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Guy Sebastian's wife shares tragic family news

<p>Guy Sebastian's wife Jules Sebastian has shared her heartache this week following the loss of her beloved father. </p> <p>The stylist shared a moving tribute to her father on Instagram, with a series of photos including pictures from her childhood and on her wedding day and the caption: "This week my beautiful Dad went to heaven to be with the angels." </p> <p>"Our hearts are broken but also so full of gratitude for the time we had with him in the last days of his life," she continued. </p> <p>She then remembered all of the great things about her dad, saying: "When I think of my Dad I think of the twinkle in his eye. He was always ready for a laugh and a joke and had the lightest way of cruising through life. My Dad had time for everyone. He made everyone feel important. He was always up for any social occasion and could talk to anyone and everyone. He was easy going and comfortable in his skin. He loved music and art and had the best handwriting I’ve ever seen." </p> <p>"There wasn't a soul who knew him that didn't love him. As this week has unfolded, I have been overwhelmed with how many people have described him as a 'good man'. That he was. Just so good," she said.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCoNFRQP3Qa/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCoNFRQP3Qa/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Jules Sebastian (@julessebastian)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>"What a privilege it was to be in the room as my Dad took his last breath on earth. I wish I had words to describe it, but it will have to remain as unexplainable and very special."</p> <p>She continued saying that her parents were married for 51 years and praised her mother for being "an angel on earth" for being by his side through thick and thin. </p> <p>"To say I loved my Dad is the world's greatest understatement. He was the best Dad a daughter could ever hope for. I already miss him.</p> <p>"Rest in eternal peace Daddy – give my big bro a squeeze from us," she said, adding an Irish flag to the post to represent his heritage. </p> <p>Her comment section was flooded with messages of condolences and words of comfort, with Chris Sebastian, Guy's brother writing: "He was without a doubt one of the happiest most joyful people I've ever met. It’s hard to picture him without a smile because he was just constantly smiling. This is a wonderful tribute Jules and we love you guys beyond words." </p> <p>"I’m so sorry to hear this Jules. Beautiful words. Love to you & your family 🤍" added Sam Mac. </p> <p>"He would of loved having you there & now gets to watch over and protect you from above 🤍 sending you all the love in the world & a mega big warm cuddle virtually xxxxxxxxxxxx," wrote <em>KIIS FM </em>weekend host Amy Gerard. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

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"Every parent's nightmare": Families of poisoned teens share update

<p>The families of Holly Bowles and Bianca Jones have shared a heartbreaking update as the teenagers continue to fight for their lives after being <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-trouble/two-aussie-teens-poisoned-in-laos-identified" target="_blank" rel="noopener">poisoned</a> in Laos. </p> <p>While travelling around south-east Asia on a gap year, the Melbourne 19 year olds consumed what is believed to be methanol-laced drinks in Laos.</p> <p>The young women were found barely alive in their hotel room and were rushed to a hospital in the neighbouring country of Thailand, where they remain on life support. </p> <p>Holly’s dad Shaun Bowles fronted the media on Wednesday in Bangkok where he confirmed his daughter remained in the ICU in a critical condition, where the family are spending as much time as possible by her bedside. </p> <p>“Right now our daughter remains in the intensive care unit in a critical condition. She’s on life support,” Shaun said.</p> <p>“We’d just like to thank everyone from back home for all the support and love that we’re receiving but we’d also like for people to appreciate right now we just need privacy so we can spend as much time as we can with Holly.”</p> <p>Bianca's family also released a statement saying there was no update on her condition, but confirmed that she remains on life support. </p> <p>"Our family has been overwhelmed by the messages of love and support that have come from across Australia," the statement from the family reads.</p> <p>"This is every parent's nightmare and we want to ensure no other family is forced to endure the anguish we are going through. We hope the authorities can get to the bottom of what happened as soon as possible."</p> <p>Authorities suspect the girls drank poisoned cocktails which reportedly had shots of "vodka" while holidaying in the party town of Vang Vieng, a popular tourist area about 130km north of Laos capital, Vientiane.</p> <p>They were among a large group of international travellers who fell victim to what is feared to be a mass poisoning which has already killed two other people. </p> <p><em><strong>Editor's note: Police in Thailand confirmed the death of Bianca Jones on Thursday afternoon. Holly Bowles is understood to still be in hospital.</strong></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

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Family cops $2k fine for little known offence

<p>A family in Sydney have been repeatedly fined for parking their car in their own driveway. </p> <p>Jane Mansfield, who lives in Sydney's south-west with her family of six, started copping fines for her parked car six months ago. </p> <div> <article> <div id="outbrain_widget_1" data-src="//9now.nine.com.au/a-current-affair/sydney-family-cops-repeated-fines-for-parking-car-in-their-own-driveway/58653db4-cd4f-41be-9f29-0d0d2a678394" data-widget-id="AR_1" data-external-id="63f8b8e389687ebfeb24eb9bf5179b0b" data-ob-mark="true" data-browser="safari" data-os="macintel" data-dynload="" data-idx="1"> <p>"All up we're due to pay about $2,000 on a finance plan at the moment," she told <em>A Current Affair</em>.</p> <p>Both Jane and her husband each received one fine for parking slightly over the curb in their driveway, with both of them accepting the fine and putting them on a payment plan. </p> <p>"Then we tried to do the right thing by pulling the car onto the driveway further, and got another fine," Mansfield said.</p> <p>"Well, apparently, you need to go past the letterbox, and even being slightly out ... is not allowed. So I'm thinking, where am I meant to put my car?"</p> <p>According to the fine, the offence was for stopping on or across a driveway - which is her own.</p> <p>Each fine they have received is worth $320 and Mansfield claimed she is now running out of patience and money trying to keep up with the ridiculous fines. </p> <p>"Four children, rent's gone up, electricity, everything's gone up bill wise, so $2,000 to us is a huge amount," Mansfield said.</p> <p><em>Image credits: A Current Affair </em></p> </div> </article> </div>

