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For some people dying alone is not such a bad thing – here’s why

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/glenys-caswell-142188">Glenys Caswell</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-nottingham-1192">University of Nottingham</a> It seems so obvious that no one should die alone that we never talk about it, but people do often die when they are alone. Sometimes they die in a way that suggests they prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives. So is it really such a bad thing to be alone when you die? When a person is dying in a hospital or a care home it is common for the nurses caring for them to summon their family. Many people will have the experience of trying to <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2190/OM.55.3.d">keep vigil beside a family member</a>. It is hard – as everyday life goes on regardless – and it can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, the relative will die when their family have gone to make a phone call or get a cup of tea, leaving the family feeling distressed and guilty for not being there when they died. There is plenty of research literature, from many countries, devoted to trying to decide <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415001578">what makes a good death</a>. There are differences to be found between countries, but similarities too. One similarity is a belief that <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S106474811600138X?via%3Dihub">no one should die alone</a>. This idea sits well with the view of dying that can be found in many different places. When interviewed as research participants, health professionals – and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904589/">nurses in particular</a> – commonly say that no one should die alone. There are also many cultural references that suggest that to die alone is a bad thing. Consider, for example, the death of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm">A Christmas Carol</a>, or the death of Nemo, the law writer in <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1023/1023-h/1023-h.htm">Bleak House</a>. These are both sad, dark, lonely deaths of a kind to be avoided. Celebrity deaths, such as those of comedian and actress <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2016/apr/20/victoria-wood-dies-aged-62-comedian">Victoria Wood</a> or <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35278872">David Bowie</a>, are described in the news as peaceful or good when they are surrounded by family. Ordinary people who die alone make the news when the person’s body is undiscovered for a long time. When this happens the death is likely to be described in <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027795360300577X?via%3Dihub">negative terms</a>, such as shocking, lonely, tragic or as a sad indictment of society. <h2>Some people prefer to be alone</h2> Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21582041.2015.1114663">evidence</a> that suggests that some people would <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615003482?via%3Dihub">prefer to be alone </a> as they are coming to the end of their lives. My own <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542">research</a> found that while hospice-at-home nurses believe that no one should die alone, they had seen cases where a person died after their family members had left the bedside. The nurses believed that some people just want to be on their own when they are dying. They also thought that people may have a measure of control over when they die, and choose to do so when their family are not around. In the same study, I also talked to older people who were living alone to find out their views about dying alone. I was intrigued to learn that dying alone was not seen as something that is automatically bad, and for some of the older people it was to be preferred. For some people in this group, dying was not the worst thing that could happen – being trapped in a care home was considered to be far worse than dying alone. Cultural representations of dying suggest that being alone while dying is a dreadful thing. This view is supported by healthcare policy and the practices of health professionals, such as nurses. But we all know people who prefer to be left alone when they are ill. Is it so surprising then that some might wish to be alone when they are dying? It is time we began to talk about this and to accept that we want different things in our dying as we do in our living. Openness created through discussion might also help to remove some of the guilt that family members feel when they miss the moment of their relative’s death.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90034/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/glenys-caswell-142188">Glenys Caswell</a>, Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-nottingham-1192">University of Nottingham</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/for-some-people-dying-alone-is-not-such-a-bad-thing-heres-why-90034">original article</a>. </div>

Caring

"You've restored my faith": Community shows up for lonely birthday boy

One dad's desperate plea has "restored" his faith after his local community showed up for his son's third birthday party. Pre-schooler William Buck and his dad Steven sat patiently on a beach in Wellington, waiting for his friends to arrive and begin the celebrations for his third birthday party. As time passed, William and his dad grew more hopeless, and they worried about the fate of the celebrations. "He kept asking where everyone was, and we were like 'they’re coming soon'," Steven Buck told <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/parenting/133203054/familys-plea-after-nobody-shows-at-3yearolds-birthday-brings-community-to-beach" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" data-i13n="cpos:2;pos:1" data-ylk="slk:Stuff;cpos:2;pos:1;elm:context_link;itc:0" data-rapid_p="9" data-v9y="1">Stuff</a>. Steven felt "guilty" that none of his son's mates had come to the party, especially given how excited his son had been for this birthday, as he had been talking about the celebration for weeks. In a last ditch effort to make William's day special, Steven turned to social media for help. Steven posted an image of the pair online and invited any locals wanting "some sun and sand" to join them. "William would love some friends to play with. He has Hot Wheels, sand toys, dinos, and we have some snacks and drinks. Any and all welcome," he wrote. Amazingly, locals responded in their thousands, wishing William a 'Happy Birthday' while many others joined the three-year-old and his parents. "Going there. See you soon," one local wrote, before arriving with her family. The partygoers arrived with bubbles and inflatables, parking themselves down on beach chairs ready to celebrate the sunny day with William. "Thank you so much everyone for the birthday wishes and support," Steven wrote online after the day. "Wellington you always restore my faith in humanity!" Image credits: Facebook

