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How to deal with narcissistic relatives over the holidays

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ava-green-1396648">Ava Green</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/city-st-georges-university-of-london-1047">City St George's, University of London</a></em></p> <p>The holiday season is here, and streets are filled with festive sparkles, twinkling lights and cheerful Christmas songs. While many of us are looking forward to spending the holiday period with family and friends, Christmas is anything but jolly for others.</p> <p>Some people are dreading to spend the period without loved ones. Others are fearful of spending it in the company of their extended family and relatives.</p> <p>Will your cousin provoke heated arguments at the dinner table again, outright bullying others and refusing to consider their perspective? Will your dad bring extravagant gifts and criticise others for their presents that he deems are inadequate? Will your aunt steal the show and make it all about her?</p> <p>Such behaviour <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/09637214211044109">is common in narcissism</a>, a personality trait which we all exhibit to various degrees. Narcissistic people have an <a href="https://theconversation.com/narcissism-why-its-less-obvious-in-women-than-in-men-but-can-be-just-as-dangerous-231392">insatiable need for attention</a> and validation. They feel entitled to special treatment, are unable to empathise with others, exploit people to boost their own self-esteem and display controlling and manipulative behaviour.</p> <p>It is not surprising, therefore, that many with narcissistic family members and relatives come to dread the holiday season.</p> <p>The good news, hopefully, is that this holiday season does not need to crash and burn into discord and frustration. Here’s how you can navigate these interactions while looking after yourself.</p> <h2>Limit your exposure</h2> <p>Not everyone has the ability to avoid difficult people, particularly if they are your own parents or siblings. If you can’t avoid your narcissistic relatives entirely, consider limiting the amount of time you spend with them.</p> <p>Imagine your sister ambushing you or creates a scene to draw attention to herself. Have a plan in place for gracefully exiting the conversation or the event itself if it becomes too emotionally draining.</p> <p>This could involve having a couple of emergency exits up your sleeve to avoid confrontation, such as “I am going to go and help mum and dad in the kitchen” or “I am going to go play with the kids”. Alternatively, you could be more straightforward, and comment that “I think I need some space, we can catch up later”.</p> <h2>Set healthy boundaries</h2> <p>A hallmark of narcissism is a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656622001428">lack of empathy</a>. Because of their inability to empathise with others, narcissistic people will push boundaries and put their needs before yours. Having realistic expectations and planning accordingly can help ease feelings of frustration and disappointment.</p> <p>For instance, if you engage with your cousin during arguments, he will probably disregard your needs, perspective and feelings. He might make a comment that crosses the line.</p> <p>In any situation, set healthy boundaries by redirecting the conversation to neutralise a potential conflict. You could speak to his interests by asking questions such as “by the way, did you watch the latest episode of (his favourite show)” or “are you going to the football game next week (his favourite team)”?</p> <p>If that fails, set your boundaries firmly and concisely by saying “I do not want to talk about this right now”.</p> <h2>Focus on what you can control</h2> <p>Another hallmark of narcissism is poor emotional regulation – in other words, people with narcissistic traits may feel indignant to respond with <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2014-57455-001">rage and aggression</a> if they feel mistreated or criticised.</p> <p>In these situations, they may <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-024-01477-y">manipulate, bully and undermine others</a> to elevate themselves. Resist defensiveness and try to focus on what you can control: how <em>you</em> respond.</p> <p>If someone belittles you for a “mundane present” or for not having reached the same success in life as they think have, use the tactic of <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/aug/31/grey-rocking-how-to-bore-a-toxic-narcissist-out-of-your-life">“grey rocking”</a> – being non-reactive, dull and uninteresting. This will avoid fuelling their need for attention.</p> <p>Remind yourself that their attack is not personal – this isn’t about you, it’s about their need for control.</p> <h2>Reframe empathy</h2> <p>If all else fails, you could try to manipulate a narcissistic relative into showing a bit of empathy. Research suggests that it may be possible to reframe empathy in <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-92171-6_36">a way that makes it desirable</a> to narcissistic individuals.</p> <p>While this is more likely to work in the hands of a trained psychologist, and could backfire, it may be worth a try in a desperate situation.</p> <p>For example, you could quote facts or stories about how people who are good at taking the perspective of others are more successful as leaders than those who are not. Narcissistic people want to be seen to be good at everything, so if you make empathy look advantageous, they may be more likely to show it – or at least pretend to do so.</p> <h2>Look after yourself</h2> <p>While attempting all this, make sure you prioritise your mental and emotional wellbeing. It is okay to retreat to a quiet room to get some headspace or stepping outside for a walk. Remind yourself that you do not need to engage, interact or stay for the whole duration for the sake of family togetherness.</p> <p>Take time to relax in a space where you feel safe and create the time for things you enjoy, be it baking cookies, watching your favourite Christmas movie or wrapping gifts. Try to minimise one-to-one time with people who drain you and instead surround yourself with family members who are more understanding, empathetic and supportive.</p> <p>Whatever the power dynamics in your life might be, you can maintain your authenticity with grace and not only survive, but thrive, this holiday season.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/245877/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ava-green-1396648"><em>Ava Green</em></a><em>, Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/city-st-georges-university-of-london-1047">City St George's, University of London</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-deal-with-narcissistic-relatives-over-the-holidays-245877">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Family & Pets

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Booking a summer holiday deal? Beware ‘drip pricing’ and other tactics to make you pay more than you planned

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jeannie-marie-paterson-6367">Jeannie Marie Paterson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>Have you ever spotted what looked like a great deal on a website, added it to your “basket” and proceeded to checkout – only to find extra fees added on at the last minute?</p> <p>It’s frustratingly common when making airline, hotel and many other kinds of bookings to see an advertised price get ratcheted up at checkout with additional fees – perhaps “shipping insurance”, “resort fees” or just “taxes”.</p> <p>The practice is known as “<a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/consumers/pricing/price-displays">drip pricing</a>” and it can <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/WH-Junk-Fees-Guide-for-States.pdf">distort</a> consumer decision-making and affect competition. Nonetheless, there is no specific ban on this conduct in Australia.</p> <p>Some companies have, however, effectively been prosecuted for it under the Australian Consumer Law, which contains some strict rules about misleading consumers through advertising.</p> <p>Many of us have already begun booking flights, hotels and more as we head into the summer holiday season. Here’s what the law says about companies changing prices in the lead-up to checkout, and how you can protect yourself as a consumer.</p> <h2>What’s wrong with drip pricing?</h2> <p>The tactic that underpins drip pricing is to draw a customer in with an attractive “headline” price but then add in other fees as the customer approaches the checkout.</p> <p>It’s reasonable to ask whether there’s anything wrong with this practice: after all, the customer still sees the final price at checkout. Why might that be seen as misleading conduct under Australian Consumer Law?</p> <p>The reasons lie in views about consumer buying behaviour and the nature of the statutory prohibition.</p> <p>Typically, the closer a consumer gets to a sale, the less likely they are to pull out or even fully notice any additional fees.</p> <p>They may then end up paying more than they intended and also have lost the opportunity to deal with other suppliers of the same product at a better price.</p> <p>In the relevant section of Australian Consumer Law, there’s no requirement of an intention to mislead. It’s also not necessarily relevant that the true pricing situation is eventually revealed to the consumer or that it’s in the “fine print”.</p> <p>Thus, in the eyes of the law, it can be enough that consumers were enticed by an attractive headline price.</p> <h2>Price surprises</h2> <p>This legal position is well illustrated by a <a href="https://www8.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/HCA/2013/54.html">case</a> settled by the High Court in 2013, after the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) took on telecom provider TPG Internet in <a href="https://www.mondaq.com/australia/advertising-marketing-branding/282802/advertising-and-the-acl-fine-print-couldnt-save-tpg-internet-in-the-high-court">2010</a>, alleging misleading conduct.</p> <p>In this case, TPG had been advertising broadband internet services for $29.99 per month.</p> <p>But on reading the fine print, you’d have discovered this deal was only available with a landline service costing an additional $30 per month.</p> <p>The case moved up through Australia’s court system, but ultimately, the High Court majority held that the telco had engaged in misleading conduct.</p> <p>The High Court recognised that the very point of advertising is to draw consumers into “the marketing web”. It is therefore not enough to disclose the true (higher) price only at the point the transaction is concluded.</p> <p>TPG was fined $2 million in this case. Since then, the maximum penalties have increased, now the higher of:</p> <ul> <li>$50 million</li> <li>three times the value obtained from the contravention, or (if the benefit can not be determined)</li> <li>30% of the business’s adjusted turnover during the breach period.</li> </ul> <h2>Dynamic pricing</h2> <p>Other pricing complaints have been in the news recently, including concerns about point-of-sale dynamic pricing.</p> <p>Basically, this means using an algorithm that adjusts ticket prices in response to demand, as consumers wait in a virtual purchasing queue.</p> <p>Recent media reporting has centred on <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-10-14/ticketmaster-live-nation-dynamic-pricing-tickets-class-action/104469646">concerns</a> about the use of point-of-sale dynamic pricing in the events ticketing industry.</p> <p>A form of dynamic pricing is used by hotels and airlines. They increase prices seasonally and according to demand. But these “dynamic” prices are clearly visible to consumers as they start looking for a deal. Some bodies even publish helpful tables of likely prices at different times.</p> <p>The kind of dynamic pricing that happens at the very point consumers are waiting to buy is very different and arguably creates an “unfair surprise”.</p> <p>Whether these kinds of practices also fall within the category of misleading conduct remains to be seen.</p> <p>But it is arguable that consumers could reasonably expect the real-time movement of prices to be disclosed upfront.</p> <p>Earlier this year, the government announced <a href="https://theconversation.com/albanese-government-promises-to-ban-dodgy-trading-practices-234142">plans</a> to address both drip pricing and dynamic pricing as part of a broader ban on unfair trading practices.</p> <h2>What can consumers do?</h2> <p>While all this law reform and litigation is playing out, here are some things you can do to avoid pricing shock.</p> <p><strong>1. Slow down.</strong> One of the strategies that online markets often rely on is “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/oct/12/accc-suing-coles-woolworths-pricing-strategies-allegations">scarcity signalling</a>” – those clocks or numbers you see counting down as you move through a website.</p> <p>The very purpose of these is to make a consumer rush – which can mean failing to notice those additional fees that may make the buy not a good deal.</p> <p><strong>2. Take screen shots as you progress.</strong> Remember what it is you thought you were getting. Doing this also provides a basis for lodging a complaint if the headline and actual price don’t match up.</p> <p><strong>3. Check.</strong> Take a close look at the final bill before pressing pay.</p> <p><strong>4. Report.</strong> Tell your local Fair Trading Office or the ACCC if the advertised deal and the final price don’t meet up.</p> <p>A recent action taken by the ACCC against <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/sep/23/accc-suing-coles-woolworths-discounts-misleading">Woolworths and Coles</a> alleging “illusory” discounts was launched because of consumer tip-offs.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/244825/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jeannie-marie-paterson-6367">Jeannie Marie Paterson</a>, Professor of Law, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/booking-a-summer-holiday-deal-beware-drip-pricing-and-other-tactics-to-make-you-pay-more-than-you-planned-244825">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Travel Trouble

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Hotel booking sites actually make it hard to get cheap deals, but there’s a way around it

