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How can isolated men get the care they need?

<p>Many men become isolated when they no longer have their partners to take care of them. We spoke with in home care service provider, Lana Belleville, from <a href="http://justbettercare.com/team/macarthur/">Just Better Care Macarthur</a>, to find out what options are available to help these men continue to live active and happy lives in their homes.</p> <p><strong>Why might men need a greater level of care than women?</strong> <br />It’s often the case that men who have relied on their wives to look after many of life’s decisions haven’t developed the skills they need to take care of themselves when they suddenly find themselves having to tackle life alone.</p> <p>Women are natural organisers and often organise the home – doing most of the domestic chores and making sure both parties are well looked after.</p> <p>As a manager of a retirement village for 23 years, Belleville would often see how women dominated most of the decisions for the good of the couple.</p> <p>“When couples moved into retirement villages it was often the wife that would do all the organising of their lives. She’d do the choosing and then the husbands would go along with the wives’ decisions. She’d be off finding where the hairdresser was, where the podiatrist was and would be arranging all the furniture,” says Belleville.</p> <p>Because of this dynamic, Belleville says men would sometimes become isolated when their partners died or went into nursing care.</p> <p>“Many men wouldn’t leave the house, they’d have problems maintaining the home and taking care of the cooking and cleaning and often if they became unwell, they wouldn’t know how to get themselves the help they need to overcome or manage that health issue,” says Belleville.</p> <p><strong>How do isolated men usually find the help they need?</strong> <br />In Belleville’s experience it’s usually concerned family members that make contact with service care providers to make sure their loved one is receiving the in-home care they need.</p> <p>“Very seldom do the men contact us for help and when they do, we often find that when we get out to their homes they don’t know what kind of help they need,” says Belleville.</p> <p>Talking through the kind of care options available with family and a service provider can help flesh out exactly what kind of care requirement a man may have, since he may not always be aware of that himself, Belleville says.</p> <p>“It’s not the case with every man, but because some men haven’t been taking care of the house and cooking their meals and doing all these things that the wife used to do, they often don’t know what it is that they need to be doing to take better care of themselves,” says Belleville.</p> <p>Even doing simple things like the ironing or washing clothes may be neglected and although they seem like small things, these things can have a big effect on a person’s self-confidence and health,” she says.</p> <p>If men are isolated from their families in other states, there need not be any problem either. Just Better Care has offices in every state so there is no region too difficult to service. “We’ve even helped our clients go on trips to visit families interstate and still have all their care needs met and this is done through coordinating their needs with our interstate offices,” Belleville explains.</p> <p><strong>What kinds of care needs do men have and how might they be different from what women need?</strong> <br />It differs for each individual but apart from help with the domestic chores, cooking and cleaning, personal care and general house maintenance, one of the biggest areas that men need help with is shopping, says Belleville.</p> <p>“We often see men who don’t know what kind of shopping they should be doing. They might go to the shops and just buy a loaf of bread and some cans of fast food and say ‘that will last me the whole week for food,’” she says.</p> <p>“I’ve seen men who have snapped their glasses in two and taped them back together, but really need to go and buy a new pair, but they don’t know where to find an optometrist to help them with it because the wife had all that detail in her head,” Belleville adds.