Family & Pets

Feeling lonely? Too many of us are. Here’s what our supermarkets can do to help

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/louise-grimmer-212082">Louise Grimmer</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-tasmania-888">University of Tasmania</a> Even <a href="https://endingloneliness.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Ending-Loneliness-Together-in-Australia_Nov20.pdf">before COVID-19</a>, <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/understanding-and-defining-loneliness-and-social-isolation">social isolation and loneliness</a> were all too common across the community. Living among millions of other people is no comfort for people in cities, where the pace of life is often hectic, and technology and digitisation often limit, rather than help with, social interaction. The pandemic <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-amp0001005.pdf">amplified these problems</a>. In its wake, more of us report we’re lonely. For some, a weekly shopping trip may be the only chance to interact with others. A supermarket chain in the Netherlands is helping to combat loneliness with so-called “slow” checkouts where chatting is encouraged. Could a similar approach work here? <h2>We’re getting lonelier</h2> Around a third of Australians report feeling lonely. <a href="https://lonelinessawarenessweek.com.au/download/512/">One in six</a> experience severe loneliness. According to the annual Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (<a href="https://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/hilda/publications/hilda-statistical-reports">HILDA</a>) Survey, people <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-17/social-media-work-hours-cost-of-living-rising-loneliness/102563666">aged 15 to 24</a> report the greatest increase in social isolation over the past 20 years and the highest rates of loneliness. Another <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-14/middle-aged-men-experiencing-high-level-loneliness/102563492">Australian survey</a> found men aged 35 to 49 had the highest levels of loneliness. Loneliness and social isolation are <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-17/social-media-work-hours-cost-of-living-rising-loneliness/102563666">not the same</a>. Social isolation is a matter of how often we have contact with friends, family and others, which can be measured. Loneliness is more subjective. It describes how we feel about the “quality” of our interactions with others. Technology is <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/live-long-and-prosper/202210/technology-use-loneliness-and-isolation#:%7E:text=Technology%20compulsion%20might%20lead%20to,disconnection%20and%20reduce%20well%2Dbeing.">contributing</a> to <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-17/social-media-work-hours-cost-of-living-rising-loneliness/102563666">high rates of loneliness</a>. Instead of meaningful face-to-face interactions, many of us now rely on social media, phone apps and video calls to socialise. We’re also working longer hours, often at home. And due to the cost of living, many of us are choosing to stay home and save money, rather than eat out or go to “the local”. It isn’t only in Australia where this is happening. In the UK, around <a href="https://www.lonelinessawarenessweek.org/statistics">3.9 million older people</a> say television is their main company. Half a million may go five or six days a week without seeing anyone. The World Health Organisation <a href="https://www.who.int/teams/social-determinants-of-health/demographic-change-and-healthy-ageing/social-isolation-and-loneliness">recognises</a> loneliness and social isolation as public health issues and priorities for policymakers. These issues seriously affect people’s mental and physical health as well as longevity. The impacts are comparable with other <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-023-15967-3">risk factors</a> such as smoking, alcohol consumption, obesity and not being physically active. <h2>Could slow, ‘chatty’ checkouts be part of the solution?</h2> For many, a visit to the supermarket may be the only time they interact with others. Sadly, increased use of technology, including self-serve checkouts, and cashiers tasked with speedily processing customers can make it challenging to have a conversation. <iframe title="The FASTEST checkout cashier ever😮 TikTok: rogerlopez7511" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TpALSOvw4LU" width="100%" height="750" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe> Four years ago, the Netherlands’ second-largest supermarket chain, <a href="https://jumbo.com">Jumbo</a>, introduced Kletskassa or “chat checkout”. It’s for shoppers who want to chat and aren’t in a hurry. Recognising loneliness was an issue for many, the idea was to increase social interaction between customers and staff by slowing things down and encouraging conversation. Jumbo’s chief commercial officer, Colette Cloosterman-van Eerd, <a href="https://www.dutchnews.nl/2021/09/jumbo-opens-chat-checkouts-to-combat-loneliness-among-the-elderly/">explained</a>: <blockquote> Many people, especially the elderly, sometimes feel lonely. As a family business and supermarket chain, we are at the heart of society. Our shops are an important meeting place for many people, and we want to play a role in identifying and reducing loneliness. </blockquote> The first Kletskassa, in Vlijmen in Brabant, was so successful the family-owned company started rolling out slow checkouts in <a href="https://www.dutchnews.nl/2021/09/jumbo-opens-chat-checkouts-to-combat-loneliness-among-the-elderly/">200 of its stores</a>. Not only were customers responding positively, the concept also appealed to Jumbo’s employees. They are trained to recognise signs of loneliness and come up with local initiatives to combat social isolation. Cloosterman-Van Eerd said: <blockquote> We are proud our staff want to work the chat checkout. They really want to help people and make contact with them. It’s a small gesture but it’s a valuable one, particularly in a world that is becoming more digital and faster. </blockquote> The original focus of Jumbo’s initiative was older shoppers. However, the trial showed people of all ages were keen to use the Kletskassa. The desire for human interaction didn’t change across age groups. So, these “chatty” checkouts are open to anyone who will benefit from social connection. Some Jumbo stores also have an <a href="https://www.brightvibes.com/dutch-supermarket-introduces-a-unique-chat-checkout-to-help-fight-loneliness/">All Together Coffee Corner</a>, where locals can enjoy a coffee and chat with neighbours and volunteers who also <a href="https://scoop.upworthy.com/dutch-supermarket-introduces-a-unique-slow-checkout-lane-to-help-fight-loneliness-595693-595693">help out</a> with shopping and gardening. The Netherlands’ government is partnering a range of organisations, local government and companies to come up with solutions to combat loneliness across the country. Some 50% of the 1.3 million people over 75 report they regularly feel lonely. Jumbo’s initiatives are part of the Health Ministry’s <a href="https://www.globalwellnesssummit.com/blog/governments-ramp-up-the-war-on-loneliness/">One Against Loneliness</a> campaign. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/11SY0wG6Zc8?wmode=transparent&start=10" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Jumbo supermarket’s innovation of slow chat checkouts has been extended to 200 of its stores.</figcaption></figure> <h2>Supermarkets as ‘third places’ to combat loneliness</h2> In the 1980s, sociologist Ray Oldenberg coined the term <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF00986754">“third place”</a> – a place that’s not home (the “first place”) and not work (the “second place”). Third places are familiar public spaces where people can connect over a shared interest or activity. Libraries, coffee shops, book stores, community gardens, churches, gyms and clubs are examples of third places. They all provide the opportunity for close proximity, interaction and often serendipitous conversations with other people we might not usually meet. Kletkassa have helped thousands of people, of all ages and backgrounds, by providing a few minutes of kindness and conversation. Imagine what could be achieved if our supermarkets offered their own version of the “slow checkout” for anyone who’s in need of a chat to brighten their day. The first chain to introduce this sort of initiative in Australia would have a solid advantage over competitors through differentiation and prioritising customers. At the same time, it would make a small but meaningful contribution to improving social wellbeing. Challenge extended!<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211126/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/louise-grimmer-212082">Louise Grimmer</a>, Senior Lecturer in Retail Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-tasmania-888">University of Tasmania</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/feeling-lonely-too-many-of-us-are-heres-what-our-supermarkets-can-do-to-help-211126">original article</a>.

Caring

‘We lose ourselves’: carers talk about the lonely, stressful work of looking after loved ones

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/fleur-sharafizad-1138251">Fleur Sharafizad</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/esme-franken-947855">Esme Franken</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/uma-jogulu-1278812">Uma Jogulu</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> An informal personal carer is someone who looks after a family member, neighbour or friend in need of care due to disability, illness or age. In Australia, there are approximately 2.8 million informal personal carers, including 906,000 who are primary carers. Projections suggest the national demand for carers will <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/FINAL-Value-of-Informal-Care-22-May-2020_No-CIC.pdf">rise 23% by 2030</a>. Around one in ten Australians are informal carers: <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/informal-carers">most of these unpaid</a>. This group of people support one of society’s most foundational needs and our economy would struggle without them. Yet, little is understood about their experiences. <a href="https://bristoluniversitypressdigital.com/view/journals/ijcc/aop/article-10.1332-239788223X16789866214981/article-10.1332-239788223X16789866214981.xml">Our recent research</a> reveals how this group of carers lack necessary support for their own wellbeing. <h2>Our research</h2> We interviewed 36 informal personal primary carers living across Western Australia and Queensland. Respondents were aged between 34 and 69 years, and had all been the primary carer for a child, parent, partner, or in-law, for between two and 21 years. Data was collected in two waves: one in 2020 and the other in 2021. Respondents were recruited with the help of an Australian carers’ organisation. <h2>‘I’d rather it be someone else’s problem’</h2> Many of the carers we spoke to said they were not caring by choice, but by necessity. They said they feel both unseen and undervalued. A husband who had been caring for his wife who suffers from Alzheimer’s said: "I would rather work. I really don’t like being a carer. I’d rather it be someone else’s problem. Being a carer, you just get forgotten." Carers generally provide care around-the-clock, yet their compensations (such as <a href="https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/carer-payment">carer payments</a>) are far from equivalent to full-time pay. The carer payment, for example, equates to only <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/programs-projects/caring-costs-us/">28% of weekly ordinary time earnings</a> in Australia, and carers can expect to lose <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/carers-are-17700-worse-off-every-year-in-superannuation-payments/#:%7E:text=Caring%20Costs%20Us%3A%20The%20economic%20impact%20on%20lifetime,every%20year%20they%20are%20in%20that%20caring%20role.">approximately $17,700 in superannuation</a> every year they provide care. Few of <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/FINAL-Carers-Australia-2023-24-Jan-2023-Budget-Submission.pdf">Carers Australia’s pre-budget submission items</a> to benefit carers were adopted in the most recent federal budget. Instead, the budget contained items which may indirectly benefit carers through <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/2023-24-Budget-What-it-means-for-carers.pdf">increased support for the cared-for</a>. But these measures do not explicitly recognise and support carers’ wellbeing. Similarly, the recent draft of the <a href="https://www.pmc.gov.au/resources/draft-national-strategy-care-and-support-economy">National Strategy for the Care and Support Economy</a> recognises the contribution informal carers make to Australia’s economy but focuses on paid care and support. Our interviewees spoke about the personal costs of their work, and the stress and loneliness they experience. They shared feelings of being taken for granted as if their role was not work, let alone difficult work. One mum caring for her disabled son shared: "I just want people to see that, [a] carer doesn’t have any leave, paid leave, or recognition. People just think that’s your loved one, that’s your job. But I do want people to understand that I did not choose to be a carer as my career, but I will do it because it is important." This played into a feeling of people losing their sense of self, because caring work was so demanding and time consuming. A mother who had been caring for her daughter for 17 years after she had been involved in an accident said, "People don’t realise how much we put our life on hold to support the people that need that emotional and mental and physical and spiritual support. We put ourselves in the back shed while we’re supporting them, so we lose ourselves." <h2>A mental toll</h2> Many spoke of how they once had individual goals and ambitions, which they now considered unachievable. All of our interviewees had quit jobs and halted careers to take on personal care full-time. One mother caring for her ill child said: "I think if I had a crystal ball, I don’t know that I would perhaps have become a parent, I think I would have just stuck to my corporate life and had a cat and be done with it." The mental health toll experienced by carers in our study was clear throughout all interviews. A mother looking after her child with mental health challenges expressed: "Every carer has mental health impacts from being a carer. They won’t say it’s depression or anxiety, but it’s mental health because when the hierarchy of needs is not being met for you, you can’t provide them for somebody else." As one interviewee explained, the demanding nature of the work had left them exhausted and as though they “can’t do it”. Our interviewees spoke of “falling apart” under the strain of constantly caring for high-needs people in their households. One mother who cared for her children who were both on the autism spectrum recalled: "How many times, if I don’t go to the bathroom and have a shower to cool down myself, I could kill the kids and myself easily. That’s how bad. We are not ever in the category to get help." <h2>Feeling abandoned</h2> Because so much of their work happens in pre-existing relationships and behind closed doors, carers talked about not just feeling unseen but abandoned. A common theme across all interviews was how carers felt abandoned by institutions, health professionals and, in many cases, friends and family members. One husband who had cared for his wife for close to 20 years said: "The government doesn’t even care about the carers […] we’re not really getting anything and then they’re trying to take the crumbs off us." Carers do not have psychological, institutional or social support for themselves as individuals, separate from their role. But these support pillars are necessary so the entire responsibility of care does not fall solely on informal carers. <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/FINAL-Carers-Australia-2023-24-Jan-2023-Budget-Submission.pdf">Carer-inclusive activities</a> could be a good start. But policy should also be responsive to the unique and unmet needs of carers. These relate to the lack of personal and professional development, feelings of abandonment and social isolation. With an ageing population, a pandemic, and an emerging crisis over the quality of care for older Australians and people with disabilities, the role of informal carers has become increasingly important. The truth is that most of us will likely, at some point, undertake care work or be the person being cared for. Better formalised support for carers will ultimately improve the care for the most vulnerable among us and society as a whole. If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call <a href="http://lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline</a> on 13 11 14. <a href="https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/about-us/what-we-do/">Carers Australia</a> also offers advice and support.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/206409/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/fleur-sharafizad-1138251">Fleur Sharafizad</a>, Lecturer in Management, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/esme-franken-947855">Esme Franken</a>, Lecturer in Management, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/uma-jogulu-1278812">Uma Jogulu</a>, Senior Lecturer, School of Business and Law, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/we-lose-ourselves-carers-talk-about-the-lonely-stressful-work-of-looking-after-loved-ones-206409">original article</a>.

