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Movies that received zero stars

There are good movies, so-so movies and bad movies. Is there anything worse, though, than a bad movie? Yes, there is. And I have seen my share. For decades, Newsday has used a four-star rating system for its film reviews. When I became the paper's movie critic in 2008, I had to figure out how to approach this system. Obviously, it's rare to see a four-star movie – even if it's not Citizen Kane, it has to be something truly outstanding. Three stars signals a wholehearted recommendation, though not exactly a masterpiece. Many movies fall into the two-and-a-half-star range: They're just meh. Tougher to call is the one-star or half-star movie – how do you decide between a D grade and a D-minus? Then there's the nuclear option: zero stars. What makes a movie so awful that it deserves zero stars? Like the four-star movie, this is a rare breed. This is a movie whose redeeming qualities are either infinitesimal or non-existent. It's a movie that fails so spectacularly it doesn't get credit for decent lighting or being in focus. A zero-star movie doesn't even get credit for existing. Every zero-star movie is unique in its own way, but over the years I've noticed that the worst of the worst tend to fall into a few different categories. Here are four examples. Vanity projects It's easy to poke fun at A-list stars and their outsize egos, but they often bring it upon themselves. Remember when John Travolta thought that Battlefield Earth would turn us all into Scientologists? Or when Mariah Carey played a version of herself in Glitter? Remember almost every movie Madonna ever made? For sheer self-centredness, though, nothing beats last year's By the Sea, written and directed by Angelina Jolie-Pitt and starring herself and her husband, Brad. (They produced it as well.) They play an American writer and his wife who stay in a beachside French hotel during the 1970s. He's depressed, she's depressed, they never have sex. With little dialogue and even less action, the movie mostly features the two stars standing around in chic outfits, smoking cigarettes and gazing with despair upon million-dollar views of the coast. Kinder critics praised the cinematography and scenery, but I couldn't find a reason to give this extended Chanel No. 5 commercial even a half-star. I figured the two actors got enough gratification just admiring themselves on screen for two hours. Insults to intelligence Filmmakers often assume their audiences will swallow just about anything. In the sci-fi failure Transcendence, Johnny Depp uploaded his consciousness into the cloud – a literal one, in the sky. (I gave that movie a half-star for sheer nuttiness.) In the zero-star fantasy Jupiter Ascending, the Wachowskis told the story of a housemaid (Mila Kunis) who sells her eggs to buy a telescope but discovers she's a princess. These movies took years to make, yet we spotted their idiocy within minutes. Then there's Aloha, Cameron Crowe's zero-star comedy-drama from 2015. Among its many terrible ideas were casting Emma Stone as a native Hawaiian (as if nobody would notice?), hoping we'd swoon when Bradley Cooper says cheesy things like "Would you stop getting more beautiful?" and creating a baffling climax in which an orbiting space object is destroyed by rock music. Filmmakers tend to be smart people, but moviegoers are no dopes, either. Aloha made just US$26.3 million on its US$37 million budget, one of the year's major flops. Lapses in taste Taste is subjective, of course, but some movies cross a line just to cross it. Adam Sandler's zero-star comedy That's My Boy (2012), whose plot hinged on statutory rape and incest, marked a new low – until Peter Farrelly reset the bar with Movie 43. An anthology comedy spearheaded by Farrelly with several directors and writers, Movie 43 (2013) rounds up more than a dozen A-list stars in an orgy of nastiness and vulgarity. Among the more hideous highlights are Chris Pratt and his real-life wife, Anna Faris, as lovers with a scatological fetish; Richard Gere as the CEO of a product that hacks off its customers' penises; and Chloe Grace Moretz as a teenager getting her period. "Once you see it, you can't unsee it," the trailers promised. As for the cast, they probably wish they could un-be in it. Sheer ineptitude Finally, some movies are so badly made that they barely qualify as movies. Left Behind, for instance, a faith-based rapture-fantasy starring Nicolas Cage, was so sloppy and disorganised that it literally couldn't keep track of night and day. At least that film was made by relative amateurs. The Last Airbender (2010), a fantasy-adventure based on the Nickelodeon series, was directed by M Night Shyamalan, the maestro who gave us The Sixth Sense. Here, Shyamalan completely loses his ability to coherently tell the story of Aang (Noah Ringer), a boy with mystical powers trying to unite four tribes. The dialogue is so crammed with fictional exposition that the actors sound like they're reading a Pokemon manual, while the choppy editing seemed almost random. Not even the special effects deserved a half-star: The postproduction 3-D made the whole movie look as flat as a View-Master slide. With its US$150 million budget, The Last Airbender was an inexcusable, zero-star disaster. As a last note, a truly terrible movie is just as exceptional as a truly great one, and in some ways just as fascinating. It's my job, though, to sit through them so you don't have to. You're welcome. THE WORST OF THE WORST 10. All About Steve (2009) There's a reason you've never heard of this romantic comedy starring A-listers Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper: It's because she plays an irritating crossword fanatic and he plays an uninteresting person. In terms of on-screen chemistry, they're the equivalent of bleach and ammonia. 9. Moms' Night Out (2014) This botched comedy (starring Trace Adkins and Patricia Heaton) stands out for many things, but one is a technical reason: The filmmakers somehow managed to capture the weirdest, ugliest facial expression on nearly every actor in nearly every scene. It's like a 90-minute flip-book of ruined family photos. 8. Jem and The Holograms (2015) Aubrey Peeples plays an aspiring singer who is shocked – shocked! – to discover that global stardom requires personal and artistic sacrifice. File this movie's profound message under Things a 9-Year-Old Could Have Told You. 7. Remember Me (2010) In this saccharine yet creepy romance, Robert Pattinson plays a young, moody guy – no stretch there – who sleeps with a woman to get revenge on her father. Aww, how cute! The plot also hinges on the World Trade Centre attacks. Double cute! 6. Jupiter Ascending (2015) This sci-fi fantasy from the Wachowskis (The Matrix) defies description, but here's an attempt: A humble house-cleaner (Mila Kunis) discovers she's a galactic princess thanks to a part-wolf warrior (Channing Tatum). It's a statistical marvel whose 127 minutes include not a single good idea. 5. Rock The Kasbah (2015) A washed-up rock manager (Bill Murray) decides to make a pop star out of an Afghan singer (Leem Lubany). Magically, she reverses centuries of religious and cultural stigmas by performing the songs of Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam. Possibly the most misguided comedy ever made. 4. Aloha (2015) Cameron Crowe's cloying romance stars Bradley Cooper as an ex-military man trying to bed a happily married woman (gross!) while flirting with a native Hawaiian (played by Emma Stone?) and trying to stop an outer-space missile (say what?). The movie is so wide of the mark that you can't even tell where it was aiming. 3. Movie 43 (2013) Richard Gere, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman and many other talented people run through the most repulsive, unimaginative and unfunny skits ever filmed. The whole thing almost literally stinks. Movie 43 currently holds a difficult-to-attain 4 per cent rating on RottenTomatoes.com. 2. The Last Airbender (2010) M Night Shyamalan's fantasy-adventure is so disjointed and disorganised that you might think the reels got mixed up – possibly with a whole other movie. You could watch it 10 times and still not understand a thing, though by then you'd have gone permanently insane. 1. By The Sea (2015) Think back to the most pretentious European art-film you've ever had to endure. Now imagine Angelina Jolie making that movie, and you've got By the Sea, starring herself and Brad Pitt as depressed Americans who visit France and smoke a lot. Remember how Jean-Paul Sartre said hell is other people? That's because he hadn't seen this movie. Written by Rafer Guzman. First appeared on <a href="http://Stuff.co.nz" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Stuff.co.nz</a>. Images: Columbia Pictures

