How to be a good house guest

One thing I discovered when I finally reached adulthood is that opening your home to guests can be one of the great pleasures of having your own place. And yet, depending on the guests in question, it can also be one of the greatest frustrations.

In my experience, while most guests are thoughtful and fun, some are not. Like the one who rocked up empty-handed, said the best thing about staying with friends was that you got free accommodation and food, and left in the middle of the night without so much as “thanks!” scrawled on a notepad (you know who you are).

So what are some rules of thumb when staying at a friend’s home, so that you don’t make them wish an angry mob would arrive on their doorstep for you?

Anna Musson, etiquette expert and founder and principal of The Good Manners Company, has a few suggestions.

How to be a good guest

“If you’re going to be a guest in someone’s home, you really need to consider where you’re going and what their lifestyle is, and try and fit in with that,” says Musson. “You need to remember when you’re in someone else’s home, that every part of it is their home, and you need to treat it as their home, not a hotel or a backpackers.”

A good rule of thumb, Musson says, is “never arrive empty-handed”.

This will vary depending on income, but it can mean as little as bringing flowers or a favourite beverage for your host, or as much as having a wine delivery and a hamper sent to the house before you arrive. If they have children, bring a small gift for them too.

It’s also a good idea to keep your belongings tidy and in the one area, and if you’re going to be there for several meals or more, make sure you take responsibility for at least one.

“If you don’t have much money, offer to do some cooking, some cleaning, and be as useful as you can,” suggests Musson. “Make sure that you are adding to the house while you’re there, not just using all their resources.”

She says it’s the small gestures that go a long way when you’re staying in someone else’s home.

“If you’re making a cup of tea, offer others a cup of tea. If you’re doing some washing, offer to do others’ washing. If you’re going to the shops, offer to get others something,” says Musson. “It’s those little things that will make sure you are invited back again.”

Being a good host

If hosting, your job is to make guests feel welcome and comfortable.

Musson recommends setting up a nice room for them, and providing comforts such as a bedside table, reading lamp, tissues and water.

It’s also advisable to make some space available for their things, either by clearing out a drawer or providing wardrobe hangers.

If there are certain rules you’d like to propose, such as not coming home after 3am or no kicking the football in the house, it’s OK to politely mention those when the guests arrive.

“I think you really have to take it on a case-by-case basis,” says Musson. “I love rules, and some people find them really comforting. If I knew I was going to be crashing at someone’s home, and they hosted guests on a regular basis, I would say, ‘what are the rules?’. “

Dealing with bad guests

What if, say, you find yourself in a nightmare hosting position similar to that of a friend of mine, who had a particularly lazy guest stay on her lounge room floor for a month with no end date in sight?

“You’ve got to pick your moments,” Musson recommends. “Preferably when you’re having dinner, or after dinner, you can say to your guest, ‘what are your plans?’ So they can get an idea that it might be time to think about moving on,” says Musson.

” And if they say ‘no plans, just chilling’, then that’s the ideal time to say, ‘we’re keen to see you find your feet,’ or ‘we’re happy to help you find a place of your own,’ and try to make it about them and not about you.”

Do you agree with this advice?

Written by Erin Munroe. Republished with permission of Domain.com.au.