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Fresh signs that ANOTHER royal pic was manipulated

Ah, the royal family – the gift that keeps on giving, especially when it comes to Photoshop mishaps. It seems like they've developed a knack for stirring up a digital storm every time they release a photo. The latest kerfuffle involves a seemingly innocent snapshot released to celebrate what would have been Queen Elizabeth II's 97th birthday. But oh, what a tangled web of pixels it turned out to be! The photo, featuring a gaggle of royal offspring including the adorable trio of Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, quickly became the centre of attention, and not for the right reasons. According to the eagle-eyed sleuths at <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/17/people-question-everything-now-how-kates-photo-scandal-rips-up-the-rules-for-royals-and-the-media" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Guardian</a>, the photo looked more like a game of digital whack-a-mole than a family portrait. Prince Louis apparently decided to play hide-and-seek within the frame, magically teleporting to a new position. And let's not forget the hair-raising revelation that some locks on one of the granddaughters seemed to have been copy-pasted with reckless abandon. Maybe they were going for a stylish asymmetrical look? "The photograph taken by Catherine at Balmoral and released last year to mark what would have been the 97th birthday of the late Queen bears similar signs of digital alteration," reported The Guardian. "Prince Louis appears to have been moved back into the frame, while locks of a great granddaughter’s hair show telltale repetitions. Back then, though, the image was not urgently 'killed' by the leading international photo agencies, like the latest one, because it didn’t matter so much." But the fun didn't stop there. Oh no, Twitter had a field day with this one too. Allegations flew left and right faster than a royal corgi chasing a squirrel. The Queen's skirt? Edited. The green sofa? Definitely edited. Heck, there were probably bets being placed on whether the corgis were even real or just digital creations. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Did the late Queen ever pose with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren? Seems like no. 🤔 This photo, taken by Kate Middleton, was edited at least in 9 places. Now the mass media are reporting about it too. A little thread👇 <a href="https://t.co/Sx9XjOBr1J">pic.twitter.com/Sx9XjOBr1J</a> — Katerina 🇺🇦 (@Le__Katerina) <a href="https://twitter.com/Le__Katerina/status/1769399269365088335?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 17, 2024</a></blockquote> "People need to understand that it's not 'just a family photo'," wrote Twitter sleuth Katerina. "It's made for historical record. I don't think you'd want to see doctored photos in your history books." Meanwhile, in the land of hashtags and filters, speculation about the health of the Princess of Wales, Kate, reached a fever pitch, with <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/princess-kate-s-post-surgery-pic-ignites-even-wilder-conspiracy-theories" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a Mother's Day photo</a> that looked like it had been through more edits than a celebrity's Instagram post. Kate, surrounded by her adorable brood, found herself at the centre of yet another digital debacle. Who knew a simple family photo could cause such a stir? In a rare move, <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/princess-kate-sensationally-speaks-out-over-photo-fiasco" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kate herself stepped forward</a> to offer an apology, blaming her newfound love for amateur photography. Note to self: stick to selfies, Kate. But fear not, royal watchers, for this tale of Photoshop folly is far from over. With a family as unpredictable as the British weather, who knows what digital delights await us in the next instalment? Image: Twitter (X)

Technology

Author claims she felt "used and manipulated" by Princess Diana

An author has claimed she felt "manipulated and used" by Princess Diana, after she published a book detailing the late Princess's relationship with British Army captain James Hewitt. Anna Pasternak, was widely criticised for her 1994 book Princess in Love, said she is now "firmly team Camilla", but admits she feels "sorry" for Diana, King Charles and the Queen Consort, believing they "suffered at the hands of an unrelenting monarchy". A year before the publication of Anna's book, she wrote about Princess Diana's friendship with Captain Hewitt in a series of articles for the Daily Express, though their affair was not mentioned. "Hewitt told me that he was only speaking to me because Diana had asked him to – although the series never hinted at an affair, it just showed them as good friends," Pasternak wrote in a piece for <a title="The Telegraph" href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2022/11/02/wrote-dianas-affair-took-20-years-recover-backlash/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Telegraph</a> UK. "Diana was in constant contact with him during this time. He said that she thanked him on the phone for 'talking, as you know I can't. At least people will know the truth'." A year later, royal expert Andrew Morton's explosive new book came out and Diana feared his forthcoming next work would expose her affair with Hewitt. Diana decided to take control of the narrative of her relationship and called on Pasternak, who was soon tasked with writing the book with Diana's permission. Through Hewitt, Diana wanted Pasternak to write about their relationship so the "world could see that their love was genuine" and see why she had had an affair "in the face of Charles's rejection" believing the public "would not condemn her". Hewitt called Pasternak the night Prince Charles admitted, on television, to having a relationship with Camilla. He asked her to write the book in just five weeks, to beat the publication of Morton's second book. The author said she wrote Princess In Love because she needed money and "burning with injustice for our adored, lonely princess, I genuinely thought that I was helping her". The book was quickly condemned by the public and dismissed as "romantic nonsense", despite Diana soon confessing to her love affair with Hewitt in her BBC Panorama interview. Pasternak says Hewitt was "ruined by his confession" and "would never have spoken out in the first place without Diana's encouragement and consent". The author also admitted that she regretted the toll the book had on her reputation, her family and the royal family. "It took me ages to realise that I felt manipulated and used by Diana. Now, firmly Team Camilla, I feel sorry for Diana, Charles and Camilla. Each of them suffered at the hands of an unrelenting monarchy." Image credits: Getty Images

