Placeholder Content Image

Embracing friendships in adulthood: A guide to making meaningful connections

<p>Navigating the landscape of friendship in adulthood might initially appear daunting, but the profound impact that it can have on our mental well-being is huge. Not only do friendships foster a sense of camaraderie, but they nurture feelings of belonging and acceptance.</p> <p>Important at every life stage, it’s not uncommon to encounter challenges in building new friendships as we age and embark on differing paths. However, Jacqui Manning, Resident Psychologist at Connected Women, a female-driven organisation dedicated to cultivating friendships for women over 50, is here to impart her invaluable tips and tricks, paving the way for a friend-finding journey that unfolds with ease and fulfilment.</p> <p>“Forming new friendships in adulthood may take a little more time and effort, but it doesn’t have to be scary,” Jacqui explains. “Approaching the prospect of making a friend with genuine curiosity and a shared interest can transform the experience into an exciting journey rather than a daunting task. Focus on common ground, be open-minded, and embrace the adventure of getting to know someone new. By emphasising shared interests and creating a comfortable, judgment-free space, the process of making a friend becomes a welcoming exploration rather than an intimidating challenge."</p> <p><strong>Stay Open</strong> </p> <p>It can be a slippery slope once we let our thoughts spiral into the possibility of rejection. Instead of worrying, why not consider all the opportunities to grow a connection? </p> <p>Jacqui explains, “As we age, the energy we have to make friends can dwindle, making it natural to withdraw into the comfort of our own shell. However, the need for connection is as strong as ever. This serves as an important reminder to be open. Deeper connections won’t have the chance to form if we keep one another at arm’s length so engage in conversations about hobbies and discuss any goals or anxieties openly, as it is through this openness that a profound connection is likely to be forged.</p> <p><strong>Find Your Community </strong></p> <p>Finding a group of new friends could be as simple as enjoying your favourite pastime. Like attracts like, and finding a like-minded group who share similar interests could be the key to unlocking more meaningful relationships. </p> <p>“Whether it’s joining a book club, cooking class, yoga, or bonding over a game of cards, whatever your passion may be, start by kicking off a conversation with someone who participates in a shared activity. While exploring a new hobby is fantastic, consider turning your attention closer to home and connecting with those who already share your interests,” Jacqui adds. </p> <p><strong>Take Note</strong></p> <p>Long-lasting friendships can fill gaps in our life we never knew existed. </p> <p>As Jacqui explains, “Take note of how supported you currently feel and if there are any areas that may need a little nudge. Reflection will invariably help to narrow down the type of friendship you may be seeking and allow you to better understand your own needs. Through self-reflection, you gain invaluable insights that not only pinpoint the specific type of friendship you might be yearning for but also enhance your understanding of your own emotional requirements. This conscious exploration becomes a compass, guiding you toward the relationships that can truly fulfil and enrich your life.”</p> <p>The journey of making friendships in adulthood is not without its challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable. As Jacqui reminds us, being open to new connections, actively engaging in shared interests, and conducting self-reflection are key elements in fostering meaningful relationships. </p> <p>“The path to forming long-lasting bonds involves stepping out of our comfort zones, whether by joining a new group, pursuing shared activities, or simply initiating conversations. Remember, the richness of these connections lies not just in the joy of shared experiences but also in the support and understanding they provide,” Jacqui concludes,</p> <p>Friendships in adulthood are well worth investing in, providing fulfilment, support, and the delight of shared moments. So, embrace the adventure, take note of your needs, and savour the delight of building connections that truly enrich your life.</p> <p><em>Ready to try your hand at building new friendships? Visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net </a></em></p> <p><em><strong>About Connected Women </strong></em></p> <p><em><strong>Jacqui Manning is the Resident Psychologist at Connected Women, bringing with her over two decades of experience. Founded in 2022, Connected Women facilitates friendships for women over 50 through a range of online and in-person events. With the rising epidemic of loneliness impacting Australians now more than ever, Connected Women aims to provide a community in which women can feel free to be themselves, connect with like-minded women and build life-long friendships. Launched in Perth, Western Australia, Connected Women now also operates in New South Wales and Victoria, with plans to grow its network to Queensland, the Australian Capital Territory and South Australia in the coming year. </strong></em></p> <p><em><strong>With a small monthly membership fee, women can join Connected Women events, share, and connect over areas of interest, and connect with women in their local areas to arrange meet-ups. Whether members prefer big events with lots of action and adventure, or quiet meetups around the local neighbourhood, Connected Women is committed to providing a safe and inclusive space for women to find their feet and build new friendships in a space that feels most comfortable to them.</strong></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