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709">Peter Martin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a></em></p> <p>Booking a place to stay on holidays has become a reflex action.</p> <p>The first thing many of us do is open a site such as <a href="https://www.wotif.com/">Wotif</a>, <a href="https://au.hotels.com/?locale=en_AU">Hotels.com</a> or <a href="https://www.trivago.com.au/">trivago</a> (all of which are these days owned by the US firm <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/accc-will-not-oppose-expedia%E2%80%99s-proposed-acquisition-of-wotif">Expedia</a>), or their only big competitor, <a href="https://www.booking.com/">Booking.com</a> from the Netherlands.</p> <p>Checking what rooms are available – anywhere – is wonderfully easy, as is booking, at what usually seems to be the lowest available price.</p> <p>But Australia’s Assistant Competition Minister Andrew Leigh is concerned there might be a reason the price seems to be the lowest available. It might be an <a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/media-releases/supporting-tourism-and-accommodation-providers-set-their">agreement not to compete</a>, or the fear of reprisals against hotel owners who offer better prices.</p> <h2>Agreements to not compete</h2> <p>Leigh has asked the treasury to investigate, and if that’s what it finds, it may be the booking sites have the perverse effect of keeping prices high, especially when the substantial fees they charge hotels are taken into account.</p> <p>For now, the treasury is seeking information. It has set a deadline of <a href="https://treasury.gov.au/consultation/c2022-338978">January 6</a> for hotel operators and booking sites to tell it:</p> <ul> <li> <p>the typical fees charged by online booking platforms</p> </li> <li> <p>the details of any agreements not to compete on price</p> </li> <li> <p>whether hotels that try to compete get ranked lower on booking sites.</p> </li> </ul> <p>What’s likely to come out of it is a ban on so-called price-parity clauses that prevent discounting, or a ban on “algorithmic punishment,” whereby hotels that do discount get pushed way down the rankings on the sites.</p> <p>But in the meantime, there are things we can do to get better prices, and they’ll help more broadly, as I’ll explain.</p> <h2>Flight Centre precedent</h2> <figure class="align-right zoomable"></figure> <p>Back in 2018, in a case that went all the way to the High Court, the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) forced <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/flight-centre-ordered-to-pay-125-million-in-penalties">Flight Centre</a> to pay a penalty of A$12.5 million for attempting to induce airlines not to undercut it on ticket prices.</p> <p>That the ACCC eventually won the case might be an indication price-parity clauses are already illegal under Australian law. But it’s a difficult law to enforce. This is why the treasury is considering special legislation of the kind in force in France, Austria, Italy and Belgium.</p> <p>The ACCC has known for some time that Expedia and Booking.com have included clauses in their contracts preventing hotels offering the same room for any less than they do, even directly.</p> <p>Rather than take the big two to court, in 2016 the ACCC “reached agreement” with them to delete the clauses that prevented hotels offering better deals <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/expedia-and-bookingcom-agree-to-reinvigorate-price-competition-by-amending-contracts-with-australian-hotels">face-to-face</a>.</p> <h2>The concession that conceded little</h2> <p>From then on, hotels were able to offer better deals than the sites over the phone or in person, but not on their own websites. Given we are less and less likely to walk in off the street or even use the phone to book a hotel, it wasn’t much of a concession.</p> <p>Then, in 2019, with the Commission under renewed pressure from hotel owners for another investigation, Expedia (but not Booking.com) reportedly <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">waived</a> the rest of the clauses, giving hotel owners the apparent freedom to advertise cheaper prices wherever they liked including on their own sites without fear of retribution.</p> <p>Except several appear to fear retribution, and very few seem to have jumped at the opportunity.</p> <h2>Algorithmic punishment</h2> <p>An Expedia spokesman gave an indication of what might be in store when he was quoted as saying a hotel that undercut Expedia might “find itself ranked <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">below its competitors</a>, just as it would if it had worse reviews or fewer high-quality pictures of its property”.</p> <p>Being ranked at the bottom of a site is much the same as not being ranked at all, something Leigh refers to as “algorithmic punishment”.</p> <p>It’s not at all clear the present law prevents it, which is why Leigh is open to the idea of legislating against it.</p> <p>Although you and I may not often think about what hotels are paying to be booked through sites such as Wotif and Booking.com, and although what’s charged to the hotel isn’t publicised, it appeard to be a large chunk of the cost of providing the room.</p> <p>One figure quoted is <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/industries/tourism/online-travel-booking-fed-up-small-businesses-call-accc-action/">20%</a>. Leigh says hotel owners have told him the fees are in the “<a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/transcripts/interview-geraldine-doogue-abc-saturday-extra">double digits</a>”, something he says is quite a lot when you consider the sites don’t need to clean the toilets, change the sheets or help on the front desk.</p> <h2>‘Chokepoint capitalism’</h2> <p>What this seems to mean (the treasury will find out) is almost all bookings are more expensive than they need to be because firms that sit at the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/chokepoint-capitalism-why-well-all-lose-unless-we-stop-amazon-spotify-and-other-platforms-squeezing-cash-from-creators-194069">chokepoint</a>” between buyers and sellers are squeezing sellers.</p> <p>A hotel could always abandon the sites and offer much cheaper prices, but for a while – perhaps forever – it will be much harder to find.</p> <p>In their defence, the operators of the platforms might say they need to get the best offers from hotels in order to make it worthwhile for the operators to invest in their sites, an argument the treasury is inviting them to put.</p> <p>In the meantime, with some hotels reluctant to put their best rates on their websites, but with them perfectly able to offer better rates over the phone, there’s a fairly simple way we can all get a better deal – and help fix the broader problem by weight of numbers.</p> <p>If we look up the best deal wherever we want online, and then phone and ask for a better one (or a better room), we might well find we get it. We might be saving the owner a lot of money.</p> <p>Leigh reckons the more we do ring up, the more the sites might feel pressure to discount their own fees, helping bring prices down even before he starts to think about writing legislation.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196460/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709"><em>Peter Martin</em></a><em>, Visiting Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/hotel-booking-sites-actually-make-it-hard-to-get-cheap-deals-but-theres-a-way-around-it-196460">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Travel Trouble

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Despair after four years of pressure: how do Olympians deal with disappointment?

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-mesagno-1252903">Christopher Mesagno</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/victoria-university-1175">Victoria University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/courtney-c-walton-1236295">Courtney C Walton</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>Australia’s soccer team entered Paris with high hopes of notching their first Olympic medal but those aspirations came crashing down with <a href="https://olympics.com/en/news/paris-2024-olympics-australia-vs-usa-football-women-group-match-3">defeat to the United States</a>.</p> <p>Even without star striker Sam Kerr, the Matildas – who enjoyed <a href="https://theconversation.com/connection-camaraderie-and-belonging-why-the-matildas-could-be-making-you-a-sports-fan-for-the-very-first-time-211526">a famous run</a> to finish fourth at the 2023 FIFA World Cup – were considered medal fancies but couldn’t progress past the group stage.</p> <p>It was a devastating loss – but how do these athletes (and others who don’t achieve their goals in Paris) rebound from the disappointment?</p> <h2>The pressure of performing</h2> <p>Every four years, <a href="https://olympics.com/ioc/news/olympic-games-tokyo-2020-watched-by-more-than-3-billion-people">billions of viewers</a> around the world unite in awe of the skill and perseverance of Olympians and Paralympians.</p> <p>The athletes fortunate enough to compete in Paris 2024 will have done their best to put years of dedicated preparation into their performances.</p> <p>Many will have performed well and some achieved their goal of claiming a medal. Others, though, will finish the games with the feeling they did not fully realise their potential when it counted most.</p> <p>This leaves many athletes finishing the games with crushing disappointment.</p> <p>Famously, legendary swimmer (and now retired) Cate Campbell experienced this after her results at the Rio Olympics, which led to awful abuse and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-08-31/olympian-cate-campbell-pens-letter-to-trolls-qld/10186576">harassment from a portion of the Australian public</a>.</p> <p><a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.685322/full">Research has shown</a> that many athletes report lower wellbeing after returning from the Olympics, including <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-you-get-home-its-really-lonely-new-research-shows-how-athletes-cope-with-post-olympic-life-163576">a sense of loneliness</a>, disappointment, and lack of direction.</p> <p>One of the reasons Olympic disappointment is so difficult is the deep ways in which an athlete’s identity gets wrapped up in their performance.</p> <p>That is, after years of being seen as “an athlete”, many begin to feel who they are as a person is dependent on how they perform.</p> <h2>Athlete mental health and the role of self-criticism</h2> <p>The mental health challenges faced by many athletes are now well recognised. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40279-020-01266-z">Research here in Australia</a> has found elite athletes show rates of mental ill-health at similar, if not greater, numbers than the general public. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/JSM.0b013e318287b870">Major performance disappointments</a> are well known contributors to this.</p> <p>Perhaps adding salt to the wound, one of the ways that elite athletes deal with disappointment is through self-criticism. This can include hostile ways of relating to oneself, which can lead to feelings of worthlessness and inferiority.</p> <p>Being self-critical is seen in many pursuits as the only way to get ahead, in an attempt to remove weakness and demand self-improvement.</p> <p>However, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032718312254">research repeatedly shows</a> that most forms of self-criticism are associated with symptoms of mental ill-health. Moreover, harsh forms of internal judgement are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167211410246">far less effective</a> at motivating growth and development than we might think.</p> <p>Athletes, like the rest of us, need to find another way to handle the inevitable setbacks and disappointments as they arise.</p> <h2>A role for compassion</h2> <p>A growing body of research and practice has suggested self-compassion might fit the bill.</p> <p><a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12043">Compassion can be defined</a> as the sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to try to reduce or prevent the suffering.</p> <p>It can be directed to others, received from others, or directed internally (self-compassion).</p> <p>For an athlete experiencing post-Olympic distress, showing self-compassion involves turning towards that distress rather than avoiding, judging, or criticising, and then identifying what they need to address it.</p> <p>This is harder than it may seem.</p> <p>One of the reasons self-compassion is so difficult is because it goes against many of the ways in which we have learned to self-motivate. Indeed, many athletes will report a common worry: that being self-compassionate might lower their standards.</p> <p>That’s just not the case. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167212445599">Research has shown</a> self-compassion can motivate self-improvement and athletes with higher levels of self-compassion show positive performance outcomes in sport. This is in contrast to self-criticism.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1750984X.2022.2161064">Research has also shown</a> athletes who engage in more self-compassion tend to report a range of benefits including better mental health, and more helpful responses to disappointment.</p> <p>For this reason, there is a growing focus within clinical and sport psychology to help <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00050067.2022.2033952">develop self-compassion among athletes</a> as a resource for resilience.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wmMXGipifKA?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption><span class="caption">Two-time Olympian Laurence Halsted says self-compassion helped improve his performance.</span></figcaption></figure> <h2>Building self-compassion</h2> <p>So, how can athletes (and the rest of us) build an ability to be self-compassionate?</p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-be-kind-to-yourself-without-going-to-a-day-spa-223194">There are lots of ways</a>. A great start is using our inner wisdom to recognise how we would offer compassion to another person we care for, and then directing it inwards.</p> <p>Perhaps ask yourself: “how would I respond to a close friend in this situation?”</p> <p>Other strategies aim to trigger a soothing response in our bodies which can affect <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-017-0745-7">both our psychology and physiology</a>. For example we can actively change the tone of our inner thoughts <a href="https://soundcloud.com/jamesn-kirby/cft-posture-facial-expressions-and-voice-tone?si=89b19f29fc56462fad532c19bb44899b&amp;utm_source=clipboard&amp;utm_medium=text&amp;utm_campaign=social_sharing">and outward facial expression</a> to be friendly rather than neutral or hostile.</p> <p>Additional practices involve mental imagery (or visualisation) to <a href="https://soundcloud.com/courtney-walton-449877725/sets/exercises-to-promote-self">develop our “compassionate self</a>”, which we can then learn to step into. These practices make up some of the key ingredients to compassionate mind training and compassion-focused therapy, which have been <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2024-33588-001.html">shown to reduce depression and self-criticism</a>.</p> <p>In this way, athletes can offer themselves the support they need to get through the difficulties of Olympic and Paralympic disappointment.</p> <h2>More than self-compassion</h2> <p>Just as important as an athlete’s self-compassion is the receiving of <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586161">compassion</a> from others.</p> <p>After her Rio disappointment, <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-08-31/olympian-cate-campbell-pens-letter-to-trolls-qld/10186576">Cate Campbell said</a></p> <blockquote> <p>Australians love winners — I felt like the only way I could endear myself to the Australian public was to come back with one of those shiny gold medals.</p> </blockquote> <p>So during and after these Olympic and Paralympic Games, let’s come together and support our athletes, no matter their result.</p> <p><em>For more on this topic, check out <a href="https://omny.fm/shows/psychtalks/what-do-athletes-need-for-good-mental-health">episode one of PsychTalks</a>, a podcast by the University of Melbourne’s School of Psychological Sciences.</em><!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/227904/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-mesagno-1252903">Christopher Mesagno</a>, Senior Lecturer - Sport and Exercise Psychology, Research Fellow - Institute for Health and Sport, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/victoria-university-1175">Victoria University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/courtney-c-walton-1236295">Courtney C Walton</a>, Academic Fellow &amp; Psychologist, Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/despair-after-four-years-of-pressure-how-do-olympians-deal-with-disappointment-227904">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

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Why Barnaby Joyce’s TV diagnosis of insomnia plus sleep apnoea is such a big deal