Caring

Sydney train passengers ask important question

Sydney’s rail system is in a bit of a shamble with strikes and free rides which are then cancelled within days. But now, Sydneysiders are debating something that quite probably requires some attention. A newcomer to the city took to Reddit and shared a photo of the lonely seat on the trains and questioned whether it is okay to ask someone to sit right across from them. “Recently moved to Sydney and find this a lot where people are standing in the metro, and then there are people who keep bags on the empty seats and show no eagerness to move the bags so someone can sit! I find it disrespectful and frustrating. Is this normal?” the person asked. Many people responded saying there is no problem in asking the person to remove their items from the seat. “Normal to do it, but also normal to ask for them to move it and normal for them to have no problem moving it,” one person said. “People sometimes need a little push to be polite. Like a child that forgets to say thank you. ‘Hey mate, is it cool if I sit here?’ Very rarely will you get a no,” wrote another. “People here are not disrespectful; they are just a bit careless,” someone else pointed out. However, others questioned why anyone would sit “knee-to-knee” with a stranger and it is best to ride out the trip either standing or sitting elsewhere. “To be fair, that specific seat on the city rail trains is an honest no-go. No one sits there if someone is sitting across,” someone commented. “Nah, there is no way you expect to sit in that seat. You want to play footsies with a stranger?” another wrote. “It’s gotten worse because of Covid; people think taking more space is more acceptable now,” another pointed out. “The rules kind of changed with Covid too. Most won’t go for this seat or the middle of three anymore, so the bag thing became a bit more normal,” said another. Image: Reddit/Shutterstock

Travel Trouble

Perfect home for the ultimate introvert

<span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The perfect home for an introvert has hit the market for just $US339,000. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Located in Wohoa Bay in Washington County, Maine, the tiny one-bedroom shack sitting on Duck Ledges Island boasts stunning views of the Atlantic Ocean from every direction.The lucky homeowner will have absolutely zero issues with neighbours (unless you count the local sea creatures) and has been dubbed the “world's loneliest home”. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One potential issue – although certainly not a deal-breaker – is that the bathroom is not actually located inside the cabin but is in fact situated a bit further from the main estate. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Despite its diminutive size, the wooden cabin is actually a two-storey abode, with the living, kitchen and dining room all on the first level. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bedroom is situated at the top which is accessed by a ladder, and has two beds, in the event you may have a guest. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Duck Ledges Island, offered in its entirety. There is no better place to spend the weekend in the world!” the listing read. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The ledges surrounding the island are loaded with seals for constant entertainment. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“As it has no trees, it offers views of nature that you can't find anywhere else. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The cottage is well constructed and just a few feet from sand beaches on both sides. <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Good anchorage and good landing points at any tide. Mooring included adjacent to the island and just a short boat ride from Jonesport public marina or Addison facility.” <span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Images: Coldwell Banker Realty

Real Estate

Ben Fordham opens up on “lonely pandemic deaths”