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Feed your family on a budget this Christmas with Aldi’s delectable hams

<p dir="ltr">Aldi’s range of delicious Christmas feasts have made it easier than ever to go ham this festive season. </p> <p dir="ltr">The iconic supermarket, known for their low prices and high quality goods, have released their range of seven delectable ham options from just $7.99 per kilogram, catering to shoppers on every budget. </p> <p dir="ltr">The incredibly priced Australian Half Leg Ham is back with a bang this yearat only $7.99 p/kg (that’s 40 cents per serve!), with options to Go A Little Extra with a Triple Smoked Boneless Ham ($12.99 p/kg), or the crowd favourite Crackling Ham ($19.99 p/kg). </p> <p dir="ltr">For those looking for a festive feast for a smaller gathering, there is also an Australian Quarter Portion Leg Ham ($11.49 p/kg) or the NEW Lightly Smoked Boneless Ham Portion ($19.99 /kg). </p> <p dir="ltr">For those looking to jazz up their hams to impress their loved ones, Aldi has also shared two easy to follow recipes for heavenly glazes, with dozens of recipes available on the extensive new <a href="https://www.aldi.com.au/recipes/christmas-recipes/">online recipe hub</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr">This year, Aldi’s two feature glazes are the mouth-watering <a href="https://www.aldi.com.au/recipes/christmas-recipes/christmas-dinner-recipes/pomegranate-and-maple-glazed-ham-recipe/">Pomegranate and Maple Glaze</a>, and the Brown Sugar Honey Pineapple Glaze.</p> <p dir="ltr">For your Pomegranate and Maple Glazed Ham, you’ll need just four ingredients, totalling $1.18 per serve for six people. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Pomegranate and Maple Glazed Ham </strong></p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">160g pomegranate seeds </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">125ml Brookdale maple syrup </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">1 tsp Colway dijon mustard </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">½ tsp Stonemill ground ginger </p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">For the Brown Sugar Honey Pineapple Glaze, you’ll need five ingredients, coming to a mere 45 cents per serve, with the recipe serving between 12 and 18 people. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Brown Sugar Honey Pineapple Glaze </strong></p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">275g White Mill brown sugar </p> </li> </ul> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">300g pineapple juice </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">280g Bramwells Yellow Box Honey</p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">2 Tbsp Colway Dijon mustard </p> </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">75g Pure Valley Unsalted Butter</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">For more festive recipes, from roasts and sides, to desserts and drinks, make sure to check out the Aldi online recipe hub, and don’t forget to pick up your scrumptious Aldi ham to feed your family without breaking the bank this Christmas. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Supplied</em></p>

Food & Wine

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Dolly Parton struck by family tragedy

<p>Dolly Parton's older brother David Wilburn Parton has passed away at the age of 82. </p> <p>The news was shared by their sister, Stella Parton, on social media. </p> <p>"My brother David Passed away peacefully this morning. It's never easy to say goodbye to a loved one but he got his angel wings and is now at peace," she initially wrote on X, formerly Twitter. </p> <p>She shared another post on Facebook on Friday November 15 (Saturday November 16 in Australia),  "It's never easy to lose a loved one. My wonderful brother David Parton passed in the early hours of the morning."</p> <p>The following day, she thanked everyone for their thoughts and prayers in a follow-up post, "Thank you for all your kind thoughts to my family as we continue to grieve the loss of our much loved and cherished oldest brother David."</p> <p>While a specific cause of death has not been revealed, David's obituary, posted online by Farrar Funeral Home in White Pine, Tennessee, confirmed that he passed away at his home.</p> <p>"The family would like to extend special thanks to Dr. David McNabney, Smoky Mountain Home Health &amp; Hospice, his Cornerstone caregiver, Aubrie Smith &amp; caregiver, Robin Schmidt," the obituary read. </p> <p>Dolly has yet to comment on the death. </p> <p>David is the oldest son among Dolly's 11 siblings, which include six brothers and five sisters. Among them, those remaining include Willadeene, 84, Coy, 81, Robert Jr., 76, Stella, Cassie, 73, Frieda, 67, Rachel, 65.</p> <p>Unlike his famous siblings, David stayed out of the spotlight and had a thriving career as a bridge builder superintendent, working on many of the bridges in Tennessee.</p> <p>He is survived by his wife of 45 years, Kay Parton, as well as three children and a number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p> <p> </p>

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"She was the light of our lives": Family's tribute to hero kindergarten teacher

<p>Eleanor Bryant, 43, put herself in harm's way to <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/heroic-kindergarten-teacher-identified-after-horror-crash" target="_blank" rel="noopener">save preschoolers</a> from a water tanker that crashed into the Macedon Ranges Montessori Pre-School in Riddells Creek on Tuesday. </p> <p>Now, the mother-of-two and speech pathologist has been remembered for her caring and down-to-earth nature by her family. </p> <p>Bryant's husband and his two young kids expressed their grief in a statement, saying they were "devastated by the loss". </p> <p>"She was the light of our lives: a cherished mother, wife, daughter and sister, and beloved by all her family and enormous network of friends," the statement read. </p> <p>"Her infectious smile, sense of humour and passion for life made her a joy to be around.</p> <p>"There is an enormous hole in our hearts today.</p> <p>"We thank the emergency services for their tireless work and the public for their beautiful tributes.</p> <p>"We will miss her like crazy. We thank you for respecting our privacy at this difficult time."</p> <p>Bryant has also been remembered for the impact she has made as a speech pathologist, with mum Becky Burton thanking her for changing her daughter Milla's life. </p> <p>"I've never met someone that was so engaging, so down to earth, so caring and would do whatever it took [to make sure Milla was happy]," Burton said.</p> <p>"[She was] the most beautiful mum and person just taken so tragically."</p> <p>Bryant tragically died at the scene after the crash, while a three-year-old boy was injured and taken to the Royal Children's Hospital with serious but non-life-threatening injuries to his arm.</p> <p>He remains in hospital and is in a stable condition. </p> <p>The driver of the truck was also taken to the Royal Melbourne Hospital in a stable condition after the "experienced 68-year-old driver is understood to have suffered a medical episode".</p> <p>Parents and family members have since visited the kindergarten and laid flowers and cards as a tribute to Bryant. </p> <p>Family friend Walter Lucas held back tears as he remembered the beloved mother-of-two, saying: "She saved that kid's life.That kid is now going to go off and live their whole life. For her to take her life for that kid, she is more than a hero.</p> <p>"She's a superhero."</p> <p>Clinton Zammit, whose children went to the kindergarten, described the situation as "really sad".</p> <p>"I feel sorry for the woman who lost her life, her kids waking up today and having no mother. An unsung hero to push away kids and not care about anything else but the kids.</p> <p>"It hits home when my kids used to come here and there are other families involved.</p> <p>"We are a close-knit community, we are small but have big hearts and this will affect the community for a while."</p> <p>The pre-school is expected to remain closed for the coming weeks, and ongoing counselling has been offered onsite.</p> <p><em>Images: Nine</em></p>