Why meaningful work matters when planning for retirement

<p><em><strong>David Kennedy, author of </strong></em><strong>End of the Retirement Age,</strong><em><strong> is an author, consultant and retirement planning expert.</strong></em></p> <p>While longer life spans create funding challenges for individuals and governments, rising longevity also means you have decisions to make about how you are going to spend your time as you grow older. A growing number of older Australians are choosing to spend some of their extra years working.</p> <p>Australian Bureau of Statistics data confirms the participation rate among 55-64 year-olds increased from 43 per cent in the early 1990s to 64 per cent in 2014. Meanwhile, 12 per cent of those aged 65-69 continue to work (up from 10 per cent).</p> <p>Rudy Karsan, founder of US-based venture capital firm Karlani Capital, is a strong believer in the importance of doing meaningful work. In 2012, Karsan sold Kenexa, the human resources software company he founded and ran for 25 years, to IBM for $1.3 billon. Having achieved financial independence many times over, his reaction to achieving such a business milestone was unexpected.</p> <p>Speaking during a May 2016 TEDx Talk at the University of Calgary, Karsan said, “That should have been my crowning moment – the day the deal closed. It was the saddest day of my life. It took me months to recover and more than half those nights I fell asleep crying. It was hard. I had lost meaning.”</p> <p>Meaningful work matters. More recently, Apple CEO Tim Cook was addressing students at the University of Glasgow, after receiving an honorary Doctorate of Science, when he said, “My advice to all of you is, don’t work for money – it will wear out fast, or you’ll never make enough and you will never be happy, one or the other. You have to find the intersection of doing something you’re passionate about and at the same time something that is in the service of other people. I would argue that, if you don’t find that intersection, you’re not going to be very happy in life.”</p> <p>While Cook was talking to young graduates, his advice is just as relevant to any working person. If you have the opportunity to engage in meaningful roles in your 50s, 60s and 70s, this is likely to go a long way in determining the duration of your time in the workforce. Even Microsoft founder Bill Gates once told talk show host Larry King, “Paul [Allen] and I, we never thought that we would make much money out of the thing. We just loved writing software.”</p> <p>In other words, rather than working purely for financial reasons, work – and your inclination to continue working – takes on a different dimension when you have a sense of purpose about your job, and feel passionate about what you do each day.</p> <p>Your 50s and 60s provide the perfect opportunity to reflect on the work you have done during your career, and its alignment or otherwise to your individual values and purpose in life. In my experience, those who are engaged in meaningful work, which they are passionate about, tend to think they will continue to remain active in the workforce well into their 60s and possibly beyond – health permitting. Where they are fit and healthy, they are more likely to reject society’s implied suggestion of retirement at age 60 or 65, and more likely to continue in their vocation, possibly at a decreasing level of intensity over time.</p> <p>Wendy Thompson is one such example. When Wendy, in her late sixties, eventually retires from her career as a barrister, one of the first things she plans to do is turn the stories she tells her grandchildren into a series of books they can keep as a memento of their childhood. Comfortable with managing a demanding schedule, Wendy also has visions for a food and wine tourism business in Victoria’s Yarra Valley.</p> <p>But for now, she is focused on working on a number of cases in her highly successful work health and safety law practice.</p> <p>The motivations for working beyond the traditional retirement age of 65 are many and varied. For some, continuing on is due to financial necessity and the realisation that the amount you have saved will simply not deliver the lifestyle you desire when you cease work.</p> <p>Wendy is part of a group that continues to work predominantly for non-financial reasons. As a barrister specialising in work health and safety law, she is making the transition from full-time to part-time work as the first step towards eventual retirement. As we discuss her motivations for continuing to work into her late sixties, Wendy’s passion for her career shines through.</p> <p>“I think because of the nature of the work, I can honestly say I’ve not had one boring day at work. I thoroughly enjoy my work as a barrister. While it involves long hours and complex issues, the rewards I receive from working with other barristers, solicitors and clients from all walks of life make it difficult to move to full-time retirement. It is not just the financial rewards or the ability to work for oneself. It is the intellectual stimulation, friendship and collegiate life at the Bar that are most rewarding,” she says.</p> <p>Wendy’s transition has allowed her to continue to practice law, but with the flexibility of operating from her home in Sydney, or from her family retreat in Victoria’s Yarra Valley.</p> <p>“With benefits of technology, I can do advance work. I can read when I’m in Victoria as well as when I’m in New South Wales. So for that type of work, when I say transitioning, I’m transitioning out of more active court appearances. I will pass on to younger junior barristers smaller matters, and matters that require mentions and appearances for that sort of thing. I don’t usually attend [court] myself for such matters unless it’s unavoidable.”</p> <p>In a world where increases to the retirement age are met with protest, Wendy’s outlook is that age should not be the only determinant of whether someone should retire.</p> <p>“Given the advances in medicine, I think 60 is far too young to have people retire because of age alone. I know that in legal firms and barristers’ chambers, age is not a barrier to a person working. In many cases, it is preferred because of the experience of the person and their overall knowledge. There are also greater opportunities for the over-60s to start up their own consultancy business or other businesses.”</p> <p>What, then, might ultimately trigger retirement?</p> <p>“If there’s any health reason, I would certainly bring forward any retirement plans. And of course, family issues, the health of your grandchildren or partner, and things like that would also weigh on that decision. But if things continue as they are at the moment, I would say I’ve probably got another three to five years to go.”</p> <p><strong>There are many different motivations for engaging in part-time work beyond the traditional retirement age, including the following:</strong></p> <ul> <li>A preference for lifestyle flexibility, which allows for a balanced combination of work, family caring commitments, travel, hobbies and other community activities.</li> <li>Financial necessity whereby they may not yet feel they have adequate savings to allow them to stop working.</li> <li>A desire for regular social interaction.</li> <li>A need for ongoing mental stimulation and intellectual challenges.</li> <li>A desire to maintain structure and routine.</li> <li>A sense of identify and purpose.</li> <li>A continuing passion for a particular line of work or business.</li> <li>The sense that ceasing work simply feels unnatural or undesirable.</li> <li>Fear of boredom.</li> </ul> <p><img width="172" height="254" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7267575/1_172x254.jpg" alt="1 (84)" style="float: right;"/></p> <p><em>This is an extract from </em>End of the Retirement Age: Embracing the pursuit of meaning, purpose and prosperity<em> by David Kennedy. Available at endoftheretirementage.com and via Amazon, Booktopia, and Angus &amp; Robertson.</em></p>