Movies

Elizabeth Strout’s Lucy By the Sea: a claustrophobic portrait of a terrible pandemic year

In her latest novel, Lucy by the Sea, Elizabeth Strout captures the bewilderment of us all at the onset of the pandemic. Her character Lucy Barton admits not only did she not see it coming, but even when she did notice the virus’s existence, she did not really believe it would ever reach New York. It is March, 2020, and Lucy, a writer, had been scheduled to travel to Italy and Germany, a book tour which she had, with fortuitous prescience, cancelled back in December. Lucy is a woman who is given to sudden flashes of insight – much like her mother, who was known for having “visions” – which is why, looking back at those early days of the pandemic, not having sensed its threat surprises her. Even when her ex-husband William’s oldest friend is put on a ventilator and subsequently dies, it is still difficult for her to accept that this is happening to people she knows. With hindsight, Lucy remarks: “It’s odd how the mind does not take in anything until it can.” William has been quicker to spot the looming danger. He pleads with their two daughters Becka and Chrissy to leave New York city with their husbands, before hastily scooping up Lucy from her apartment and carrying her away to the town of Crosby on the coast of Maine. At this point in the book, devotees of Strout’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Olive Kitteridge, will experience a shiver of recognition and anticipation, for the fictional coastal town of Crosby is “Olive territory”. With this one deft move, Strout draws together the separate threads of much of the fiction she has written since Olive Kitteridge was published in 2008. Before establishing herself as a successful writer in New York, Lucy Barton’s territory was the small Midwest town of Amgash, Illinois. The deprivation of her Amgash childhood has haunted Lucy through Strout’s earlier novels, My Name is Lucy Barton, and Oh William! (the latter now <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-10-01/booker-prize-shortlist-best-books-2022/101482730" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shortlisted for the 2022 Booker Prize</a>) and in two of the short stories in Anything is Possible. Now it continues to tug at her in the house beside the sea in Maine. In My Name is Lucy Barton, Lucy is told by a writer she admires: <blockquote> You will have only one story … You’ll write your one story many ways don’t ever worry about story. You will have only one. </blockquote> The story Lucy has to tell, over and over, and in many different ways, is the story of her childhood, its poverty and isolation, and her complex relationship with a mother who was unable to tell her own child that she loved her. Even as an adult, Lucy does not know her mother’s story. In Lucy by the Sea she has invented for herself a “nice mother” she can talk to in private as distinct from the real mother with whom the silences that fell between them were necessarily more poignant than words. <h2>Emotional lockdown</h2> Locked down in a house on a cliff with a view of the waves, Lucy and William endeavour to fill their days. Lucy struggles to read, and as for writing, she believes she will never write another word. This sense of being frozen and unable to concentrate was all too common at that uncertain and anxiety-inducing point in the pandemic, especially among writers. But for Lucy there is the realisation that this is a state she recognises, having spent her childhood in a kind of emotional lockdown. In Maine, unable to retreat into the activities that usually soothe her, Lucy is also grieving for her husband David, a cellist with the New York Philharmonic, who has died only a year earlier. William, too, is unexpectedly single since his wife, Estelle, walked out and took their daughter Bridget, along with a good bit of their furniture. With no escape from the monotony of their self-isolation, Lucy, who in ordinary circumstances is endearingly quick to declare her love – especially for people – finds herself continually finding things to hate: she hates being in other people’s houses, hates the smell; she hates being cold, but hates sitting inside a house with a coat on; she hates the jigsaw puzzle of Van Gogh William insists they try; she hates snow, and she hates William after dinner when she suspects he is not really listening to her. With extraordinary patience, William tells Lucy to stop hating everything. To make matters worse, far from being welcome in Maine, some locals are so antagonistic towards the couple that a message urging them to go back to New York is anonymously attached to their car. Then, on a visit to a grocery store, a woman shouts at Lucy: “You goddamn New Yorkers! Get the hell out of our state!” When Lucy reproaches William for not being nice to her after the woman yelled, William, becoming uncharacteristically emotional, answers that hers is the life he has wanted to save. <blockquote> ‘My own life I care very little about these days. But Lucy, if you should die from this, it would –’ He shook his head with weariness. ‘I only wanted to save your life, and what if some woman yelled at you.’ </blockquote> When their daughters experience difficulties – one still in New York, the other in Connecticut – Lucy and William must support them as best they can from Maine. Many readers will recognise the torment of handling family crises at arm’s length, and of not being able to hug loved ones even when distance is finally overcome. <h2>Not Olive</h2> Elizabeth Strout has captured perfectly the fear, frustration, and boredom experienced by so many of us during the first year of Covid. Even her fragmentary writing style adds authenticity to a time when few of us could concentrate, when we flicked from news broadcast to news broadcast, to tallies of the latest case numbers, and deaths, while feeling that the very air we breathed carried risk. Among Strout fans Lucy Barton is a much-loved character, but it is Olive Kitteridge who has most often made headlines, with the <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3012698/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">television mini-series</a> based on the book, starring Frances McDormand, winning multiple awards. The polarising nature of Olive’s character stirs a strong response in readers, whereas the more reticent Lucy speaks quietly, like someone whispering in the reader’s ear. Strout’s extraordinary achievement as a writer has been to illuminate so many flawed, ordinary, yet far from unremarkable lives, through a series of interconnected stories and novels. Though each book is complete, they work satisfyingly together as a cohesive whole, so that reading them we come to know not just a handful of characters but entire communities in a few small towns on the coast of Maine, and in New York and Illinois. Olive Kitteridge and its sequel are elegantly wrought, with their third-person (and at times omniscient) point of view allowing for more nuanced storytelling. Lucy Barton’s intimate, first-person voice in the reader’s ear, with its tendency to speak in run-on sentences that often end with ‘"… is what I mean"’ or “‘… is what I’m saying"’, can become tiresome. In the end, one feels as if one has spent a year in lockdown inside the head of a small, loving, anxious, slightly neurotic person named Lucy Barton. Lucy By the Sea is a pitch-perfect portrait of a terrible year, and oh, how sweet it is to get out and about, to breathe fresh air, and to see the world from other, less claustrophobic angles, both for Lucy Barton and the reader. This article originally appeared in <a href="https://theconversation.com/elizabeth-strouts-lucy-by-the-sea-a-claustrophobic-portrait-of-a-terrible-pandemic-year-191073" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Images: Yahoo/Penguin

Books

Prince Andrew demands "trial by jury"

As Prince Andrew continues to fight against a sexual assault lawsuit, he has demanded a "trial by jury" to clear his name. New York court documents show that Prince Andrew has denied all allegations against him and “hereby demands a trial by jury on all causes of action asserted in the complaint”. The civil sex assault suit was brought about by Virginia Giuffre, 38, who has accused the royal of forcing her to sleep with him more than 20 years ago at the home of convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell. In an 11-page document, Prince Andrew's lawyers responded to Ms Giuffre's allegations, saying the Duke denies any allegation that he sexually abused Ms Giuffre when she was under 18 years of age. The document, which was submitted to the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York, sets out a series of defences “without assuming the burden of proof, and expressly denying any and all wrongdoing”. The Duke's defence also claims that the case should be dismissed because Ms Giuffre is a permanent resident of Australia and that by entering into the 2009 agreement with Jeffrey Epstein she “waived the claims now asserted in the complaint”. After Judge Lewis Kaplan denied his motion to dismiss the civil complaint, Prince Andrew was previously thought to be seeking an out-of-court settlement with Ms Giuffre for an estimated $18 million: the amount he got from selling his chalet in Switzerland. Image credits: Getty Images

Legal

Allison Langdon shuts down Karl's festive request

After hosting Today together for two years, Allison Langdon is putting her foot down after a request from Karl Stefanovic. Karl approached Allison and asked if he could host the annual Carols by Candlelight event with her, to which she said no. Speaking with <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.nowtolove.com.au/celebrity/tv/allison-langdon-christmas-carols-by-candlelight-70373" target="_blank">Woman's Day</a>, Allison explained why he won't be making an appearance. “I just told him no,” she admitted. “He was desperate to co-host but David Campbell and I have such amazing singing voices - a real talent that unfortunately Karl lacks!” Despite Karl's forced absence, Allison said she is very excited to have a live audience at Carols this year, after last year's crowd was unable to be present due to the pandemic. “I can't wait to be surrounded by people, particularly the little kids, singing together at the top of our lungs farewelling a year that has been pretty [tough] on a lot of people,” she added. “I can't wait to celebrate with our families and loved ones, all the things we are grateful for.” The 84th annual event will see a host of Australian musicians take to the stage to celebrate the festive season with fan-favourite Christmas carols. Performers including Dami Im, Casey Donovan, Lucy Durack and Isaiah Firebrace will belt out their favourite festive tunes, before the cast of the musicals Hamilton, Moulin Rouge and Frozen will also take to the stage. Carols by Candlelight will air on Nine at 8:00pm on December 24th. Image credits: Getty Images