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Bondi Junction attack victim's family reveals final phone call

<p>Heartbreaking details have emerged of the final video call hero security guard Faraz Tahir made hours before the tragedy. </p> <p>Tahir, was one of six victims killed during the Bondi Junction stabbing attack on April 13, and the only male victim to die in the attacks as he confronted knifeman Joel Cauchi.</p> <p>His loved ones have shared details of the final video call he made before going to work on that tragic day, ahead of a coronial inquest into the massacre beginning on Tuesday. </p> <p>Tahir's family said he was very excited to be starting his new life in a country he described as safe and "very peaceful". </p> <p>"That day ... he was talking to the whole family on a video call in Pakistan, and he was dressed up, and he told us that he was preparing to go to a job," the family told <em>Seven News</em>. </p> <p>"He said it's my first shift in Bondi Junction ... and he was really excited.</p> <p>"He finally felt safe in Australia … he said 'Australia is very beautiful, Australia is very exciting and very peaceful.'"</p> <p>Tahir and colleague Muhammad Taha ran to help when they heard people screaming and shouting.</p> <p>His family said they were proud of the courage Tahir showed during the horrific event. </p> <p>"He was serving as a security guard, and he went above and beyond ... we definitely consider him a hero," they told <em>Seven News</em>. </p> <p>“He did what he was meant to do to protect humanity." </p> <p>“And his sacrifice will make things better in future... to prevent these sorts of incidents happening again.”</p> <p>The inquest is set to go over evidence and hear from a handful of witnesses, which the family said will bring back painful memories. </p> <p>“It is an emotional time... to be going through it again,” they said.</p> <p>"The memories will come back."</p> <p><em>Images: 7News</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers response: Is there any item of memorabilia you’ve passed down to family or plan to in the future?

<p>As in many families, there are often sentimental items and memorabilia that are passed down from several generations. </p> <p>We asked our readers if there are any heirlooms that they have passed down to their younger family members, or if they plan to, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Marjorie Gale</strong> - The christening gown made by my Aunt in the UK in 1955 for my eldest daughter, worn by my two other daughters. Now been worn by my 9 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren, and another due soon. So far 24 babies have worn it.</p> <p><strong>Dawn Douglas</strong> - Yes, I have my Mums jewellery box and my eldest daughter will get it when I’m gone. I also have a brooch that belonged to my Nana.</p> <p><strong>Sue Crawley</strong> - I have a 1925 gold embossed book by AA Milne “When We Were Very Young”. My most cherished memory was sitting on my great grandfathers knee whilst he read it to me. Not sure yet which grandchild will receive it.</p> <p><strong>Greg Browning</strong> - A Winchester rifle my great grandfather bought in the 1800s. Have already passed it on.</p> <p><strong>Marion Ingram</strong> - Family bassinets. Now on its 4th generation!</p> <p><strong>Margie Buckingham</strong> - My grandmother’s costume jewellery was stunning. She was a racehorse breeder always in the Flemington Racecourse members, even had many Group One winners, so her jewellery had to look special.</p> <p><strong>Paul Uttley</strong> - A silver pocket knife that belonged to my great grandfather now belongs to my oldest grandson (six generations apart)!</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Family & Pets

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"Rot in hell": Family of murdered paramedic speak out over ruling

<p>The man charged with murdering New South Wales paramedic Steven Tougher has been found not criminally responsible due to a mental health impairment, with Tougher's family "appalled" by the decision. </p> <p>In April 2023, Tougher, 29, was stabbed in a McDonald’s carpark by Jordan Fineanganofo, 23, in a frenzied attack at 5am in the Sydney suburb of Campbelltown. </p> <p>The father-to-be had been eating with a colleague when he was approached by Fineanganofo, who stabbed him 55 times and leaving 24 incised wounds. </p> <p>“I am going to f**king kill you,” Fineanganofo said to Mr Tougher, according to the agreed facts and court documents. </p> <p>Mr Tougher was rushed to hospital after the attack, but suffered a cardiac arrest and died at the hospital shortly after he arrived. </p> <p>Both the defence and the Crown prosecutor agreed the court could find Fineanganofo was not responsible because of his mental health issues, with Justice David Davies stating on Friday that he cannot be held criminal responsible. </p> <p>“I am satisfied beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused committed the psychical acts,” he said.</p> <p>“(I) find the accused was suffering from a mental impairment at the time he committed the acts”. </p> <p>Justice Davies found Fineanganofo had been suffering from a mental health impairment at the time of the attack and did not know the wrongness of his actions because of his illness.</p> <p>The court was told Fineanganofo experienced auditory hallucinations, increasing paranoia, and suicidal ideation before the deadly attack, as the 23-year-old told psychiatrists that he heard voices telling him to harm himself and others in the weeks leading up to the offences, and believed he was surrounded by malignant demons.</p> <p>As Justice Davies handed down his decision, Tougher's friends and family broke down in court. </p> <p>“You chose not to take your medication, you’re the demon,” one person shouted at Fineanganofo as he was taken into custody, while another person yelled, “Rot in hell, you dog.”</p> <p>Outside court, Mr Tougher’s father Jeff said the family were “appalled” with the outcome.</p> <p>“It is neither what we wanted nor what we expected,” he said. “Stephen has been lost in this deeply flawed and broken process.”</p> <p>The heartbroken father said the family “strongly oppose” the court's decision to agree to a finding of not criminally responsible, and they were “deeply offended” they were not consulted before the decision was made.</p> <p>Mr Tougher’s father said the family would be pushing for an inquest into the “deplorable” circumstances surrounding his son’s death. </p> <p>“We are damaged today, but we’re not broken. The system is broken, and as a family, we will be fighting for change,” he said. “My son will not be forgotten, nor will his death be dismissed.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