Books

Sounds great: Scientists are manipulating dreams to prevent nightmares

It’s estimated that at any given time, around 4% of adults suffer <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/one-side-of-your-brain-might-be-giving-you-nightmares/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">chronic nightmares</a> but researchers in Switzerland have a new approach which will be music to the ears of night-terror-sufferers. Basing their study on the relationship between the types of <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/science/biology/nightmares-and-night-terrors-in-kids-when-do-they-stop-being-normal/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">emotions experienced in dreams</a> and our emotional well-being, researchers have investigated how to help people by manipulating emotions in their dreams. Traditional methods to help chronic nightmare patients involves ‘imagery rehearsal therapy’, during which they are coached to rehearse the dream scenario during the day and redirect it towards a more positive ending. A <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11818-021-00320-w" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">2021 study</a> of 28 participants showed 3 in 5 patients benefitted from this approach, however, it doesn’t work for everyone. <div class="newsletter-box"> <div id="wpcf7-f6-p220659-o1" class="wpcf7" dir="ltr" lang="en-US" role="form"> <form class="wpcf7-form mailchimp-ext-0.5.62 spai-bg-prepared init" action="/health/sounds-great-preventing-nightmares/#wpcf7-f6-p220659-o1" method="post" novalidate="novalidate" data-status="init"> <input class="wpcf7-form-control wpcf7-text referer-page" name="referer-page" type="hidden" value="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/" data-value="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/" aria-invalid="false" /> </form> </div> </div> In a <a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(22)01477-4" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">study from Geneva University</a>, over a two-week period, researchers asked a group of 18 patients to create an association between the positively redirected version of their dream and a sound during an imagination exercise. The patients then wore wireless headbands during night which would play the specific sound during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of sleep – when <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/nightmare-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353515" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">nightmares typically occur</a>. When compared to 18 patients who undertook only the image rehearsal therapy, those who received the combined rehearsal and sound therapy had fewer nightmares. This trend continued even after three months post-intervention, with those receiving combination therapy also reporting experiencing more positive emotions such as ‘joy’ in their dreams. “We were positively surprised by how well the participants respected and tolerated the study procedures, for example performing imagery rehearsal therapy every day and wearing the sleep headband during the night,” says Lampros Perogamvros, senior author of the study and a psychiatrist at the Sleep Laboratory of the Geneva University Hospitals and the University of Geneva. “We observed a fast decrease of nightmares, together with dreams becoming emotionally more positive. For us, researchers and clinicians, these findings are very promising both for the study of emotional processing during sleep and for the development of new therapies.”  <img id="cosmos-post-tracker" style="opacity: 0; height: 1px!important; width: 1px!important; border: 0!important; position: absolute!important; z-index: -1!important;" src="https://syndication.cosmosmagazine.com/?id=220659&title=Sounds+great%3A+Scientists+are+manipulating+dreams+to+prevent+nightmares" width="1" height="1" />  <div id="contributors"> <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/sounds-great-preventing-nightmares/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">This article</a> was originally published on Cosmos Magazine and was written by Clare Kenyon. Image: Getty Images </div>

Mind

Manipulating light can induce psychedelic experiences – and scientists aren’t quite sure why