Retirement Life

Placeholder Content Image

The simple trick to creating a meaningful retirement for yourself

<p><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.megangiles.com/" target="_blank">Megan Giles</a></span>, Retirement Transition Consultant, supports those approaching retirement to successfully transition and create a retirement they will love to live!</em></strong></p> <p>It’s all well and good to say that you need to find purpose in retirement but for some this is well intended but frustrating advice. They have stepped away from work, caught up on sleep, cleared out the corporate wardrobe and now want to know what retirement can look like on a day-to-day basis. They want real examples because without work these are now a lot of waking hours to fill.</p> <p>The worry is that it is easy to fill for the days to get away from you. You can shop, have coffee and watch TV. But what will you have to show after 6 months, 12 months or 10 years? What people fear is the passing of time without a sense of purpose.</p> <p>To say ‘do something you enjoy’ is just too vague. You many enjoy going to the gym, but this is not something you can do all day, every day. Not only would you be exhausted, but you’d likely have shin splints, aching muscles and blisters to deal with as well!</p> <p>Rather than reinvent the wheel, why not just think differently about <em>how</em> you do what you already do. Here are five examples of how you can build on the activities you already enjoy in order to fill your days meaningfully and create experiences to look forward to in retirement.</p> <ul> <li><strong>Consider <em>when</em> you schedule activities.</strong> Perhaps you’ve belonged to a book club for years and you always meet on the first Tuesday evening of the month. Now that you are all retired, do your really need to continue meeting at night, squeezing in these catch-ups around work? Is this something you could instead enjoy over a leisurely lunch or afternoon tea (still enjoying that glass of wine that goes hand-in-hand with any good book discussion)? A day time book club might be particularly appealing if you no longer like to drive at night.</li> </ul> <ul> <li><strong>Incorporate your interest with travel.</strong> You may enjoy playing golf, but once or twice a week is enough. You don’t want it to become a chore. Have you ever considered planning a golf trip with friends? Imagine exploring the highlands and historic cities of Scotland, enjoying a dram of whiskey one day and playing one of the famed St Andrews courses the next! Or escaping the winter cold and heading north to play at a reciprocal club in more tropical climes. It’s a fantastic way to see a different part of the world and share the experience with friends. You might even like to make this an annual event.</li> </ul> <ul> <li><strong>Give back to your club or group.</strong> Perhaps you enjoy netball, triathlon or restoring furniture at the local men’s shed. Have you ever thought about joining the committee and contributing your skills and enthusiasm at the strategic level to make your club even greater? Often energy, motivation and a willingness to ‘get your hands dirty’ is enough, but you may have a specific skill set which your club or group could benefit from? It might be accounting, marketing, social media, grant applications or business development skills.  This could be a wonderful opportunity to create a bigger impact and encourage more people to follow your passion.</li> </ul> <ul> <li><strong>Avoid being limited by your circumstances.</strong> You’ve downsized to an apartment but enjoy gardening. Does this mean you can no longer be a gardener? The answer is no! There are many thriving community gardens out there seeking enthusiastic green thumbs to volunteer their expertise and energy. Most local government websites have information on where to find your nearest community garden, and the wonderful thing about becoming involved is not only are you creating sustainable gardening practices but you get to enjoy the fruits of your labour as well! Imagine what you could cook with all of those fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs!</li> <li><strong>Teach others and pass on your expertise.</strong> Perhaps you have a grandchild or neighbour kid who constantly pesters you to know ‘why do you do that’ and ‘what would happen if you did this’ while you are tinkering in the shed, repotting those plants or mending a shirt. It is possible that they are not simply bothering you – they genuinely want to learn. Have you ever considered teaching them and passing on your skill? This needn’t require a formal qualification, it might just be a wonderful opportunity to have someone to share your hobby with. (One a side note, there are so many millennials who don’t know how to hem and instead take their pants to a tailor, paying $25 to get them altered. Maybe teaching others to sew could be your personal mission!)</li> </ul> <p>You don’t need to suddenly find 1- new hobbies to fill your days meaningfully in retirement. Instead consider what you already enjoy and just approach is differently. </p>