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Filling the silences in family stories − how to think like a historian to uncover your family’s narrative

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a></em></p> <p>Great-grandmothers. We all have them. But most of us will never know them except through glimpses of fading bits of paper: sepia photographs, recipe cards, letters in handwriting traced by a fountain pen dispensing cocoa-colored ink.</p> <p>What does it take to build coherent stories out of such tantalizing fragments of lives? I face this question routinely in my career as a <a href="https://www.macalester.edu/english/facultystaff/andreakastontange/">professor of 19th-century literature and culture</a>. Recently, I’ve turned that experience to writing a book about my own family.</p> <p>When I inherited my great-grandmother’s diary, a repurposed teacher’s planner in which she chronicled the family’s 1926 move from Michigan to Miami, I found a wedding portrait tucked inside. The angled profile showcases her youthful skin and a dress too elaborate for a Midwestern schoolteacher’s daily wear. It is easy to imagine that she took pleasure in inscribing her new name on the picture’s reverse: Faith Avery.</p> <p>I stared at her beautiful image for years, as if details of her satin gown could explain why a woman widowed in 1918 would, for the rest of her life, refuse to admit to having had that first husband and yet carefully preserve this portrait.</p> <p>And then, because archives have been at the center of my scholarly work, I turned to research. I located marriage records and draft cards, pored over maps, found family members in censuses and obituaries. Within those documents lay answers both surprising and poignant.</p> <p>What did I look for? How might anyone with a half-told family story begin to uncover more truths? And what does it take to make sense of them?</p> <h2>The digging</h2> <p>Questions that begin with “why” can rarely be answered easily. Researchers thus often prefer to start with “who” and “when” and “how,” locating a person in one spot and then tracing them through time. This adventure down a rabbit hole follows a method.</p> <p>Make a list of unknowns. These may be facts or enticing tidbits of incomplete family lore. My mother, trying to be helpful, told me things like, “Faith always said there was a horse thief in the family, but she was too mortified to reveal his name” and “I think Aunt Harriette (Faith’s sister) was married once briefly.”</p> <p>Do precise, not general, searches. Typing “horse thief Avery” into Google yields nothing useful, but many other sources contain rich information about old-fashioned exploits. The New York Public Library’s <a href="https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/03/25/genealogy-guide-books">guide for family research</a> introduces some options. The <a href="https://www.loc.gov/pictures/">Library of Congress print and photograph collection</a> can also help you envision your ancestors’ world. Physical libraries contain historic photographs, maps, local records and digitized newspapers not available online. Historical societies and state universities typically allow free, in-person use of their collections.</p> <p>Know that sometimes you will fail and need to change course. I spent several days looking for the horse thief to no avail, much to my mother’s disappointment. But when I turned to Aunt Harriette’s marriage, I found a character no less fascinating, one I now think of as “Four Wives Frank.”</p> <p>Read old documents knowing they were produced by a patchwork of individuals who took information on trust. The handwritten birth, death, marriage and <a href="https://www.archives.gov/research/census/about">census records</a> of past centuries relied on self-reported data that required no verification. They can be plagued by carelessness in the name of efficiency.</p> <p>One hurried census-taker recorded Faith’s mother Cara as “Cora,” another renamed her brother Horace “Harris.” Frank offered up a variety of birth years, countries of origin and maiden names for his mother as he worked his way west. He must have been charming. Who but a charming man could have convinced woman after woman to marry him, each thinking she was, at most, his second wife? Marriage register officers and census-takers, not to mention his trail of brides, were none the wiser.</p> <p>Which leads me to this: Cross-check information. I knew I had the right Frank because he had the same three sons in multiple records. Inconsistencies across those records, in conjunction with the trajectory of his life, made this conclusion inevitable: The man purposefully reinvented himself.</p> <h2>The assembly</h2> <p>My academic work has taught me that most <a href="https://doi.org/10.2979/victorianstudies.63.2.02">archival answers lead to more questions</a>. As a result, I expect multiple phases of collecting. I gathered everything I could find about Faith’s early life, in hopes something might explain her reticence about her first marriage. As her story emerged, I periodically hit holes in the narrative that sent me back for more digging.</p> <p>Understanding people is easier if you are familiar with their world. For background, I read histories of Miami in the 1920s and researched details in Faith’s diary that might reveal her personality or motivations. Exploring her reading lists showed me a woman who enjoyed popular entertainment, such as 1926’s blockbuster “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0016598/">Aloma of the South Seas</a>.” Primers of <a href="https://libraryguides.missouri.edu/pricesandwages/1920-1929">1920s wages and prices</a> explained the family’s economic worries.</p> <p>As I got to know Faith, I revisited documents with new questions. To figure out whether Harriette’s husband Frank had anything to do with Faith, I made timelines for both sisters. To ponder the emotional underpinnings of those events, I reread Faith’s diary, paying particular attention to entries about Harriette and about Faith’s second husband.</p> <p>Because every pile of documents contains multiple stories, the key to a coherent narrative is locating a through line that addresses the biggest conundrums while identifying the tangents. I let go of the horse thief.</p> <h2>The results</h2> <p>The detective-style plots of what I call “<a href="https://www.writersdigest.com/be-inspired/lilly-dancyger-memoir-as-detective-novel">investigative memoir</a>” may inspire you to do your own family research. Genealogy sites such as <a href="https://www.ancestry.com/">Ancestry.com</a> and <a href="https://www.familysearch.org/en/united-states/">FamilySearch.org</a> can help.</p> <p>But it’s worth remembering that secondary reading will add richness to any family story. And local librarians are extraordinary at helping patrons navigate the search process.</p> <p>Improbable as it might seem, Four Wives Frank helped me understand the extent of Faith’s secrets and that she harbored them in hopes that her children’s lives would be easier. Such self-sacrifices are common for mothers. And yet, their particulars are as individual as the faintly silvered portrait of the soft young woman who married Harold Avery in 1911, and whose story requires an entire book to tell properly.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234341/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, Professor of English, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/filling-the-silences-in-family-stories-how-to-think-like-a-historian-to-uncover-your-familys-narrative-234341">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Family & Pets