For millennia, people have used mind-altering techniques to achieve different states of consciousness, envision spiritual figures, connect with nature, or simply for the fun of it. Psychedelic substances, in particular, have a long and controversial <a href="https://theconversation.com/psychedelic-drugs-can-be-almost-as-life-altering-as-near-death-experiences-189325">history</a>. But for just as long, people have been having these experiences without drugs too, using <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/11/1/101">rhythmic techniques such as rocking, chanting or drumming</a>. Perhaps the most powerful technique of this kind is flickering light, called “ganzflicker”. Ganzflicker effects can be achieved by turning a light on and off, or by alternating colours in a rapid, rhythmic pattern (like a strobe). This can create an instant psychedelic experience. Ganzflicker elicits striking visual phenomena. People can see geometric shapes and illusory colours but sometimes also complex objects, such as animals and faces – all without any chemical stimulants. Sometimes ganzflicker can even lead to altered states of consciousness (such as losing a sense of time or space) and emotions (ranging from fear to euphoria). Although its effects are little known today, ganzflicker has influenced and inspired many people through the ages, including the two of us. We are an art historian and brain scientist working together on an interactive showcase of ganzflicker techniques used in science and art. Our collaboration has culminated in the museum exhibition <a href="https://reshannereeder.com/ganzflicker-exhibit">“Ganzflicker: art, science, and psychedelic experience”</a>, which is part of the 2022 <a href="https://www.beinghumanfestival.org/">Being Human festival</a>. Ganzflicker’s effects were first documented in 1819 by the physiologist <a href="https://www.karger.com/Article/FullText/235945">Jan E. Purkinje</a>. Purkinje discovered that illusory patterns could appear if he faced the sun and waved his hand in front of his closed eyelids. Near the end of the 19th century, an English toymaker and amateur scientist, <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/051200c0">Charles Benham</a>, produced the first commercially available flicker device: a top with a monochrome pattern that, when spun, produced illusory colours that swirled around the disc. Modified versions of Benham’s “artificial spectrum top” were used in experiments well into the 20th century. William Grey Walter, a pioneering neurophysiologist and cybernetician, <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-642-70911-1_17">pushed flicker effects further</a> by using electric strobe lights, synchronised with the brain’s rhythms. Fascinated by the mind-altering potential of Walter’s machinery, the artist Brion Gysin, in collaboration with writer William S. Burroughs and mathematician Ian Sommerville, invented the <a href="http://mindcontrol-research.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/14_2_dream-machine-plans.pdf">Dreamachine</a> (1962). <h2>The swinging 60s of drug-free psychedelics</h2> A Dreamachine consists of an upright cylinder with patterns cut into it and a lightbulb suspended at its centre. When spun on a turntable at 78rpm, the flickering patterns (viewed through closed eyelids) can cause trance-like hallucinations. Gysin thought of the Dreamachine as a new kind of artwork – “the first art object to be seen with the eyes closed” – and a form of entertainment, which he believed could replace the television. Others saw the Dreamachine’s potential to be a source of spiritual inspiration. Burroughs thought it could be <a href="https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/brion-gysin-the-pioneering-artist-who-invented-the-dreamachine/">used to</a> “storm the citadels of enlightenment”. The poet Alan Ginsberg said: “It sets up optical fields as religious and mandalic as hallucinogenic drugs – it’s like being able to have jewelled biblical designs and landscapes without taking chemicals.” Flicker experiments in art did not stop with the Dreamachine. Others included Tony Conrad’s groundbreaking structuralist film <a href="https://fourthree.boilerroom.tv/film/flicker-tony-conrad">The Flicker</a> (1966), which was the first artwork to include the warning “may induce epileptic seizures or produce mild symptoms of shock treatment in certain persons”. The conceptual artist James Turrell’s <a href="https://jamesturrell.com/work/bindu-shards/">Bindu Shards</a> (2010) was an enclosed globe that bombards the observer with strobe light. And, more recently, Collective Act created its own <a href="https://dreamachine.world/">Dreamachine</a> (2022) , a public planetarium-style artwork inspired by Gysin’s which toured the UK. <h2>The science of ganzflicker</h2> Two hundred years after Jan Purkinje documented the physiological properties of ganzflicker, scientists still do not have a definitive explanation for how it works. A recent theory proposes that visual phenomena may be the result of interactions between external flicker and the brain’s natural rhythmic electrical pulses, with more intense images manifesting <a href="https://theconversation.com/pseudo-hallucinations-why-some-people-see-more-vivid-mental-images-than-others-test-yourself-here-163025">when the frequencies of flicker and the brain are closest</a>. It is also likely that a strong visual flicker influences brain states. Meaningful visions, altered conscious states and heightened emotions may be the result of <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-18591-6">imaginative suggestion</a>, which is amplified by the trance-inducing properties of <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/11/1/101">rhythmic stimulation</a>. What is perhaps most powerful about ganzflicker is its universality. Engineers, mathematicians, artists, historians and scientists have all been united by this modest, drug-free means of eliciting dramatic changes in consciousness. The new wave of popularity on this topic will undoubtedly lead to illuminating discoveries in the coming years. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/manipulating-light-can-induce-psychedelic-experiences-and-scientists-arent-quite-sure-why-192885" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Art

