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10 signs you’re not on the right financial path

Dreaming of owning a big house, nice car and a boat? Or just having enough cash to be comfortable? Here are 10 signs that you are not (yet) on the path to financial freedom. 1. You don't think about ways to make extra money If you are paid a salary and nothing more, you are limited in the ways you can get ahead. The only way to save is to spend less. But if you switch it up and start to look for ways to earn more, your horizons open up. Most of the world's super wealthy have more than one income stream – some of which are usually passive, requiring no regular input. This could be something such as rental income from an investment property or the sale of a product such as an ebook. Add in some sensible savings habits and you will be on your way. 2. You leave your savings in a savings account If you stick your cash in a savings account, it is basically doing nothing. You are better to look at ways to put that money to work. You could put it in a managed fund, buy shares or even lend it out via a peer-to-peer platform, to get a better return. Make sure you get good advice to understand what you are doing. 3. You borrow to buy Borrowing to buy a house is fine. Borrowing to buy a car is (generally) not. If you are putting all your purchases on finance or credit card and paying them off with high rates of interest, you are pouring money down the drain. Live within your means if you want to get rich. 4. You don't know where your money goes The first step to getting on the right track is to have a clear idea of what you're spending money on. If you don't know, chances are you're wasting it. Have a look through your recent bank statements, draw up a budget. Stamp out some discretionary spending and you'll have more of that money to put to work that we mentioned earlier. 5. You're putting off planning for your retirement If you think you are too young to have to worry about the future, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. When you are working towards a long-term financial goal, such as retirement, time is a huge asset to have on your side. The power of compounding means that any returns you make in a vehicle such as your KiwiSaver account then attract their own returns, over and over each year until you withdraw the money. The later you start saving, the more of that compounding power you miss. 6. You hate risk It is great to be careful with your money but if you never take a risk, you miss out on returns. Over the long term, the biggest gains are usually from riskier investments, such as equities. You may also find ways to wealth by getting out of your comfort zone. Quitting your job and starting a new business is risky and scary, but could pay off if you have planned it well and know your stuff. 7. You don't have a plan If you don't know how you're going to get rich, it probably isn't going to happen. Write down your goals. What do you want to achieve this week, month and year? What about in 10 years? If you can, identify someone who is in a position you'd like to get to and find out what they did to get there. Work out what you need to do to follow suit and break it down into small, achievable steps. 8. You don't pay yourself first If you have decided to save money and think you'll just put aside everything that is left in your account at the end of the month, you will be horribly disappointed. This method almost always fails because there is invariably nothing left. Pay yourself first. Using your budget and plan, put aside the amount that you have worked out you can afford to save as soon as you get paid, and then live off the rest. 9. You think you're bad with money It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are bad with money, you won't pay any attention to your finances and they will get out of control. Stop thinking money is some sort of secret club that you could not possibly understand. Everyone can get a handle on it. 10. You don't know the basics But having said that, it's important to get a good knowledge of the basic stuff. If you are not clear how your credit card works, or how your mortgage interest is calculated, get someone to help you break it down and bust the jargon. Websites such as Sorted have good tools or you can seek financial advice from your bank or an adviser. Image credits: Shutterstock Written by Susan Edmonds. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Stuff.co.nz</a>.

Money & Banking

How to write creative non-fiction history

Discovering an old photo album from the 1920s, celebrated author and adjunct professor Paul Ashton embarked on a journey to turn historical research into engaging creative non-fiction, blending meticulous evidence with captivating storytelling. Here he shares he insights on the fascinating process. One afternoon my elderly father and niece came to my home for lunch. On their way they had seen something on a council clean up. ‘We thought you might be interested in this,’ said my father handing me a small, brown photo album. I was. The album contained around 100 undated black and white photographs. It became apparent quickly that this was the record of a road trip done in the 1920s or 1930s. A boy, two women and a man had gone on a trip from Sydney up through New England, to Tamworth then to Brisbane and back to Sydney. Shadows in some of the images indicate that they were taken by the man and at least one of the women. The album provided the basis for my first children’s book, Palmer’s Mystery Hikes. One photograph stood out for me. Hundreds of people were gathered somewhere in the bush. In the far left-hand corner in the background was an elevated table covered with a large white tablecloth. With a magnifying glass I could just make out ‘Palmers [something] Hike’. In 1932 Palmer’s men and boys’ department store, in Park Street in Sydney, had established a hiking club to promote the sale of hiking apparel. You bought a ‘mystery’ ticket from New South Wales Railways with which Palmer had an arrangement; turned up at Central Station on Sunday morning; and were taken to a mystery destination. From there you did a ten-mile hike to another station and were then trained back to Sydney. There were five hikes. The third one to the Hawkesbury River attracted over 8,000 people. Turning historical research into believable fiction or creative non-fiction has certain demands. How do you strike a balance between historical research and evidence and the narrative form? This is a big question and will ultimately depend on many things, including the availability of primary and secondary sources and the nature of the particular narrative. But perhaps the most important question is: how do writers use the past to give their work historical dimensions and insights? For me, the most critical element is context. And it’s the thing most missing in much historically based fictional literature. Evoking people, places and periods involves understandings of things such as continuity and change over time, historical process – like colonisation and suburbanisation – ideologies and superstitions. Where appropriate, these should form subtle backgrounds to the narrative. Fiction and creative non-fiction as historical modes of presenting history should also show – not tell. My edited collection, If It’s not True It Should Be (Halstead Press), explores writing history using fictional techniques. As Peter Stanley has written in that book, ‘those who seek to illuminate the past through the imaginative recreation of historical fiction … [are] motivated by the fundamental conviction that what links the fidelity of the historian and the imagination of the historical novelist is that the work of both should be offered and read as if it were true.’ ABOUT THE AUTHOR Paul Ashton is adjunct professor and co-founder of the Australian Centre for Public History at the University of Technology Sydney and adjunct professor at the University of Canberra and Macquarie University. He has authored, co-authored, edited and co-edited over 40 books and is editor of the journal Public History Review. His series of creative non-fiction children’s histories – Accidental Histories – is being published by Halstead Press. Images: Supplied