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John Farnham spotted with family in rare public appearance

<p>John Farnham has been spotted in a rare public outing at Coldplay's concert in Melbourne. </p> <p>The music legend was seen alongside his wife Jill and their two sons, Robert and James, at Marvel Stadium on Sunday to watch the British rockers on their tour around Australia. </p> <p>A heart-warming photo of the family was shared on Instagram by Robert, who captioned the snap, "We were guests of @coldplay last night at Marvel Arena."</p> <p>"They were amazing. Was a pretty special night."</p> <p>With Farnham in the audience, Coldplay's frontman Chris Martin announced to the crowd, "Mr John Farnham’s in the building,” prompting huge cheers.</p> <p>The band then performed a call and response with the audience, singing the chorus of Farnham’s 1986 hit <em>You’re The Voice</em>.</p> <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: currentcolor !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; vertical-align: baseline; width: 600px; max-width: 100%; outline: currentcolor !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7431785816692673808&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40leonsjogren%2Fvideo%2F7431785816692673808%3Flang%3Den%26q%3Dcoldplay%2520you%2527re%2520the%2520voice%26t%3D1730762516834&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2FokJQIEjwILAGaREAgjlGoLCPg3AfOIOGrDleCe%7Etplv-dmt-logom%3Atos-alisg-i-0068%2FoAdQgCIIKHAABjn8SFwlEpEAGD3efXAjRACHBU.image%3Flk3s%3Db59d6b55%26x-expires%3D1730934000%26x-signature%3DsD967phpvU5baA%252B8Os3e67rKWa4%253D%26shp%3Db59d6b55%26shcp%3D-&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p>James Farnham later posted a video of the special moment on Instagram, writing, "Coldplay’s little tribute to dad. Was pretty cool! Such a sick show!"</p> <p>Farnham’s legion of fans jumped on social media to react to the singer’s surprise appearance.</p> <p>“We were there and hearing that JF was in the house made my absolute year. Sssooo happy to see you all out and about enjoying life together. Please pass on my love,” one fan said.</p> <p>“Awww amazing, what a prestigious honour and none more deserving than The Farnhams! Glad to see you all have a wonderful night together,” added another.</p> <p>“Aw your dad looks amazing Rob! Bet you guys had a sensational time,” a third said.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram </em></p>

Caring

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Sam Frost shares sweet family update

<p>Sam Frost has shared an exciting family update with her partner and <em>Survivor </em>star Jordie Hansen on Instagram.</p> <p>The former <em>Home and Away</em> actress announced she is expecting her second child with a picture of the family and her growing baby bump on Monday. </p> <p>“Our family is growing from three to four 💚,” she captioned the post.</p> <p>“It has been a wild ride but we are extremely grateful our little one is healthy and doing okay in there. We are all very excited to meet you, especially your big brother!</p> <p>“Huge thank you to our family and friends for all their love and support over these past few months. We love you xxxx.”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DB79aWkv3hk/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DB79aWkv3hk/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Sam Frost (@samfrost)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Fellow TV icons were quick to comment and congratulate the couple on their growing family. </p> <p>“Congratulations honey!! ❤️❤️,” 7NEWS journalist Abbey Gelmi wrote.</p> <p>“👏👏👏congratulations!!!,” commented <em>Bachelor</em> star Anna Heinrich.</p> <p>"Such beautiful news Sam, and so very happy for you. Huge congrats.❤️❤️❤️❤️xx," added Lisa Wilkinson.</p> <p>"Oh girlllll! This is beautiful news. So happy for you all. Ted is going to be the best big brother ever 🥹 💚," added <em>Gogglebox </em>star Angie Kent.</p> <p>Frost, who rose to fame on <em>The Bachelor </em>after becoming Australia's first Bachelorette, began dating Jordie in early 2022, and a few months later the pair announced their engagement. </p> <p>They welcomed their first child together, their son Theodore, in March 2023. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers response: Have you ever seen or met a member of the royal family during one of their visits?