Retirement Life

Placeholder Content Image

What does a meaningful life look like?

<p><em><strong>Sophie Scott is the national medical reporter for the ABC, in addition to being a prominent public speaker. Sophie has won numerous awards for excellence in journalism and is the author of two books, </strong></em><strong>Live a Longer Life</strong><em><strong> and </strong></em><strong>Roadtesting Happiness</strong><em><strong>.</strong></em></p> <p>In the busyness of life how do we create a life with meaning?</p> <p>At the start of this year, I wrote about feeling vulnerable and losing touch with my authentic self. One of the touchstones was feeling like I had lost a sense of meaning in daily life, something so many of us feel.</p> <p>It's all too easy to get swept up in the daily pressures, the endless to do list that never gets done. And while we thrive on being wanted, needed and giving our time and effort towards others, how often do we step back and say-what do I actually want? What am I doing in my life that gives it a sense of meaning?</p> <p>And science tells us that meaning does matter. I wrote about the pursuit of happiness (and meaning) in my book <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="http://www.sophiescott.com.au/store/c1/Featured_Products.html" target="_blank">Roadtesting Happiness</a></em></span></strong>. It was my search for meaning after my mother had died.</p> <p>What I learnt about meaning came from the father of positive psychology Professor Martin Seligman, from the department of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. He defined the happiest life as the one with a true sense of meaning. I didn't quite grasp what he means until he explained. "The meaningful life is about finding a deeper sense of fulfilment by using your strengths in the service of something larger than yourself and nourishing others," he said.</p> <p>His studies found that the pursuit of pleasure on its own had no bearing on increasing happiness but that the pursuit of meaning itself was the strongest factor in increasing your life satisfaction.</p> <p>And in my own way, I understand what he meant. Writing a book on happiness, through the lens of grief, has helped others in the fog of sadness to see a way forward.</p> <p>I always remember a particular letter I received from a young mother whose twin girls had died shortly after being born. "No one else helped me understand that it was okay to feel sad and devastated by what had happened, but that it was also okay to search for a way forward into happiness," she wrote. "Your book gave me that."</p> <p>When I read those words, it hit me. That was my sense of meaning, that I could feel so grateful to be able to help others, even if it was just one other person, to find a way forward when all hope seemed lost.</p> <p>My challenge to you is to consider, what are you doing when you feel the most energised and fulfilled? What do you love that fills you with joy? How can you be more open to change and seizing everything life has to offer?</p> <p>Inevitably, there may be obstacles and difficulties that arise on your journey. Problems might crop up at work or at home or you might be disappointed with the way thing in your life turns out.</p> <p>How do you hang onto that sense of meaning and not be discouraged? I found inspiration in the words of the Dalai Lama. When he encounters problems or difficulties, he finds it helpful to stand back and take the long-term view rather than a short term one. Determination, effort and time are the essential ingredients of happiness and meaning, according to the Dalai Lama.</p> <p>By looking at the situation from a wider perspective, it helps you to realise that things are not always going to be the way they are now. It helps you not to lose hope and to keep focused on your goal of being happier and living a more meaningful life.</p> <p>How do you find and keep a sense of meaning in your life? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sophiescott.com.au/" target="_blank">Click here</a></strong></span> to subscribe to Sophie Scott’s popular blog on health and happiness.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/08/why-you-should-stay-silent-more/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>4 reasons to keep silent more often</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/08/the-secret-to-beating-bad-moods/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The secret to beating bad moods</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/07/how-to-stay-positive-in-hard-times/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How to stay positive in hard times</strong></em></span></a></p>

Mind

Our Partners