Books

Why 15 minutes of meditation a day is the game changer in the world of antiaging

Our mind is our most precious asset and one we use every single day. Yet many of us don’t take the time to nourish it properly so it can perform at its very best now and well into the future. We all lead busy lives. Constant demands pulling our attention in so many different ways at once. As women we tend to spend a lot of time taking care of those around us and put our own self-care on the back burner. This can leave us feeling burnt out, stressed and looking older than we should. <a name="_Hlk109827543"></a>When practiced correctly, meditation has <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/meditation">well-documented</a> benefits including boosting your immune system, improving your sleep and reducing your stress levels. These all work together to slow down the ageing process, making meditation a game changer when it comes to anti-ageing. If your day is already full, it can feel too hard to add something else into an already busy day. But before you put it in the too-hard basket, you need to ask yourself, - How much time did you spend stressing about a project before you actually got it done? - How long did you lie in bed worrying about tomorrow? - How much time did you waste mindless scrolling through social media? With as little as 15 minutes a day, meditation can help you to reduce your stress, to stop overthinking and to feel mentally strong enough to take on whatever challenges the day may bring. <ol start="1" type="1"> <li>Stop overthinking and focus on the present. We waste too much time and energy thinking about things we can’t control. Meditation teaches us to be present in the moment, acknowledging those wayward thoughts but not letting them take over. So instead of worrying about the past or overthinking the future, you’ll be able to focus on the task at hand. </li> <li>Reduce the stress and take a breath. Stressful situations can lead to your emotions being all over the place. When you learn to focus your thoughts during meditation, you also learn how to control your emotional response and reduce your stress levels. This increased sense of control can help you make better choices and create a more positive mindset.</li> <li>Build a stronger brain. More is being understood about the complex connection between psychological and physical health. When we take steps to improve the state of our mind using meditation, it also creates <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9232427/#CR2">physical changes in our brain</a>. MRIs have shown that regular meditation can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex; the area responsible for higher brain functions such as awareness and concentration. It also suggests that meditation can help slow down age-related thinning of that area, keeping your brain functioning at a higher level for longer.</li> <li>Save your skin. When you reduce your stress levels using meditation, your body reduces the amount of cortisol, aka the stress hormone into your body. Cortisol is responsible for premature ageing signs including deeper wrinkles caused by weaker collagen, and increased skin inflammation and conditions such as psoriasis. So reducing the amount of cortisol in your system will help to slow down and even reverse some of these ageing responses.</li> </ol> Meditation can be the ultimate game changing approach to anti-ageing. Because feeling strong, vibrant and passionate about your life is just as important as for how you look. If you’ve thought that looking after yourself wasn't a priority or that you didn’t have time, meditation can help to change your perspective so you can embrace making healthy choices and change your habits. Lyndal Linkin, author of “To Age or Not to Age”, is a 56-year-old anti-aging expert who’s spent her lifetime learning about anti-aging solutions. A successful entrepreneur, corporate leader and mother, she uses her years of research and personal experience to explain the most effective methods so you can look and feel younger. Find out more at <a href="http://www.lyndallinkin.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.lyndallinkin.com.au</a> or Instagram: @lyndallinkin Image: Getty Images

Mind

To scooter, or not to scooter?

<img width="117" height="100" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/41006/julie-g-aka-barbara-bindland_117x100.jpg" alt="Julie G Aka Barbara Bindland (5)" style="float: left;"/>Barbara Binland is the pen name of a senior, Julie Grenness, in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. She is a poet, writer, and part-time English and Maths tutor, with over 40 years of experience. Her many books are available on Amazon and Kindle. So, as a senior citizen, you have finally hung up your car keys, for whatever reason. That is part of our ageing journey, one day no longer being able to drive a motor car again. What’s next? Well, the senior citizen, over-60, golden oldie, can decide to purchase an electric mobility scooter. These provide both transportation and independence to anyone with limited mobility. Scooters are a great invention, assisting their owners in performing everyday tasks, such as shopping, or running errands. Electric mobility scooters are the safest way of travelling currently in Australia, even safer than walking on a footpath! There is a variety of styles of scooters available, at a variety of prices. In Australia, the costs range from $1,400 to $8,000, depending on style, number of wheels, length of battery life, and manoeuvrability, as well as number of wheels. They have a warranty, you can have a home demonstration for a test drive, and can even have lessons! Here are some questions to consider before purchasing: <ol> <li>What and how far do you intend to travel?</li> <li>Are you only planning to use your scooter locally, or do you wish to use it on trips?</li> <li>Are there tight corners where you wish to travel?</li> <li>Where will you store your scooter?</li> <li>Do you wish to carry luggage or bags with you?</li> <li>Have you considered the cost of insurance for your scooter?</li> <li>Is your vision okay at normal walking speed?</li> </ol> Overall, electric mobility scooters are easy to operate, travel at a modest speed, and are a safe and stable mode of transport, as they are designed low to the ground. If you have a disability, or issues with walking, a power scooter helps you get around and provides you with independence. With a variety of styles available, you can find one that suits your needs, and looks good too. Finally, here is a little verse about greys on scooters to lighten your day… FREEWHEELING! What a lovely day, Look, here come the greys! Freewheeling today, On their scooters again… Skateboarding teens, yah! Look out, kids, you’re in the way! Greys toot and wave, Freewheeling today, There go the greys! Have a fun grey day! Cheers from one of the greys! Do you use a scooter? How do you find it? Let us know in the comments below.

Caring

What you should avoid on your first cruise

It’s your first foray into the exciting world of cruises. Understandably you don’t know what to expect. While relaxation, fun and adventure are high on the agenda, there’s also the potential for some less enjoyable experiences. By avoiding the following, you’ll increase your chances of a stress free break. 1. Don’t become a victim of sickness Avoid having your holiday ruined by illness with precautionary measures such as hand washing. Bring your own pillow, air purifier, hand-wipes and supplements. Avoid sharing food or utensils. Bring medications in case you do come down with something and pack those motion sickness pills if you’re prone to seasickness. 2. Don’t book interior rooms without a window With their cheaper price brackets, a room without a view can look very enticing, but cruise aficionados will tell you it’s well worth forking out the extra money to wake up to a stunning view. A room with a window or balcony might be more expensive, but consider how your cruise experience will be enhanced by fresh air, natural light and the sight of the sea and sky. 3. Don’t get caught in a queue With a mid-sized ship typically accommodating 900-2000 other passengers, standing in queues is a notorious negative of going on a cruise. Queues typically occur when departing for port stopovers (especially when a transfer or tendering boat is required). Rush hour at the buffet is another time. A good option to avoid the crowds is ensuring you arrive early. 4. Don’t spend too much time in your room Many passengers don’t make themselves aware of the ships facilities and services - ranging from libraries to gyms - and fail to maximise the opportunities onboard. Cruises offer lots of fun activities, entertainment and opportunities for socialising. Remember you’re paying for it, so why not take advantage. 5. Don’t get stung by hidden cruise costs These can mount up. Common offenders include drinks, offshore activities, spa activities and tempting alternative eateries and treats. To avoid your expenditure blowing out, budget for these and check out the spa specials on port days. Finally, don’t miss the boat. Bon voyage! Written by Linda Moon. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/travel/5-things-to-avoid-on-your-cruise.aspx">Wyza.com.au.</a>