</p> <p>Belleville says quite often it’s the case in her role as a service provider that she will need to put a general care worker into a man’s house at first, so that they can help gage what specific needs he might have.</p> <p>“The carer might notice that the ironing needs to be done and help him with that. Or they might notice the cleaning isn’t being done, and they might suggest that a cleaner come once a week to do some general cleaning. He may need incontinence pads, but be self conscious about getting them, and a carer can help with that too. We can also clean his linen, help with washing and showering and anything else he might need done.”</p> <p>Sometimes the client might have to learn from scratch what it is he needs and then learn again to ask for help rather than being stoic and just getting by. That’s where a service provider can come in to really help assess the best kind of care for him.</p> <p><strong>Why is now a great time to get in home care for a man in this position?</strong> <br />The government has reformed in-home care and implemented a new system called <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/lifestyle/wyza-life/getting-to-grips-with-consumer-directed-care.aspx">Consumer Directed Care</a> (CDC). This new system puts the power back in the consumer’s hands so that the person needing care and their families can get exactly the care they are after.</p> <p>“The great benefit of using a service provider is that a person’s care needs can be personalised to as little or as much as they need. We’ll sit down with the person and their families and work out exactly what the care requirements are and draw up a package that’s best for them, “says Belleville.</p> <p>“We have men that like to go out for coffee, go shopping and even some clients that like us to take them to the movies. No request is too difficult for us to help out with,” Belleville explains.</p> <p><strong>Why is socialising important for isolated men?</strong> <br />Socialising is a big thing that many men miss out on when they lose their wives. Women are often the queen bees of their social lives, making appointments, checking in with friends and making new ones to enrich the couple’s experiences.</p> <p>Psychologists are now talking up the importance of social connectedness with our community and the way it can have positive effects on our mental health and physical wellbeing.</p> <p>But socialising has the added benefit of being a way that we can learn how to live better in our environment through swapping ideas and this is the case at every stage of our lives.</p> <p>Belleville was contacted recently by a man who thanked her for ‘saving his life’ because every month his support worker took him to the races. “It gave me something to talk about up in the community centre and I felt like I was living again,” he told her.</p> <p><strong>How can an in home care provider help an isolated man connect with his community?</strong><br />Belleville says many men won’t want to socialise because they’re not getting the help they need around the house and this will often make them shy away from wanting to see others.</p> <p>“The house can become unkempt and this leads to further social isolation because they may become ashamed of their home and not want to see anyone,” she says.</p> <p>But carers from an in-home service provider like Just Better Care can often be the impetus for men to find the social stimulation they need to better their lives.</p> <p>“They can help keep the home in tip top condition, they can take the resident out on social trips to meet others, see movies, for a game of golf or just to have coffee and then return safely home. Whatever it is that a man might like to do to socialise, an in home care service provider like Just Better Care can help with,” Belleville says.</p> <p><em>Written by Dominic Bayley<strong>. </strong>Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/relationships/how-can-isolated-men-get-the-care-they-need.aspx">Wyza.com.au.</a></em></p>