6 signs you’re dealing with a micromanipulator

<h2>What is micromanipulation?</h2> While manipulation in a relationship can be obvious and, unfortunately, sometimes abusive, micromanipulation is a different story. It’s subtle and not-so-easy to spot, and can come in the form of passive-aggressive comments or questions that make you rethink your thoughts or values. According to clinical social worker, Hillary Schoninger, micromanipulation is most common with narcissists, who are always looking to draw attention back to themselves and control the narrative around them. But how are you meant to track micromanipulation in a relationship if it’s meant to be subtle? We asked Schoninger to share a few signs to look out for, and what steps to take if you’re being micromanipulated. <h2>They contact you out-of-the-blue</h2> In an example published in Psychology Today, micromanipulators might try to get your attention by contacting you at random times. For example, you can often tell if a person has texted you in order to get back on your radar – and to get you texting them again. This could be a sign of micromanipulation. <h2>They are looking for sympathy or empathy</h2> In some cases, those out-of-the-blue moments of contact can also be moments when they’re looking for sympathy or empathy from you, in order to keep your attention for a while longer. “It’s always about shifting the narrative back to them – what makes them feel empowered and maybe what makes them feel possibly victimised,” says Schoninger. “Whatever they need, they are going to do their best to manipulate so you react.” <h2>Their compliment isn’t actually nice</h2> Have you ever heard someone say the phrase, “Bless your heart” but not actually mean it? If you’ve ever heard someone say a compliment but their tone doesn’t actually match the compliment, it can easily be used in micromanipulation. “That to me is like a microaggression, but it’s also manipulative because you’re trying to say something but you’re not being authentic,” says Schoninger. “It should be an authentic saying and said in beautiful kindness, but you’re making it gross, and that’s manipulation.” <h2>You have to work around their schedule and needs</h2> If you find a person isn’t being accommodating about their timing or needs in the relationship, they are forcing a particular situation to tailor to their life without regarding those around them – which is something Schoninger sees often with her clients. She offers a particular example of how one client was struggling with her mother-in-law, who refused to see her new grandchild outside of the allotted times that worked for the grandmother. But instead of changing her schedule to fit the baby’s needs, the mother-in-law accused the client of not allowing her time with the baby. “So it’s like changing the narrative so that ego says ‘I need to be in charge, I need to be a leader’ and not considering the other people’s feelings,” she explains. <h2>They’re making you feel guilty</h2> Another way in which a micromanipulator plays the “victim” is by making you feel guilty for something, even if that means gaslighting you (meaning a person is manipulating you psychologically so that you see a situation differently). Even if you know they aren’t the victim of a situation, and you are not to blame, a micromanipulator can change the narrative enough to make you think you are actually to blame – even if they are using covert microaggressions. <h2>They’re reshaping the narrative</h2> “If you look at it as a whole, [manipulation] is always changing the narrative or the plot so you get what you want,” says Schoninger. “So if a narcissist is manipulative, they are operating from a place of ‘OK, how can I change whatever the variables might be so I can get what I want?’ Regardless if it hurts people.” Even if it’s subtle, micromanipulators can try to change the narrative in front of you in order to get what they want – whether it’s in tiny, subtle comments or questions that make you rethink a certain situation or event. <h2>How to handle a micromanipulator</h2> If any of these signs stand out to you, Schoninger says the best way to handle it is by taking some space for yourself. “I say that the first step is always space to think about creating boundaries,” she says. When you’re starting to feel this way, really start to go inward and to talk it through to yourself and ask yourself what’s this dynamic creating for yourself. You can just choose to take a break and see what it’s like not being in that space where you might feel disempowered.” This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/6-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-micromanipulator" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Beware the robot bearing gifts