Cruising

How artificial intelligence is scamming online daters

Online dating is tricky for everyone. After all, anyone can be whoever they want to be on the internet. It doesn’t help that the majority of internet users think they can spot a dating scam from miles away and that it would never happen to them. However, thanks to new technology, it’s harder than ever to know if someone is being genuine over the internet. Scammers are constantly figuring out new ways to be deceptive and gain people’s trust. There is a new artificial intelligence technology available called Deepfake. This technology is able to produce hyper realistic images and videos of people and situations that don’t exist and have never happened. The videos look so realistic that it is hard to prove they are fake. For example, Barack Obama never called Donald Trump a “dips**t”, but this video would have you believing otherwise. <iframe width="653" height="380" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cQ54GDm1eL0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> Unless you look very closely, you would believe that Obama had said this. There are small tips to look out for, such as blurring or distortion on the video, but they’re only visible when you know what to look for. Phillip Wang, the man behind the website ThisPersonDoesNotExist.com told <a href="https://www.news.com.au/technology/online/security/how-disturbing-ai-technology-could-be-used-to-scam-online-daters/news-story/1be46dc7081613849d67b82566f8b421">news.com.au</a> that he created the site to prove a point to friends about AI technology. “I then decided to share it on an AI Facebook group to raise awareness for the current state of the art for this technology. It went viral from there.” Wang said he created the site to raise awareness about how easy it is to make a fake person. He also wants to raise awareness about the implications this technology could have in the future. It’s getting more and more difficult to tell deepfakes from reality, and Wang has said that it’s “beyond something that simple photoshop forensics can help defeat.” Have you dabbled at online dating? Let us know in the comments.

Technology

6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

Be careful what you look for because you might just find it “My great grandmother always told me to be careful what you go fishing for because you may come out with snakes. As a therapist, I share this with my clients when they are suspicious of what their partner are doing. They may think they want to know everything but are the results worth the fallout from that information? Often we tend to think we are ready to know all the dirty details only to realize we were better off before.” —<a href="http://www.shannonbattle.com/">Shannon Battle</a>, licensed professional counsellor Saying no has a price “My grandmother told me, ‘What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.’ As a married woman, I’m finally beginning to understand the wisdom in her advice. Sometimes we get comfortable and think our spouse will never look elsewhere. Marriage can get stale so it’s important to be open to making adjustments as we go through different experience, age, or change.” —Shannon Battle It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it “As a child, my Southern grandmother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. As such, her favourite saying was ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Now that I work as a marriage counsellor I see how true that is. It’s important to always speak kindly even in tense situations as kind words help couples establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a stronger bond.” —Bill Benson, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counsellor at The Mental Gym Let him (or her) win “When I first got married my grandma told me to ‘always let him win.’ At the time, I didn’t like this advice because I didn’t think it was fair. Why should I always let him win? As I got older and more mature, I see her point and see why this is such an amazing way to be in a relationship. It’s not that we get taken advantage of, or let ourselves be used or abused, but it’s about letting your partner win with the small things. It’s about compromising for the sake of a peaceful marriage. You give in to smaller conflicts for the good of the whole, and for a more peaceful union.” —<a href="http://www.karennaalexander.com/">Karenna Alexander</a>, dating and relationship coach, based in Connecticut and New York City Have a hot meal ready “My grandma always had a delicious meal waiting for my grandfather and told me to do the same. At first when I heard her saying this it seemed outdated and even a little silly. I figured a guy should love me for me, not for my cooking skills. And it’s true, if you have a good guy, you aren’t going to lose him if you are a bad cook. But that said, cooking a meal for someone you love is a way of showing them love and that a you are there for them every day. It’s a form of communication, even on days when you both are exhausted and have nothing left. It’s a way of communicating love and creativity and caring, even when words aren’t spoken.” —Karenna Alexander Pretend you can’t open the pickle jar “My grandparents were married for 41 years and my grandma told me her secret: ‘Sometimes you have to let the other person feel needed, even if they aren’t.’ She explained how she would have my grandfather do little things like filing papers, or opening jars for her. She knew how to open a tight jar herself but she would still leave the tight jars until he came home from work. ‘Nobody wants to feel like you don’t need them to do nothing!’ she’d tell me. I understood later in life that even though I can change my own tire, my significant other wants to feel like he is the only one who can do it. And I am okay with that.” —Whitney Tillery, relationship coach and blogger at <a href="http://shewriteablog.com/">shewriteablog.com</a> (Here are <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/happy-marriage-feel-loved/1">12 other tiny ways to make your spouse feel loved</a>.) Written by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">Reader’s Digest</a><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">.</a> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

Caring

Woolworths accused of not taking plastic bag ban seriously

Just days after Woolworths removed single-use plastic bags from stores, some customers are criticising the supermarket giant of using plastic bags inappropriately in other departments. Whilst Woolworths have taken a stance against their customers using single-use plastic bags, they have been accused of failing to do so themselves. Customers have shared images of fruit and veg in stores still being sold in plastic bags. Uploading a photo of plastic clad fruit, one customer asked, “Does anyone think Woolworths aren't serious about reducing plastic?” Another shopper was shocked to find that her produce had been triple-bagged. “First online order today and my chicken fillets were packed in a deli plastic bag, then wrapped in paper, then put in a grey bag, then a produce bag and then in their 80% recyclable bags,” one person wrote. Since the plastic bag ban, shoppers are encouraged to bring reusable bags when they do their grocery shopping or buy thicker plastic bags for 15c or the $1 green bags. Another customer was disappointed when they found out one of Woolworths’ reusable bags is still made out of plastic. <img width="500" height="314" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7819319/2_500x314.jpg" alt="2 (94)"/> Woolworths said the new reusable bags are a more sustainable option, however, experts claimed that each bag needs to be used between 20 to 100 times before they become better options, reported the <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5870447/Woolworths-slammed-plastic-bag-ban-failure-overcharging-wrapping-fruit.html" target="_blank">Daily Mail.</a> Some shoppers have questioned Woolworths motives, believing the ban could have more to do with boosting profits than protecting the environment. “This is supposed to be about the environment, not making money!” the shoppers said on social media. Woolworths said some of their produce is wrapped for necessity but assured customers that the company has been significantly reducing the amount of plastic it uses. “We're committed to playing our part in reducing plastic usage, we know there is a lot more we can be doing and this is just the start,” a Woolworths representative said on a shopper's Facebook post. What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.