<p>When the royal family make one of their special, dedicated visits to Australia, some royal fans are lucky enough to catch a glimpse, or even have an interaction with them. </p> <p>We asked our readers if they have ever seen or met a member of the royal family, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Mike Rogerson</strong> - I saw the Queen and Prince Phillip on the Princes Highway at Blakehurst, NSW. They were on their way to Wollongong, NSW. We were a group of Blakehurst primary school children on the side of the road in 1954. I was eight at the time.</p> <p><strong>Lorraine Strand</strong> - First saw the Queen when the country school kids travelled by train to Adelaide. Then again in Darwin, when she was visiting houses built after Cyclone Tracy. On a more recent visit by the royals, my husband and I attended the same St Paul’s Anglican Church Service in Canberra as the Queen and Prince Phillip.</p> <p><strong>Annette Maree</strong> - I saw the Queen when she was driven past my house in the 1960’s. She was stunning. I clearly remember her wave, her smile, and her “peaches and cream” complexion. It was one of those flashbulb moments that stays in your mind forever.</p> <p><strong>Glenda Grange</strong> - Yes in 1983 I saw Diana and Charles. They attended a royal command performance in Melbourne. I received a formal gilt edge invitation and was one person away from them. I was invited as a bush fire victim of Ash Wednesday.</p> <p><strong>Elaine Smith</strong> - I haven’t but my mum and grandpa did, in 1954 when she came to our small country town of Red Cliffs, VIC. My grandpa and mum were on a special platform with aged residents of country towns, even got to shake hands with her. I was in the crowd with my girl guide group.</p> <p><strong>Gary Johnson</strong> - 1970 when I was in first year high school we went to Perth airport to see Prince Phillip arrive. I had a school blazer on and Prince Phillip came over and asked what school I was from. If it wasn't for my mum forcing me to wear it, I wouldn't have that great memory.</p> <p><strong>Janice Yvonne Colman</strong> - Not in Australia, but in the UK when they passed by our village on way to a county close by. My brother &amp; I got the royal waves as we stood on the side of the road! We were quite thrilled as we were only 14 &amp; 12 at the time.</p> <p><strong>Jean Bryant</strong> - I saw Princess Margaret back in the 50's when she visited a British Air Force base in Germany.</p> <p><strong>Ian Hewitt</strong> - Yes! At NSW Government house in 1992. It was an honour to us to personally meet their majesties.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Domestic Travel

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Family heartbroken after school removes teen's memorial site

<p>Charlotte O'Brien, 12, sadly <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/mother-s-heartbreaking-farewell-at-bullied-daughter-s-funeral" target="_blank" rel="noopener">took her own life</a> on September 9 after experiencing relentless bullying at Santa Sabina College in Strathfield, Sydney. </p> <p>Following the young schoolgirl's tragic death, her heartbroken family set up a memorial for her on a tree near the school. Her aunt Melinda Rodgers explained it was the only way they could bid farewell to the teen. </p> <p>“It was something we wanted to do for Charlotte because we didn’t get the opportunity to say goodbye,” she told <em>Nine News</em>.</p> <p>“It was our special way of giving her something to say you mattered and we miss you.”</p> <p>The memorial was set up over the weekend, with a small plaque put in place and flowers which began piling up as others started to pay tribute to the 12-year-old. </p> <p>On Monday afternoon, the memorial site had been removed. The family first realised this when they saw Charlotte's grandfather, who had previously left flowers at the site, “wandering aimlessly up and down the street … trying to find the memorial site to lay his flowers”</p> <p>“Words cannot express how devastated we were,” Rodgers said, after finding out the memorial site had been removed. </p> <p>Paulina Skerman the principal of the school, confirmed they had removed the memorial “because of concerns that were raised about the impact this could have on young people”. </p> <p>She explained that  the school was “with Charlotte’s family to find a permanent and loving way to remember Charlotte” and promised the 12-year-old would “not be forgotten”.</p> <p>Despite the school's explanation, Charlotte's father Mat, said he was “running out of words” to describe his feelings about the situation. </p> <p>“From the school’s perspective, If I was given advice to remove those things, I wouldn’t have touched them,” he said, adding it would be a "positive step" for the school to put up a permanent memorial to his daughter. </p> <p>Her parents had previously opened up about how disappointed they were in the school for reportedly showing "no empathy" during their <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/parents-disappointed-by-principal-s-response-to-daughter-s-suicide" target="_blank" rel="noopener">20-minute meeting</a> with the principal, following Charlotte's death. </p> <p>“We arrived there and met with the principal. When I shared the feedback, she wasn’t interested in receiving that. The feedback was interrupted. It was discounted. It was disagreed with," Mat said at the time.</p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bolder;">Need to talk to someone? Don't go it alone.</span></em></p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Lifeline: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bolder;">13 11 14</span>, <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #258440; text-decoration-line: none; background-color: transparent; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out;" href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lifeline.org.au </a></em></p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; background-color: #ffffff;"><span style="color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica Neue, Arial, sans-serif, Apple Color Emoji, Segoe UI Emoji, Segoe UI Symbol, Noto Color Emoji;"><em>Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 or <a href="http://kidshelpline.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">kidshelpline.com.au</a></em></span></p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; background-color: #ffffff;"> </p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">SANE Support line and Forums: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bolder;">1800 187 263,</span> <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #258440; text-decoration-line: none; background-color: transparent; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out;" href="https://saneforums.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">saneforums.org</a></em></p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Headspace: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bolder;">1800 650 890,</span> <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #258440; text-decoration-line: none; background-color: transparent; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out;" href="https://headspace.org.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">headspace.org.au</a></em></p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Beyond Blue: <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bolder;">1300 224 635</span>, <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #258440; text-decoration-line: none; background-color: transparent; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out;" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/beyondblue.org.au" target="_blank" rel="noopener">beyondblue.org.au </a></em></p> <p> </p> <p><em>Images: news.com.au</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;source=gbs_ge_summary_r&amp;cad=0#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world.</p> <p>Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult.</p> <p>It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one.</p> <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> <p>There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being.</p> <p>Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening.</p> <p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions.</p> <p>Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&amp;rep=rep1&amp;type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>.</p> <p>They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one.</p> <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> <p>When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend.</p> <p>The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things.</p> <p>Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation.</p> <p>It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded.</p> <p>The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored.</p> <p>Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation.</p> <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> <p>In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PT200&amp;ots=6tM3fJnXr1&amp;sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery.</p> <p>It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally.</p> <p>This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Family & Pets

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"Profound grief": Baby dies during family holiday in Bali