Ben Fordham has <a href="https://honey.nine.com.au/latest/ben-fordham-breaks-down-on-air-over-death-of-dad/3b341047-c609-4dee-a2cb-63fceedf6c7a" target="_blank" rel="noopener">opened up</a> about the death of his dad during a segment discussing recent lonely pandemic deaths in aged care.Over the past week, much of Ben Fordham Live on Sydney’s 2GB has been dedicated to calls from Australians who weren’t allowed to be with their parents when they died due to Covid restrictions.Following a heated argument with NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard, Ben broke down at the thought of his late dad dying alone.“I’m thankful that he will take up the case of Callie who wants to see her dad Brian, but the message there is you’ve got to ring 2GB to get action,” Ben said, lamenting the countless calls, emails and messages his show has received from distraught people with parents in aged care.“Why should she have to ring on our radio station for the minister to then get involved when he’s supposed to be in the middle of managing this thing on behalf of the state and millions of people who’ve been in trouble and he’s got to get down to the nitty gritty of sorting the case of Brian and Dorothy and Callie,” he continued.“Shouldn’t this be the standard response, and I think back to when my dad passed away,” he said. “My brother was there with him.“And we can’t imagine what it would be like if that didn’t happen,” he continued, fighting back tears.“And I do feel for all of these families who are going through it at the moment because it is the worst to be put in that situation.”Ben then thanked everyone who reached out for help, emphasising that it was a sign that something was wrong.“Thanks to everyone who has reached out, all those cases and look, we will continue to raise it but I’m telling you, this is not the way to do business,” he said.“I mean it’s fantastic that people ring 2GB and we’re able to help, but shouldn’t this happen anyway?“Two years in [to the pandemic] and if we can’t get it right after two years, we’re stuffed,” he said.“People dying alone. Absolutely disgraceful.”Ben’s father John Fordham passed away on November 10, 2019, after battling throat cancer for three years.<blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF;border: 0;border-radius: 3px;margin: 1px;max-width: 540px;min-width: 326px;padding: 0;width: calc(100% - 2px)" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4sqb-0FVfT/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"><div style="padding: 16px"><div style="flex-direction: row;align-items: center"><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 50%;flex-grow: 0;height: 40px;margin-right: 14px;width: 40px"> </div><div style="flex-direction: column;flex-grow: 1;justify-content: center"><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 4px;flex-grow: 0;height: 14px;margin-bottom: 6px;width: 100px"> </div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 4px;flex-grow: 0;height: 14px;width: 60px"> </div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0"> </div><div style="height: 50px;margin: 0 auto 12px;width: 50px"> </div><div style="padding-top: 8px"><div style="color: #3897f0;font-family: Arial,sans-serif;font-size: 14px;font-style: normal;font-weight: 550;line-height: 18px">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0"> </div><div style="flex-direction: row;margin-bottom: 14px;align-items: center"><div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 50%;height: 12.5px;width: 12.5px"> </div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;height: 12.5px;width: 12.5px;flex-grow: 0;margin-right: 14px;margin-left: 2px"> </div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 50%;height: 12.5px;width: 12.5px"> </div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px"><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 50%;flex-grow: 0;height: 20px;width: 20px"> </div><div style="width: 0;height: 0;border-top: 2px solid transparent;border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4;border-bottom: 2px solid transparent"> </div></div><div style="margin-left: auto"><div style="width: 0px;border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4;border-right: 8px solid transparent"> </div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;flex-grow: 0;height: 12px;width: 16px"> </div><div style="width: 0;height: 0;border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4;border-left: 8px solid transparent"> </div></div></div><div style="flex-direction: column;flex-grow: 1;justify-content: center;margin-bottom: 24px"><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 4px;flex-grow: 0;height: 14px;margin-bottom: 6px;width: 224px"> </div><div style="background-color: #f4f4f4;border-radius: 4px;flex-grow: 0;height: 14px;width: 144px"> </div></div><a style="color: #c9c8cd;font-family: Arial,sans-serif;font-size: 14px;font-style: normal;font-weight: normal;line-height: 17px;text-decoration: none" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4sqb-0FVfT/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Ben Fordham (@benfordham9)</a></div></blockquote>At the time, Ben shared the news on his Instagram account and said it was the “most peaceful goodbye”.“We were all there with him and feel blessed. What a bloke.”Ben’s focus on families barred from being with dying loved ones in aged care comes as the industry faces growing cases of COVID-19 in facilities across the country and increased <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/dying-alone-royal-commission-highlights-aged-care-crisis?fbclid=IwAR0gTl0sWlf6iJ-36dPlP4cGIiWPa1-1ADZMeakGWPADQW3weWI8FeJznR0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pressure</a> from understaffing and concerns surrounding pay and the level of care residents are receiving.Image: @benfordham9 (Instagram)

News

The brain knows when we’re feeling lonely

<div>Loneliness isn’t just a feeling; it appears to deeply affect our brain networks. When nobody is around, our imagination might fill the void. Researchers led by Nathan Spreng from Canada’s McGill University have found that lonely brains have a distinct wiring of neural networks that form a “signature” of loneliness.This signature is strongest in the brain regions linked to remembering and imagining – called the default network – and this suggests that loneliness makes us reminisce and imagine happy times or loved ones more, to ease the social void.Loneliness is estimated to affect up to 20% of adults, and is closely related to hypertension, immune dysfunction and even early death. It is also a major risk in older people, as it can lead to cognitive decline and dementia for currently unknown reasons.“We are just beginning to understand the impact of loneliness on the brain. Expanding our knowledge in this area will help us to better appreciate the urgency of reducing loneliness in today’s society,” says Danilo Bzdok, co-author of a <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-20039-w" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">paper</a> in Nature Communications.The team used machine learning to compare genetics and MRI scans of the brains of 40,00 middle-aged adults with self-assessed loneliness. They found that the self-proclaimed lonely brain activity centred around the brain regions that focused on future planning, imagining, reminiscing and thinking about other people.The nerve fibres that carry signals to the hippocampus during this processing were better preserved in lonely people.Potentially, this happens because lonely people must rely on memories and imagination instead of social interaction to fill their social needs, so the imagination part of the brain gets more of a workout. “In the absence of desired social experiences, lonely individuals may be biased towards internally-directed thoughts such as reminiscing or imagining social experiences. We know these cognitive abilities are mediated by the default network brain regions,” says Spreng.“So this heightened focus on self-reflection, and possibly imagined social experiences, would naturally engage the memory-based functions of the default network.”Interestingly, there was also a small difference between men and women. They found that men had a more prominent association between brain structure and loneliness, so there may be slight variation between sexes.However, they also note that this might be due to social stigma against men reporting loneliness and urge further research.Image credits: Getty Images</div><div id="contributors">This article was originally published on <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/the-brain-knows-when-were-feeling-lonely/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Deborah Devis. </div>

Mind

How the Oscars finally made it less lonely for women at the top of their game

This year, with the nomination of both Chloé Zhao and Emerald Fennell in the Academy Awards’ Best Director category — and their films in Best Picture — it seems at last the Oscars powerbrokers have learned to count, putting more than one woman in the category for the first time. Women have been nominated for awards in the past, but it’s been lonely at the top. When Lina Wertmuller was nominated for Seven Beauties in 1977, her co-nominees were all male; fast forward to Kathryn Bigelow 33 years later when she became the first and only woman to win Best Director, and the same rules applied. Women, it seems, take up such space in the cultural psyche, perhaps two can’t fit. This affects the field in two ways. On the one hand, as we’ve seen with Bigelow and the Oscars, and Jane Campion as the only woman ever to win the Palme d’Or at Cannes (in 1993 for The Piano), being the singular nominee of your gender, makes these women “exceptional” and “iconoclastic”. They are mould smashers and rule breakers whose talent appears to strike out of nowhere and is singularly responsible for their individual success. While there is no disputing the “talent” part, the blinding light generated by Bigelow or Campion on these occasions hides the tall barriers women face in the resource-intensive world of commercial filmmaking. When viewed as singular successes, Campion and Bigelow are subjects of excellence and objects of isolation. Now two women have received Oscars nods for directing in the award’s 93rd year, and it’s noteworthy — both in terms of behind-the-scenes factors and the films they’ve created: Nomadland and Promising Young Woman. Changing the rules Several factors have been credited for diversification of the Oscars and other award events this year, including subtle shifts in membership and eligibility criteria to unfold over the next few years and the holding off of some larger budget productions due to pandemic cinema closures. The contribution of big streamers like Netflix is also a matter of debate. The needle-moving role of each of these factors may not be known for a little while; after all, some changes aren’t due to bear fruit until 2025 or later. Regardless of the cause, there is no doubt this year the door has opened to more nominations for women and people of colour across all categories in all major ceremonies (the BAFTAs, Golden Globes, and Oscars). A number of things unite the female-helmed Best Picture and Best Director nominees this year: both Nomandland and Promising Young Woman centre their stories around a female protagonist; both are low-budget, independent films, with flashes of innovation in cinematic style. Both are about the dashing of dreams, due (in Nomadland) to the economic collapse experienced by itinerant workers in Trump’s America, or (in Promising Young Woman) to the scourge of sexual violence against women and the persistently unfair rules that privilege young male professionals over their female counterparts. Films that speak to their times Along with a third female-directed film many believe should have been nominated — Kitty Green’s remarkable The Assistant — all these movies are uncannily topical. Green’s film depicts, in micro-detail, the demoralising experiences of a young female entertainment industry worker under a boss seemingly based on sexual predator Harvey Weinstein. The Amazon warehouse work that Nomadland protagonist Fern must resort to anticipates the unionising struggles of real-life Amazon workers in current-day Alabama. The sexual assault at the centre of Fennell’s movie, that takes place at a medical school party, could just as easily have come to pass among students at esteemed Australian schools and universities or, indeed, in the corridors of political and industrial power. Meticulously depicting disenfranchisement and gendered violence from the inside, these female-led films make a pitch for group solidarity. In Nomadland, the occasional visits Fern enjoys with fellow nomads bring welcome, though temporary, solace. In Promising Young Woman, Carrie’s difficulty with processing the rape and subsequent death of her best friend Nina, the eponymous woman of the film’s title, are compounded by the fact Carrie is isolated and, audiences are repeatedly told, “has no friends”. The film’s opening shots of masses of men’s bodies (gyrating on the dance floor) contrast sharply with the subsequent framing of Carrie on her own and vulnerable. In the logic of this movie, boys go out in groups and girls do not. This is considered a bad thing, whether you’re a student in med school or law school or, perhaps until now, a film director. There is no doubt Promising Young Woman contains a message for men. In the post-#MeToo era, phrases like “educate your sons” remind us that women’s safety is men’s responsibility and has nothing to do with women’s dress or behaviour. But the film has further insight to offer: women are stronger when we’re together. This year’s Oscars will give women at the top of their filmmaking game their first chance to live that message. Written by Julia Erhart. This article first appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-the-oscars-finally-made-it-less-lonely-for-women-at-the-top-of-their-game-157240">The Conversation</a>.