Money & Banking

The strange discovery a Coles customer made while cooking dinner

A Coles customer has been left horrified after discovering green flesh inside a chicken breast fillet they purchased from the supermarket in Victoria. Jamie Ferguson purchased the RSPCA approved chicken from Northcote Place in Victoria and she took to social media to warn other shoppers of her unusual discovery. She said: “Upon cooking dinner tonight, we opened a packet of 4 chicken breasts to separate … we added 1 to a tray of roast veggies we were in the process of cooking, and bagged the rest to freeze. On the last one, this is what we see. Absolutely disgusting! <img width="498" height="245" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7819250/2_498x245.jpg" alt="2 (91)"/> “We had to throw out the dinner we were cooking. Outraged. We will not be buying from Coles after this,” Jamie wrote, noting that the chicken was still within the expiry date. However, the supermarket reassured the customer that despite the unusual colour, the chicken is safe to eat. The spokeswoman explained that the green colouring is caused by deep pectoral myopathy (DPM) and is generally the result of a “bird flapping its wings too much". “DMP is a green discoloration of the flesh caused when swelling occurs as a result of oxygen deficiency in the muscle,” she said. “This usually happens from the bird flapping its wings too much. It is not harmful to eat and the taste of the chicken would not be altered.” A Coles spokeswoman said that the supermarket giant had contacted Jamie and offered her a full return or replacement. Coles highlighted that the quality of the supermarket’s products is “very important” and said all customers were welcome to return a “green chicken” to their nearest store, if they purchased one. This is not the first time a Coles customer has unknowingly purchased a green chicken. In 2016, a customer said on social media that a chicken “appears to have gangrene”. A spokesperson at the time reassured the customer that it was DPM. Researchers have found that cases of DPM are on the rise but “the lesion does not impair the general health of birds and is generally found during cut-up and deboning”, reported <a href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/coles-reassures-customer-green-flesh-inside-chicken-breast-isnt-harmful-to-eat/news-story/605b5c08bfcbf4f792bcb7c21de228ef" target="_blank">news.com.au. </a> Would you eat this green chicken? Let us know in the comments below.

Money & Banking

No, opposites do not attract

Matthew D. Johnson is the Chair and Professor of Psychology and Director of the Marriage and Family Studies Laboratory at Binghamton University, State University of New York. Everyone seems to agree that opposites attract. Young and old people, happy and distressed couples, single folks and married partners – all apparently buy the classic adage about love. Relationship experts have written <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/opposites-attract-renee-baron/1103372924" target="_blank">books</a> based on this assumption. It’s even been internalized by people who are on the hunt for a partner, with 86 percent of those looking for love saying they’re <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/147470490800600406" target="_blank">seeking someone with opposite traits</a>. The problem is that what’s true of magnets is not at all true of romance. As I explain in my book, “<a href="http://www.wiley.com/buy/978-1-118-52128-1" target="_blank">Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage</a>,” people tend to be attracted to those who are similar – not opposite – to themselves. I love how you’re just like me Whether people <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.72.3.592" target="_blank">really find opposites more attractive</a> has been the subject of many scientific studies. Researchers have investigated what combination makes for better romantic partners – those who are similar, different, or opposite? Scientists call these three possibilities the homogamy hypothesis, the heterogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis, respectively. The clear winner is homogamy. Since the 1950s, social scientists have conducted over 240 studies to determine whether similarity in terms of <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0045531" target="_blank">attitudes</a>, <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167291174010" target="_blank">personality traits</a>, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.53.6.1052" target="_blank">outside interests</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-1031(81)90009-3" target="_blank">values</a> and <a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-4560.1976.tb02485.x" target="_blank">other characteristics</a> leads to attraction. In 2013, psychologists Matthew Montoya and Robert Horton examined the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512452989" target="_blank">combined results of these studies</a> in what’s called a meta-analysis. They found an irrefutable association between being similar to and being interested in the other person. In other words, there is clear and convincing evidence that birds of a feather flock together. For human beings, the attractiveness of similarity is so strong that it is found <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01217.x" target="_blank">across cultures</a>. Because similarity is associated with attraction, it makes sense that individuals in committed relationships tend to be alike in many ways. Sometimes this is called <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x12459020" target="_blank">assortative mating</a>, although this term is more often used to describe the ways in which people with similar levels of educational attainment, financial means and <a href="http://doi.org/10.2307/2786870" target="_blank">physical appearance</a> tend to pair up. None of this necessarily means that opposites don’t attract. Both the homogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis could be true. So is there scientific support that opposites might attract at least some of the time? Filling in my weak spots with your strengths Love stories often include people finding partners who seem to have traits that they lack, like a good girl falling for a bad boy. In this way, they appear to complement one another. For example, one spouse might be outgoing and funny while the other is shy and serious. It’s easy to see how both partners could view the other as ideal – one partner’s strengths balancing out the other partner’s weaknesses. In fact, one could imagine the friends and relatives of a shy person trying to set them up with an outgoing person to draw the shy one out. The question is whether people actually seek out complementary partners or if that just happens in the movies. As it turns out, it’s pure fiction. There is essentially no research evidence that differences in personality, interests, education, politics, upbringing, religion or other traits lead to greater attraction. For example, in one study researchers found that college students preferred descriptions of mates whose written bios were <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.4.709" target="_blank">similar to themselves or their ideal self</a> over those described as complementing themselves. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167298243004" target="_blank">Other studies</a> have supported this finding. For example, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0031699" target="_blank">introverts are no more attracted to extraverts</a> than they are to anyone else. Why are we so sure opposites attract? Despite the overwhelming evidence, why does the myth of heterogamy endure? There are probably a few factors at work here. First, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0096-1523.24.5.1315" target="_blank">contrasts tend to stand out</a>. Even if the partners in a couple match on tons of characteristics, they may end up arguing about the <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/acceptance-and-change-in-couple-therapy-andrew-christensen/1103810614?ean=9780393702903" target="_blank">ways in which they are different</a>. Beyond that, there’s evidence that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0044134" target="_blank">small differences</a> between spouses can become larger over time. In their self-help book “<a href="https://www.guilford.com/books/Reconcilable-Differences/Christensen-Doss-Jacobson/9781462502431" target="_blank">Reconcilable Differences</a>,” psychologists Andrew Christensen, Brian Doss and Neil Jacobson describe how partners move into roles that are complementary over time. For example, if one member of a couple is slightly more humorous than the other, the couple may settle into a pattern in which the slightly-more-funny spouse claims the role of “the funny one” while the slightly-less-funny spouse slots into the role of “the serious one.” Scientists have demonstrated that, yes, partners <a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2001.tb00038.x" target="_blank">grow more complementary over time</a>; while they may begin as quite alike, they find ways to differentiate themselves by degree. In the end, people’s attraction to differences is vastly outweighed by our attraction to similarities. People persist in thinking opposites attract – when in reality, relatively similar partners just become a bit more complementary as time goes by. Written by Matthew D. Johnson. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation.</a><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88839/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Relationships