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alexander-sweetman-1331085">Alexander Sweetman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/flinders-university-972">Flinders University</a></em></p> <p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/view-from-the-hill-how-does-david-littleproud-handle-the-latest-barnaby-joyce-embarrassment-223289">health</a> of Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce is in the news again, this time with a diagnosis of a sleep disorder made <a href="https://www.afr.com/companies/media-and-marketing/barnaby-joyce-to-be-diagnosed-with-a-sleep-disorder-on-live-tv-20240223-p5f79q">while filming</a> a TV documentary.</p> <p>Joyce’s diagnosis of insomnia plus sleep apnoea arose while filming <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/whats-on/article/australias-sleep-revolution-with-dr-michael-mosley/nuyko305b">Australia’s Sleep Revolution with Dr Michael Mosley</a> in 2023. SBS has confirmed episode three, in which my Flinders University colleagues reveal his sleep disorder, is set to air on March 20.</p> <p>I was not involved in the program and have no knowledge of Joyce’s <a href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/weekend-australian-magazine/australias-sleep-crisis-has-flinders-university-cracked-the-code-to-a-better-nights-sleep/news-story/d3b82617af33fff82487da2534722733">ongoing health care</a>. But I was part of the research team that in 2017 <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2016.04.004">coined the term COMISA</a> (co-morbid insomnia and sleep apnoea), the official name of Joyce’s on-screen diagnosis. Since then, I’ve led research into this <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2019.01.004">common</a> sleep disorder.</p> <p>Here’s why it’s so important to diagnose and treat it.</p> <h2>What was Joyce’s diagnosis?</h2> <p>People can be diagnosed separately with <a href="https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/sleep-disorders/insomnia-2">insomnia</a> or <a href="https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/sleep-disorders/obstructive-sleep-apnoea">sleep apnoea</a>.</p> <p>Insomnia includes frequent difficulties falling asleep at the start of the night or difficulties staying asleep during the night. These can result in daytime fatigue, reduced energy, concentration difficulties and poor mood. Over time, insomnia can start to impact your <a href="https://theconversation.com/insomnia-and-mental-disorders-are-linked-but-exactly-how-is-still-a-mystery-212106">mental health</a> and quality of life.</p> <p>Sleep apnoea (specifically, obstructive sleep apnoea) is when people experience repeated interruptions or pauses in breathing while they sleep. This reduces oxygen levels during sleep, and you can wake up multiple times at night. People with sleep apnoea may be aware of loud snoring, gasping for air when they wake up, or feeling exhausted the next morning. However, not all people have these symptoms, and sleep apnoea can go undiagnosed for years.</p> <p>But in Joyce’s case, both insomnia and sleep apnoea occur at the same time.</p> <p>We’ve known this could happen since <a href="https://doi.org/10.1126/science.181.4102.856">the 1970s</a>, with <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-006X.67.3.405">evidence growing</a> over <a href="https://doi.org/10.1378/chest.120.6.1923">subsequent decades</a>. Since then, sleep researchers and clinicians around the world have learned more about how <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2019.01.004">common</a> this is, its <a href="https://doi.org/10.1183/13993003.01958-2021">consequences</a> and how best to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jsr.13847">treat it</a>.</p> <h2>How do you know if you have it?</h2> <p>Many people <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2005.08.008">seek help</a> for their sleep problems because of fatigue, exhaustion, physical symptoms, or poor mood during the day.</p> <p>If you think you have insomnia, a GP or sleep specialist can talk to you about your sleep pattern, and might ask you to complete <a href="https://www.sleepprimarycareresources.org.au/insomnia/assessment-questionnaires">brief questionnaires</a> about your sleep and daytime symptoms. You might also be asked to fill in a “sleep diary” for one to two weeks. These will allow a trained clinician to see if you have insomnia.</p> <p>If you or your GP think you may have (or are at risk of having) sleep apnoea, you may be referred for a sleep study. This normally involves sleeping overnight in a sleep clinic where your sleep patterns and breathing are monitored. Alternatively, you might be set up with a recording device to monitor your sleep at home. A trained medical professional, such as a sleep and respiratory physician, will often make the diagnosis.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2021.101519">Up to 50%</a> of people with sleep apnoea report symptoms of insomnia. About <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2021.101519">30–40%</a> of people with insomnia also have sleep apnoea.</p> <h2>What are the consequences?</h2> <p>Insomnia and sleep apnoea (individually) are associated with reduced <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-short-history-of-insomnia-and-how-we-became-obsessed-with-sleep-211729">sleep quality</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/insomnia-and-mental-disorders-are-linked-but-exactly-how-is-still-a-mystery-212106">mental health</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/health-check-heres-what-you-need-to-know-about-sleep-apnoea-26402">physical health</a>.</p> <p>Importantly, people with both at the same also tend to <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci9120371">experience</a> worse sleep, daytime function, mental health, physical health and quality of life, compared with people with no sleep disorder.</p> <p>For instance, we know having both conditions comes with an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jsr.13563">increased risk</a> of diseases of the heart.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.2147/NSS.S379252">In</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1183/13993003.01958-2021">three</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleepe.2022.100043">studies</a>, we found people with both insomnia and sleep apnoea have about a 50–70% higher risk of dying early from any cause, compared with people with neither sleep condition. People with insomnia alone and sleep apnoea alone did not have an increased risk of dying early.</p> <p>However, there are effective treatments to reduce these health consequences.</p> <h2>How is it treated?</h2> <p>In general, it is best for people to access evidence-based treatments for both disorders. These treatments vary according to the patient and the severity of their condition.</p> <p>For instance, wearing a <a href="https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/sleep-disorders/cpap-continuous-positive-airway-pressure">CPAP mask</a> while sleeping improves breathing during sleep and reduces many of the daytime consequences of obstructive sleep apnoea. However, other effective treatments may be recommended based on each person’s symptoms, such as weight management, avoiding sleeping on your back, <a href="https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/sleep-disorders/oral-appliances-to-treat-snoring-and-obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa">oral devices</a> (which look a bit like a mouthguard), or surgery.</p> <p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-can-i-get-some-sleep-which-treatments-actually-work-212964">most effective</a> treatment for insomnia is cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, also known as <a href="https://www.sleepprimarycareresources.org.au/insomnia/cbti">CBTi</a>. About four to eight sessions often lead to improvements in sleep, daytime function and mental health that are maintained for many <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2021.2009019">years</a>. This can be delivered by trained therapists such as psychologists, nurses or GPs, as well as via <a href="https://www.sleepprimarycareresources.org.au/insomnia/cbti/referral-to-digital-cbti-programs">online</a> programs.</p> <p>Last year, we drew together evidence from more than 1,000 people with both conditions. We found CBTi is an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jsr.13847">effective treatment</a> for insomnia in people with treated and untreated sleep apnoea.</p> <h2>New treatments and approaches</h2> <p><a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frsle.2024.1355468/abstract">We</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s13063-022-06753-4">other teams</a> internationally are developing and testing new ways of delivering CBTi.</p> <p>Several groups are testing devices, which <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002%2Flio2.761">stimulate</a> the tongue muscles during sleep, to treat sleep apnoea in people with both disorders.</p> <p>And we’re still working out the best order for patients to access treatments, and the best combination of treatments.</p> <h2>The power of TV</h2> <p>Joyce’s public diagnosis of both insomnia and sleep apnoea will no doubt raise awareness of what we suspect is an underdiagnosed condition.</p> <p>Based on how common insomnia and sleep apnoea are in Australia, we estimate Joyce is one of about <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2021.03.023">5–10%</a> of Australian adults to have both at the same time.</p> <p>The Conversation contacted Joyce’s spokesperson for comment but did not hear back before deadline.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224616/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alexander-sweetman-1331085">Alexander Sweetman</a>, Research Fellow, College of Medicine and Public Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/flinders-university-972">Flinders University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-barnaby-joyces-tv-diagnosis-of-insomnia-plus-sleep-apnoea-is-such-a-big-deal-224616">original article</a>.</em></p>

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The US just returned to the Moon after more than 50 years. How big a deal is it, really?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-flannery-3906">David Flannery</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p>In the few short years since the COVID pandemic changed our world, China, Japan and India have all successfully landed on the Moon.</p> <p>Many more robotic missions have flown past the Moon, entered lunar orbit, or crashed into it in the past five years. This includes <a href="https://www.planetary.org/space-missions/kplo">spacecraft developed by South Korea</a>, <a href="https://english.alarabiya.net/News/gulf/2023/04/27/Dubai-s-ruler-announces-new-moon-mission-after-UAE-s-Rashid-Rover-lunar-crash-">the United Arab Emirates</a>, and an <a href="https://www.spaceil.com/">Israeli not-for-profit organisation</a>.</p> <p>Late last week, the American company <a href="https://www.intuitivemachines.com/">Intuitive Machines</a>, in collaboration with NASA, celebrated “America’s return to the Moon” with a successful landing of its Odysseus spacecraft.</p> <p>Recent <a href="https://theconversation.com/change-5-china-launches-sample-return-mission-to-the-moon-is-it-winning-the-new-space-race-150665">Chinese-built sample return missions</a> are far more complex than this project. And didn’t NASA ferry a dozen humans to the Moon back when microwaves were cutting-edge technology? So what is different about this mission developed by a US company?</p> <h2>Back to the Moon</h2> <p>The recent Odysseus landing stands out for two reasons. For starters, this is the first time a US-built spacecraft has landed – not crashed – on the Moon for over 50 years.</p> <p>Secondly, and far more significantly, this is the first time a private company has pulled off a successful delivery of cargo to the Moon’s surface.</p> <p>NASA has lately focused on destinations beyond the Earth–Moon system, including Mars. But with its <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/commercial-lunar-payload-services/">Commercial Lunar Payload Services</a> (CLPS) program, it has also funded US private industry to develop Moon landing concepts, hoping to reduce the delivery costs of lunar payloads and allow NASA engineers to focus on other challenges.</p> <p>Working with NASA, Intuitive Machines selected a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapert_(crater)">landing site</a> about 300 kilometres from the lunar south pole. Among other challenges, landing here requires entering a polar orbit around the Moon, which consumes additional fuel.</p> <p>At this latitude, the land is heavily cratered and dotted with long shadows. This makes it challenging for autonomous landing systems to find a safe spot for a touchdown.</p> <p>NASA spent about US$118 million (A$180 million) to land six scientific <a href="https://www.esa.int/Enabling_Support/Space_Engineering_Technology/About_Payload_Systems">payloads</a> on Odysseus. This is relatively cheap. Using low-cost lunar landers, NASA will have an efficient way to test new space hardware that may then be flown on other Moon missions or farther afield.</p> <h2>Ten minutes of silence</h2> <p>One of the technology tests on the Odysseus lander, NASA’s <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/directorates/stmd/impact-story-navigation-doppler-lidar/">Navigation Doppler Lidar experiment</a> or NDL, appears to have proved crucial to the lander’s success.</p> <p>As the lander neared the surface, the company realised its navigation systems had a problem. NASA’s NDL experiment is serendipitously designed to test precision landing techniques for future missions. It seems that at the last second, engineers bodged together a solution that involved feeding necessary data from NDL to the lander.</p> <p>Ten minutes of silence followed before a <a href="https://twitter.com/Int_Machines/status/1760838333851148442">weak signal was detected</a> from Odysseus. Applause thundered through the mission control room. NASA’s administrator released a video congratulating everyone for returning America to the Moon.</p> <p>It has since become clear the lander is not oriented perfectly upright. The solar panels are generating sufficient power and the team is slowly receiving the first images from the surface.</p> <p>However, it’s likely Odysseus <a href="https://www.universetoday.com/165864/odysseus-moon-lander-is-tipped-over-but-still-sending-data/">partially toppled over</a> upon landing. Fortunately, at the time of writing, it seems most of the science payload may yet be deployed as it’s on the side of the lander facing upwards. The unlucky payload element facing downwards <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/23/world/odysseus-lunar-landing-sideways-scn/index.html">is a privately contributed artwork</a> connected <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/22/style/jeff-koons-moon-phases-odysseus-landing/index.html">to NFTs</a>.</p> <p>The lander is now likely to survive for at least a week before the Sun sets on the landing site and a dark, frigid lunar night turns it into another museum piece of human technology frozen in the lunar <a href="https://www.britannica.com/science/regolith">regolith</a>.</p> <h2>Win some, lose some</h2> <p>NASA’s commercial approach to stimulating low-cost payload services all but guarantees some failures. But eventually NASA hopes that several commercial launch and landing providers will emerge from the program, along with a few learning experiences.</p> <p>The know-how accumulated at organisations operating hardware in space is at least as important as the development of the hardware itself.</p> <p>The market for commercial lunar payloads remains unclear. Possibly, once the novelty wears off and brands are no longer able to generate buzz by, for example, <a href="https://www.columbia.com/omni-heat-infinity/moon-mission/">sending a piece of outdoor clothing to the Moon</a>, this source of funding may dwindle.</p> <p>However, just as today, civil space agencies and taxpayers will continue to fund space exploration to address shared science goals.</p> <p> </p> <p>Ideally, commercial providers will offer NASA an efficient method for testing key technologies needed for its schedule of upcoming scientific robotic missions, as well as <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/specials/artemis/">human spaceflight in the Artemis program</a>. Australia would also have the opportunity to test hardware at a reduced price.</p> <p>It’s worth noting that US budgetary issues, <a href="https://spacenews.com/nasa-warns-of-very-problematic-space-technology-budget-cuts/">funding cuts</a> and <a href="https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/jpl-workforce-update">subsequent lay-offs</a> do threaten these ambitions.</p> <p>Meanwhile, in Australia, we may have nothing to launch anyway. We continue to spend less <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_departments/Parliamentary_Library/Budget/reviews/2023-24/ScienceResearch">than the OECD average on scientific research</a>, and only a few Australian universities – who traditionally lead such efforts – <a href="https://business.gov.au/grants-and-programs/moon-to-mars-initiative-demonstrator-mission-grants/grant-recipients">have received funding</a> provided by the Australian Space Agency.</p> <p>If we do support planetary science and space exploration in the future, Australians will need to decide if we want to allocate our limited resources, competing with NASA and US private industry, to supply launch, landing and robotic services to the global space industry.</p> <p>Alternatively, we could leverage these lower-cost payload providers to develop our own scientific space program, and locally developed space technologies associated with benefits to the knowledge economy, education and national security.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224276/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-flannery-3906"><em>David Flannery</em></a><em>, Planetary Scientist, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Intuitive Machines</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-us-just-returned-to-the-moon-after-more-than-50-years-how-big-a-deal-is-it-really-224276">original article</a>.</em></p>