Movies

Lonely great-grandmother tells family she “wants to die” after 8 months in isolation

A lonely great-grandmother has broken her family’s heart when she admitted she “just wants to die” after spending eight months isolated in a care home during the pandemic. Relatives told reporters that their beloved, sweet grandma Doreen Tilly was “full of life” when she celebrated her 100th birthday at the beginning of the coronavirus lockdown. However, after months away from loved ones, the great-grandmother, who lives in a home in Scotland, has made a heartbreaking admission that she doesn’t want to live any longer. Doreen’s family told the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/i-just-want-die-scots-22975283" target="_blank">Daily Record</a> they are “devastated” at her deterioration since March. Sonia Dixon, 37, said: “The difference in my nan is just devastating to see. “Before, she was full of life and thrived on regular visits from her family. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7838720/grandmother-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d13c7c14295b478aa8a9e0a42c7e0a2d" /> “While she has outlived her own two children, she has eight grandchildren, 16 great-grandchildren and eight great-great-grandchildren, almost all of whom live in the area.” The UK Government has said it will review its approach to visiting people in care homes when England’s second national lockdown comes to an end. However Sonia said the government’s response is not enough and the enforced separation has been too much for her great-grandmother. “I can’t bear for this to go on any longer,” she said. “I’m watching her fade away with the loneliness – she has told me she just wants to die during the outdoor visits that I have been allowed. “She has become really down and has been prescribed antidepressants for the first time in her life at 100 years old. “People in care homes should have legal rights to see their families properly and I’d support any move to make it happen.” <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7838721/grandmother.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/8863d05dee5e436597ad83512f970636" /> Retired pub manager Doreen is a resident at care firm HC-One’s Woodside Court Care Home in Fife. Sonia, a mum-of-one, said the family was offered “very limited indoor visits” for one person – or more outdoor visits for additional people. “In the end, we had to go with the outdoor socially distanced visits so Nan could see all of her family,” she said. “For someone who is 100, surely it should be up to them how much they see family members. “The home say they are just following the rules but, between them and the Scottish Government, they need to get this sorted out.” Doreen’s plea to reunite with her family follows just weeks after another Fife care home resident, 104-year-old Mary Fowler, was recorded begging to see loved ones again. Mary, who lives in the Balfarg Care Home, has only seen her children briefly through a window since March. In her message, she said: “It’s cutting me to bits. “I must see my kids, because time is getting on for me. “I must see my children and make things like they used to be. “Please help me. Help me. Please, please help.” In October, Scotland relaxed the rules of visiting residents. Indoor visits are no longer limited to 30 minutes and can instead last up to four hours. Visitors were also allowed to hold hands with residents as long as they followed COVID rules. Six visitors from two households, including children, were able to attend outdoor visits which can last up to one hour. However, new five-tier rules came into force in Scotland last Monday. Where Doreen lives, residents aren’t allowed to meet anyone who isn’t in their household indoors inside a home. Bosses at care company HC-One said: “Our caring colleagues know every resident in our homes and many relatives. “They understand how important visiting is and how difficult it is for all those who have missed out on precious moments over recent months. “While this is a challenging time for everyone, we must all work together to protect residents. “With safety at the forefront of everything we do, a very difficult balancing act needs to be achieved which considers the health and wellbeing of all residents and the threat of coronavirus.”

Caring

Captain Sir Tom Moore makes a pledge to “help the lonely”

Captain Sir Tom Moore has launched a new campaign to get people walking to help support those who feel “lonely and frightened” during lockdown. The veteran helped raise £33m for the NHS by walking 100 laps of his Bedfordshire garden before his 100th birthday. His efforts were rewarded by the Queen who knighted him, and he has also released an autobiography which is reportedly set to become a film. Capt Sir Tom said: "We are in a difficult situation but we'll get through it if we all join together." The challenge encourages people to log their walking on social media using the hashtag #WalkWithTom over the next week. He hopes to raise money for his foundation, which aims to combat loneliness and support those facing bereavement. The 100-year-old, who was born in Keighley, West Yorkshire, said he has "always been optimistic things will improve". He said the second England-wide lockdown would be difficult but "we will get through it". Capt Sir Tom said: "We've got to consider that during this next coming period there are going to be a lot of unhappy people who are lonely and frightened and we need to go out and help those people. "That's why we've got the Captain Tom Foundation." The initiative works with four charities, the mental health charity Mind, The Royal British Legion, Helen and Douglas House children’s hospice in Oxfordshire and Willen Hospice in Milton Keynes. Capt Sir Tom's daughter Hannah Ingram-Moore said the family had been "given an incredible gift of a voice and platform to do powerfully positive things with". She said they wanted to "remind people that we are British and we can get through this". "We would like everyone to walk together with Tom so we can help support those who are lonely," she added.