Music

Iconic sitcom star dies just three weeks after cancer diagnosis

Saved by the Bell actor Dustin Diamond has died aged 44. The former child star - who was known for playing Screech in the popular 90s sitcom - had stage 4 lung cancer and was diagnosed just three weeks ago. Taking to Facebook to announce the tragic news, his team revealed he passed away Monday morning, local time. He was being treated in a hospital in Florida. “We are saddened to confirm of Dustin Diamond’s passing on Monday, February 1st, 2021 due to carcinoma,” Diamond’s official social media page read. “He was diagnosed with this brutal, relentless form of malignant cancer only three weeks ago. “In that time, it managed to spread rapidly throughout his system; the only mercy it exhibited was its sharp and swift execution. Dustin did not suffer. He did not have to lie submerged in pain. For that, we are grateful.” According to TMZ he was taken off breathing machines to transfer to hospice care. A close friend of Diamond, Dan Block, said he had a "huge lump" on his neck for a long time but avoided going to the hospital out of fear people would take photos of him and post them online. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CKwtHtvjpTj/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CKwtHtvjpTj/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Saved by the Bell: NOW!🐯 (@sbtbnow)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I know that the reason he didn’t get help is because when he goes out people take pictures, put it on the internet and say not nice things about him,” Block told the publication last month. “He’s subject to public ridicule all the time and it sucks. People need to know he is a human.” His Saved by the Bell co-star Mario Lopez told Variety that he had urged his former colleague to seek treatment a few weeks ago. “I actually just spoke with him a couple of weeks ago. He was reluctant to go in (to hospital) for a while because he didn’t know if anything was going to get out,” Lopez said. And I said, ‘Bro, that’s foolish, you’ve got to get in there and take care of yourself and forget what people are saying.’ “Some people thought his illness was a joke, which is awful, but the internet always spills tales. When all of this was happening, I was optimistic that he would make a recovery, but it was obviously too late. “From when I found out he was sick to his passing, it’s been incredibly quick. It’s so fresh, it’s incredibly hard to process.” Diamond started his first round of chemotherapy just two weeks ago. His family has a history of the disease, with his mother dying of breast cancer.

News

The $5 Kmart hack caravanners swear by

There is nothing quite like hitting the open road with your caravan, with endless towns to visit and sights to take in. But no matter where you travel, chances are that you are going to encounter some bumpy roads. After stocking your caravan kitchen cupboards with various tumblers and wine glasses, the last thing you want is to have them break while rolling around in your cupboards. To keep your crockery safe, caravanners recommend purchasing a $5 Kmart product before you start your trip. Caravanners can purchase non-slip matting from Kmart, which can be cut to size depending on the purpose. <img width="500" height="163" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7819689/1_500x163.jpg" alt="1 (169)"/> Another option is to buy small slabs of foam and cut out mug and bowl-sized holes. And if you have any kitchen appliances, pack them in a drawer with towels to avoid any damage. When you are travelling on rocky roads, it is also guaranteed that anything that is not sealed or stored properly will make a mess. To avoid this surprise, put a rubber band around any item that can unravel or pop open, even toilet paper rolls. It is also important to make sure all cupboards and drawers are latched. To save space inside your caravan, also consider buying collapsible homewares that fold into themselves, such as collapsible washing up tubs. What is your best caravan hack? Share it in the comments below.

Travel Tips

Keith Urban: “The one thing I wish I’d done earlier”

Keith Urban might be one of our greatest exports and one of our most successful home-grown country music talents, but that doesn’t mean the Queensland-raised superstar doesn’t have any regrets about how his career has progressed. Speaking at a packed session at South by Southwest Music Conference (SXSW) in Texas over the weekend, Urban admitted he wished he hadn’t waited so long to get sober. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wl-JuomB--k" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> The 50-year-old believes his alcohol addiction stopped him from fulfilling his full potential, and still relies on his sobriety sponsor to keep anxiety about his career at bay. “I wished I had gotten sober many years before I did, but I’m glad I finally got here,” says Urban. “It has made it possible to do the things I do. I wasn’t at my full potential. I was enslaved, is what I was.” Urban, who famously entered rehab in 1998, is set to announce details about a new album Graffiti U in the coming weeks. “I have a very good (sobriety) sponsor; He said to me, ‘Keith, do you know how much people think of you?… Rarely.’ It’s a great leveller.” Urban also credited his wife, actor Nicole Kidman. “The way I approach it (now) is, ‘Let’s do it. We can scrap it after the fact.’ I learned that from my wife,” he added. What are your thoughts? Are you a Keith Urban fan?