International Travel

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Grant Denyer serenades one of Australia's oldest Deal or No Deal contestants

<p>In the latest feelgood episode of <em>Deal or No Deal</em>, 94-year-old contestant  Phyllis Goldsack was given the chance to win $100,000. </p> <p>As one of the oldest contestants on the show, Phyllis kept everyone entertained as she challenged the banker.</p> <p>In one particularly sweet moment, game show host Grant Denyer serenaded her with a special song.</p> <p>A clip of the moment was shared on X, formerly known as Twitter, with the caption: "We're not crying, you're crying,"  and the crying emoji. </p> <p>"Okay the deal is, if I serenade you, with the song of your choosing, you get $800 from my pocket," Grant told Phyllis in the show. </p> <p>The audience were touched when Phyllis revealed that her late husband only ever sang her one song when he proposed, <em style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">You Are My Sunshine.</em></p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">We're not crying, you're crying! 😭<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/DealOrNoDealAU?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#DealOrNoDealAU</a> 6.00 Weeknights on <a href="https://twitter.com/Channel10AU?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@channel10au</a> and 10 Play. <a href="https://t.co/CVR0M5rq7y">pic.twitter.com/CVR0M5rq7y</a></p> <p>— Deal Or No Deal Australia (@DealOrNoDealAUS) <a href="https://twitter.com/DealOrNoDealAUS/status/1756942546767339956?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 12, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">"Should we do it one more time maybe?" Grant asked Phyllis who eagerly replied: "yes, you sing it for me". </span></p> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">The crowd joined in and serenaded the 94 year old. </span></p> <p>“Thank you, you know you have made me feel so happy,” she told Grant. </p> <p>Although Phyllis did not win the $100,000, she went home $9,255 richer, which was the best offer she received from the banker. </p> <p>“That’s why I do this show!” Grant said. </p> <p><em>Images: X</em></p>

TV

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Going home for the holidays? How to navigate conflict and deal with difficult people

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>The holiday season is upon us and for many that means all the tension that comes with it. This time of year can be a minefield of uncomfortable moments, disagreement and outright conflict. It’s no wonder <a href="https://fortune.com/well/2022/12/03/home-for-holidays-family-gatherings-mental-health/">many young people</a> are apprehensive about returning home for the holidays after living far away.</p> <p>There are many reasons interpersonal difficulties can arise over the holidays. Perhaps your aunt doesn’t like what you did with her pie recipe, or your friend’s new partner has unsettling political beliefs. Maybe you haven’t lived at home in a while, but your family still talks to you like you’re the same person you were in school. Maybe you’re bringing your partner to meet your family for the first time, and aren’t sure whether everyone will get along.</p> <p>People have socialised less with friends and family <a href="https://triple-c.at/index.php/tripleC/article/view/1167">since the pandemic</a>, and may be feeling out of practice. This can be compounded by all the things people can disagree about.</p> <p>Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/book/10.1002/9781444354119#page=122">avoided</a> in such settings (religion and politics, for starters). Whether it’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11109-018-9476-2">true or not</a>, there’s a popular perception that tricky subjects are more numerous and divisive than ever. Dare one bring up anything adjacent to Brexit, vaccinations or the cost of living? Even bringing your mobile phone to the dining table could get you in trouble.</p> <p>So what happens if your uncle has too much mulled wine and something slips out that annoys or even horrifies you? Family arguments are a common theme in holiday films, but their scripted resolutions are rarely realistic and not based on <a href="https://repository.lboro.ac.uk/articles/book/Talk_the_science_of_conversation/9476291">empirical research</a>. By considering how these things work in the context of real interactions, we can move from what sounds good in theory to what we can put into practice.</p> <h2>Think before you speak</h2> <p>In real-world situations, <a href="http://pstorage-loughborough-53465.s3.amazonaws.com/21189843/Thesis2019Joyce.pdf">interactions can escalate</a> before you’re even fully aware that they’re happening. You might be able to anticipate why and how an interaction might become a problem. Does alcohol generally lead to arguments in your family? Are your parents usually hypercritical of your new partners? Consider how to avoid problems before they start.</p> <figure>In the moment, you can often spot “clues” that something is about to go awry. Trouble doesn’t usually emerge solely because of one person, but through <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429058011-13/conflict-interaction-phillip-glenn">the back-and-forth between people</a>. Assuming too much about who might be “the difficult one” and why won’t be helpful on its own.</figure> <p>You have to learn to recognise the conversational moves people are making (including your own) and see how <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780126235500500082">other people respond to them</a>. Some facial expressions can express doubt or distrust, and contemptuous expressions (such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2021.1936858">eye-rolling</a>) can signal that a conversation might take a turn toward insult rather than discussion. A response that starts with the word <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216615002465?casa_token=gyu3pjfpGrEAAAAA:VwEe8rVBXvsbF9V_aeYylN42IpKYeZ1BGqp85VoP_rkBQZtEI5AbuqBloiPxgTKfsJjj5VTSvcY">“well”</a> can be warning of incoming disagreement.</p> <p>As you notice what ways of speaking get what kinds of responses, you can be more thoughtful about what you choose to say. Even <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-99094-1_2">changing a single word</a> can shift the direction of a conversation. A common sign that a conversation is starting to escalate unhelpfully is that people begin <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=AIU2DQgEJQUAAAAA%3AGoBBF8SPSXcDmiKBAwaIihjFngE1ck8QiVj0HFZO7VGxi8TtkOf7PB0j5NMV9ufgMN4BwF-dMFA1Gw">commenting on the conversation itself and accusing</a> one another of unreasonable behaviour. Once you learn to be more conscious of that, it can help you reflect on how to respond in ways that might deescalate… if that’s what you want to do.</p> <h2>Why we fight</h2> <p>There is a dilemma here: sometimes backing down from a conflict challenges our values of authenticity and commitment to our beliefs. If someone says something insulting, whether mild or <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216622002120">egregious</a>, it feels disingenuous and morally irresponsible to smooth things over. Some conflict is worth engaging, especially with someone you care about who is willing to listen and think about things. The complication is, that’s not always the case.</p> <p>Often when people argue about something they care about, they end up <a href="https://ttu-ir.tdl.org/handle/2346/16661">misaligned</a> or “talking at cross purposes”, where they’re not really even discussing the same thing anymore. Every conversation has a trajectory, but it’s entirely possible for a conversation to have <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2786745#metadata_info_tab_contents">parallel or divergent trajectories</a>. In such cases, it’s unlikely that any amount of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2019.1631044">good-faith discussion</a> is actually going to be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=y7CoCCptr6AAAAAA:LCHuB6-BRaH4HPIothLVX_ENhSPlfshapdyvxzk9LjlQa24WJyRM4sXF2_bFp6oiWAfWnsVIoK8">productive</a>.</p> <p>At the end of the day, it’s also worth considering what makes a person or conversation “difficult”. Assigning that word to someone <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2001.tb00234.x?casa_token=g5XfR-FKNLEAAAAA:GFvy6M4CY9IHrE51_NTEJDNgf6bdPqJZPX2Q2KZStBesgv8UIJDj7YTBnVMOSpRCDRWbX-DsmkQFaWQ">is not a neutral or objective</a> statement. Maybe you, in fact, are the “difficult person”. Maybe, for some kinds of conflict, you should want to be difficult. And maybe, sometimes, it’s alright to go outside and let off steam with a snowball fight.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/going-home-for-the-holidays-how-to-navigate-conflict-and-deal-with-difficult-people-196751">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Qantas won’t like it, but Australian travellers could be about to get a better deal on flights

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gui-lohmann-1476773">Gui Lohmann</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/justin-wastnage-489752">Justin Wastnage</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a></em></p> <p>Weeks after Qantas chief executive Alan Joyce brought forward his resignation to help Qantas “accelerate its renewal”, the company’s chairman Richard Goyder today announced he too is retiring early, to “<a href="https://cdn-api.markitdigital.com/apiman-gateway/ASX/asx-research/1.0/file/2924-02723591-2A1480044?access_token=83ff96335c2d45a094df02a206a39ff4">support restoration of trust</a>”.</p> <p>But the early retirement will take place “prior to the company’s annual general meeting in late 2024” – meaning Goyder will be in the chair for a while yet.</p> <p>This will give him time to (among other things) help Qantas respond to the Senate inquiry into air services, which <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Committees/Senate/Commonwealth_Bilateral_Air_Service_Agreements/cbasa/Report">reported on Monday</a>.</p> <p>If acted on, some of the report’s recommendations would shift power away from Qantas – such as by giving travellers automatic cash compensation for delayed or cancelled flights.</p> <p>But the inquiry arguably still didn’t go far enough, shying away from bolder action already taken in Europe.</p> <h2>What did the Senate inquiry recommend?</h2> <p>The Senate inquiry was set up to investigate the Albanese government’s refusal to approve <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-will-putting-the-interests-of-qantas-ahead-of-qatar-airways-cost-1-billion-per-year-and-a-new-wave-of-protectionism-of-legacy-carriers-212495">extra flights into Australia sought by Qatar Airways</a>, but broadened its scope to examine the way Qantas has been <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Committees/Senate/Commonwealth_Bilateral_Air_Service_Agreements/cbasa/Report/Recommendations">treating its customers</a>.</p> <p>Among its recommendations are that:</p> <ul> <li> <p>the government immediately review its decision not to increase capacity under Australia’s bilateral air services agreement with Qatar</p> </li> <li> <p>when making decisions relating to bilateral air service agreements, the government have regard to cost benefit analysis, consult widely with key stakeholders, and publish a statement of reasons for decisions taken</p> </li> <li> <p>the government review reform options to strengthen competition in the domestic aviation industry, including potential divestiture powers</p> </li> <li> <p>the government direct the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission to conduct an inquiry into potential anti-competitive behaviour in the domestic aviation market</p> </li> <li> <p>the government develop and implement consumer protection reforms as soon as reasonably practicable to address significant delays, cancellations, lost baggage and devaluation of loyalty programs.</p> </li> </ul> <p>The committee also wanted to be reappointed so it would be able to reexamine witnesses who were unable to appear, including Alan Joyce and Transport Minister Catherine King.</p> <h2>Consumer cashback and action on Sydney Airport</h2> <p>Specific suggestions in the report would shift power away from Qantas.</p> <p>One is automatic cash compensation for delayed or cancelled flights, of the kind Europeans have enjoyed for <a href="https://eur-lex.europa.eu/legal-content/EN/TXT/?uri=CELEX:52016XC0615%2801%29">almost 20 years</a>.</p> <p>Another is for the government to respond to an independent review’s recommendations on improving Sydney Airport’s “slot management system” (how air traffic is managed), which <a href="https://www.infrastructure.gov.au/infrastructure-transport-vehicles/airports/review-sydney-airport-demand-management-scheme">reported back almost three years ago</a>.</p> <p>Yet another concerned “<a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-cabotage-and-why-foreign-airlines-dont-fly-domestic-42350">cabotage</a>”: the ability for foreign airlines to pick up domestic passengers on a domestic leg of an international flight. The committee recommended the government consider limited cabotage.</p> <p>The government hasn’t yet indicated which of the recommendations it plans to act on.</p> <h2>Open skies, or tightly-controlled skies?</h2> <p>The committee could have, and perhaps should have, put forward bolder recommendations.</p> <p>One would have been unrestricted <a href="https://theconversation.com/under-open-skies-the-market-not-the-minister-would-decide-how-often-airlines-could-fly-into-australia-213214">open skies</a> agreements, of the kind Australia already has with China, India, Japan, New Zealand and Singapore. This would see the government remove itself from decisions about landing slots and leave that to the airports.</p> <p>An alternative approach – almost the opposite – would be retaining the power to decide who lands, but using it to achieve outcomes the government wants, such as commitments from countries including Qatar on things such as workers’ rights.</p> <p>The European Union has shown what could be done. It extracted key <a href="https://ec.europa.eu/commission/presscorner/detail/en/ip_21_5344">concessions</a> from Qatar over workers’ rights and environmental protection before signing off on an Open Skies agreement in 2021.</p> <p>Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, a former transport minister who understands the detail of aviation policy, might be particularly keen on this idea, given Labor’s commitment to workers’ rights.</p> <h2>Sweeping changes ahead</h2> <p>Next year, the government will release a white paper on aviation policy through to 2050, after obtaining <a href="https://minister.infrastructure.gov.au/c-king/media-release/aviation-green-paper-open-feedback">feedback</a> on a green paper it released last month.</p> <p>Those next 30 years will be far from business-as-usual for airlines and airports, whatever decisions the government takes now, and however Qantas responds.</p> <p>Ultra-long-haul aircraft are likely to link Paris with Perth, and even London with Sydney within a decade. They are likely to force new alliances between airlines that today seem unlikely bedfellows.</p> <p>And the chorus against the excesses of long-haul travel is likely to become louder.</p> <p>Prince William’s <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/fifa-womens-world-cup-2023/132776452/large-carbon-footprint-behind-prince-william-not-attending-world-cup-final">refusal to travel to Sydney</a> for the Women’s World Cup Final because of the size of the carbon footprint might be a sign of things to come.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214718/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gui-lohmann-1476773"><em>Gui Lohmann</em></a><em>, Professor in Air Transport and Tourism Management, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/justin-wastnage-489752">Justin Wastnage</a>, Adjunct Industry Fellow, Griffith Institute for Tourism, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/qantas-wont-like-it-but-australian-travellers-could-be-about-to-get-a-better-deal-on-flights-214718">original article</a>.</em></p>