Caring

Social media might make us lonely, but it depends on how you use it

Humans are <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/471264/iot-number-of-connected-devices-worldwide/">more connected to each other than ever</a>, thanks to smartphones, the web and social media. At the same time, loneliness is a huge and growing social problem. Why is this so? Research shows social media use alone can’t cure loneliness – but it can be a tool to build and strengthen our genuine connections with others, which are important for a happy life. To understand why this is the case, we need to understand more about loneliness, its harmful impact, and what this has to do with social media. The scale of loneliness There is great concern about <a href="https://www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/letter/articles/vh-letter-47-loneliness">a loneliness epidemic</a> in Australia. In the 2018 Australian Loneliness Report, more than one-quarter of survey participants <a href="https://psychweek.org.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Psychology-Week-2018-Australian-Loneliness-Report.pdf">reported feeling lonely</a> three or more days a week. Studies have linked loneliness to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25910392">early mortality</a>, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21044327">increased cardio-vascular disease</a>, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8930743_Popularity_Friendship_Quantity_and_Friendship_Quality_Interactive_Influences_on_Children's_Loneliness_and_Depression">poor mental health and depression</a>, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0044118X03261435">suicide</a>, and increased <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31119308">social and health care costs</a>. But how does this relate to social media? More and more Australians are becoming physically isolated. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1440783316674358?journalCode=josb">My previous research</a> demonstrated that face-to-face contact in Australia is declining, and this is accompanied by <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1440783316674358?journalCode=josb">a rise in technology-enabled communication</a>. Enter social media, which for many is serving as a replacement for physical connection. Social media influences nearly all relationships now. Navigating the physical/digital interface While there is evidence of more loneliness among heavy social media users, there is also evidence suggesting <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617713052">social media use decreases loneliness among highly social people</a>. How do we explain such apparent contradictions, wherein both the most and least lonely people are heavy social media users? Research <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617713052">reveals</a> social media is most effective in tackling loneliness when it is used to enhance existing relationships, or forge new meaningful connections. On the other hand, it is counterproductive if used as a substitute for real-life social interaction. Thus, it is not social media itself, but the way we integrate it into our existing lives which impacts loneliness. I wandered lonely in the cloud While social media’s implications for loneliness can be positive, they can also be contradictory. Tech-industry enthusiasts highlight social media’s benefits, such as how it offers easy, algorithimically-enhanced connection to anyone, anywhere in the world, at any time. But this argument often ignores the quality of these connections. Psychologist Robert Weiss makes a distinction between <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books/about/Loneliness_the_Experience_of_Emotional_a.html?id=KuibQgAACAAJ&redir_esc=y">“social loneliness”</a> – a lack of contact with others – and <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books/about/Loneliness_the_Experience_of_Emotional_a.html?id=KuibQgAACAAJ&redir_esc=y">“emotional loneliness”</a>, which can persist regardless of how many “connections” you have, especially if they do not provide support, affirm identity and create feelings of belonging. Without close, physical connections, shallow virtual friendships can do little to alleviate emotional loneliness. And there is reason to think many online connections are just that. Evidence from past literature has <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617713052">associated heavy social media use with increased loneliness</a>. This may be because online spaces are often oriented to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563219303073">performance, status, exaggerating favourable qualities</a> (such as by posting only “happy” content and likes), and frowning on expressions of loneliness. On the other hand, social media plays a vital role in helping us stay connected with friends over long distances, and organise catch-ups. Video conferencing can facilitate “meetings” when physically meeting is impractical. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram can be used to engage with new people who may turn into real friends later on. Similarly, sites like <a href="https://www.meetup.com/">Meetup</a> can help us find local groups of people whose interests and activities align with our own. And while face-to-face contact remains the best way to help reduce loneliness, help can sometimes be found through online support groups. Why so lonely? There are several likely reasons for our great physical disconnection and loneliness. We’ve replaced the 20th century idea of stable, permanent careers spanning decades with flexible employment and gig work. This prompts regular relocation for work, which results in disconnection from <a href="http://rpatulny.com/2017/04/06/flexible-work-and-gender-inequities-in-work-and-care-lets-fix-the-incentives/">family and friends</a>. The way we build <a href="http://rpatulny.com/2017/04/20/the-mcmansion-the-small-idea-with-the-big-cost/">McMansions</a> (large, multi-room houses) and <a href="http://rpatulny.com/2017/05/05/australias-east-coast-exopolis-the-post-sustainable-sprawl/">sprawl our suburbs</a> is often antisocial, with little thought given to developing <a href="http://rpatulny.com/2017/05/27/utopia-can-we-plan-future-cities-for-tomorrows-families/">vibrant, walkable social centres</a>. Single-person households are <a href="https://mspgh.unimelb.edu.au/ageing-industry-network/newsletter-issue-12-may-2019/the-challenge-of-social-isolation-and-loneliness">expected to increase</a> from about 2.1 million in 2011 to almost 3.4 million in 2036. All of the above means the way we manage loneliness is changing. <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Emotions-in-Late-Modernity-1st-Edition/Patulny-Bellocchi-Olson-Khorana-McKenzie-Peterie/p/book/9780815354321">In our book</a>, my co-authors and I argue people manage their feelings differently than in the past. Living far from friends and family, isolated individuals often deal with negative emotions alone, through therapy, or through connecting online with whoever may be available. Social media use is pervasive, so the least we can do is bend it in a way that facilitates our real-life need to belong. It is a tool that should work for us, not the other way around. Perhaps, once we achieve this, we can expect to live in a world that is a bit less lonely.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/128468/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/roger-patulny-94836">Roger Patulny</a>, Associate Professor of Sociology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-wollongong-711">University of Wollongong</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/does-social-media-make-us-more-or-less-lonely-depends-on-how-you-use-it-128468">original article</a>.

Technology

The life and lonely death of one of Australia's greatest pianists

How could one of the best pianists Australia has ever produced die lonely, neglected and impoverished in a dilapidated house in suburban Melbourne? The Eulogy, a documentary written and directed by <a href="https://www.screenaustralia.gov.au/the-screen-guide/t/the-eulogy-2018/31056">Janine Hosking</a> examines the life, career and tragic death of Australian concert pianist Geoffrey Tozer, who passed away aged 54 from liver disease. The film begins with Paul Keating reading the now-infamous <a href="http://www.keating.org.au/shop/item/eulogy-for-geoffrey-tozer---1-october-2009">eulogy</a> he delivered at Tozer’s memorial almost exactly a decade ago. The speech, which starts out as a celebration of the pianist’s life and achievements, culminates in an attack on Australia’s cultural establishment. Keating speaks of the arts in Australia as riven with “bitchiness and preference” and “inverted snobbery”. He accuses the Melbourne and Sydney Symphony Orchestras of treating Tozer with “indifference and contempt” and suggests the people “who had charge in the selection of artists during this period should hang their heads in shame” The late conductor and music educator <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/australian-conductor-richard-gill-dies-at-76-20181028-p50cg4.html">Richard Gill</a> (who never saw Tozer perform) acts as a first-person narrator for the film as he tries to make sense of Tozer’s legacy and evaluate Keating’s claims. Gill’s discovery of Tozer is intercut with archival footage of performances and the film’s soundtrack makes extensive use of Tozer’s many recordings. Discussions with friends, family and colleagues together with readings of Tozer’s diary and correspondence draw a sympathetic portrait of the virtuoso musician. Charming animations guide the film’s audience around the diverse locales of Tozer’s life story. These places range from pre-partition India, Tasmania, Melbourne, London, Canberra (where he first met Paul Keating) to a disastrous misadventure in Queanbeyan in NSW where Tozer tried unsuccessfully to convert a convent building into a music conservatory. <div class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe class="embed-responsive-item" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nIf-fUIQaPI"></iframe></div> Suburban Melbourne becomes a visual metaphor for Tozer’s ignominy, with images and descriptions of his final dilapidated house intercut with explorations of the Tozer archive – a repository lovingly curated, but nevertheless located in little more than a converted shed. Video footage of Tozer being interviewed reveals a softly spoken and clearly insular man who struggled with the burden of expectation placed on child prodigies. The film offsets a sense of indignation at the purported neglect Tozer suffered with a compassionate account of his personal struggles and alcoholism. Keating’s claims are not allowed to stand untested and a picture emerges of a talented musical genius with limited life skills. The film raises important questions about the significance of Tozer in our cultural canon, the duty of care held by Australia’s cultural institutions, and the precarious and vexing nature of talent. The audience is left in no doubt Tozer was indeed a world-class musician. Gill’s journey comes to a climax when – by candlelight in that Queanbeyan convent building – he listens for the first time to Tozer’s performance of a concerto by the Russian composer Nikolai Medtner. Tozer’s advocacy for and recordings of this previously almost unknown Russian master are widely praised and stand as one of his greatest achievements. The film’s presentation of this recording highlights Tozer’s extraordinary artistry. By staging the scene at the convent, the filmmakers juxtapose a musical triumph with his personal failure. In its interrogation of Keating’s accusations against the Australian arts establishment, the film delves into the tragedy of Tozer’s personal life. It argues Tozer’s mother – with a combination of hot-housing, impossible expectations and lifelong codependency – denied him a normal childhood. This meant the pianist, following his mother’s death, could not deal with the adult world and used alcohol to cope. A compassionate examination of what appears to be Tozer’s only romantic relationship – albeit a short one – gives the audience insight into the extent of his personal dysfunction. <div class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe class="embed-responsive-item" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/E4x7YWLHTug"></iframe></div> Tozer at the piano a few years before his death. The neglect Tozer suffered from Australia’s leading orchestras in the last 15 years of his life comes across less as “inverted snobbery” or the Tall Poppy Syndrome, but the stark reality of the <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/00400911111102333/full/html">requirements of working</a> in any creative profession. Orchestras schedule concerts two years in advance and must necessarily work with musicians they can rely on. Though clearly a genius, Tozer ultimately lacked the personal stability essential to success in the arts. In searching for an antagonist and settling on Tozer’s mother, the film misses an opportunity to interrogate Western culture’s awkward relationship with notions of talent. Although educationalists tout ideas of a <a href="https://theconversation.com/schools-are-buying-growth-mindset-interventions-despite-scant-evidence-that-they-work-well-96001">growth mindset</a> and that the notion of talent is not fixed, <a href="https://www.oxfordscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199685851.001.0001/acprof-9780199685851">research</a> into musical prodigies affirms genetics, a singular focus and a specialised educational environment are often a prerequisite to a talent like Tozer’s. We can’t reasonably laud Tozer as a prodigy and musical genius while also casting his mother (who was also <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/culture-obituaries/music-obituaries/6339276/Geoffrey-Tozer.html">his first piano teacher</a>) as a villain. The Eulogy is an engaging and ultimately evenhanded evaluation of the life of a great Australian musician and a complex personality. As one of Richard Gill’s many former students myself, the death of the film’s narrator in October last year made the film still more poignant. The Eulogy opens in cinemas today.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/124164/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/timothy-mckenry-287534">Timothy McKenry</a>, Professor of Music, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-catholic-university-747">Australian Catholic University</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-eulogy-review-the-life-and-lonely-death-of-one-of-australias-greatest-pianists-124164">original article</a>.