Body

8 weird companies started by musicians

As if it’s not busy enough being a singer and entertainer, these musicians decided to do more. Below you’ll find well known artists who have diversified their talents into entertainment, alcohol, technology companies and more. 1. Gwen Stefani’s L.A.M.B. sells fashionable accessories such as shoes, bags and sunglasses – further endorsed by celebrity pals like Cameron Diaz. 2. Snoop Dogg is one of the co-owners of Reddit, a social media news site. He invested in the company with other celebs such as Jared Leto. 3. If you’re a vegan needing a home delivered meal, look no further than 22 Days Nutrition, co-founded by Beyoncé. 4. Speaking of vegans, Moby opened a vegan tea house in New York with his (now-ex) girlfriend. It has since closed down. 5. Bono from U2 bought a two-star hotel in Dublin and refurbished it into a five-star luxury retreat. 6. Céline Dion spent millions on a golf course in Canada, and loves hosting fellow celebs. Even Willie Nelson got in on the action – he’s got his own course too. 7. Dr Dre became a money-making machine when he saw a hole in the market for high quality headphones. Beats by Dre became the go-to brand worldwide (celebrities love them too, which helps). 8. Mark and Donnie Wahlberg and their brother Paul have a chain of burger restaurants with possibly the best name ever – Wahlburgers. There’s even a reality show of the same name. Have we missed anything? Let us know about your favourite celebrity’s side hustle in the comments.

Music

Another birthday – how things have changed

Ray Thomas left his family farm in South Australia when he was in his 20s and moved to New Zealand. He has always loved writing short stories and watching sport. He married an amazing woman 16 years ago and they both retired three years ago. They love family life, travelling, spending time in their large garden and fostering young children. It was going to be another boring day, as I opened the bedroom curtains to let in the early morning sun. I lived alone in a one-bedroom flat in a large North Island city. Despite my best efforts to find employment, unfortunately, I was in-between jobs. Most days tended to be the same, and I tended to lose track of time. I looked at the calendar. To my surprise, I noticed it was August 31. That meant I was another year older, so it was another birthday. Today was going to be a little different after all. To celebrate, I walked a short distance to the local fish ‘n’ shop to purchase lunch, and with a large bottle of Coke, returned to my flat. I then readily ate my “special lunch” while watching sport on TV, as I liked to do. I had forgotten how old I was, so another quick look at the calendar…1997. I quickly did my maths... that makes me 48 I said to myself. No big deal. Suddenly while watching sport, it was interrupted with some “breaking news”. “It had better be important,” I said to myself. “Princess Diana has been involved in a motor accident in Paris,” they said. My initial reaction was, “so what?” The papers and TV had been full of stories and reports about her for months. Yes, she seemed like an incredible lady, but probably only has a few broken bones at worst, nothing too serious, now let’s get back to the sport, were my thoughts. Later on, another news flash, this time stating she had been killed. Now, I WAS interested and watched everything unfold in total disbelief. How could this have happened to such a young, vibrant, amazing lady, who seemed to touch the hearts of all who met her, plus she was the doting mother of two amazing young boys. It didn’t seem real or possible, and extremely sad. For the next few days, I was totally transfixed, on the events that took place. People from around the world were united in their grief, the like of which, I doubt I will ever witness again. Now, let me fast-forward 20 years later. It is now 2017, and I am happily married, retired and life for the most part, is great. Oh yes, and “another birthday” … nothing special about this one, 68, which is just a number. The press is full of the 20th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana, which is all very sad, especially the interviews of her two adorable sons. How proud she would be of them, and I’m certain, an amazing grandmother. A time for me to reflect on the intervening years, and think about the future, which will hopefully include many more years, and “another birthday” many times over. There have been many changes during those 20 years, some good, and some not so good. This is inevitable and is called “progress”. Twenty years ago, my dear mum had died seven years before Princess Diana, and I still miss her just as much as I did then. She died as a result of cancer, at the age of just 74. Fortunately I was able to return to Australia and spend many precious hours with her, a short time before she died. In those days, the country and the world had problems, but nothing too serious or frightening. My life was not as I had hoped, but I still had excellent health, so no reason to think or suggest there would not be many more another birthday’s. Little did I know then, that within a few years, I would meet an amazing woman and reside in the South Island of the country. In today’s world, many regions seem to be in various kinds of total devastation over which most people have no control. Nothing stands still and life continues to evolve, but in some ways, 20 years ago seemed like the “good old days”. Unemployment didn’t seem to be a major problem. The majority of people could find somewhere affordable to live, and home ownership still seemed within reach for most people. Very few people owned computers or cell phones, but we still managed to communicate with each other, and life went on. Now, children when they commence school, have more knowledge than some (me included) retired people. When people spoke of drugs, they usually meant alcohol or cigarettes. If there were others, we seldom heard about them. Yes, they did have a negative effect on a large number of people. However, that was minor compared to the devastating impact on society these days, the modern drugs are causing. A partner meant a member of the opposite sex, and most kids had a Mum and Dad as parents. They may not live together, but that is how it was in most families. Oh my, how society has changed. Is it for the better? Every person will have their own opinion about that. I have recently had my 68th birthday. Would I like to be 48 again? With the daily pressures the answer is no. How about 28 or even eight? Absolutely no, as there appear to be groups of people living in some countries attempting to change the world as we know it. Is it possible to stop these people? I guess only time will tell. It seems to me, that two of our world leaders seem almost hell-bent on destroying each other and the world at large. Maybe they don’t care if THEY, or a large number of people, don’t have another birthday. Do they have a desire to stop their crazy almost suicidal behaviour? I’m not so sure. As I approached my 68th birthday, more and more family and friends of my generation seem to be dying or are sick. Others are getting frail, and their bodies either mentally or physically are beginning to let them down. It seems so sad that after years of working, and now retired and able to slow down and relax, some kind of illness besets them, which then causes changes to their lives to some degree. All of which seems very unfair. Couples that have been together 30, 40 or in some instances 50 year and beyond, and then their spouse dies. How lost and lonely must they feel? They may have “another birthday” or indeed several, but how life for them must be so different and challenging. For decades, they have had a partner to share their lives with, to do things together, to cuddle, to talk to, or even sit in their chairs alongside each other and drift off to sleep for a short while, in the afternoon sun, maybe holding hands. Now that is gone. All they are left with are (hopefully) happy memories of years gone by. For me personally, my wife whom I lovingly describe as a “tough old bird” had never been sick or taken any kind of medication suddenly became very ill and was rushed into hospital for several days. Initially it was thought her condition was quite serious. Fortunately, it wasn’t and a few weeks later she was almost back to full health. It was a real “wake up” call for me. How could/would I live without her? Unless I die first it is a question that one day I will need to be answered, but hopefully not for “another birthday” or maybe/hopefully, another 20 or so. The house we live in will not be left to me (family reasons) so what would happen to me, and where would I live? Unfortunately, I don’t have an out-going bubbly personality like my wife, so I know I would be desperately lonely. I have no blood relations in this country. I couldn’t/wouldn’t expect to live overseas with family. I would not want to be a burden on my wife’s family, as that would not be fair on them. I have limited finances put aside, which wouldn’t last very long. These sorts of discussions many families put aside, for fear of hurting those closest to us, so largely, the many questions remain unanswered, which is quite sad. When I think about that, the words of a well-known Robbie Williams song come to mind “I don’t wanna die, but I ain’t keen on living either,” probably best sums up my thoughts. Almost two years ago, my wife went overseas with family members and at the end of the trip stayed with our daughter and family. I was unable to travel because of medical reasons. Her sister and husband spent some of the time with me, but it was not the same. The daylight hours were not the problem, when I really missed my wife was during the evening and at night. She wants to return next year for another visit. I will still not be able to go with her. Yes, there will be another family member here for company, but things will be different. I understand the reasoning behind the holiday, and I cannot ask her not to go, because that would be selfish of me. While she is able to travel overseas, she has every right to do so, because eventually, she will not be able to do so. This is a funny but true story. Early on in our marriage, my wife insisted I buy a plot at the local cemetery, much to the horror of friends/family. Part of the reason being, that they were only get more expensive, and she wanted me to be buried close to her. Her previous husband of 20 plus years died many years ago. They shared a brilliant marriage so understandably, she will be buried next to him. She has always been convinced that I will “go first” and when she is old and barely able to walk, she wants us to be in close proximity to each other, so that when she “visits” she can come and “talk” to both of us. Who knows, she could be right. If I died first, then off course she would miss me. Naturally she would get lonely, but she has a large number of family/friends, many of whom live within close proximity, I’m sure would help to look after her. In the meantime, we will live one day at a time, and enjoy our time together, for as long as we can. How different will the world be in another 20 years? Will we still remember who Princess Diana was? Who knows, if I am really lucky, I may be able to write another story about “another birthday”, hopefully with my beloved wife still beside me. Wouldn’t that be something? * Photo is a stock image.