Domestic Travel

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Christmas in July sale: Sleep soundly with these half price mattress deals

<p dir="ltr">When it comes to getting a good night’s sleep, the last thing you want is an uncomfortable mattress.</p> <p dir="ltr">Even when you’re getting a bad night’s sleep, the tossing and the turning is just unbearable and we all know you’ll be waking up in a mood.</p> <p dir="ltr">And if you’re putting off getting a great mattress for your back just because it's expensive, it’s your lucky day.</p> <p dir="ltr">For a limited time, Emma Mattress is having a <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/sale/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Christmas in July sale</a> with many of their popular mattresses reduced to a nice sum.</p> <p dir="ltr">It doesn’t even matter what your sleeping pattern is, <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/sale/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Mattress</a> has something for everyone and helps with spinal alignment through its patented technology.</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/sale/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Check out what’s on offer:</a></p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-diamond-hybrid-mattress/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Diamond Hybrid Mattress</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/orange-bed.jpg" alt="" width="1062" height="705" /></p> <p dir="ltr">Enjoy a stunning 55 per cent off the <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-diamond-hybrid-mattress/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Diamond Hybrid Mattress</a> going for $809.55, down from $1,799.00.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Emma Diamond Hybrid Mattress is a foam and spring hybrid one, featuring the patented technology which will help with your spine.</p> <p dir="ltr">It also has the 7-zone dynamic support on each layer which is sure to help keep you in a deep sleep.</p> <p dir="ltr">A bonus is the machine washable covers so that’s one less thing you need to stress about.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-comfort-mattress/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Comfort Mattress</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">You know it’s got to be good when a mattress has won an award and the <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-comfort-mattress/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Comfort</a> has done just that.</p> <p dir="ltr">Twice in a row, the Emma Comfort has been dubbed the Top Scoring Mattress 2021 AND 2022 by CHOICE.</p> <p dir="ltr">Emma Comfort Mattress is perfect for all types of sleepers and thanks to the innovative airocell helps regulate body temperature.</p> <p dir="ltr">The high-quality foam also adapts to your body ensuring that your sleep remains uninterrupted.</p> <p dir="ltr">It also has 50 per cent off going for $499.50, down from $999.00.</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-boxbed/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Emma Signature Bed</strong></a></p> <p dir="ltr"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/emma-boxbed.jpeg" alt="" width="1337" height="761" /></p> <p dir="ltr">May as well go all out with this incredible sale and buy a new bed while you’re at it!</p> <p dir="ltr">The <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-boxbed/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Signature Bed</a> is extremely easy to assemble with a step-by-step instruction booklet.</p> <p dir="ltr">It is made from the most durable and premium materials and the bed base uses patented FlexiSlats technology giving ultimate support and breathability.</p> <p dir="ltr">The bed is usually sold for $999.00 but thanks to 50 per cent off it is $499.50 for a limited time.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-foam-pillow/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Foam Pillow</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/emma_foam_pillow.jpeg" alt="" width="1062" height="705" /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">The <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-foam-pillow/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Foam Pillow</a> is designed to ensure you have the most comfortable headrest.</p> <p dir="ltr">It is also customisable for maximum comfort and designed for any sleeping position.</p> <p dir="ltr">For just $100, this is sure to help you get the best sleep.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-cloud-hybrid-pillow/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Cloud Hybrid Pillow</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">The <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-cloud-hybrid-pillow/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Cloud Hybrid</a> is described as “Like Sleeping on Cloud-9” and is able to be adjusted in height.</p> <p dir="ltr">The removable memory foam core will work perfectly with those who sleep on their backs, side and even stomach.</p> <p dir="ltr">You’re guaranteed to sleep cool and soundly with its breathable and hypoallergenic design.</p> <p dir="ltr">There is 50 per cent off the Emma Cloud Hybrid Pillow selling for $175.00.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-mattress-topper/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Flip Topper</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">The <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-mattress-topper/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Flip Topper</a> is a nice addition to your mattress providing you with the necessary comfort for a better night’s sleep.</p> <p dir="ltr">There is extra support thanks to the ZeroGravity foam and extra comfort from the Breathable Airgocell Foam.</p> <p dir="ltr">The UltraDry cover also helps with keeping you at the right temperature all while you’re enjoying your rest.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Emma Flip Topper has been reduced by 25 per cent for $201.75.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-all-seasons-duvet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma All Seasons Duvet</a></strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><strong><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/emma-quilt-_detail-scaled.jpg" alt="" width="2560" height="1706" /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Made from 100% cotton the<a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-all-seasons-duvet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"> Emma All Seasons Duvet</a> lives up to its namesake.</p> <p dir="ltr">It will make you want to stay in bed all day, or just that tiny bit longer as it helps you keep warm through those chilly autumn nights and cool in summer.</p> <p dir="ltr">You can save 25 per cent off the duvet which is currently being sold for $179.25.</p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-mattress-protector/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong>Emma Mattress Protector</strong></a></p> <p dir="ltr">The <a href="https://www.emma-sleep.com.au/emma-mattress-protector/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Emma Mattress Protector</a> ensures your mattress is protected from any spills or messes.</p> <p dir="ltr">It will protect you from dust mites and allergens while at the same time is 100% water, moisture and spill proof.</p> <p dir="ltr">Enjoy 25 per cent off the Emma Mattress Protector for $126.75.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">Editor's note: When you buy something using the retail links in our stories, Over60 may earn a small commission. We do not accept money for editorial reviews, and we only write about products we feel comfortable recommending to our readers. Thank you.</em></p>

Money & Banking

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Advice on dealing with tricky in-laws

<p>From heated discussions to awkward family dinners, your relationship with your in-laws can have a big impact on family time. Here’s how to navigate this sometimes tricky dynamic.</p> <p>There’s nothing worse than heading to a family engagement when you have a son-in-law (or your daughter’s parents-in-law) that you just don’t get along with. Whether there's been a fight that you haven’t been able to move on from, or you simply don’t get along, if you find your in-laws draining or annoying, you may need to change the boundaries.</p> <p>Do you know the old saying, “good fences make good neighbours”? Think of your in-laws like your neighbours – there needs to be really good fences (aka boundaries) in place for the relationship to run smoothly. The best way to go about this is in such a way that you don’t make anyone feel as though you're closing them out, but rather comes off that you are simply focussing on yourself and things you have going on.</p> <p>Once you’ve set boundaries, don’t be afraid to talk to your family and in-laws about them, they’re not as fragile as you think. But do choose your words carefully and keep the focus on you and what your needs are, rather than making any judgements or comments about them or their behaviour.</p> <p>Still not sure how to deal with your son, daughter, sister or brother in-law? Here are some top tips for setting boundaries and dealing with awkward situations:</p> <ol> <li>The person with the primary relationship (for example your daughter, not your son-in-law) should be the one to step in and help fix a problem if it arises. You should never be the messenger or go straight to an in-law. Gently raise the issue or concern with your immediate family member. </li> <li>Decide with your partner, or in your own time if you are single or widowed, what type of role you want your in-law/s to play in your life. If you don’t get along and spending time with them just seems to cause issues, then you might want to limit catch-ups to birthdays and big events. This is ok. Just be gentle if asked to explain. And keep your explanation brief and about you. Something along the lines of, my schedule is quite busy at the moment or I don’t feel up to going out too much, but I am looking forward to the next family get together. </li> <li>Never criticise your family for their relationship with his or her spouse/your in-laws, nor comment on your in-law to your immediate family member – for example don’t criticise your son-in-law to your daughter/his wife. This tends to only lead to complications and awkwardness. And remember, you only know what your daughter tells you and if they come to you everytime they’re upset or angry with their partner or their partner’s extended family, you’re only hearing the problems when your daughter is frustrated and upset. You might not hear all the good things and about when they make up. Don’t take these things on board and stay out of it by reserving any judgement or comments. </li> <li>Don’t get involved. Easier said than done, right? You have to trust that you have brought your children up right and they are responsible enough to navigate their own relationships, treat others respectfully and can stand up for themselves if need be. As such, you should not get involved in their issues, arguments and general day-to-day dealings with their other relationships. Stay on the peripheral, be there for some light guidance if need be, but ultimately you should just help them come to their own opinions, decisions and judgements on things rather than sharing your ones with them. </li> <li>Don’t get pulled into arguments by your child and in-law. You can be supportive and still let the couple handle their own problems. Take a step back and trust that you have raised an adult who has the vision and the courage to resolve the problems that concern his/her own family. Couples need to set boundaries for their own relationships and this can, as I am sure you know, take some time to find the right ones. </li> <li>Think of yourself as a guest. When spending time with family in big groups, and especially when you’re at someone else’s home, it is best to think of yourself as a guest and act accordingly. For example you may not like the way you son’s wife is doing things in her home (child rearing, cooking, cleaning etc), but unfortunately it is not really any of your business. This is between your son and his wife. A good checkpoint is to ask yourself if you have a sense of entitlement and expectancy that is inappropriate. If there are issues that you just can’t stand but can’t let go, then you may need to consider not visiting them.</li> </ol> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Shop Smarter and Save Big: Unbeatable Deals on Appliances, Home items, and More in the EOFY Sales!