<p>A family are in mourning after their young child died tragically while they were enjoying a holiday in Bali. </p> <p>The toddler, who has been described as a bright light who filled every room with joy, passed away in a tragic accident on October 19th. </p> <p>The boy's great aunt, Bronwyn Cox, has started a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-grace-and-brendan-cope-with-the-loss-of-their-baby-boy" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page to help the child's parents with the mounting costs of getting the baby's body back to Australia. </p> <p>She added that funds will help cover the funeral, and allow parents Grace and Brendan time to grieve without financial pressure.</p> <p>“Our dear niece Grace and her partner, Brendan, have faced the unimaginable loss of their baby boy,” Cox wrote on the fundraiser. </p> <p>“He brought immense joy and love into all our lives, and his passing has left us all in profound grief.”</p> <p>She expressed gratitude to those who have already donated, saying that their kindness “will provide much-needed relief and show Grace and Brendan they are not alone.”</p> <p>At the time of writing, the fundraiser has raised $30,000 of its $35,000 goal. </p> <p>The child’s father, Brendan, shared his heartbreak on Facebook, describing his son as a “one of a kind” child with boundless cheer and charm.</p> <p>“His cheekiness and affection were like no other … always dancing and having fun,” he wrote. </p> <p>“You were so special, my boy. Keep shining like the star you are, and keep an eye on all of us down here. We love and miss you so much.”</p> <p>The parents, who are now back in Australia, are working with the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade for assistance in getting their child home, while no further details about the fatal accident have been disclosed. </p> <p><em>Image credits: GoFundMe</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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"Unimaginable sorrow": Mother and two children drown during family outing

<p>A mother and two children have died after struggling to swim in a Sydney waterway, with tributes and donations flowing in to support the grieving father.</p> <p>Hoai Nguyen, 32, and her two children, Mitchell, seven, and Hazel, five, were enjoying a day out at Shearer Park in south-west Sydney on Sunday, when they were spotted in distress in the waters of the Georges River. </p> <p>Hoai was pulled from the river, but despite the best efforts of bystanders and paramedics, she was unable to be revived. </p> <p>Police and volunteers from the State Emergency Service launched a large search and rescue operation for the two children, with divers locating their bodies in the water hours later, metres from a jetty.</p> <p>According to <em><a href="https://www.9news.com.au/national/sydney-news-georges-river-mother-hoai-nguyen-and-children-drown-lansvale/c8601ec9-47a1-4a79-8a12-67c3ff18f3ea" target="_blank" rel="noopener">9News</a></em>, the children's father and Hoai's husband had been at work during the incident and was only alerted to the tragedy when police showed up at his house. </p> <p>A <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/hoai-mitchell-and-hazel-nguyen" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page has been set up by a family friend to support the children's father, Hoai's husband, and their one-year-old brother during the "time of unimaginable sorrow".</p> <p>"A beloved mother and her two young children tragically drowned... leaving behind a profound void in our hearts and a father and baby who is only 1 years old," the fundraiser reads.</p> <p>An investigation into how the mother and her children ended up in the water is ongoing, as NSW Police acting superintendent Luke Scott yesterday described the tragedy as "beyond words".</p> <p><em>Image credits: GoFundMe</em></p>

Caring

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Chilling vision of missing family emerges

<p>A video filmed in New Zealand's west coast is the first "credible" sighting of a father and his kids who went missing three years ago. </p> <p>Tom Phillips along with his daughter Jayda, now 11, son Maverick, 9 and daughter Ember, 8, disappeared from the New Zealand town of Marokopa in December 2021. </p> <p>There have been hundreds of sightings of Phillips reported to police since then, with many of them unverified, and the children nowhere in sight.</p> <p>But now, new footage shot on the evening of October 3, showed all four of them marching through a grass field in Marokopa, in a single file with camouflage gear and heavy backpacks.</p> <p>The video, filmed by pig hunters, was handed to police and has since prompted a large-scale search of farmland in the area this week, which unfortunately failed to locate Phillips and his children. </p> <p>In the footage, the family seemed unaware they were being filmed from afar, with one of the witnesses describing them as "equipped for the bush". </p> <p>The children's mother, Catherine, has seen the video and instantly recognised her kids. </p> <p>“I’m so happy that they’re all there," she told the <em>New Zealand Herald</em>. </p> <p>"I’m so relieved to see all three of my babies. They’re all alive."</p> <p>The pig hunters who filmed the footage recalled their short encounter with the children. </p> <p>“The children asked: ‘Who else knows we’re here?’ And then they just kept on walking. They were all packed up, they had big packs on. I think the father sort of kept them moving,” Farmer John McOviney told the New Zealand Herald.</p> <p>In another interview with radio station <em>Newstalk ZB</em>, McOviney said that Phillips was carrying a large rifle. </p> <p>NZ Police Detective Inspector Andrew Saunders has also confirmed the sighting was being treated as "credible". </p> <p>"While nothing further of significance was located, investigators will now assess information gathered to determine any next steps," he said. </p> <p>"This is the first time all three of the children have been sighted, which is positive information, and we know it will be reassuring for the children's wider family."</p> <p>While police remain tight-lipped about what their next steps are, they said : "Our focus is very much on the safe return of Jayda, Maverick and Ember to their whānau [the Maori word for family] and we are doing all that we can to make that happen.”</p> <p>Phillips and his three children first went missing on September 11, 2021, and an arrest warrant was issued for Phillips shortly after their disappearance. </p> <p>He does not have legal custody over his children is alleged to have breached a custody order by taking them. The children are believed to have had no education or contact with others since their disappearance. </p> <p>Members of the public have been warned not to approach Phillips if they spotted him, as he may be armed. </p> <p><em>Images: TVNZ/ Waikato Police</em></p>

Legal

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Breaking the silence on prostate cancer: man’s family legacy highlights importance of early detection

