always run perfectly or that we will never make a mistake. It does however mean that disagreements and arguments won’t dismantle the foundations upon which the relationship is built.
Unfortunately, some relationships lack the respect, trust and security necessary for a long-term, healthy relationship. Emotionally manipulative or controlling behaviour can be a subtle and deceptive way of completely dismantling and derailing a relationship. Here are the five signs of an emotional manipulator.
- They turn your words to benefit them – A manipulator struggles to accept responsibility for their behavior and even when in the wrong, find a way to turn things around to make you feel bad or guilty. For example, if you were to raise a concern about their lack of participation at meal time, a manipulator wouldn’t apologise or acknowledge their actions, instead throwing the onus back on you and your inability to ask for help or cope with simple events.
- They say something and later deny it – A manipulator is very good at saying yes to a request or commitment then pulling out at the last minute while forgetting they ever agreed in the first place. They’ll find a way of twisting your previous discussions to make you look like the forgetful or irresponsible one.
- They use guilt trips as a control mechanism – This is the ultimate in manipulative, passive aggressive behaviour stirring up sympathy and guilt in equal measures. “Don’t worry about doing the dishes, I’ll just do them like I go every night, even though I have this awful dermatitis on my hands that gets irritated by the dishwashing liquid.” This is playing the victim role to get what they want; their own way.
- They diminish your problems as insignificant – If you say you’ve had a bad day with the traffic, they’ll tell you they had a worse one. If you mentioned your bad back is playing up, they’ll remind you of their awful recurring neck injury. You can’t win in these situations and it’s generally better to just walk away.
- They suck the energy out of a room – A manipulator has a way of making everyone and everything in a room ‘all about them’. They want the attention and focus of the room and want to make sure everyone notices how they’re feeling. People will often scramble to accommodate a manipulator. The best thing you can do? Leave the room. You don’t need to share your energy with anyone else.
Have you ever had experience with an emotional manipulator? Tell us about your experience in the comments below.
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