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Counting the costs of caregiving: Is there a better way forward?

<p><em><strong>Leah Ruppanner, Lecturer in Sociology, University of Melbourne and Georgiana Bostean, Assistant Professor of Environmental Science, Health and Policy, Chapman University, count the costs of caregiving.</strong></em></p> <p>In Australia, the question of how to provide care for ageing family members is largely an individual one. Most care is provided by family members. In 2012, 2.7 million Australians were <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/4430.0" target="_blank">providing</a></strong></span> some type of informal (unpaid) family caregiving. Some are “sandwiched”, caring for children and older adults simultaneously. Yet caregiving is not shouldered equally by the entire population: women and minorities are much more likely to provide care.</p> <p>Those with <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/5968BE956901DD79CA257D57001F4D89?opendocument" target="_blank">disabilities themselves</a></strong></span> are also more likely to be primary dependent carers in Australia. These families are shouldering a high level of carework.</p> <p>Finally, moving family members into the home is often motivated by the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/12524494B6372EDFCA257D57001FA8C7?opendocument" target="_blank">poor quality of paid care</a></strong></span>. This suggests that there are limited options in the market. These trends are mirrored in many countries – adult children in Europe are increasingly providing care as a substitute for formal care, and informal care is normative in the United States as well.</p> <p>All told, we have a “care-adox” in the Australia. People are living longer, yet the systems to provide care for older adults are informal and inadequate.</p> <p>Because family caregiving is embedded within broader family experiences, the answers to the social, political and ethical questions that caregiving raises are not simple. Caregiving can be a rewarding experience, providing a sense of meaning and fulfilment, and improve the relationship with the care recipient. In multigenerational households, the older adult may help ease childcare burdens.</p> <p>Importantly, caregiving can be <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4614-4776-4_3#page-1" target="_blank">stressful and damaging</a></strong></span> to well-being. For example, it impairs immune function and accelerates immune system ageing. Caregiver experiences vary widely, but caregivers who experience chronic burden or stress tend to have the most severe health consequences.</p> <p><strong>The ‘coercive caregiving’ phenomenon</strong></p> <p>Research suggests that when people are expected to do something but do not have the resources to fulfil expectations, they experience health-harming role strain. Caregiving therefore should be most harmful to health when individuals are expected to provide care but lack the resources to do so effectively.</p> <p>In Australia, caregiving has historically fallen to women and ethnic minorities due to their social statuses. Individuals are thus <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://ethnicstudies.berkeley.edu/faculty/profile.php?person=6" target="_blank">“coerced” into caregiving</a></strong></span> through social norms and lack of institutional support. In these contexts, when alternate options are unavailable, women may step into caregiving roles despite lacking the support needed to fulfil those expectations.</p> <p>The gender bias in these experiences is clear. Caregiving daughters report <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8557205" target="_blank">greater depression</a></strong></span>, but this is not the case for <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16960238" target="_blank">caregiving sons</a></strong></span>. These studies suggest that coerced care can be damaging to caregivers’ well-being, particularly for female caregivers.</p> <p>We addressed these issues in our recent <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://esr.oxfordjournals.org/content/30/5/655.short" target="_blank">research</a></strong></span>. We asked whether caregivers in countries with greater societal “pressure” for informal family caregiving – in the form of strong social norms for familial care or limited public transfers for old-age programs – have lower well-being than caregivers in countries with weaker familial care norms and more old-age public transfers.</p> <p>We found substantial country variation in familial care norms – that is, people’s attitudes about whether care for ageing parents should be provided by adult children in-home. Support for familial care norms ranged from 4% in Sweden and the Netherlands to 59% in Poland and 74% in Turkey.</p> <p>Do country differences in familial care norms impact individual well-being? We expected that caregivers would report worse well-being in countries where caregiving was expected to be done in the home. We found, however, that only female caregivers suffer from stronger familial care norms.</p> <p>The extent of public transfers is also associated with female caregiver well-being. Female caregivers have worse well-being in countries with stronger norms for in-home familial care, and fewer public transfers to support ageing care.</p> <p>These findings suggest that women in countries where market or government subsidies for old-age care are not readily available may be more severely disadvantaged by caregiving responsibilities. This is consistent with previous research finding that female caregivers are more likely to be stressed, depressed, drop out of the labour force, and be sandwiched.</p> <p><strong>The way forward</strong></p> <p>That caregivers in ostensibly coercive contexts report worse well-being may reflect role strain, including a lack of financial, social, emotional or other resources.</p> <p>Consider what it takes to provide care, particularly long-term, for an older adult. In Australia, long-term care requires a complete reorganisation of a person’s family and employment patterns. With approximately 12% of the Australian population (and counting) providing care, the current system is unsustainable. As the burden of care and number of caregivers increase, so too will societal economic and health impacts.</p> <p>Middle-age adults who are beginning to experience their own health issues face compounding health effects of caregiving, leading to health problems earlier in life. This will certainly impact the health care system as the number of caregivers grows.</p> <p>But this bleak story can become one of hope. Two potential starting points include:</p> <ul> <li>Broad policies to support caregivers through paid home care, community-care services, and more equitable sharing of care work in society; and</li> <li>Facilitation of a larger discussion about the difficulties of caregiving so that we have more realistic expectations.</li> </ul> <p>Comprehensive policy changes would provide caregivers with more consistent support. Family policy and caregiving policy are intertwined, so extending family leave policies and adopting broader definitions of “family” will also address the needs of caregivers for all types of dependents.</p> <p>Caregivers provide a valuable service to their loved ones and to society. Providing support for them is a pressing social problem that demands broad policy action to break the chains of coerced care. There is no better time to begin planning for this immediate future.</p> <p>Do you agree with this advice?</p> <p><em>Written by Leah Ruppanner and Georgiana Bostean. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.</em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/33181/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

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4 things our ancestors can teach us about caregiving