<p>James Murray, 55, an architect from Melbourne, always knew he was living with a genetic "time bomb." A fifth-generation prostate cancer sufferer, his family’s battle with the disease spans over 170 years. From his great-great-grandfather, who chronicled his symptoms in 1847, to his uncles and father who also faced the disease, prostate cancer has been a grim constant in his family.</p> <p>“My family has what's been called a ‘spectacular history’ with prostate cancer,” James reflects. “But that’s not the kind of thing you want to hear. My great-great-grandfather had it, though they couldn’t test for it back then. My grandfather died from it, my father got it, and both of his brothers had it as well. It’s been a constant in our family for generations.”</p> <p>James' great-great-grandfather, Robert William Felton Lathrop Murray, a soldier and the founder of the <em>Hobart Town Gazette</em>, documented his battle with the disease long before modern medicine could provide a diagnosis. Since then, generation after generation of Murrays has grappled with the same fate. </p> <p>For James, however, early detection was key. Diagnosed in February 2022, he underwent surgery just a few months later in May, removing what doctors described as an aggressive form of the disease. But his story, unlike his ancestors, had a different ending.</p> <p>“In a way, we’ve been cursed by prostate cancer," explains James. "But it’s also been a blessing because it made us all hyper-aware of the importance of early detection. My dad was incredibly diligent, and that saved his life. He made sure I was on top of my PSA testing from my mid-40s, and that’s how we caught it early for me.” </p> <p>Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) testing and early detection are now recognised as crucial, particularly for men with a family history of prostate cancer. Yet, dangerous myths surrounding prostate cancer testing continue to cost lives, warns Associate Professor Weranja Ranasinghe, Deputy Leader of the Urological Society of Australia and New Zealand’s (USANZ) GU-Oncology Special Advisory Group.</p> <p>“Many men believe that they need to have urinary symptoms to be concerned about prostate cancer,” explains Ranasinghe. “The reality is that most prostate cancers develop without any symptoms at all. Urinary symptoms are not reliable – most of these symptoms are caused by non-cancerous enlargement of the prostate but advanced cancer can also give you urinary symptoms. So it is important to get checked.”</p> <p>An even greater barrier, however, is the outdated belief that prostate cancer screening requires an invasive rectal exam. Ranasinghe stresses that this is no longer the case: “A simple PSA blood test, combined with advanced imaging like MRI, is now the standard approach. Many men are avoiding tests due to this outdated fear, but in the GP setting, a rectal exam is currently not required for detecting prostate cancer."</p> <p>With over 26,000 Australian men expected to be diagnosed with prostate cancer this year, the Urological Society of Australia and New Zealand (USANZ) is raising awareness during Prostate Cancer Awareness Month about the importance of early testing and debunking these misconceptions.</p> <p>Ranasinghe also points out that men with a strong family history should be particularly vigilant. “Men with female relatives who have had breast or ovarian cancer are also at an increased risk of prostate cancer due to the same genetic mutations. So we recommend that men with a strong family history get a PSA test at the age of 40, which is earlier than the recommended age.”</p> <p>For James Murray, the decision to undergo surgery quickly after his diagnosis proved life-saving. “When my PSA levels started rising in February 2022, I wasn’t shocked," he recalls. "I had always known this day would come. It wasn’t something I feared, but more something I was prepared for. I told myself, ‘Okay, it’s here, let’s deal with it,’ and I just focused on getting through the surgery as quickly as possible.”</p> <p>James feels fortunate compared to his uncles, whose diagnoses came much later in life, leading to more severe outcomes. His surgery went well, and he's had a quick recovery, returning to work and feeling grateful that they caught it early. That's why James is advocating for early PSA testing, particularly for men with a family history of prostate cancer. He plans to ensure his 19-year-old son is aware of the need for testing in the future.</p> <p>"We often see men wait until a friend or relative is diagnosed before thinking about getting a prostate cancer PSA test done," says Ranasinghe. "This reactive approach is dangerous. Men need to be proactive and take ownership of their prostate health and talk to their GPs about this, just like they would with cholesterol or other routine health checks."</p> <p>As prostate cancer awareness grows, James hopes his story will encourage others to get tested. It’s something no one wants to face, but the sooner you catch it, the better chance you have.</p> <p>For more information on prostate cancer screening and to find a urologist, visit the Urological Society of Australia and New Zealand (USANZ) at <a href="https://www.usanz.org.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.usanz.org.au</a>.</p> <p><em>Images: Supplied</em></p>

Caring

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Aussie family's refusal to sell family home could land them a $60m fortune

<p>An Aussie family that repeatedly said no to selling their much-loved family home to developers could land them a $60million in Australia's booming property market, but the defiant family refuses to sell. </p> <p>A year ago, the Zammit family from Quakers Hill in Sydney's north west caught worldwide attention when they refused to sell their  20,000 sqm parcel of land to developers who had purchased all the other land around them. </p> <p>The family received offers of up to $50m to sell their home to complete the new development named The Ponds, but they refused to sell. </p> <p>That didn't deter developers who are still offering the owners a massive amount of cash to sell their homes, with offers reportedly around $60m now, meaning the family have earned another $10m or 20 per cent over the past year. </p> <p>According to PropTrack home prices in Quakers Hill have risen by 8.5 per cent over the past 12 months, meaning that the Zammits would have earned at least another $4.25 million.</p> <p>The median price of a home in Quakers hill is now at $1.172m, around a decade ago it was $700,000.</p> <p>Last year, one of the property owners,  Diane Zammit, 50, told <em>news.com.au</em> that the neighbourhood used to be “farmland dotted with little red brick homes and cottages." </p> <p>“Every home was unique and there was so much space – but not any more. It’s just not the same,” she said.</p> <p>It is estimated that 50 houses could fit on the block of land if they chose to sell, but some of their neighbours reportedly don't want them to, as they like living in a cul-de-sac. </p> <p>Ray White Quakers Hill agent Taylor Bredin previously praised the family for staying put. </p> <p>“The fact that most people sold out years and years ago, these guys have held on. All credit to them," he told <em>7News</em>.</p> <p>“Depending on how far you push the development plan, you’d be able to push anywhere from 40 to 50 properties on something like this, and when subdivided, a 300 square metre block would get a million dollars.”</p> <p><em>Images: Channel 7</em></p>

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