Music

“It’s stressful, lonely, scary”: The Project’s Carrie Bickmore reveals struggles of motherhood

TV personality Carrie Bickmore has revealed what her “third stint of motherhood” has been like in a honest and raw column for <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/stellar" target="_blank">Stellar</a> magazine. She posted the column to Instagram, explaining to her followers that motherhood can be “stressful, lonely, scary and incredibly challenging”. She wrote the column for Stellar when baby Adelaide was only a few months old and things were “super tough”. “I hope it can provide a tiny bit of comfort if you are struggling with a new bub. You are not alone,” she wrote on Instagram. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxWiVfln2V-/" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxWiVfln2V-/" target="_blank">Motherhood isn’t always breakky in bed and handmade necklaces...it can stressful, lonely, scary and incredibly challenging. Here’s my first column back for @stellarmag I wrote it when Adelaide was only a few months old and we were finding it super tough. I hope it can provide a tiny bit of comfort if you are struggling with a new bub. You are not alone 💕</a> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/bickmorecarrie/" target="_blank"> Carrie Bickmore</a> (@bickmorecarrie) on May 11, 2019 at 11:17pm PDT </div> </blockquote> The column written by Bickmore goes in depth about the sleepless nights and crippling anxiety that comes with having a newborn baby. She explained that the early months with her third baby Adelaide have been “one of the most challenging periods of my parenting life”. “I realise now I had it pretty easy during the newborn phase with my other two kids,” she wrote in Stellar. “This little poppet has needed to be held day and night for six weeks straight.” Bickmore also goes into detail about what it was like dealing with Adelaide’s struggle with severe reflux, which led to many sleepless nights. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw8C6i2nvtN/" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw8C6i2nvtN/" target="_blank">Every time I look at this photo of Addie it makes me forget that she woke on the hour every hour last night. 😩 Will continue to look at it all day!!! ❤️ #needcoffeenow</a> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/bickmorecarrie/" target="_blank"> Carrie Bickmore</a> (@bickmorecarrie) on May 1, 2019 at 4:23pm PDT </div> </blockquote> “Sounds like such a gentle affliction, but it’s genuinely torn us a new one,” she says. Bickmore tries her hardest to hold onto perspective by reminding herself of other mums out there. “I try to hold onto perspective, reminding myself there are new mums doing it tougher with really sick babies, no support networks, or twins,” Bickmore said. “But keeping perspective with no sleep is like trying to catch a fish that’s just been shot out of a cannon.” However, five-month-old Adelaide has recovered from reflux with the help of medication. “I think we’re through the toughest bit,” she writes hopefully. “Tomorrow will bring new challenges, but today I feel lucky.” She ended the piece with well wishes for other mums out there who might be struggling. “I wish you calmer times ahead. Keep telling yourself: the nights are long, but the years are short.”

Caring

“Skinny and meek”: Duchess Kate's sad and lonely childhood

Kate Middleton is one of the most beloved women in the world – known for her charitable acts, elegance and charm. Her life now tolls a different path to the “emotional wreck” she once was, according to old classmates. Jessica Hay, a former classmate to the duchess, <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/469109/bullying-victim-kate-middleton/">told The Sun</a> she was pulled out of the all-girls boarding school Downe House because she was being picked on and tormented. “She was picked on because she was perfect, well-turned out and lovely,” she said. Duchess Kate was bullied so viciously, she became an “emotional wreck” and developed the skin condition eczema due to stress of the ordeal. Kate was enrolled at the Marlborough College in Wiltshire, despite it being so far from home for her. Former classmate, Gemma Williamson<a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1373036/Kate-Middleton-bullied-30k-girls-school-skinny-meek.html"> told the Daily Mail Kate had</a> “very little confidence". “Apparently she had been bullied very badly and she certainly looked thin and pale. “They rounded up on her a bit because she was quite a soft and nice person,” she said of her school peer. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px; display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7822565/gettyimages-157234654-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/797e2a0b461d4199b53d57601ef323ee" /> In her new school she flourished, going on to become a prefect and head of house. Throwing herself into her new environment she took up several sporting activities, including tennis and hockey. Fittingly enough the Duchess was voted by her peers as “most likely to be loved by all". Since her dark school days, Kate is using her voice to steer discussions towards mental health and anti-bullying movements. In a moving speech addressing children’s health and well-being, Kate said having conversations about mental health can make a real difference in a young person’s life. “I see time and time again that there is so much to be gained from talking of mental health and taking the mental health of our children as seriously as we do their physical health,” she said. If you or someone you know needs help with bullying, contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or visit <a href="https://kidshelpline.com.au/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAvKzhBRC1ARIsANEXdgzCSMbvALF0AJ-bkax_QthAhdiTSGC6TpfcZnLGVldez-FOK34-UCkaAr5uEALw_wcB">kidshelpline.com.au</a>