Relationships

Beauty products the Over60 community swear by

Ask any woman about the one beauty product they’ve stayed loyal to over the years and you’re likely to hear a range of different responses, from cheap-and-cheerful lipsticks to expensive and luxurious skin creams. So, to narrow down what it is that over 60s look for in their beauty products, we went straight to the source. Here’s what you had to say. 1. QV night cream and face wash “After years of trying almost every brand of face cream on the market, I now only use QV night cream (even for day) and QV face wash. It's inexpensive and my beautician noted how nice my skin was the last time I had a facial!” – Sue Packer. 2. Clarins “I'm afraid to say that the only products I swear by are Clarins. Yes, I know they cost a fortune and I have champagne tastes and beer pockets, but I have used other products and they have either burnt my skin or stripped it. I have now been using Clarins for 25 years and just love the stuff. You do get value for money and it is pretty comparable to other brands.” – Kathryn Potter. 3. Johnson’s baby lotion “Believe it or not, I use (and have used for years) Johnsons Baby lotion. It has no nasties in it, does not leave a greasy film on your skin and is very cheap compared to the other moisturisers!” – Doreen Buchanan. 4. Ponds “Good old Ponds. Cleanser feels light but really cleans. Moisturiser feels lovely too. You can't beat the originals.” – Sharon Crowe. 5. Vitamin E cream and Revlon “Vitamin E cream with evening primrose oil for my skin and Revlon matte finish lipstick. I also occasionally use Revlon eye shadow and Age Defying make-up now I'm older.” – Suzanne Dawson. 6. Algenist skincare and Tarte make-up “I use Algenist cream and serum – it makes my skin soft – and Tarte for a soft glow on my cheeks.” – Ida Stenzler. What’s your number one beauty product? Let us know in the comment section below!