<p>The end-of-financial year sales are one of the biggest shopping events of the year here in Australia. Our favourite brands across various categories slash the prices by huge margins so that we consumers can grab a bargain. </p> <p>This event takes place every year, and this time round, it may be one of the best yet, with unmissable bargains including the highly-rated <a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.canningvale.com%2Ftowels%2Fcollections%2Froyal-splendour%2F&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Canningvale Royal Splendour Towel Sets,</a> which has over 2,500 5-star reviews! Reviewers shared their thoughts: “Love my new towels - they feel like a bit of luxury - great thickness and fluff. Very pleased” and “Beautiful soft lush towels very happy with purchase”. Even the talk-of-the-town Calming Blankets’ best-selling <a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.calmingblankets.com.au%2Fproducts%2Fweighted-blanket&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">adult weighted blanket is $100 off, reduced to $99</a>, so grab it while you can. </p> <p>When it comes to fulfilling your shopping needs, there's no better time than now. Why wait? By seizing this opportunity, you might just save yourself a pretty penny or two. We understand the challenges of navigating sales and limited timeframes to find the best deals, which is why we're here to lend a helping hand. Our expertise lies in uncovering the most enticing offers across various categories as we approach the end of the financial year.</p> <p>Whether you're looking to upgrade your tech and appliances, revamp your home bedding and towels for the colder weather, refresh your wardrobe for the new season, or even explore new beauty products, we've got you covered. Our extensive knowledge enables us to provide you with a comprehensive list of the best deals.</p> <p>So, without further ado, let's dive into our curated selection of deals for you to flick through below. </p> <h2><strong>Home </strong></h2> <p><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2023/05/BeddingSets_byToaHeftibaUnsplash_HERO.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p><em>Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash</em></p> <p>We're approaching the peak of the cold weather, so If your bedding still seems better suited for keeping you cool rather than providing cosy warmth, now might be the perfect time to make a change. While you're at it, why not consider swapping out some home decor pieces as well? Give your space a winter makeover by adding touches of cosiness and incorporating warm colours. </p> <h3>Myer </h3> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%2Fbedroom-sale%3Ffacets%3Dmv--product_type_filter--quilt20covers%252Cmv--product_type_filter--sheets202620pillowcases%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off selected quilt covers and sheet sets</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%2Fsale-tableware%2Fdinnerware--sale%3Ffacets%3Dmv--mfname--heritage%252Cmv--mfname--maxwell202620williams%252Cmv--mfname--robert20gordon%252Cmv--mfname--salt26pepper%252Cmv--mfname--vue%252Cmv--sale_type--402520off%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">50% off Dinnersets by Maxwell &amp; Williams, Robert Gordon, salt&amp;pepper and more</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%3Ffacets%3Dmv--mfname--royal20albert%252Cmv--mfname--royal20doulton%252Cmv--mfname--waterford%252Cmv--mfname--wedgwood%252Cmv--sale_type--252520off%252Cmv--sale_type--302520off%252Cmv--sale_type--402520off%252Cmv--sale_type--502520off%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off a great range of Wedgewood, Royal Doulton, Royal Albert and Waterford</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%3Ffacets%3Dmv--mfname--sheridan%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off the original price of Sheridan</a></p> <p><strong><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">House</span></strong><strong style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">:<br /></strong><a style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;" href="https://www.house.com.au/collections/sale" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 75% off House-wide EOFY Sale</a></p> <p><strong>Koala:<br /></strong><a href="https://koala.com/en-au/eofy-sale" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 30% off site wide </a></p> <p><strong>Canningvale:</strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.canningvale.com%2Fsale%2Fbedding%2Fbedding%3Fis_index%3D0&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40-60% Off in the Big Bedding Sale</a></p> <p><strong>Emma Sleep:</strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.emma-sleep.com.au%2Fsale%2F&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 55% off selected products</a></p> <p><strong>Sheridan:</strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sheridan.com.au%2Fsale.html&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off sitewide</a></p> <p><strong>Calming Blankets:</strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.calmingblankets.com.au%2Fcollections%2Fbest-sellers&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off sitewide</a></p> <p><strong>Bed Bath N’ Table:</strong> <br /><a href="https://www.bedbathntable.com.au/products/catalogue" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Clearance Sale Up to 60% off</a></p> <p><strong>Bed Threads:</strong> <br /><a href="https://bedthreads.com.au/pages/bed-threads-sale" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mid-Year Makeover Sale 15% off Everything</a></p> <p><strong>Freedom:</strong><br /><a href="https://www.freedom.com.au/c/best-selling" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Absolutely Everything on Sale</a><br /><a href="https://www.freedom.com.au/c/all-outdoor" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 55% off all Outdoor Furniture</a><br /><a href="https://www.freedom.com.au/c/all-rugs" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 40% off all Floor Rugs</a></p> <p><strong>Harris Scarfe:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.harrisscarfe.com.au%2Fcategories%3Fq%3D%3Arelevance%3Acategory%3Aquilts%3Acategory%3Apillows%3Acategory%3Acomforters-coverlets%3Acategory%3Atowel-collections%3AdealType%3AOnSale%3AdealType%3AFRIENDS%2520PAY%2520LESS&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40-60% off all Homewares &amp; Manchester</a></p> <p><strong>Dymocks:</strong><br /><a href="https://www.dymocks.com.au/books/promotion-winter-sale-june-2023/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Books for $9.99 in the Winter Sale</a></p> <p><strong>Booktopia:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.booktopia.com.au%2Feofy-sale%2Fpromo3262.html&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 75% off top deals</a></p> <p><strong>My Deal:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mydeal.com.au%2Fsale%2Fstylish-bedside-tables&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Limited-time deals on bedside tables</a></p> <p><strong>Adairs:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adairs.com.au%2Fsales%2F&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Save up to 30% off</a></p> <h3>Tech &amp; Appliances</h3> <p><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2023/06/EOFY_Jonas-Leupe-on-Unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p><em>Photo by Jonas Leupe on Unsplash</em></p> <p>Tech and appliances are notorious for their hefty price tags, but their entertainment value or usefulness often justifies the investment. But, due to their high cost, it's wise to hold onto your bank card until the perfect deal presents itself, and that moment might be right now.</p> <p><strong>Myer:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%2Fappliances-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Great savings on Appliances by Breville, Sunbeam, Delonghi and more</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fhome--sale%2Felectronics-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Great savings on Tech by BOSE, Ultimate Ears, FitBit, Garmin and more</a></p> <p><strong>Dyson:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dyson.com.au%2Fdeals%2Feofy-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Save up to $450, plus receive complimentary gifts and additional accessories with selected technology.</a></p> <p><strong>The Good Guys:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegoodguys.com.au%2Fhisense-75kg-front-load-washer--hwfy7514&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$500 Off! Fisher &amp; Paykel 10kg Front Load Washer - $995</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegoodguys.com.au%2Fsamsung-75-inches-ls03b-4k-the-frame-qled-smart-tv-2022-qa75ls03bawxxy&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$1100 Off! Samsung 75" LS03B 4K The Frame QLED Smart TV 2022 - $2395</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegoodguys.com.au%2Ftefal-easy-fry-classic-air-fryer-ey2018&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$100 Off! Tefal Easy Fry Classic Air Fryer - $99</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thegoodguys.com.au%2Fninja-intelli-sense-kitchen-system-ct682&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$30 Off! Ninja Intelli-Sense Kitchen System - $319</a></p> <p><strong>Appliances Online:<br /></strong><a href="https://www.appliancesonline.com.au/promo/clearance-sale" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Save on Appliances in the Clearance Sale</a><br /><a href="https://www.appliancesonline.com.au/product/tefal-cy8515-cook4meplus-multi-cooker" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$99 off Tefal Cook4Me+ Multi Cooker + Bonus Gift</a></p> <p><strong>Bing Lee:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.binglee.com.au%2Fcategories%2Fpromotions%2Fend-of-financial-year-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Huge savings in the Yenda Financial Year Sale</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.binglee.com.au%2Fproducts%2Fdyson-v10-stick-vacuum-394101-01&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">$450 off Dyson V10™ Stick Vacuum, $649 (down from $1099)</a></p> <p><strong>Kogan:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.kogan.com%2Fau%2Fc%2Fdyson-australia-a%2F%3Fdispatch%3Dfree%26order_by%3D-discount%26shipping%3Dfree%26page%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Save up to $450 on Dyson deals</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.kogan.com%2Fau%2Fc%2Fawesome-eofy-sale-tvs-home-entertainment%2Fshop%2Fcategory%2Fled-tv%2F&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Save up to 55% off TV deals</a></p> <p><strong>Harris Scarfe:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.harrisscarfe.com.au%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dsmith%2520nobel%3Arelevance%3Acategory%3Akettles%3Acategory%3Atoasters%3Acategory%3Aair-fryers&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40% off all Air Fryers, Toasters &amp; Kettles by Smith+Nobel</a></p> <h3>Fashion &amp; Accessories</h3> <p><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2023/06/EOFY_Priscilla-Du-Preez-on-Unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p><em>Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash</em></p> <p>Time to give your wardrobe an upgrade for the winter season. Think cosy layers, earthy tones, and clothes that will keep you toasty warm. Find everything you need in the sales below, and get ready to rock that effortlessly stylish winter look!</p> <p><strong>Myer:</strong></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fwomen--sale%2Fwomen-lingerie-sale%2Fwomen-sleepwear-robes-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40% Off Women's sleepwear</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fwomen--sale%2Fwomen-handbags-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">FROM $69 EACH Selected women's handbags and wallets by Marcs, Guess, Tommy Hilfiger and more</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fmen-sales%2Fmen-clothing-sale%3Ffacets%3Dmv--sale_type--302520off%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off a range of men’s fashion</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fmen-sales%2Fmen-shoes-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NOW $119 EACH Selected men's shoes by Tommy Hilfiger, Lacoste, GANT, Polo Ralph Lauren, Adidas, Calvin Klein, Florsheim and Wild Rhino</a></p> <p><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fkids-sale%3Flabel%3D%26facets%3Dmv--mfname--bauhaus%252Cmv--mfname--milkshake%252Cmv--mfname--sprout%252Cmv--mfname--tilii%252Cmv--product_type_filter--coats202620jackets%252Cmv--product_type_filter--knitwear202620sweaters%252Cmv--sale_type--302520off%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">30% off the original price of Kids' jackets, jumpers and cardigans by Milkshake, Sprout, Bauhaus, Tilii and Jack &amp; Milly</a></p> <p><strong>The Iconic:</strong>  <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theiconic.com.au%2Fwomens-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 70% off women’s Mega Sale Event</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theiconic.com.au%2Fmens-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 70% off men’s Mega Sale Event</a></p> <p><strong>Cotton On: <br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fcottonon.com%2FAU%2Fco%2Fco-sale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sale up to 50% off original prices</a></p> <p><strong>Bonds: </strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=http%3A%2F%2Fbonds.com.au&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40% off storewide</a></p> <p><strong>Seed Heritage:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.seedheritage.com%2Fsale%2Fwoman%2F&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off all sale styles</a></p> <h3>Health &amp; Beauty</h3> <p><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2023/06/Jocelyn-Morales-on-Unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p><em>Photo by Jocelyn Morales on Unsplash</em></p> <p>There's nothing quite like treating yourself to something that enhances your health or beauty. If it boosts your confidence, it's definitely a smart investment. After all, you deserve to feel as good as you look, and that's something worth going for!</p> <p><strong>Myer:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fsale-beauty&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 40% off beauty brands</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fsale-beauty%3Ffacets%3Dmv--sale_type--402520off%252Cmv--mfname--calvin20klein%3Flabel%3D%26facets%3Dsv--category--18167%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40% off Calvin Klein fragrances</a><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.myer.com.au%2Fc%2Foffers%2Fsale-beauty%3Ffacets%3Dmv--sale_type--402520off%252Cmv--mfname--revlon%26pageNumber%3D1&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">40% off Revlon</a></p> <p><strong>The Iconic:<br /></strong><a href="https://www.theiconic.com.au/beauty-all/?campaign=lp-wmksbh-taf20-2423" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 70% off Beauty products in the Mega Sale Event</a></p> <p><strong>Sephora:</strong> <br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sephora.com.au%2Fsale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">15% - 50% off Selected Styles only</a></p> <p><strong>Adore Beauty:</strong><br /><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adorebeauty.com.au%2Fc%2Fspecials%2Fclearance.html&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 50% off Clearance beauty</a></p> <p><strong>Shaver Shop:<br /></strong><a href="https://go.skimresources.com/?id=204849X1683982&amp;xs=13&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.shavershop.com.au%2Fsale&amp;xcust=sen_eofy_sales_2023" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Up to 80% off</a></p> <p><strong>Oz Hair &amp; Beauty:<br /></strong><a href="https://www.ozhairandbeauty.com/collections/summer-clearance-sale" target="_blank" rel="noopener">EOFY Up to 70% off sale</a></p> <p><em style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">Editor's note: When you buy something using the retail links in our stories, Over60 may earn a small commission. We do not accept money for editorial reviews, and we only write about products we feel comfortable recommending to our readers. Thank you.</em><span style="color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;"> </span></p>

Home & Garden

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“I can imagine the divorce papers”: Ben Fordham's marriage deal-breaker