<p>Human life expectancy has <a href="https://ourworldindata.org/life-expectancy" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">come a long way</span></strong></a> in an incredibly short amount of time, so you would be forgiven for thinking that the custom of caring for our elders is a similarly recent development in human culture. However, studies are showing that caring for the ageing members of society is something that humans have been doing for millennia. CaringNews.com explored the evidence and studies supporting this theory, and presented some pretty compelling things we can learn from our ancestors.</p> <p><strong>1. Caregiving is genetic</strong></p> <p>Anthropologist Erik Trinkaus <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.1330570108/abstract" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">presented evidence</span></strong></a> of the burial, some 50,000 years ago, of a Neandertal individual who not only had debilitating injuries, but lived with them for some time. According to Trinkaus, this individual has lost a forearm, suffered from a limp, and was deaf. Without help from their fellows, it would have been very difficult for this individual to survive.</p> <p><strong>2. People depended on their elders</strong></p> <p>Despite their typical slowness and frailty, the older members of society still had much to offer – taking the time to pass down their knowledge. Those elders were regarded as experts in the day-to-day necessities of crafting weapons, telling edible plants from poisonous, and turning animal skins into clothing and bedding. Around 50,000 years ago, an increase in general human longevity is believed to have led to marked cultural advances for humans.</p> <p><strong>3. Caregiving is a virtue</strong></p> <p>Ancient civilisations in China and Rome considered showing respect and caring for one’s elders was a mark of honour. Confucianism refers to this as filial piety. The idea that elders would regularly be sent to die alone on an ice floe is now regarded as a myth – an unthinkable action that would likely only have occurred in times of desperate need or hardship.</p> <p><strong>4. It takes a village</strong></p> <p>In ancient times, when society was much less developed than today, humans needed to hunt and forage daily just to survive, meaning that the task of caring for elders and the injured was likely shared by those beyond the immediate family.</p> <p>How do you think caregiving will develop as human society progresses in the future?</p>

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3 tips for sharing caregiving responsibilities with siblings

<p>On the one hand, we’re lucky – with medical and nutritional advancements, we’re afforded more time to spend with our parents. The flip side of that coin, however is that people who live longer are more likely to require care for a degenerative illness. Taking on the role of caregiver for the people who shepherded you from childhood can be conflicting and stressful, but if you find a way to work well with your siblings, you can relieve the pressure you feel, while ensuring your parents receive the best care possible.</p> <p><strong>1. Role play</strong></p> <p>As an adult, spending time with family can often mean we slip into familiar roles we played as a child, even if we don’t realise it. Perhaps, as the youngest, your siblings treat you as immature or naïve; maybe you were studious in school, and are still expected to be a nerd. These roles are seldom created by the player, and are usually facilitated by a parent’s expectation. When you and your siblings come together to care for your parents, it’s important that you examine these roles and do your best to shake them off. You’re adults now – with adult responsibilities and concerns.</p> <p><strong>2. Communication is key</strong></p> <p>Having open, honest lines of communication is vital when multiple people are sharing the role of caregiver. Especially when not everyone involved lives close by, things like group emails can be a great way to make sure everyone has exactly the same information available to them.</p> <p>This doesn’t stop at advice and updates provided by professionals – parents are often guilty of telling different things to siblings, not out of malice, but out of concern for who can best handle difficult information. Be frank with your siblings about what mum said to you when you asked her how her health was, and ask them to do the same.</p> <p><strong>3. Be compassionate</strong></p> <p>When you act in the role of a caregiver, you usually have experience being compassionate. However, that compassion is likely extended to the one for whom you are caring, with less consideration for those alongside you. Caregiving can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally – and we all handle the responsibilities in different ways. It’s not up to us to pass judgement on how much our siblings contribute to the care of parents. If a sibling isn’t pulling their weight, in your opinion, then perhaps you could find time to have an open, honest conversation with them about the added pressure that puts on you and others. This conversation will give them the chance to show compassion for you, but also to express their own feelings, giving you the opportunity to better understand their own priorities, and the relationship they have with your parents’ condition.</p> <p>What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone sharing the role of caregiver with their siblings?</p>