<div> <div class="copy"> In a future filled with robots, those that pretend to be your friend could be more manipulative than those that exert authority, suggests a new study published in Science Robotics. As robots become more common in the likes of education, healthcare and security, it is essential to predict what the relationship between humans and robots will be. <div style="position: relative; display: block; max-width: 100%;"> <div style="padding-top: 56.25%;"><iframe src="https://players.brightcove.net/5483960636001/HJH3i8Guf_default/index.html?videoId=6273649735001" allowfullscreen="" allow="encrypted-media" style="position: absolute; top: 0px; right: 0px; bottom: 0px; left: 0px; width: 100%; height: 100%;"></iframe></div> </div> Overview of authority HRI study conditions, setup, and robot behaviors. Credit: Autonomous Systems and Biomechatronics Lab, University of Toronto. In the <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/scirobotics.abd5186?_ga=2.192393706.1796540797.1632092915-1153018146.1604894082" target="_blank">study</a>, led by Shane Saunderson and Goldie Nejat of the University of Toronto, Canada, researchers programmed a robot called Pepper to influence humans completing attention and memory tasks, by acting either as a friend or an authority figure. They found that people were more comfortable with, and more persuaded by, friendly Pepper. Authoritative Pepper was described by participants as “inhuman,” “creepy,” and giving off an “uncanny valley vibe”. “As it stands, the public has little available education or general awareness of the persuasive potential of social robots, and yet institutions such as banks or restaurants can use them in financially charged situations, without any oversight and only minimal direction from the field,” writes James Young, a computer scientist from the University of Manitoba, Canada, in a related <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="http://10.1126/scirobotics.abk3479" target="_blank">Focus</a>. “Although the clumsy and error-prone social robots of today seem a far cry from this dystopian portrayal, Saunderson and Nejat demonstrate how easily a social robot can leverage rudimentary knowledge of human psychology to shape their persuasiveness.” Read more: <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/technology/robotics/meet-the-robots-representing-australia-at-the-robot-olympics/" target="_blank">Meet the robots representing Australia at the ‘robot Olympics’</a> To test a robot’s powers of persuasion, Pepper assumed two personas: one was as a friend who gave rewards, and the other was as an authoritative figure who dealt out punishment. A group of participants were each given $10 and told that the amount of money could increase or decrease, depending on their performance in set memory tasks. Friendly Pepper gave money for correct responses, and authoritative Pepper docked $10 for incorrect responses. The participants then completed tasks in the <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.pearsonclinical.co.uk/Psychology/AdultCognitionNeuropsychologyandLanguage/AdultAttentionExecutiveFunction/TestofEverydayAttention(TEA)/TestofEverydayAttention(TEA).aspx" target="_blank">Test of Everyday Attention</a> toolkit, a cognition test based on real-life scenarios. After the participant made an initial guess, Pepper offered them an alternative suggestion – this was always the right answer. The participant could then choose to listen to Pepper or go with his or her original answer. The results showed that people were more willing to switch to friendly Pepper’s suggestions than those of authoritative Pepper. Image credit: Shutterstock This article was originally published on <a rel="noopener" href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/technology/robotics/beware-the-robot-bearing-gifts/" target="_blank">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Deborah Devis. </div> </div>

Technology

Master of manipulation: The evolution of “puppy dog eyes”

According to a new study published in the <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2019/06/11/1820653116">Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS)</a>, the “puppy dog eyes” is a real thing that dogs developed over time to better communicate with humans. The study involved dissecting the cadavers of domestic dogs and comparing them to wild wolves, who are the ancestors of dogs, according to <a href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/home/pets/dogs-developed-humanlike-eyebrow-muscles-to-enable-them-to-bettter-connect-with-us-their-best-friends/news-story/f933b4fec943edb65e0cf621e83abe15">news.com.au</a>. A separate part of the study had scientists videotaping two-minute interactions between dogs and a human stranger then repeating the same experiment with wolves. This was done to closely track how much they use a specific muscle around the eye that produces an inner eyebrow raise. The researchers found that two muscles around the eyes were routinely present and well formed in domestic dogs but were not present in wolves. The dogs also only produced high intensity eyebrow movements as they looked at the humans. “It makes the eye look larger, which is similar to human infants,” Professor Anne Burrows of Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, who was one of the co-authors, told AFP. “It triggers a nurturing response in people.” As the movement is present in dogs and not wolves, “that tells us that that muscle and its function are selected,” she added. The paper also puts forward two explanations for why dogs are trying to capture our attention. The first explanation is that the eyebrow movement is significant for human-dog bonding “not just because it might elicit a caring response, but also because it might play a role during dog-human communicative interactions.” The second explanation is that the exaggerated eyebrow movements expose the whites of the dogs eyes, which humans find appealing in other animals.