<p>Ben Fordham has revealed his marriage deal-breaker during a chat about tracking devices for<em> 9Honey’s</em> “He Se She Said” with Shelly Horton.</p> <p>The radio giant, who hosts <em>Ben Fordham Live on 2GB</em>, shared that while he and his wife Jodie Speers track their children’s whereabouts via tracking apps on their smartwatches, they would never do that to each other.</p> <p>"If I said to Jodie, 'Hey, I'm going to start tracking your whereabouts,' I can imagine the look that I'd get, first of all, from Jodie, then I can imagine the conversation that I'd be having with Jodie, and then I can imagine the divorce papers that would be filed by Jodie," Fordham joked.</p> <p>"I can imagine Jodie just getting a hammer and smashing her watch," Horton remarked.</p> <p>Horton discussed how the desire to track speaks of a "lack of trust," and at the worst of times, it could suggest “coercive control” seen in domestic violence relationships.</p> <p>Fordham agreed, adding he and his wife of over a decade have no desire to track each other.</p> <p>"We've got it for the kids. But I don't know where Jodie, is and she doesn't know where I am, apart from our diaries, because we've got a diary where we kind of let each other know where we're going to be and what we're doing," he said.</p> <p>In terms of the idea of “coercive control” Fordham said, "And you might have people who feel like, 'Alright, if I've got nothing to hide, OK, I'll agree to this arrangement,” adding that this arrangement can be exploited.</p> <p>Horton then spoke about refuges and “safe” spaces that have been implemented in shopping centres to help people, primarily women, who are being tracked so closely by their partners that they are unable to seek assistance.</p> <p>"They can go to a shopping centre and get counselling there, and actually talk to people about how to exit the relationship, and the partner just sees them at the shopping centre," she said.</p> <p>Fordham highlighted that once couples have agreed to track each other’s whereabouts, stopping it “becomes a problem” so it is best to avoid it from the start.</p> <p>"Because the moment you say to the other person , 'Hey, look, I don't like this thing anymore, I don't want to be tracked anymore, then they'll be thinking, 'Oooh, what have you got to hide?”</p> <p>Fordham also suggested setting up boundaries at the beginning of a relationship.</p> <p>Image credit: Getty / Instagram</p>

Relationships

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5 negotiation tactics to grab crazy property deals in a slowing market

<p>Rising interest rates have started to put the handbrakes on Australia’s runaway property market, and that’s good news for homebuyers who are now in a far stronger position to negotiate on a property than they have been over the last few years.</p> <p>One of the most apparent advantages for buyers in the current market is the reduced levels of competition. Fewer buyers mean that prices aren’t being driven higher, and if you’re a good negotiator, it’s possible to swoop in and find yourself a bargain.</p> <p>If you’re new to negotiating for property or unsure where to start, here are five tactics that will help you achieve a strong result at the negotiating table.</p> <ol> <li><strong>Know the market</strong></li> </ol> <p>You can’t succeed in a negotiation if you don’t know the value of the asset that you’re trying to buy in the first place. That’s why any good negotiator will always start by doing their research. You need to know the market better than your competition and don’t get caught up in any hype or opinions from a sales agent.</p> <p>Start by finding what comparable properties are selling for in the market. Look for the last three months of sales around your property. The sales should be of similar property types, sizes, ages, and land components. Another good way to get an idea of the price is to speak with local agents in the area. When you have a fair market value, you then know your “walk away price,” and you won’t find yourself getting emotional and overbidding.</p> <ol start="2"> <li><strong>Understand the vendor’s motivations</strong></li> </ol> <p>In any negotiation, there is a saying that whoever needs the deal least will likely be the one that comes out on top. When looking at potential properties to buy, you can be the world’s best negotiator, but if the vendor doesn’t need to sell, they will likely either wait for their price or walk away.</p> <p>Whenever you start looking at a property, try to ascertain as much information about the vendor as possible. That will give you an understanding of how motivated they are to sell, which will then impact how much you initially want to offer.</p> <ol start="3"> <li><strong>Be the strong bidder, not the highest</strong></li> </ol> <p>In a property transaction, price is just one piece of the puzzle. When a vendor weighs up an offer on their property, they are interested in the price, but the terms can also play a big part.</p> <p>For example, if you’re a cash buyer who can settle quickly, that might be far more appealing to a vendor than a higher offer that needs three months to settle. Similarly, a larger deposit could give a vendor more certainty that the transaction will occur.</p> <p>As a buyer, getting your finances in place ahead of time and then tailoring your terms to suit the vendor might give you an edge in a negotiation even if you’re not the highest bidder. Ultimately, the vendor wants their problem solved, and your job is to find out what it is and then make a strong offer that addresses those immediate needs.</p> <p>If you are ever tempted to make an unconditional offer, be sure you’ve done extensive due diligence and can secure finance, as there could be significant costs if you have to back out of the deal.</p> <ol start="4"> <li><strong>Unique offers</strong></li> </ol> <p>A great way to make your offer seem stronger than it might actually be is to come in with an odd-numbered amount. An offer price of $596,200 instead of $590,000 or $600,000 reflects that you’ve taken the time to do your due diligence, making your offer stand out.</p> <p>Another approach is to make a written offer with a deadline. That way, you can speed up the negotiation process, and it might prevent the sales agent from pitting your bid against another buyer to drive up the price.</p> <ol start="5"> <li><strong>Know the property</strong></li> </ol> <p>It’s critical to clearly understand what you’re buying before entering any negotiation. While you might have done your comparable sales analysis and have an excellent overall picture of what similar properties are selling for, you still need to investigate this particular property.</p> <p>Several things can impact the property’s value, which can help you negotiate. For example, if an awkward tenant occupies the property, it will be less appealing to many homebuyers, which you can use to your advantage. There may also be issues with the property, such as problematic zoning, service locations, or even large trees that can alter its value.</p> <p>The most obvious factor to consider is the state of the property and whether it needs renovation or repairs. In the current market, homebuyers are less interested in buying a property that needs work due to the cost of materials and difficulty finding tradespeople. That will give you a strong starting point to negotiate around the price.</p> <p>While getting a great deal is essential, it’s crucial not to compromise on the property’s quality. Quality is more important than a bargain, and a property’s performance will ultimately determine its value.</p> <p>A slowing real estate market presents an opportunity for buyers to negotiate and secure a great property deal. By understanding the local market, paying attention to the vendor’s motivations, and putting forward intelligent offers, you can potentially grab an excellent property deal in a slowing market.</p> <p><strong><em>Rasti Vaibhav is the author of The Property Wealth Blueprint (RRP $39.95) and Founder of Get RARE Properties, a bespoke independent buyers' agency that has been helping hundreds of clients across Australia secure their financial freedom through property. </em></strong></p> <p><strong><em>For more information, visit <a href="https://getrare.com.au">https://getrare.com.au</a></em></strong></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; font-family: Helvetica; color: #0d0d14; min-height: 14px;"> </p>

Real Estate

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"What is the big deal?" Karl defends breastfeeding mother kicked out of courtroom

<p>Karl Stefanovic has slammed the decision of a judge who kicked out a breastfeeding mother and her child from a courtroom. </p> <p><em>The Today Show</em> host ripped into Judge Mark Gamble, who ejected the wife of a prominent Melbourne Rabbi from Victorian County Court on Thursday after claiming she would be a "distraction". </p> <p>The judge called for the woman to leave the court proceedings, prompting her to leave the room in tears and leaving her feeling humiliated.</p> <p>Stefanovic condemned the decision of the Judge and shared a scathing message for anyone who agreed with how he treated the mother. </p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">A breastfeeding mother and her child were kicked out of a court's public gallery in Victoria, over concerns from the judge that it would be a distraction.<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/9Today?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#9Today</a> | WATCH LIVE 5.30am <a href="https://t.co/Q6x0r3cJui">pic.twitter.com/Q6x0r3cJui</a></p> <p>— The Today Show (@TheTodayShow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheTodayShow/status/1633911235048603650?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 9, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>"I think that's ridiculous. We were just laughing about it because it's so absurd."</p> <p>"I can't believe in this modern society," he said on Friday morning</p> <p>"There are going to be people out there who say, 'Oh, well, she could've gone outside somewhere else'. Come off it, what is the big deal?"</p> <p><em>Today</em> co-host Sarah Abo also shared her thoughts on the matter, saying, "How far have we gone as a community to accept that in our own courtrooms you can't do that? It's ludicrous."</p> <p>Many outraged women have chimed in on the debate, with Melbourne obstetrician Nisha Khot describing the incident as appalling. </p> <p>"We've tried so hard to get past so many barriers for women who want to breastfeed and to have this happen in a court of law is just not acceptable at all," she said.</p> <p>"Babies have been breastfed in the parliament of this country and in other parliaments."</p> <p>"I don't think there is any public space in which breastfeeding a baby should be unacceptable."</p> <p><em>Image credits: The Today Show</em></p>

Family & Pets

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How to deal with holiday stress, Danish-style

<p>The holidays often involve jubilant gift exchanges, renewed connections with family and friends, and treasured traditions.</p> <p>But the love and cheer can also <a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/File%20Library/Unassigned/APA_Holiday-Stress_PPT-REPORT_November-2021_update.pdf">be accompanied by a host of stressors</a> – chaotic travel, conflicts over COVID-19 preventive measures, difficult dinner conversations with relatives, and worries about affording and finding holiday gifts.</p> <p>This stress <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037//0278-6133.17.1.17">can worsen</a> your mental and physical health. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1161/01.cir.0000151424.02045.f7">Research even finds</a> that mortality is higher than normal during the holidays.</p> <p>How can you best find a balance during the holidays so that you are fulfilled instead of frazzled?</p> <p>Perhaps you can find balance by taking a few cultural cues from the Danes.</p> <p>Denmark, despite its winters that can be <a href="https://seasonsyear.com/Denmark">cold and gloomy</a>, is full of people <a href="https://worldhappiness.report/">who consistently rank among the happiest</a> in the world.</p> <p>As a <a href="https://blogs.dickinson.edu/helwegm/">native Dane and a psychologist</a>, I’ll often point to Danish words that can cultivate well-being. These words can be used at any time of the year, but I think a couple are particularly useful for navigating the stress of the holidays.</p> <p><strong>Going above and beyond</strong></p> <p>Understanding the Danish word “overskud” can help you find more balance during a period of joy and competing commitments.</p> <p>“<a href="https://www.thelocal.dk/20220516/danish-word-of-the-day-overskud/">Overskud</a>” is a noun that roughly means “excess.” In an economic context it means profit, but in everyday speech it’s used to refer to having the energy, willingness or resources to tackle a task or a problem.</p> <p>Having overskud is generally viewed as a good thing – you might go the extra mile at work, plan an elaborate holiday party, find extra thoughtful presents or volunteer at your child’s school.</p> <p>Danes sometimes combine the noun with other nouns so that you might say that you can make an “overskuds-breakfast” – a fancy breakfast of omelettes, bacon, coffee and french toast. Or you might be an overskuds-dad – the dad who decorates cookies with his kids and their friends.</p> <p>Although it might seem a bit like bragging to say one has overskud, Danes react to people describing having overskud with authentic applause and support. After all, who wouldn’t want to have extra energy and bandwidth to tackle life?</p> <p>Some <a href="https://hellebentzen.dk/artikel/kropsterapi/overskud-i-hverdagen/">Danish therapists</a> maintain that having more overskud can lead you to experience more contentment, calm and presence.</p> <p><strong>Your energy isn’t boundless</strong></p> <p>And yet the holidays can sometimes demand overskud in a number of different areas: Food should be healthy but also fit everyone’s preferences and expectations. Presents should be thoughtful and affordable. Elaborate decorations must come up and go down.</p> <p>How do you balance it all?</p> <p>Any psychologist will tell you that maintaining <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#how-to-define-your-boundaries">healthy boundaries</a> is associated with better mental health.</p> <p>Importantly, the word overskud is also used to clearly communicate when people cannot tackle an event, task or obligation.</p> <p>Instead of saying “I’m swamped,” a Dane might say they don’t have enough “overskud” to go to a party or meet for a glass of <a href="https://denmark.dk/people-and-culture/christmas-recipes/gloegg">gløgg</a>, a mulled Christmas wine. It’s basically a shorthand way to say, in a nonjudgmental way, that something sounds like fun, and you would love to do it, but you simply don’t have the energy.</p> <p>Danes also use a verb that’s related to overskud, which is a noun. They will say that they cannot “overskue” something – organizing a family holiday event, planning a trip or deep-cleaning the house.</p> <p>Often, activities that are meant to be fun and invigorating, like going to a holiday party on a weeknight or buying presents for a fundraiser, still require a fair amount of effort. If your store of energy is empty and you’d rather just stay home in your PJs, you might say “I just cannot overskue doing it.”</p> <p>Essentially, the Danes use the words overskud and overskue to say, “No,” and there’s an unspoken understanding that it’s nothing personal. Saying “no” to some things will give you the time and energy to say “yes” to others, so you can tackle the holidays with vigor and cheer – and be that overskud party planner, cookie decorator or gift giver, should you wish to do so.</p> <p><strong>The importance of ‘pyt’</strong></p> <p>People might want their vision for the holidays to go off without a hitch. But reality often smacks people in the face: rude strangers, long lines, decoration disasters, out-of-stock toys, piles of dirty dishes, screaming children and resentful relatives.</p> <p>You can practice letting go of holiday-related frustrations by simply saying the Danish word “<a href="https://theconversation.com/a-danish-word-the-world-needs-to-combat-stress-pyt-112216">pyt</a>,” <a href="http://schwa.dk/filer/udtaleordbog_danpass/d_002_2_g_non-v_1316.wav">which is pronounced</a> like “pid.”</p> <p>Pyt is similar to saying “oh, well” or “stuff happens” and is used to let go of minor frustrations, hassles or mistakes. Danes might say about their own behavior “pyt, I didn’t do a great job wrapping that present.” Or they might say “pyt” when they sense someone else’s disappointment: “pyt, those cookies do look a bit funny, but they’re still delicious.”</p> <p>Pyt is about accepting that things won’t go exactly as planned, and embracing that fact.</p> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=399&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=399&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=399&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=502&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=502&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=502&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 2262w" alt="A Christmas tree bulb in an anvil." /><figcaption><span class="caption">Don’t let the pressure of a perfect Christmas make you crack.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/christmas-under-pressure-royalty-free-image/157646865?phrase=christmas+stress">alacatr/E+ via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure> <p>Having very high personal standards is a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000036">predictor of</a> poor coping skills and a poor ability to deal with daily stressors. Moreover, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02783193.2017.1393711">stress</a> can be mitigated by accepting imperfection as a healthy and normal part of life.</p> <p>Another way to get to pyt is to focus on what really counts. Is this long line at the mall really worth ruining your day? Or is it a minor annoyance that will soon be forgotten?</p> <p>Perhaps you can take a moment while waiting to think about some of the things you’re thankful for or remind yourself that you’re OK. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sbspro.2011.10.190">Research shows</a> that self-reflection and self-compassion together are particularly effective in reducing stress. Moreover, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219853846">self-compassion</a> can lead to acceptance of both your own and other people’s flaws.</p> <p>One of the benefits of holiday stress – compared to unexpected stress – is that you can anticipate it.</p> <p>You’ve been here before. If you don’t try to do it all and don’t expect everything to go according to plan, you may just end up having your best holiday yet.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/195522/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Writen by Marie Helweg-Larsen. Republished with permission from <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-deal-with-holiday-stress-danish-style-195522" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Mind