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5 ways caregivers can combat depression

<p>Caregivers are often seen as strong, stoic people, with much outside attention paid to the person for whom they care. But we know that, while possessing inexpressible strength, caregivers are also <a href="http://www.deakin.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/274520/Carers-lit-review.pdf" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">more likely to suffer from depression</span></strong></a>. Some of the symptoms of depression include:</p> <ul> <li>Feelings of sadness or hopelessness</li> <li>Loss of interest in most activities that bring pleasure – sports, hobbies, etc</li> <li>Change in appetite</li> <li>Anxiety or restlessness</li> <li>Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or failure</li> <li>Frequent or recurring thoughts of death and/or suicide</li> <li>Slowed thinking, speech, and movement</li> </ul> <p>Recognising and naming depression in yourself can be a difficult and scary task, but once you have, the important next step is finding ways to look after yourself. Here are some ways you can combat depression as a caregiver.</p> <p><strong>1. Make time for you</strong></p> <p>As much as caregiving can feel like a job that needs to be performed every hour of every day, that’s not a realistic expectation to set for yourself. Organise respite for yourself by asking for help from family or friends, or finding a local day care. Then use that time to do something that you love – see a movie, go out to dinner, go on a bushwalk, or just spend time in the garden.</p> <p><strong>2. Stronger together</strong></p> <p>Never underestimate the value of having someone you can talk to who understands exactly what you’re going through. Find a support group, whether physical or online, that works for your situation. Communities will usually have support groups for caregivers, as well as for people suffering from depression.</p> <p><strong>3. Don’t be bullied by your thoughts</strong></p> <p>That nasty little voice we all have inside of us can be infinitely louder for people suffering from depression. The voice, which often sounds like our own, will whisper things like, “you’re useless”. Training yourself to counter that voice is a good way to combat the feelings of negativity. Next time you hear that voice chime in, think to yourself, “I’m not useless – I’m doing something invaluable for someone I love because I am a strong, caring person.”</p> <p><strong>4. Keep a diary</strong></p> <p>Writing down your thoughts can be therapeutic, as well as provide you with a useful tool when looking for patterns in your own behaviour and thoughts. Going back over your recollections can help you address behaviours and recognise scenarios that make you feel worse. Finding these triggers can help you avoid or eliminate them.</p> <p><strong>5. Speak to your doctor</strong></p> <p>If you feel like your depression is too much for you to handle on your own, then it is important that you speak to a professional about it. Depression is an illness, and should be treated as such. It is not weakness to ask for help – it is brave. Your GP should be your first stop. They may have a specialist to whom they can refer you to see.</p> <p>Do you have other resources you use to cope as a caregiver? Share them in the comments.</p>

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Things to remind yourself after a long day of caregiving

<p>Being a caregiver can be a trying role. It is rarely something people are prepared for when the call comes, nevertheless, countless everyday heroes rise to the challenge of providing care for someone they love. When taking on this new role, it can be jarring just how much the life or a carer changes as focus shifts from primarily looking after their own life, to primarily looking after another’s.</p> <p>Despite this change, the American Psychological Association <a href="http://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/faq/positive-aspects.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>reports</strong></span></a> that 83 per cent of caregivers viewed it as being a positive experience. Their findings also highlight, however, that carers will often experience “both positive experiences and some strain simultaneously”. With this in mind, we’re going to take a look at some things to remind yourself of, as a caregiver, if you ever feel that the strain is outweighing the good.</p> <p><strong>You are there</strong></p> <p>We are often called upon to give care for someone who can no longer take care of themselves because of age and/or degenerative disease. In instances such as this, it’s important to remember that, as a caregiver, you are being there for your charge as they face a difficult time. For many, this is the final stage of their life, and having someone by their side will help temper the fear they may feel. They may not acknowledge it with words, but your act of love will be gratefully received by the one for whom you care.</p> <p><strong>Special moments</strong></p> <p>For those who have someone in their life who needs care, it can be difficult to notice the special little moments. But as a caregiver, those tiny glimmers can make a bad day, week, or month worth all the effort. If you’re a caregiver, you no doubt love when these unexpected moments happen – whatever form they take – so cherish them, remember them, and hold them tight in your heart when things feel difficult.</p> <p><strong>You make a difference</strong></p> <p>It can be easy to forget that being a caregiver is about making a very real difference in the life of another person. But it’s so important to remember that what you are doing is changing someone else’s life for the better. Your sacrifice, your hard work, they add up to a better life for someone you love.</p> <p>To you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a caregiver?</p>

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Is it ever ok to lie as a caregiver?

