4 mistakes that make you a bad listener
Sometimes, you need to admit that you’re not good at something, and state that you wish to be better. Some of the more common skills people wish to develop include exercising, eating healthy, public speaking, and dancing. But there’s an incredibly important thing everyone does every single day, and we are still terrible at it – listening. Being a bad listener is a completely normal behaviour – humans are all stuck inside or own heads, and have to work hard to imagine how others are feeling. Bad listeners aren’t bad people – they are probably just excited to talk.
Being a better listener will better equip you to understand how other people are feeling. You’ll be able to pick up on what they’re saying with their body, and are more likely to develop a closer relationship because of your attentiveness.
Let’s take a look at some of the things people do that affect their ability to listen.
1. Multitasking
We live in a fast-paced world that values the ability to get many things done at once, but doing something else while you’re listening divides your attention. Next time you find yourself doing something else while you have a conversation, stop what you’re doing and focus all of your attention on the person with whom you are speaking, or ask them if they would mind continuing the conversation when you can give to them your full attention.
2. Subject changing
A conversation should have natural twists and turns, and sometimes we get so excited to participate and contribute that we grab the steering wheel a little early. People who change the subject abruptly are usually not listening to what others have to say because they’re so excited to share their own opinion or story. Remember that you will have a chance to contribute, even if it’s not to this particular subject – give your friends/family the gift of your listening skills and they will notice.
3. Appearance of caring
A bad listener doesn’t look you in the eye. They don’t smile, or nod their head. They don’t orientate their body towards yours. Their eyes aren’t engaging with you. When someone is speaking with you, you should show them you’re listening and that you care about what they’re saying.
4. Free advice
Someone who doesn’t listen well will often offer unsolicited advice. They can’t wait to jump in and offer their two cents. “Here’s what I think,” they’ll say. Or, “well if you ask me”. The thing is, if someone wants advice, they will specifically ask for it. If they don’t, then they may just want to share their feelings with someone for a few minutes. That isn’t an invitation to solve any problems for them. If you’re unsure, wait until they have finished speaking, and then ask if they would like advice and listen to their answer.
Do you know someone who is a bad listener? Or do you recognise any of these traits in yourself?