Family & Pets

5 signs of emotional manipulation

Emotional manipulation is a kind of psychological and social influence whereby an individual seeks to change the behaviour or perception of another through the exploitation of emotions. Sounds evil, right? It seems like it’s the kind of tactic you’d see used in television show or film, and you’d be frustrated with the protagonist for not realising what’s happening. In reality, spotting emotional manipulation up close can be very difficult. So we’ve put together some warning signs you should watch out for. If any of these sound familiar, someone close to you could be preying upon your emotions. 1. Button-pusher A clever emotional manipulator knows exactly what triggers you – your weak spots and insecurities are their favourite playthings. This means that they’re happy to use them against you. A kind person is aware of these insecurities – your weight, your intelligence, your conversational skills – and will make you feel better about them. An emotional manipulator is not a kind person. They’ll do their best to manipulate you with this knowledge by making you feel worse. 2. Silent treatment By keeping quiet, someone can quickly and effectively manipulate your emotions. Not answering phone calls or texts, ignoring invitations or conversation starters. By doing these things, they are subtly driving you to seek their approval and attention, and then watch as you work harder for it. 3. Undermining your grasp on reality An emotional manipulator will attack not the why of something that has happened, but the very fact that it occurred at all. They will deny that an incident occurred, deny they said something they very clearly did, and vice versa. By consistently resorting to this tactic, an emotional manipulator can make you question your own sanity by way of your grip on reality. Notable example: The Donald Trump administration consistently lies about the words and actions of Trump – even when there are clear records to back up reality. 4. Playing the victim A skilled emotional manipulator knows how to turn a situation on its head so that they come off as the victim. They point out reasons why nothing is their fault, and quite often why it is your fault instead. They’ll twist your emotional reactions to make you feel guilty for reacting – if you’re angry at them, then your expectations of them were too high, which is something you are constantly doing. See how it works? 5. One-upmanship You think you’ve got problems? Try being an emotional manipulator – their life is so much more difficult than yours. So much so that they’ll cut across any complaints you have with their own, much more important and unwieldy problems. The takeaway – “you have nothing to complain about because my life is so much harder than yours.” Have you had experience with an emotional manipulator? What signs did you experience?

Relationships

How to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you

A healthy relationship is inherent with ups and downs. At its core it must be based on trust, mutual respect and security. That doesn’t mean that everything will always run perfectly or that we will never make a mistake. It does however mean that disagreements and arguments won’t dismantle the foundations upon which the relationship is built. Unfortunately, some relationships lack the respect, trust and security necessary for a long-term, healthy relationship. Emotionally manipulative or controlling behaviour can be a subtle and deceptive way of completely dismantling and derailing a relationship. Here are the five signs of an emotional manipulator. <ol> <li>They turn your words to benefit them – A manipulator struggles to accept responsibility for their behavior and even when in the wrong, find a way to turn things around to make you feel bad or guilty. For example, if you were to raise a concern about their lack of participation at meal time, a manipulator wouldn’t apologise or acknowledge their actions, instead throwing the onus back on you and your inability to ask for help or cope with simple events.</li> <li>They say something and later deny it – A manipulator is very good at saying yes to a request or commitment then pulling out at the last minute while forgetting they ever agreed in the first place. They’ll find a way of twisting your previous discussions to make you look like the forgetful or irresponsible one.</li> <li>They use guilt trips as a control mechanism – This is the ultimate in manipulative, passive aggressive behaviour stirring up sympathy and guilt in equal measures. “Don’t worry about doing the dishes, I’ll just do them like I go every night, even though I have this awful dermatitis on my hands that gets irritated by the dishwashing liquid.” This is playing the victim role to get what they want; their own way.</li> <li>They diminish your problems as insignificant – If you say you’ve had a bad day with the traffic, they’ll tell you they had a worse one. If you mentioned your bad back is playing up, they’ll remind you of their awful recurring neck injury. You can’t win in these situations and it’s generally better to just walk away.</li> <li>They suck the energy out of a room – A manipulator has a way of making everyone and everything in a room ‘all about them’. They want the attention and focus of the room and want to make sure everyone notices how they’re feeling. People will often scramble to accommodate a manipulator. The best thing you can do? Leave the room. You don’t need to share your energy with anyone else.</li> </ol> Have you ever had experience with an emotional manipulator? Tell us about your experience in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/the-best-way-to-apologise-according-to-science/">The best way to apologise, according to science</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/why-always-being-right-is-ruining-your-relationship/">Always being right is ruining your relationship</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/marriage-secrets-from-relationship-experts/">6 marriage secrets relationship experts want you to know</a>

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