<p>No matter how honest and truthful you may believe yourself to be, the fact is, everyone has told at least one lie in their life. Whether it’s something small like, “I don’t remember you asking me to take the bins out,” or a much more serious betrayal like cheating on a partner, we’re all guilty of being dishonest from time to time. When it comes to caregiving, however, is it ever ok to tell a lie?</p> <p>According to a survey of more than 700 carers by <a href="https://www.agingcare.com/articles/why-caregivers-lie-157559.htm" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">AgingCare.com</span></strong></a>, 73 per cent of people taking care of ageing family members have lied to them – and 43 per cent admit they fib at least once a week.</p> <p>So, what are they lying about? For many, it’s all about concealing how they really feel. “65 percent of frequent fibbers say that they tell untruths in order to hide their real emotions from the ones they're taking care of,” the survey found. And, given the vast array of emotions (both <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">negative</span></strong></a> and positive) that caregiving can evoke, it’s not exactly surprising.</p> <p>However, it turns out lying to the person being cared for isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Researchers have found that “therapeutic lying,” <a href="http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/forensic-psychiatry/therapeutic-lying-contradiction-terms" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">defined</span></strong></a> as “the practice of deliberately deceiving patients for reasons considered in their best interest,” may be beneficial when communicating with sufferers of neurodegenerative conditions like dementia.</p> <p>“While therapeutic fibbing isn’t appropriate for every circumstance, when used correctly, it offers a much kinder, practical way to stop troubling behaviour and reduce emotional distress,” Dr Amy D’Aprix writes in a column for <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-amy-d/white-lies-when-fibbing-is-therapeutic_b_3381458.html" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Huffington Post</span></strong></a>.</p> <p>That being said, however, Dr D’Aprix admits there are some situations in which you should avoid lying – even it if it’ll make your loved one feel better. “It’s not appropriate to tell a therapeutic fib because “the truth will hurt.” In these instances, it denies someone their full human experience. So, when a woman with dementia loses her husband, she’s entitled to know. It may cause significant emotional pain, but grieving is part of the human experience. On the other hand, when therapeutic fibbing positively impacts health and well-being, it’s very useful.”</p> <p>Are you a caregiver? Have you ever used “therapeutic lying” as a method of calming your loved one down? Share you experiences with us in the comments below.</p>

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Moving on from caregiving after your loved one dies