Jane Fonda reveals why she’s not having sex anymore

Actress Jane Fonda has openly discussed her sex life in the past. At the age of 74, she famously broke age stereotypes by saying that she had “never had such a fulfilling sex life”. Now, at the age of 80, Fonda has announced that she has “closed up shop down there”. "I'm 80," Fonda told entertainment news show Extra at the LA premiere of Book Club – her new movie also starring Diane Keaton, Mary Steenburgen and Candice Bergen. "It's about very important things: friendship and sex," Fonda described about the movie which follows the story of older women reading Fifty Shades of Grey in their book club. "And that it's OK for older women to have both." But she added: "I'm not dating anymore, but I did up until a couple of years ago. I’m 80. I’ve closed up shop down there.” Last year, data collected from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing, found that men and women over 80 reported more shared sexual compatibility and emotional closeness than those in their 50s, 60s and 70s. Co-author of the report, Dr David Lee, told The Guardian that sex was not defined by penetration. “We saw quite a lot of adaptation in the older people, saying they no longer had penetrative sexual intercourse and were more content with kissing and cuddling and general intimacy. We kept a very broad definition of sex. We saw what appeared to be adaptive behaviour in the older members of our sample." However, Dr Lee also found that only 10 per cent of women aged 85 or older, and less than 25 per cent of men aged over 80, had a sex life. "They're a minority, clearly, but they're an interesting minority," said Dr Lee. "Among those who were [sexually active], it was quite interesting that they seemed happy with their sexual lives." A survey released from the University of Michigan a few days ago found that 84 per cent of men and 69 per cent of women believe sex is important to a relationship at any age. Over half of men and just under a third of women said they were sexually active in some way. "I think it's important for everyone to know that people in their 70s can be sexually attractive and sexually active. They don't have to be ... and lots of people have opted out of that, but they can be,” Jane Fonda said.

Movies

I’m not overweight – why do I need to eat healthy foods?

Alessandro R Demaio, Australian Medical Doctor; Fellow in Global Health & NCDs, University of Copenhagen, explains why you need to eat healthy foods, even if you’re overweight. We all have that one friend whose eating habits and body shape simply don’t add up. While enjoying the unhealthiest of meals and a sedentary lifestyle, somehow they effortlessly retain a slender figure. At first glance we may assume these slim people are healthy, but it’s not always the case. So if you don’t have weight to worry about, what’s the impetus for avoiding sweet or salty temptations and eating good, nutritious foods instead? Healthy weight ≠ good health <a href="https://www.heartfoundation.org.au/your-heart/know-your-risks/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator" target="_blank">Body mass index or BMI</a>, the tool most often used to determine “healthy weight ranges”, was designed primarily to track the weight of populations. While it’s a simple and useful screening tool when looking at groups of people, it’s not a good marker of individual health. This is because BMI is a measure of our height and our weight, and the ratios of their combination. But weight alone doesn’t discriminate between a kilogram of fat versus a kilogram of muscle nor does it account for body shape and fat distribution differences relating to, say, ethnicity or gender. Just as <a href="https://academic.oup.com/eurheartj/article/34/5/389/481217" target="_blank">not all obese individuals</a> have heart disease risk factors or unhealthy metabolisms (the conversion of food into energy), nor do <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/89/6/2569/2870288" target="_blank">all lean people have healthy ones</a>. There’s a well-documented subset of people known as <a href="http://diabetes.diabetesjournals.org/content/47/5/699" target="_blank">metabolically obese, normal weight individuals</a>. These people are not obese as determined by their height and weight, but may face metabolic dysfunction such as insulin resistance (which leads to a build-up of sugar in the blood), and like their physically obese counterparts are predisposed to type 2 diabetes, high levels of fats in the blood, heart disease and even some cancers. Food is health The most compelling reason to eat healthy foods is the correlation between good nutrition and well-being. Coupled with regular exercise, eating a diet rich in whole foods and grains, healthy oils and low in sugar and salt, has been shown to convey a number of benefits. These include a <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0081877" target="_blank">longer life with less pain and suffering</a>, less risk of back pain or muscular problems and even an increased libido. Food has been identified as an important risk factor for <a href="https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-244X-14-132" target="_blank">cognitive decline and dementia in older age</a>. A healthy diet combined with physical activity can <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25963237" target="_blank">strengthen bones</a> and reduce body aches and pains. And these benefits are conferred irrespective of your baseline weight or age. Health risks aren’t always visible While it might be easy to take solace in a thinner weight, many of the serious health risks associated with poorer diet are often hidden from plain sight. Excessive salt consumption can cause the kidneys to hold on to more water, resulting in an increase in blood pressure. High blood pressure strains the arteries that supply blood to our vital organs including our heart and brain, and <a href="http://www.bloodpressureuk.org/microsites/salt/Home/Whysaltisbad/Saltseffects#TklJ" target="_blank">increases our risk</a> of stroke, dementia, heart attack and kidney disease. Consumption of high amounts of sugar, especially from sugar sweetened beverages, is associated with an <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4405421/" target="_blank">increased risk in fatty liver disease</a>, among many other health problems. This in turn significantly increases our risk of liver scarring, heart disease and stroke. Recent research has also reconfirmed a <a href="http://www.wcrf.org/int/research-we-fund/continuous-update-project-findings-reports/colorectal-bowel-cancer" target="_blank">link between bowel cancer and red meat consumption</a>. Processed meats such as ham, bacon and salami appear to be especially problematic. Not only can all of these occur without any visual cues, but they can also develop irrespective of our weight. Our kids’ health The importance of a good diet is not just limited to our own health. Children of parents with poor diets are significantly more likely to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22089441" target="_blank">inherit similarly unhealthy eating habits</a>. And it doesn’t stop there. Through a mechanism called <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-epigenetics-may-help-us-slow-down-the-ageing-clock-76878" target="_blank">epigenetics</a>, our health and our diet can result in alterations to the expression of our genes. Animal studies have shown <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-your-grandparents-life-could-have-changed-your-genes-19136" target="_blank">epigenetic changes resulting from poor diet</a> (and other stressors) can influence the healthiness of future generations. Many scientists now believe the same will prove true for humans too. Saving lives, and money Contrary to what many of us think, the latest evidence suggests <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-healthy-diet-is-cheaper-than-junk-food-but-a-good-diet-is-still-too-expensive-for-some-57873" target="_blank">eating a healthy diet is actually cheaper</a> than consuming the unhealthy foods that now dominate many Australian households. <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-016-2996-y" target="_blank">Analysis</a> of both wealthier and poorer suburbs in Brisbane, for example, showed the average family of four spends 18% more on current diets than would be required if they could more closely adhere to healthy dietary recommendations. This is not to say eating healthily is easy, accessible or even possible for everyone, but might be more possible than we first think. Not only would adopting a healthy diet be a beneficial investment for individuals and families, it might also go a long way to curbing the <a href="https://www.pwc.com.au/pdf/weighing-the-cost-of-obesity-final.pdf" target="_blank">major societal costs</a> from growing weight gain. The annual costs from obesity already add up to A$830 million in Australia alone. The consequences of poor diet increasingly burden Australians and our health care system. While it’s easy to measure our health based on a reading of the bathroom scales, eating a diverse and nutritious diet will bring overwhelming benefits to everyone – regardless of our current weight. Do you agree? Written by Alessandro R Demaio. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90436/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Body