Mind

Single in retirement? Here’s what you need to know

<a rel="noopener" href="http://www.megangiles.com/" target="_blank">Megan Giles</a>, Retirement Transition Consultant, supports those approaching retirement to successfully transition and create a retirement they will love to live! There are a myriad of reasons as to why you may find yourself single in retirement. Perhaps you have always been single, divorced years ago, separated recently, or perhaps you unexpectedly lost your loved one to illness. For some it is welcome relief, for others it is utterly heartbreaking but whatever your journey, you are embarking on retirement without a significant other. It was suggested that Singles experience a unique set of challenges and opportunities to their counterparts in couples when it comes to life in retirement. With this in mind, I set out to explore if this actually is the case by drawing on the experiences of recent retirees. The reflections recounted to me were particularly open and candid and so there is great value in sharing these. They also provide a wonderful opportunity to explore the action one can take to harness the opportunities and avoid their fears becoming a reality. What do single people fear stepping into retirement? <ol> <li>I will run out of money and I have no other person to fall back on.</li> <li>Who will care for me if I become seriously ill or disabled? For those who have cared for a partner, they appreciate what this involves and dread becoming a burden on others.</li> <li>Adapting my plans - I never expected to lose my partner so soon. All of my plans involved them and I have no idea how to move forward.</li> <li>A lack of companionship. I don’t need company 24/7 but it would be nice to have someone ask about my day or to do things with, particularly when work colleagues fall away.</li> <li>Not being able to travel and fulfil life-long dreams – the single supplements make travel so much more expensive and none of my friends seem to want to travel.</li> </ol> What are the opportunities that only come with being single? <ol> <li>I am able to invest and save money as I choose. There is no need to compromise.</li> <li>I am in charge of my own destiny and am able to pursue the things on my bucket list.</li> <li>I have flexibility in how to live my life, I am able to make decisions on my terms.</li> <li>Knowing that the house will always be as I left it when I get home!</li> </ol> The challenge then becomes how to acknowledge the fears and whilst channelling the positives in order to take action and create a retirement in which you will thrive. What to consider in your planning as a single retiree The most important thing you can do is plan, and consider the ‘what ifs’ (and really, this is advice that I would give to anyone approaching retirement). Don’t avoid thinking about the bad things, hoping they don’t eventuate. Acknowledge them and plan so that if the unforeseen should occur, you are able to make informed decisions, rather than urgent and emotive ones. 1. Create a lifestyle transition plan. Whilst you may thrive living independently now at 60, what might change over the next 25 years? Will you have adequate support and access to care where you are right now, particularly if you became unable to drive? Do you have a strong connection with the people around you? If the time comes that you need to move, what would your preference be? A seniors’ community may be a viable option with plenty of social activities and access to support. 2. Get your documents in order. Consider what would happen if you lost the mental capacity to make decisions. Who do you want to have enduring power of attorney? Empower the right person to make significant decision for you, and on your behalf, should you not be able to do so yourself. Ensure peace of mind that your loved ones will be looked after. 3. Seek financial advice. A trusted and accredited Financial Planner has the expertise and tools to leverage your finances and position you positively for retirement. This advice can be even more impactful when you don’t have a huge portfolio of assets, e.g. an extra few thousand dollars more may mean more to you than to a millionaire. 4. Look after your body and mind. If you are worried about your financial situation, one of the most powerful things you can do right now is get active and reduce your risk of illness and disease, thus avoiding high medical costs later in life. 5. Connect with the community around you. The people who do best in retirement are those who are engaged in their local community and regularly spend time with friends and family. Devote time to developing and maintaining relationships and don’t be afraid to ask for help as you know you would return the favour without hesitation. 6. Become comfortable in your own skin. If for example, you can’t find someone to go to the movies with, don’t let that slow you down. Recognise that most people are so preoccupied with their own worries that they won’t even notice you, let alone wonder why you might be out alone. If you love travelling, why not do your research and find companies that specialise in single travel (without the supplements!). Regardless of your relationship status, retirement is a wonderful time of life and very much the ‘beginning of the open road’ rather than the end of a journey. If you do find yourself single at this stage in life, embrace the positives and proactively plan for the anticipated challenges so that you truly can create a retirement you will love to live (on your terms)!

Retirement Life

Lonely Planet founder names 10 best cities for 2018

When the co-founder of one of the world’s most-popular travel guides is offering holiday advice, generally it’s in your best interest to listen. Tony Wheeler, who famously helped bring the Lonely Planet book series to life, has named what he thinks are the 10 best cities for tourists to visit in 2018. And a few of the inclusions are quite interesting. If you’re itching for a holiday this year, but not quite sure where to go, this guide will provide you with a compass of the destinations that are really coming into their own in 2018. To see the 10 best cities to visit in 2018, scroll through the gallery above. Have you been to any of these cities?

International Travel

Lonely 90-year-old woman’s heartbreaking plea for company

When 37-year-old Marleen Brooks from Missouri in the US came home from work and sorted through her mail earlier this year, she had no idea she was about to find a letter that would change her life. It was short, written in a shaky scrawl, and it broke Marleen’s heart. <img width="500" height="319" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7265049/in-text_500x319.jpg" alt="In -text"/> “Would you consider to become my friend,” the note read. “I’m 90 years old – live alone and all my friends have passed away. I am so lonesome and scared. Please – I pray for some one.” Marleen, whose own grandmother had passed away alone in hospice care, burst into tears. She noticed that the woman’s address was just two doors down from her house, but in her year and a half of living in the street, had no idea anyone even lived there. The next day, Marleen and a friend brought cupcakes to the woman. Her name was Wanda Mills, she was 90 years old and had lived in the house for over 50 years. Her husband and sister had died, as had one of her sons. Another lived far away and a third son actually lived next door, but didn’t visit often. <img width="500" height="374" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7265048/in-text-2_500x374.jpg" alt="In -text 2 (1)"/> Wanda confessed she hadn’t left the house in seven years, relying instead on caregivers who visited daily. But they weren’t the same as friends. “I hope you didn’t think I was stupid for writing you, but I had to do something,” Wanda told Marleen. “Thank you so much for coming over. I’ve lived here for 50 years and don’t know any of my neighbours.” The pair quickly hit it off, and it gave Marleen a brilliant idea – why not take this opportunity to help other lonely seniors find companionship? She wasted no time, setting up a Facebook group called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/ppfs2017/" target="_blank">Pen Pals for Seniors</a> in the hope of connecting lonely older people and encouraging them to keep up regular correspondence with others. The group was an instant hit, with 6,000 people joining in just over a month. Months on from their first meeting, Wanda has moved into an aged care facility – but her friendship with Marleen, who visits regularly along with her husband and son, is stronger than ever. Tell us in the comments below, are you friends with your neighbours? Do you think more needs to be done to prevent people becoming isolated in old age? Image credit: Marleen Brooks/Facebook.

Relationships

What to do if you’re feeling isolated in retirement

<img width="125" height="107" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/40430/julie-g-aka-barbara-bindland_125x107.jpg" alt="Julie G Aka Barbara Bindland (4)" style="float: left;"/>Barbara Binland is the pen name of a senior, Julie Grenness, in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. She is a poet, writer, and part-time English and Maths tutor, with over 40 years of experience. Her many books are available on Amazon and Kindle. As over-60s, golden oldies, we can be positively single. But, as we age, too many of our friends or acquaintances either pass away, or move away interstate or overseas. If you are feeling that you do not have enough social contacts, you can reach out into your local community. You can browse in your local paper, or on your local library noticeboard, or in local council pamphlets, or online, for groups of like-minded people with similar interests, or age, or for groups of people who wish to acquire new skills. Sometimes mingling with people with a range of ages can stimulate a varied type of friendships with new acquaintances. They may never become your best friend ever, but it is good to make new social contacts, if that is what you are seeking. You know what you really enjoy. With the online medium, the internet, there is a global world of like-minded people in online support groups, interest groups, or friendships, such as pen pals, or chat rooms. Or you can join local face-to-face interest groups. You can acquire new skills, or knowledge, or participate in activities, or develop further skills in talents you already have. You can meet people with similar interests and skills, whatever they may be. Over-60s looking for this kind of mental and social stimulation can, as well as browsing in local libraries, check the U3A, short for University of the Third Age, or Men’s Sheds, Book Clubs, Writers’ Clubs, Walking Clubs, craft clubs, and also sporting clubs, where an older sportsman or sportswoman can fill a niche as a mentor to both players and junior coaches. There are also photography, art, computer, and church groups, among many others. Here in Victoria, the Elderly Citizens, Probus, or U3A, attract many seniors. Or, indeed, you can start your own club, if your locality does not appear to have anything to cater for your interests. There are also online retirement websites and forums for seniors, with interest groups, and chat rooms to swap ideas, with encouragement for Over-Sixty. Relax, browse, make an effort, and enjoy being a golden oldie!

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What to do if you’re feeling isolated in retirement

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