<p>Any death is heartbreaking, but the death of someone you’ve cared for can be particularly difficult to cope with. When someone passes away after weeks, months, years of devoting your time to their care, it’s only natural to think, “what now?”</p> <p>Aside from the normal grieving process, there’s the added factor of a feeling of emptiness – after all, this person accounted for so much of your time. Many caregivers can find themselves feeling lost, as though they no longer have a purpose, but really, the opposite is true. At the time of loss, you might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s important to keep in mind that after you’ve done your grieving, you’ll finally have time to look after yourself and do what you love.</p> <p>First, however, you must come to terms with your loved one’s death. Here are three simple tips to help you do just that.</p> <ol> <li><strong>Get support</strong> – it’s hard to admit you need help. It’s even harder to follow through with it. However, having a strong support network is the most important tool you can have when coping with grief. From friends and family to therapists and community groups, there are countless people out there who are happy to help you, even if it may not seem that way now. To learn more, read our tips on how you can meet new people over 60 both <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/websites-to-help-you-make-friends/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">online</span></strong></a> or in the <a href="/health/caring/2016/04/ways-to-make-friends-when-youre-60-plus/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">real world</span></strong></a>.</li> <li><strong>Move on from your guilt</strong> – sadly, guilt is one of the <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">most common feelings</span></strong></a> experienced by caregivers, and most of the time it’s completely unfounded – of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any less painful. You may also be feeling relieved, and kicking yourself for it. Don’t. It’s completely natural to feel relieved that your loved one is no longer in pain. Gary Bradt, author of <em>Put Your Mask on First: The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care</em>, <a href="http://www.nextavenue.org/move-caregiving-parent-dies/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">advises</span></strong></a> carers to “try to accept your feelings for what they are — common human reactions to difficult life circumstances.”</li> <li><strong>Care for yourself</strong> – for those who have had to care for another, caring for yourself can feel like a foreign concept. However, it’s a completely necessary one. Whether it’s your mind or body that’s calling out for some TLC, now’s the time to do so. If alone time is what you need, book a spa day, go for a long walk or immerse yourself in a great book. If you’d rather not be by yourself, enlist a friend for a shopping day, short road trip or even just a coffee. Anything you can do to take your mind off the loss will help you recover quicker.</li> </ol> <p>Have you had to deal with the loss of a loved one you cared for? How did you cope? Share your tips with us in the comments below – you never know, your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/09/how-to-get-the-best-hospital-care/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How to get the best hospital care</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/09/8-surprising-things-that-increase-life-expectancy/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>8 surprising things that increase life expectancy</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Tips to cope with losing independence with age</strong></em></span></a></p>

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Silent symptoms of caregiver burnout

<p>Caregiving is undoubtedly one of the hardest and most selfless acts you can ever perform for another person, but sadly it can take its toll. If you’re feeling tired, moody or even resentful, it’s time to step back and reassess your situation. Sometimes these emotions can creep up on you without you even knowing until burnout has well and truly set in. Here are five signs you must keep an eye out for when caring for a loved one.</p> <ol> <li><strong>You don’t feel like socialising</strong> – Spending so much time with one person can be a struggle for many people, even if that person is a loved one.</li> <li><strong>You’ve lost interest in your hobbies</strong> – Caregiving is both physically and mentally draining, so it’s natural to feel a lack of energy or desire to engage in your interests.</li> <li><strong>You’re having depressive or suicidal thoughts</strong> – As soon as these thoughts come into your head, it’s time to speak to someone. Whether it’s a loved one or a mental health professional, it’s important to realise that you can overcome these negative thoughts.</li> <li><strong>Your diet has changed</strong> – Has your appetite completely vanished? Perhaps you’re eating much more than you used to? Both extremes are possible as a result of caregiver stress.</li> <li><strong>You have trouble sleeping</strong> – Whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep or getting up in the morning, sometimes the burden of responsibility can negatively impact your sleeping patterns.</li> <li><strong>Your immune system is weak</strong> – <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-the-mind-heals-the-body/201411/how-stress-affects-the-immune-system" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Studies</span></strong></a> have shown that stress can actually wreak havoc on your immunity and could in fact responsible for 90 per cent of all diseases and illness – even cancer.</li> </ol> <p>Do any of these apply to you? If so, you’re not alone. Caregiver stress is incredibly common, especially if you aren’t receiving any help sharing the responsibility with other loved ones. Fortunately, there are ways you can combat caregiver burnout.</p> <ul> <li><strong>Get help for yourself</strong> – Having someone to unload all your worries on can be extremely therapeutic. If you don’t feel comfortable chatting about it to a friend or family member, your doctor can refer you to a mental health professional who can give you practical tips on overcoming these issues.</li> <li><strong>Get help for your loved one</strong> – <a href="/health/caring/2016/02/splitting-the-caring-of-a-loved-one-with-siblings/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Splitting the care of your loved one</span></strong></a> with other family members can help ease the burden of looking after them. If you can afford it, consider hiring a professional carer<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/tips-to-for-finding-short-term-carer-help/" target="_blank"></a> or, if you think it’s necessary, moving them to an aged care facility<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/right-time-to-look-at-aged-care/" target="_blank"></a>.</li> <li><strong>Find a way to relax</strong> – it’s always a good idea to have something just for yourself when things are tough. A nice warm bath or solitary stroll could be enough to lower your stress levels. Even <a href="/health/mind/2016/05/5-household-chores-that-reduce-stress/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">doing chores</span></strong></a> around the house can be relaxing, experts believe.</li> </ul> <p>What tips do you have for other caregivers? Share them with us in the comments below.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/05/signs-of-elderly-abuse-and-neglect/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Signs your elderly loved one is suffering abuse or neglect</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/05/caring-for-someone-with-depression/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How to care for someone with depression</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</strong></em></span></a></p>