Beauty & Style

Rules for food expiry dates

Things can get mighty confusing in the world of food labels. With “used by” dates and “best before” dates, working out what you can (and can’t) eat is a bit of a minefield. While smell/appearance/taste is always going to be the best determiner, there are a few rules you’re always best adhering to. 1. Milk Milk should generally be used within five days of opening and always by the “use by date”. Fortunately, you can also tell by the smell. If it’s started to turn, then it’s ready for the bin. 2. Cheese Cheese can be a tricky one, especially with the stronger/more pungent varieties. It’s best to go by the used by date and check the smell and texture. 3. Butter and margarine These two contemporaries can last a bit longer than other dairy based products. Butter can last one to three months in the fridge (and longer in the freezer) while margarine can last up to five months in the fridge. 4. Meat While it’s always best to try and eat your meat straight away (or freeze it), it can be kept in the fridge safely for around four days. It’s important that it stays constantly chilled, however, and make sure it’s still good to eat by having a good sniff before cooking. 5. Condiments Mustard and other spices/sauces can usually keep in the fridge for up to six months while creamy based concoctions, like mayonnaise, should be thrown out after three months. 6. Veggies Most fresh veggies will last about a week if stored correctly. Root veggies can last longer if kept in a cool, dry place (like a pantry). Once a veggie has started to go limp/soft, grow spores or mould, then it’s time for the bin. 7. Fruit Soft fruit like berries and grapes will usually last around a week. Melons and those with a harder outer covering will last a couple of weeks and apples and oranges can last up to five weeks, depending on the temperature and conditions of the place they are being stored. 8. Eggs Eggs can last up to five weeks in either the fridge or cupboard but it’s always best to check the use by date to avoid a rotten egg scenario. 9. Yoghurt Due to its fermented nature, yoghurt lasts a bit longer in the fridge, usually around two weeks. Keep an eye on it though and if it starts to excessively curdle or mould, bin it. 10. Leftovers Plan to eat your leftovers within two days of them being stored to ensure freshness and the best possible taste. What item do you always have your fridge stocked with? Let us know in the comment section below. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/home-garden/2016/08/your-bed-sheets-could-be-making-you-sick/">Your bed sheets could be making you sick</a> <a href="/lifestyle/home-garden/2016/08/how-to-clean-your-bathroom-like-a-professional/">How to clean your bathroom like a professional</a> <a href="/lifestyle/home-garden/2016/08/ways-to-ripen-your-avocado-in-minutes/">5 ways to ripen your avocado in minutes</a>

Home & Garden

Discovering sun, sea and sculptures in Perth

In Dorothea Mackellar's sunburnt country, Perth has one of the most extreme cases of the affliction - an average of 265 days of sunshine a year. Some admissions and omissions: this is a travel story about Australia's most remote capital, but we never made it into its city centre, although nobody seemed to think we had missed much. And we never made it as far afield as the Margaret River, which did appear to be much more of an issue. We had three days, we were staying on the beach, and it was March - which in Perth means unbroken, scorching sunshine in a cloudless sky. Venturing inland seems foolish. We were in Perth for the annual Sculpture by the Sea exhibition, which brings 70-odd often rather strange artworks and installs them along the sands and grass banks around the surf club at Cottesloe beach, a patch of sand Perth people are inordinately proud of. Western Australians respond in their numbers, and thronged the sands the whole time we're there. It's clear, though, that they need little excuse to do so. Nearer to East Timor and Indonesia than it is to the eastern seaboard cities, Perth has a very different feel to Sydney and Brisbane: but it shares that love of the coast and the sand. Every morning, before the sun rises high enough to make it too draining a prospect, and every evening, as it sets brilliantly across the Indian Ocean - and the sunsets are remarkably special here - they are out in their hundreds. They jog and walk along the oceanfront path, or in the crisp but beautifully clear sea, navigating around "the pylon", a giant concrete bollard in the sea, painted in Cottesloe surf club colours, and the last remaining part of a shark net system set in 1925. We're staying at the Ocean Beach Hotel, an iconic Cottesloe beachfront pub with rather tired accommodations. Unaccountably, the architect designing it decided to grant the sea views to the stairwell and elevator shaft. Never have I stayed somewhere with such pure acoustics: I could tell you precisely when the chap in the room above decided to pass water, and how long it took him. This only provides an extra nudge to get out there with the locals and enjoy the Vitamin C boost. So take several dips in the sea and trots along the coast as read. But note that they do food and coffee surprisingly well here. Night one, we eat at a reasonable Italian place in the middle of Fremantle, watching the crowds and the street performers wander past. Fremantle is to Perth what Newtown is to Sydney - the slightly arty, alternative suburb just down the coast from Cottesloe; there's a strip of cafes, a couple of brewpubs, street performers, and the giant Little Creatures brewery, which is worth a look for an afternoon ale. There's a fine lunch at Bib and Tucker, the beachfront restaurant owned by local Olympians Eamon Sullivan (swimming) and Steve Hooker (javelin) where the crispy Clarence River school prawns are a highlight but everything is done rather well. Our favourite may be an Italian breakfast place called Il Lido on the Cottesloe front, where among the offerings are home-baked doughnuts and some great beetroot smoked trout. <img width="500" height="250" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/21949/shutterstock_129865367_500x250.jpg" alt="Perth (1)"/> Having proven unable to stitch a Margaret River trip into the itinerary - see the previous mea culpa - we do manage to include, instead, every local's favourite daytrip, a visit to Rottnest Island, or of course, as the locals have it, "Rotto". As the only island on this chunk of coastline, it's also the place where everyone takes their boats. It's a strange place: a fast ferry takes you across in about 40 minutes, they hand you a three-speed pushbike and - like hundreds of others - you spend your day cycling around this often quite-barren and virtually car-free island, looking at quokkas (Rottnest is so named because it was discovered by the Dutch seaman Willem Vlamingh, who mistook the quokkas for giant rats and calling it rat's nest), stopping off at one of the 63 white-sand beaches and then heading back to the main town. We were advised to head for the packed bakery, whose owner must surely be a millionaire, and eat the Rotto pie. It was very pleasant, I can report. Perth is home to Mick Fanning. It's also home to Surf WA, who conduct surf lessons from nearby Trigg Beach (again, this is another patch of perfect white sand). Every instructor is already out with a school of grommets, so we get the president, a cheerful unflappable chap who tells us: "Don't worry, anything you do out there I've seen it before". Then I manage to run off the end of my board like a sprinter. "Haven't seen that before," he says. Then to tick the last "iconic Australian activity box" remaining, it's to Caversham wildlife park, a lush spot in the sprawling Whiteman Park, 30 minutes from town, devoted to native species. Keeper Andrew gives us a thorough, fact-laden and very engaging tour which starts, of course, with their colony of koalas. It's a hot day, so they are happily drinking direct from the keeper's hosepipe and entirely unperturbed at us leering at them from a distance of 50 centimetres. Then to the kangaroos, many with joeys in their pouches, who lope up to eat from our hands and lounge in the sun. We time our run perfectly for their version of a petting zoo, and get to scratch the belly of a fat, smelly, and happy wombat called Neil, who is reclining in the arms of a keeper like an overweight baby. Time is up. Rain has never looked even remotely likely, although we may have spotted one or two wispy clouds. It is raining when we land in Auckland. Perth is such an incredible city. What’s your favourite thing to do when you’re visiting Western Australia’s incredible capital? Please let us know in the comments below. Written by Steve Kilgallon. First appeared on <a href="http://Stuff.co.nz" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a>. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/travel-tips/2016/05/biggest-plane-world-perth-airport/">World’s biggest plane touches down in Perth</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2016/04/top-10-australian-destinations-to-visit-in-2016/">Top 10 Australian destinations to visit in 2016</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/travel-tips/2016/05/tripadvisor-reveals-favourite-landmarks-australia/">Tripadvisor reveals Australia’s favourite landmarks</a>