Why the flu vaccine works for some people but not others

Professor Katherine Kedzierska is Head of the Human T cell Laboratory Department of Microbiology and Immunology, University of Melbourne at the Peter Doherty Institute for Infection and Immunity. Marios Koutsakos is a PhD student and Dr Oanh Nguyen is a Research Officer in the Department of Microbiology and Immunology at the University of Melbourne. When the flu hit Australia last year, it hit hard. More than 220,000 cases were reported, double that of the previous year. The epidemic was credited in 370 deaths. It was the <a href="http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/australia-hit-by-worst-flu-outbreak-on-record-in-2017/news-story/56d9f7266bcc8a0a7ceacd5298e06d88" target="_blank">worst flu outbreak</a> in recent Australian history. One reason was what many perceived to be the relative ineffectiveness of the 2017 flu vaccine. Each year, the flu virus mutates, challenging immunologists to predict what form it will take and develop a vaccine to combat it. And it’s a difficult job. In the best years, the jab will provide immunity to around 60 per cent of those who get it. Last year, however, it only protected between <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2017-09-28/flu-epidemic-your-questions-answered/8992884" target="_blank">15 and 20 per cent</a>. These figures point to a fundamental question about all flu vaccines: why does it immunise some people and not others? New research by researchers at Melbourne’s Doherty Institute, a joint venture of the University of Melbourne and Royal Melbourne Hospital, has discovered one of the reasons, pointing the way to transforming such vaccinations from blunt weapons to precise tools. Researchers compared responses to the current flu vaccine in people that developed immunity and those that didn’t. The main difference, they discovered, was whether the jab successfully recruited three specific kinds of blood cells to the fight: T follicular helper cells, antibody-secreting cells and memory B cells. If it doesn’t stimulate this trio, the vaccine has less effect and the individual is vulnerable to the flu. “With further work, it may be possible to make a vaccine that recruits or strengthens the response of these cells, greatly improving protection for everyone vaccinated,” says Professor Katherine Kedzierska, the lead researcher and head of the <a href="https://www.doherty.edu.au/our-work/institute-themes/immunology/research/?lab=kedzierska-lab" target="_blank">Human T cell Laboratory</a> with the University of Melbourne at the <a href="https://www.doherty.edu.au/" target="_blank">Peter Doherty Institute for Infection and Immunity</a>. “It also is also possible that we could predict how well individuals will respond to a particular flu vaccine. This could make a life-saving difference to vulnerable people such as young children, the elderly, Indigenous populations, pregnant women, obese people, or those with underlying health problems.” Their findings, published today in <a href="http://stm.sciencemag.org/lookup/doi/10.1126/scitranslmed.aan8405" target="_blank">Science Translational Medicine</a> also discovered that Killer T cells, one of the body’s prime weapons against any invading virus, are completely unmoved by the current vaccine’s call to arms. “If we get the flu, Killer T cells are activated but they take a while,” says Professor Kedzierska. “If it is possible for a vaccination to make a larger pool of those cells, ready to jump in when a body gets infected, it would be like having your army of ninjas ready.” If future shots can harness this military might, the public health impact could be significant. Marios Koutsakos, one of the study’s lead authors with the University’s <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/institution/University_of_Melbourne/department/Department_of_Microbiology_and_Immunology" target="_blank">Department of Microbiology and Immunology</a>, says: “If we could make a vaccine that recruits these highly effective virus killers into the flu fight, we could be much of the way towards the one-shot, one-time effective flu vaccine that could save hundreds of thousands of lives and a great deal of health care expense and focus.” Just as a body can marshal certain cells to form armies, it seems it also provides a home for veterans in the battle against the flu. And the researchers have found it. Memory B cells – one of the three cells vital for immunisation – hold information about previous battles with viruses. Their knowledge can go back decades. For example, in the 2009 swine flu pandemic, infections were milder in the elderly because a similar virus had circulated earlier in the 20th century. Their memory B cells recalled how to defeat this familiar foe. Previously, experts believed these important cells were mainly found in the blood. However, Professor Kedzierska’s team discovered that they reside in human tissue. It means they have discovered a potentially large and untapped reserve of expert flu-fighting cells. “When we just looked in the blood for memory B cells, we didn’t get the full picture – far from it,” she says. “It is much easier to research immune cells in the blood, as opposed to tissues. But finding out what resides in our tissues and how we can recruit these cells is an exciting area of future research.” Dr Oanh Nguyen, a co-leader on the study adds: “Potentially there are long-term flu-fighting resources in under-explored tissues and we think this is a promising place to look for answers to the very difficult questions that flu asks our immune systems every year.” Written by Professor Katherine Kedzierska, Marios Koutsakos and Dr Oanh Nguyen. Republished with permission of <a href="http://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/" target="_blank">Pursuit</a>. Read the <a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/but-i-got-my-flu-shot-why-the-flu-vaccine-works-for-some-and-not-others" target="_blank">original article</a>.

Body

3 things NOT to say after being complimented

When you receive a compliment, how to you react? Do you thank the person giving the compliment? Do you go quiet? Do you shut them down? We all respond differently, but experts agree the healthiest thing to do is accept it. Why? Well, according to relationship expert and author Dr Jane Greer, shutting down someone’s compliment shows insecurity and a lack of confidence. “You aren’t able to claim ownership of whatever positive aspect of yourself that’s being addressed – your hair, your outfit, your talents and strengths,” she tells <a href="http://www.preventionaus.com.au/article/4-things-you-need-to-stop-saying-after-getting-a-compliment-481561" target="_blank">Prevention</a>. So, the next time someone compliments you, avoid saying these three common things and swap them for a “thank you” instead. 1. “Yes, my hairdresser did a great job” Your friend is complimenting you, not your hairdresser, so don’t give the credit to someone else. The same can be said if you’ve done something nice for a friend, like making a photo album. If they compliment your effort, don’t say, “oh, Ann gave me lots of help,” or “it was nothing”. Simply accept the praise and say, “thank you”. 2. “Oh stop it, that’s not true” When someone compliments you, even if you don’t believe or agree with what they’re saying, resist the urge to shut them down. Show some appreciation for them taking the time to try and make your day – it never pays to respond to an act of kindness by brushing the person off. “The reality is most people are attracted to confident people, people who know their worth and value and respect themselves,” psychiatrist Dr Gail Saltz tells Prevention. “So it behoves you to accept compliments in a way that you can incorporate into your self-esteem, and with a genuine appreciation to the person who was kind enough to offer it. It also helps to give you a realistic but positive view of yourself. “At first, it really takes effort to change your reaction to compliments. You likely have to rehearse some ways in private to respond so you can more easily try them out in public.” 3. “Really? Do you think so?” The person wouldn’t be complimenting you if they didn’t mean it. It’s not arrogant or narcissistic to accept a compliment rather than questioning it. “Women are much more likely to demur at a compliment because they have been socialized to believe that being feminine means being self-effacing and overly humble,” Saltz explains. “Women often feel it's not polite, nor comfortable, nor likeable to acknowledge and embrace a compliment.” Tell us in the comments below, how do you respond to compliments?