Caring

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Tips for caregivers travelling with a loved one

<p>If you’re a carer and you want to take your loved one away for a holiday, make sure you read these great tips to ensure you a safe and happy vacation.</p> <p><strong>Identity</strong></p> <p>Bring along an identification tag that can be worn as a necklace. Also, register your loved one with the safe return program in your area.</p> <p><strong>Routine</strong></p> <p>Keep bedtimes and dinner as close to normal as possible, bring their favourite item be it a pillow or outfit. If the person has never travelled on an airplane before, this is not the best time to introduce something new.</p> <p><strong>Prepare</strong></p> <p>Get plenty of rest before the trip. Pack for them and allow extra time for everything. Don’t rush and make sure to pack comfortable clothing. Research in advance what medical services are offered at your destination. Bring a brief medical history with you, including a current medication list, doctor’s telephone numbers and a list of any allergies.</p> <p><strong>Be realistic</strong></p> <p>Carefully assess what the person’s limitations and strengths are and shape the vacation accordingly. Also be realistic about your own and other caregivers’ limitations and strengths – can you handle the person if he or she becomes agitated or wanders or is unable to sleep?</p> <p><strong>Break</strong></p> <p>Have regular car stops. If a trip is over four hours, two caregivers should be present. Bring along toys, photos, hobbies or other distractions in case there are signs of agitation. Carry hand-wipes for any spills. Avoid caffeine.</p> <p><strong>Flights</strong></p> <p>If you’re flying, avoid layovers and try to fly on direct flights only. Carry all boarding passes, passports, and other important papers. Request a middle or window seat for your companion and an aisle seat for yourself. Pre-board the aircraft. Pack all medications in a carry-on bag–do not put it in checked luggage, which can get lost.</p> <p><strong>Back-up plan</strong></p> <p>Everyone always needs a plan B. So be prepared to fall back on something else, that way you can react to mishaps without become overly anxious yourself. Remember not to stress, this is after all a holiday with a loved one!</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/grandmother-retires-after-52-years-walking-kids-to-school/">Grandmother retires after 52 years walking kids to school</a></strong></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/9-year-old-raises-money-for-sick-kids/">9-year-old raises $100,000 for sick kids</a></strong></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/twins-meet-at-birth/">Wonderful moment newborn twins meet for the first time</a></strong></em></span></p>

Caring

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Touching short films shows what caregiving today really looks like

<p>The winners of a unique film competition, where filmmakers were challenged to create a short video of what caregiving today really looks like, have been announced.</p> <p>The top gong for the contest’s "Changing Face of Caregiving" category was a film by TW Miller. The movie follows two different women caring for an 81-year-old friend of theirs, a man called Bill. Bill suffered a stroke while attending the opera and with no family, his two friends stepped up to become the family Bill needs so he can stay in his own home.</p> <p>“These three-minute or shorter films really open up the world of family caregiving helping people to better understand the intense challenges as well as the deep personal rewards of caring for a loved one,” said Amy Goyer, AARP family and caregiving expert.</p> <p>“But more importantly, the stories show how much love is present in family caregiving, whether it comes from a family member, friend or even a stranger.” </p> <p>Watch the heartfelt short film above.</p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/brain-boosting-apps/">Top 10 brain-boosting apps</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/11/things-i-learned-from-working-with-the-dying/">14 things I learned from working with the dying</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/11/stay-in-your-own-home-as-you-age/">Tips to help you stay independent and at home as you age</a></em></strong></span></p>

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