International Travel

German artist wins Sculpture by the Sea

A German artist has picked up the top gong in Sydney’s Sculpture by the Sea competition.Jorg Plickat was awarded the top prize with his work Divided Planet, which the artist described as a political statement representing the energy the world wastes on political conflicts and how it could be better addressed confronting issues like global warming and poverty.“Instead of together trying to solve the urgent problems like global warming and poverty, our planet is divided into political blocks wasting all their energy in stupid confrontations,” said Mr Plickat in an accompanying statement describing the intention and focus of his work.Mr Plickat beat out 106 other amazing sculptures and gets $60,000 for his efforts. Currently in its 19th year, Sculpture by the Sea has become one of Sydney’s most popular exhibitions, drawing hundreds of thousands of visitors to Bondi every year. The $60,000 prize for the best artist is generally regarded as one of the most generous in the Southern Hemisphere.Mr Plickat described receiving the award for Divided Planet had been "like a fairytale".Image credit: Twitter / Sculpture by the SeaRelated links:<a href="/news/news/2015/09/michael-caton-portrait/">Stunning portrait of Michael Caton wins Archibald People’s Choice Award</a><a href="/news/news/2015/09/archaeologists-find-real-mona-lisa/">Archaeologists find the real Mona Lisa</a><a href="/news/news/2015/09/street-artist-yarn-bomb/">104-year-old street artist yarn-bombed her city</a>

News

Lay-by is still an option – one that helps you avoid interest rates

Remember the days of putting that dream product on lay-by? They’re still here. Though it is becoming less common, retailers report that there are still plenty of customers who use this method of payment. Since lay-by sets out a time frame, usually a couple of months, to pay for goods – you can avoid paying interest rates of over 20 per cent if you use your credit card. You won’t get the instant gratification of buying something on the spot, but you will avoid leaving a huge dent in your bank balance. Fees are still involved, though, so it’s most cost-effective to use lay-by for bigger purchases. Big W still has hundreds of thousands of customers using lay-by every year. They charge a $5 non-refundable service fee for each new lay-by and you must leave a 10 per cent deposit when you sign up. “Toys, expensive technology, substantial household items including televisions and vacuum cleaners, larger gifts such as bikes and new season apparel are among the most popular items to be put on lay-by,” a Big W spokeswoman said. If you bought a washing machine for $750 on lay-by, with a $10 service fee and paid for it over eight weeks, the payments would cost around $94 per week and the total cost would be $760. The same purchase using a credit card with an interest rate of 18 per cent could cost $1111 if you paid a minimum repayment of $20 from the first month. It would also take four years and eight months to pay off. The best way to use your credit card is to put the purchase on a 55-day interest-free credit card and pay it off before the interest-free days run out. Myer also charges a $10 lay-by service fee to cover the administration costs. Goods must be $20 or more, and the customer also has to make a minimum deposit of 10 per cent. They get 60 days to pay it off. Myer also offers promotional activities for toy lay-bys, especially around Christmas, that may involve extended payment times or no deposits. “We have found that lay-by is not as common as it used to be and that more of our fashion conscious customers prefer to purchase the item straight away so they can wear it while it’s still on trend,” said a Myer spokeswoman. Related links: <a href="/finance/money/2015/05/falling-petrol-prices/">Will petrol prices continue to fall?</a> <a href="/finance/money/2015/04/save-money-on-energy-bills/">7 tips to save you money on your energy bills</a> <a href="/finance/money/2015/04/save-money-at-restaurants/">5 ways restaurants trick you into spending more</a>

Money & Banking

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Discovering sun, sea and sculptures in Perth

German artist wins Sculpture by the Sea

Lay-by is still an option – one that helps you avoid interest rates

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