Mind

Why you shouldn’t be afraid of dying alone

Glenys Caswell is a sociologist and Senior Research Fellow at the University of Nottingham. Her research focuses on social management of dying and death. It seems so obvious that no one should die alone that we never talk about it, but people do often die when they are alone. Sometimes they die in a way that suggests they prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives. So is it really such a bad thing to be alone when you die? When a person is dying in a hospital or a care home it is common for the nurses caring for them to summon their family. Many people will have the experience of trying to <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2190/OM.55.3.d" target="_blank">keep vigil beside a family member</a>. It is hard – as everyday life goes on regardless – and it can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, the relative will die when their family have gone to make a phone call or get a cup of tea, leaving the family feeling distressed and guilty for not being there when they died. There is plenty of research literature, from many countries, devoted to trying to decide <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415001578" target="_blank">what makes a good death</a>. There are differences to be found between countries, but similarities too. One similarity is a belief that <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S106474811600138X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">no one should die alone</a>. This idea sits well with the view of dying that can be found in many different places. When interviewed as research participants, health professionals – and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904589/" target="_blank">nurses in particular</a> – commonly say that no one should die alone. There are also many cultural references that suggest that to die alone is a bad thing. Consider, for example, the death of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm" target="_blank">A Christmas Carol</a>, or the death of Nemo, the law writer in <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1023/1023-h/1023-h.htm" target="_blank">Bleak House</a>. These are both sad, dark, lonely deaths of a kind to be avoided. Celebrity deaths, such as those of comedian and actress <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2016/apr/20/victoria-wood-dies-aged-62-comedian" target="_blank">Victoria Wood</a> or <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35278872" target="_blank">David Bowie</a>, are described in the news as peaceful or good when they are surrounded by family. Ordinary people who die alone make the news when the person’s body is undiscovered for a long time. When this happens the death is likely to be described in <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027795360300577X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">negative terms</a>, such as shocking, lonely, tragic or as a sad indictment of society. Some people prefer to be alone Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21582041.2015.1114663" target="_blank">evidence</a> that suggests that some people would <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615003482?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">prefer to be alone</a> as they are coming to the end of their lives. My own <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542" target="_blank">research</a> found that while hospice-at-home nurses believe that no one should die alone, they had seen cases where a person died after their family members had left the bedside. The nurses believed that some people just want to be on their own when they are dying. They also thought that people may have a measure of control over when they die, and choose to do so when their family are not around. In the same study, I also talked to older people who were living alone to find out their views about dying alone. I was intrigued to learn that dying alone was not seen as something that is automatically bad, and for some of the older people it was to be preferred. For some people in this group, dying was not the worst thing that could happen – being trapped in a care home was considered to be far worse than dying alone. Cultural representations of dying suggest that being alone while dying is a dreadful thing. This view is supported by healthcare policy and the practices of health professionals, such as nurses. But we all know people who prefer to be left alone when they are ill. Is it so surprising then that some might wish to be alone when they are dying? It is time we began to talk about this and to accept that we want different things in our dying as we do in our living. Openness created through discussion might also help to remove some of the guilt that family members feel when they miss the moment of their relative’s death. Written by Glenys Caswell. Republished with the permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90034/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Caring

Why true happiness isn’t about being happy all the time

Lowri Dowthwaite is a Lecturer in Psychological Interventions at the University of Central Lancashire. Over the past two decades, the positive psychology movement has brightened up psychological research with its science of happiness, human potential and flourishing. It argues that psychologists should not only investigate mental illness but also <a href="https://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/38825564/Seligman_and_Csikszentmihalyi_salud_positiva.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAIWOWYYGZ2Y53UL3A&Expires=1512736218&Signature=d447VD%2FpUzNTUzI6VaYSbCNj4ew%3D&response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DPositive_Psychology_An_Introduction.pdf" target="_blank">what makes life worth living</a>. The founding father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, <a href="https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/43062/10902_2004_article_1278.pdf?sequence=1" target="_blank">describes happiness</a> as experiencing frequent positive emotions, such as joy, excitement and contentment, combined with deeper feelings of meaning and purpose. It implies a positive mindset in the present and an optimistic outlook for the future. Importantly, happiness experts have argued that happiness is not a stable, unchangeable trait but something flexible that we can work on and ultimately strive towards. I have been running happiness workshops for the last four years based on the evidence from the above field of psychology. The workshops are fun and I have earned a reputation as “Mrs Happy”, but the last thing I would want anyone to believe is that I am happy all the time. Striving for a happy life is one thing, but striving to be happy all the time is unrealistic. Recent <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2998793/" target="_blank">research</a> indicates that psychological flexibility is the key to greater happiness and well-being. For example, being open to emotional experiences and the ability to tolerate periods of discomfort can allow us to move towards a richer, more meaningful existence. Studies have <a href="https://cloudfront.escholarship.org/dist/prd/content/qt4v03h9gv/qt4v03h9gv.pdf" target="_blank">demonstrated</a> that the way we respond to the circumstances of our lives has more influence on our happiness than the events themselves. Experiencing stress, sadness and anxiety in the short term doesn’t mean we can’t be happy in the long term. Two paths to happiness Philosophically speaking there are two paths to feeling happy, the hedonistic and the eudaimonic. Hedonists take the view that in order to live a happy life we must <a href="https://search.proquest.com/docview/205845157?pq-origsite=gscholar" target="_blank">maximise pleasure and avoid pain</a>. This view is about satisfying human appetites and desires, but it is often short lived. In contrast, the eudaimonic approach takes the long view. It argues that we should live authentically and for the greater good. We should pursue meaning and potential through kindness, justice, honesty and courage. If we see happiness in the hedonistic sense, then we have to continue to seek out new pleasures and experiences in order to “top up” our happiness. We will also try to minimise unpleasant and painful feelings in order to keep our mood high. If we take the eudaimonic approach, however, we strive for meaning, using our strengths to contribute to something greater than ourselves. This may involve unpleasant experiences and emotions at times, but often leads to <a href="http://org-portal.org/fileadmin/media/legacy/the_resilience_inventory.pdf" target="_blank">deeper levels of joy and contentment</a>. So leading a happy life is not about avoiding hard times; it is about being able to respond to adversity in a way that allows you to grow from the experience. Growing from adversity <a href="http://www.katehefferon.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Hefferon-Grealy-Mutrie-BJHP.pdf" target="_blank">Research shows</a> that experiencing adversity can actually be good for us, depending on how we respond to it. Tolerating distress can <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2891552/pdf/nihms196902.pdf" target="_blank">make us more resilient</a> and lead us to take action in our lives, such as changing jobs or overcoming hardship. In <a href="http://www.katehefferon.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Hefferon-Grealy-Mutrie-BJHP.pdf" target="_blank">studies of people facing trauma</a>, many describe their experience as a catalyst for profound change and transformation, leading to a phenomenon known as “post-traumatic growth”. Often when people have faced difficulty, illness or loss, they describe their lives as happier and more meaningful as a result. Unlike feeling happy, which is a transient state, leading a happier life is about individual growth through finding meaning. It is about accepting our humanity with all its ups and downs, enjoying the positive emotions, and harnessing painful feelings in order to reach our full potential. Written by Lowri Dowthwaite. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88600/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Mind

5 items first-time cruisers don't want to forget

Before you set sail on your first cruise, there are plenty of things you need to get in order. Not only do you need to book the best cruise bargain, prepare all your travel documents, budget for your holiday and board the ship, but just like all trips you need to make sure you have packed appropriately. It can be confusing to pack for your first cruise as you try to cater for all the activities, themed-nights and possible weather scenarios, that you will encounter. But thankfully, first-time cruisers can learn from the mistakes of others and find out which items should definitely be included in your luggage. Scroll through the gallery above to see which items you can’t forget on a cruise. What item do you always pack with you on a cruise? Let us know in the comments below.

Cruising

10 destinations that aren’t as friendly as they used to be

There’s never been a better time than now to travel, but that doesn’t mean travellers are completely excused from showing any degree of caution. There are plenty of destinations that are fascinating to visit, but not as friendly as they used to be. We’re not saying you should leave these destinations off your itinerary entirely, but if you are going to be passing through we’d recommend signing on to a decent travel insurance policy. To see our list of destinations that aren’t friendly as they used to be, scroll through the gallery above. If you’re planning to visit, please make sure you’re on your guard. Have you been to any of these destinations?

Travel Tips

We’re not sleeping enough and it is killing us

Inadequate sleep has a huge impact on how you function, feel and think, yet recent data has revealed that 50 per cent of people are failing to get enough shut-eye. Despite being exhausted, 75 per cent of people are also having difficulty falling asleep once they lay their head on their pillow. Most people will pin their sleep deprivation on either a busy schedule that physically removes you from your bed, or a busy mind that mentally keeps you alert during the night. It is recommended that adults get 7-9 hours sleep each night and Dr Nick Fuller has shared tips with <a href="https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/were-not-sleeping-enough-and-its-killing-us/news-story/8dfd04ff4efb4e94d06da2c805ed9c8a" target="_blank">The Daily Telegraph</a> on how to make sure that happens. 1. Boost serotonin levels Not only does serotonin regulate sleep but also your mood and appetite. It is derived from the amino acid, tryptophan, so make sure your evening meal contains naturally high amounts of tryptophan. Some examples of foods containing tryptophan include dairy foods, eggs, tofu, soy beans, salmon, lamb, chicken, turkey, cherries, Kiwi fruit, nuts and seeds. 2. Have a good bed You spend a lot of time in your bed and sleeping is such an important aspect of your health, so it is justifiable to spend good money to make sure you have a quality bed. 3. Avoid caffeine Dr Fuller recommends avoid having coffee six hours before you go to bed. Many people also forget about caffeine in tea, so if you are having a tea before bed, opt for herbal tea. 4. Remove screens from bedroom Not only should you not go on your computer or phone right before bed, but Dr Fuller also suggests removing the technology entirely from your room. This will give your body a chance to produce melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep. 5. Regular exercise Consistency is key when it comes to exercise and we all know that it improves our quality of life throughout the day, but it also improves our quality of sleep. 6. Limit fluids before bed To avoid waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, moderate your fluids after 4pm. 7. Avoid smoking before bed Dr Fuller explains that nicotine is a stimulant and can prevent a good sleep and cause insomnia. Call the Quitline 137 848 to discuss free available support to stop smoking. What are your tips for getting a good night’s sleep? Do you have trouble sleeping? Let us know in the comments below.

Body

The must-have mineral you probably aren’t getting enough of

Vital to bone and skeletal muscle function, Fusion Health’s Naturopath and Holistic Nutritionist, Erika Morvay asks if we’re getting enough magnesium. It’s the major mineral bones and muscles love you for but there’s a chance you’re not getting enough. A recent study from the University of East Anglia (UK) found achieving an appropriate intake of magnesium in the diet was associated with significant improvements in bone and muscle health. Researchers analysed the relationship between dietary magnesium and bone and skeletal muscle in over 150,000 men and women, between 32 and 72 years, discovering a clear relationship between higher magnesium intake and improvements in muscular strength bone mineral density. But why magnesium? Magnesium is an essential mineral involved in more than 300 essential metabolic reactions including energy production, nerve function, DNA and protein synthesis, as well as muscle contraction and the structural integrity of bones. In middle and older age, bones and muscles weaken and subsequently there is a higher risk of falls, frailty, loss of muscle mass and strength, and fractures. Whilst exercise, especially weight bearing exercises, are vital to support bone and muscle health, diet directly impacts the health of all body tissues, including bone and muscle. Are we getting enough? Unfortunately, the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) reports there is a high prevalence of inadequate magnesium intake across the population. In a 2011-12 survey, 46.5 per cent of men and 30.6 per cent of women between the ages of 51 and 70 did not get enough in their diets, and in adults over 71, a staggering 63.9 per cent of males and 48.5 per cent of women were found to be consuming less than their requirements (recommended at 350mg for men and 265mg for women daily). Magnesium can easily be included in the diet as it is found in a diverse array of plant and animal foods. Most green vegetables, especially leafy vegetables, legumes, peas, beans and nuts are rich sources, as are some shellfish and spices. Unrefined cereals provide a moderate amount, but highly refined foods, including flours, fruits, oils and fats contribute little and many Australians now choose to take a magnesium supplement. What does it all mean? The authors of the UK study concluded that it is likely to be important to consume sufficient magnesium, as well as protein, for the health of skeletal muscle, and calcium for bones. An ageing population Australia may be but a healthy and active lifestyle well into old age is aspired to by many. Getting enough dietary magnesium therefore plays an important role not only in musculoskeletal health but in maintaining the health of the Australian population. Always read the label. Use only as directed. If symptoms persist consult your healthcare practitioner.

Body

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