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How to deal with losing touch with grandkids

<p>Losing contact with your grandchild, or perhaps more accurately getting cut off from them, is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to grandparents but unfortunately, it happens and it’s on the rise. Each situation leading up to an estrangement is different but it commonly occurs after the marital breakdown of parents. The family conflict ripples out and grandparents are unfairly, but often collateral damage. The emotional toll it takes can be immense and heart-breaking but what can be done?</p> <p><strong>Repair relationships</strong></p> <p>Family conflict occurs and is exacerbated by poor communication. The best way to begin amends is to build bridges. Even if you’ve been unfairly hurt, remember this person is still your grandchild’s parent. It can be difficult but you need to respect that.  </p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Apologise</span> – Be sincere. No caveats or justifications. You might not have done anything wrong or you might not even know what you did wrong to cause this rift but this is not a time for egos or personal pride. Remember this is the father or mother of your grandchild and they are the parents. They may have made mistakes but they are still the parents. Make peace for the sake of making peace and to mend the relationship, because if you want to see grandchildren, you will need a relationship with both parents.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Make it about the child</span> – Parents going through a separation or divorce are often wrapped in their own conflicts. Yet parents will hopefully do what is best for their child. It might be self-evident that grandparents are good for children but this might not be obvious to parents who have been through emotional turmoil, bitterness and separation. Approach in a sensitive, non-accusatory and non-judgemental way and explain the importance and usefulness of grandparents to children. Remind them the positive role you have taken in the past and that grandparents are not only a source of comfort to children in difficult times but can be the rock of stability in these trying times. You can offer practical help like picking up from school as well as reminding that keeping in touch will help children’s sense of family identity and history.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Talk it out</span> – Sometimes your children (and in-laws) simply have no idea that their parents are feeling so devastated and grief-stricken. They might not have considered the effects of their behaviour on others or presumed you would take your child’s side. Reassure them that you don’t want to take sides, just that you want what is best for your grandchild.</p> <p><strong>Seek legal help</strong></p> <p>This should be the last option because starting legal action will almost always end any hope of repairing the relationship between parents and grandparents. Even so, there is no guarantee that going through the courts will provide a happy outcome. Within our current legal system, grandparents do not have an automatic right to have a relationship with a grandchild. </p> <p>According to Legal Aid NSW, anyone who has an ongoing relationship with the child, or any other person who can show that they are concerned with the care, welfare or development of a child (including grandparents) may apply to the Court for Parenting Orders. A Parenting Order can be an order that you can spend time with or communicate with the child. It will be up to the Court to decide what will happen, based on what is in the child’s best interests.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Family & Pets

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UK comedian shreds thousands in protest of David Beckham’s Qatar deal

<p dir="ltr">English comedian Joe Lycett has called out footballer David Beckham for his multi-million-dollar deal with Qatar by shredding £10,000 - but Lycett’s protest has come with a twist.</p> <p dir="ltr">After Beckham came under fire for accepting the cash from Qatar - where homosexuality is illegal and you can be jailed or put to death as punishment - to promote the World Cup, Lycett took to social media to call on the former English captain to put his money where his mouth is.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-b0f7f24c-7fff-e87b-cd94-977224136cd7"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">Lycett shared a video where he said he would donate £10,000 ($AU 17,700 or $NZ 19,386) if Beckham withdrew from his deal with Qatar before the World Cup started on November 19.</p> <p dir="ltr">If Beckham didn’t, Lycett said he would shred it.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClGfxiQIvDb/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClGfxiQIvDb/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">"This is a message to David Beckham... I consider you to be a gay icon," Lycett said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"You were the first premiership footballer to do shoots with gay magazines like Attitude, to speak openly about your gay fans, and you married a Spice Girl, which is the gayest thing a human being can do.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Qatar was voted as one of the worst places in the world to be gay. You've always talked about the power of football to be a force for good... so with that in mind, I'm giving you a choice.</p> <p dir="ltr">"If you end your relationship with Qatar, I'll donate this 10 grand of my own money to charities that support queer people in football. However, if you do not... I will throw this money into a shredder.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Not just the money, but also your status as a gay icon will be shredded."</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-735f7414-7fff-0c3f-b123-4b37c34f34e3"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">After his video went viral, Lycett shared a message he sent to Beckham’s PR team on social media.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClBdqBgoPAM/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClBdqBgoPAM/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">“I’ve managed to get myself into a bit of a pickle - I’ve been a bit daft and publicly announced that I’m going to shred £10K on Sunday if David doesn’t end his relationship with Qatar, or donate the cash to LGBTQ+ charities if he does, yet we’re now four days out and I haven’t heard a peep from him,” he wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Could you do me a solid and let me know if there’s a chance he might budge on his position, or am I to expect radio silence on this? I really don’t want to shred ten grand!!! I also really don’t want a national treasure that has historically supported the LGBTQ+ community to publicly endorse and advertise a nation state that has an appalling human rights record and has the death penalty for gays - call me old fashioned!!!!!!”</p> <p dir="ltr">With Beckham not responding or backing out of the deal with Qatar, Lycett shared a clip on Sunday of himself putting wads into a woodchipper, dressed in a rainbow coat.</p> <p dir="ltr">But that isn’t the end of the story.</p> <p dir="ltr">The comedian shared another video on Monday, where he revealed that the stunt wasn’t what it appeared to be.</p> <p dir="ltr">“This is my final message to David Beckham,” he began the clip.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s me! That prick who shredded loads of money in a cost-of-living crisis.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I told you I was going to destroy £10,000 if you didn’t end your relationship with Qatar before the first day of the World Cup. And then when you didn’t end your relationship or even respond in any way, I streamed myself dropping 10K into a shredder.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Or did I?</p> <p dir="ltr">“I haven’t quite told you the whole truth. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Because the truth is, the money that went into the shredder was real, but the money that came out was fake.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Lycett added that he wouldn’t be “so irresponsible” to destroy “real money”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“In fact, the ten grand had already been donated to LGBTQ+ charities before I even pressed send on the initial tweet last week,” he continued.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I never expected to hear from you. It was an empty threat designed to get people talking.</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-0189d111-7fff-2b5e-96d4-872ebc0b31b0"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">“In many ways, it was like your deal with Qatar, David. Total bulls**t from the start.”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/tv/ClOMLKuIY0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/ClOMLKuIY0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">Lycett ended the clip by shredding another item: the 2002 cover of <em>Attitude </em>magazine that featured Beckham, which was the first gay magazine to feature a Premier League footballer on it.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I asked <em>Attitude </em>if I could shred it and they were more than happy to oblige,” Lycett said, before running the cover through a paper shredder.</p> <p dir="ltr">His final video, captioned with a single rainbow flag, received a flood of praise from fellow celebrities and fans.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Oh you. It’s like you thought it all through or somethin …” Dawn French commented.</p> <p dir="ltr">“You are flipping amazing ❤️❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈,” singer Sophie Ellis Bexter added.</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-d1dc9455-7fff-40cd-4ae9-c47bf33ab5ef"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

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How to deal with depression: what worked for 16 real-life people

<p>Central to the tragedy of depression is that so many people fail to seek help. About 300 million people worldwide suffer from this mood disorder, and it impacts their relationships, their work, and even puts their life in danger. Ten per cent of all adults in Australians will experience depression at some point in their life, and two-thirds of cases are women, according to the World Health Organization. Yet for all the people who have it, few talk about it and most feel isolated. These 16 people have decided to speak up, revealing how they deal with depression: here are their best tips for weathering this storm.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I go running outdoors”</h2> <p>Before Alice Roberts discovered running, she says her depression kept her house-bound, in bed, and binge-watching Netflix all day. One day, she forced herself to try a little jog outside. The sunshine, fresh air, and stimulation combined to make a powerful antidepressant. “Once I get out running, I feel so much better, and it’s easier to go the next time,” she says. “Too many days off, and it’s a struggle again.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I keep a daily gratitude journal”</h2> <p>Counting your blessings may sound like trite advice to someone suffering from the suffocating darkness of depression, but sometimes the most effective solutions are simplest, says Natalie Nash. Nash had long struggled with how to deal with depression when she decided to try keeping a 30-day gratitude journal. She thought it might help some; she was surprised to see how much of a difference it made in her mood. The journal, along with medication, helped her break the cycle of isolation and loneliness that she was caught up in. “When I have rough days I try to focus on what is going well and what brings me joy. It also helps me recognise blessings and answers to prayers,” she says.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I do ketamine therapy”</h2> <p>Used for decades as an anaesthetic, the drug ketamine is being studied as a treatment for severe depression – especially depression that doesn’t respond to other treatments. “Ketamine absolutely changed my life,” says Marshall L, who says his depression was so severe he didn’t leave his house for six years. “I get an infusion every three to four weeks and it feels like that fog has lifted. I have a clarity and a will I never had before.” Now, he can hold down a job, is in a relationship, and is working with a therapist to develop coping skills to prevent future depressive episodes once he stops the treatments.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I used martial arts to change my thought patterns”</h2> <p>While many people with depression can’t point to an exact cause of their suffering, some depression is triggered by traumatic life events. Scott Aksamit discovered this for himself after he suffered a major depressive episode after the death of his brother. How to deal with his depression? He decided to try martial arts as a way to get his anger out and was surprised to discover how much it also helped with his mood. The effects went beyond exercise, however. “My coach taught me the power of positive thinking and I was able to use that to reframe how I thought about my life,” he says.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I take a daily antidepressant pill”</h2> <p>When it comes to depression, medication works, especially when used in conjunction with other treatments like exercise and therapy, according to a study published in The Lancet. It’s not a perfect solution and some people find more relief than others but getting on a prescription anti-depressant was a game-changer for Denise McNeill who says she’s struggled with the mental illness all her life. “I feel fortunate that medication helped me immediately,” she says. “It’s a hereditary condition in my family, so I will be on medication for the rest of my life and I am totally fine with that.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I shower and get dressed every morning”</h2> <p>One of the primary signs of depression is difficulty doing regular, everyday tasks, like self-care. And not taking care of your physical needs can increase depression, creating a self-reinforcing cycle. Ivie Cosens first noticed this pattern when she left for college and was on her own – without her mum reminding her to take care of herself, things started to slip through the cracks. Now she says she stops this cycle before it can start by making sure that even if she does nothing else that day, she showers and gets dressed in real clothes (no pyjamas or tracksuits!). “Simple things like getting ready for the day and making sure I eat three meals a day help me a lot because it feels like I’ve accomplished something,” she explains. “When I am feeling depressed I go through that self-care checklist and make sure I’m doing everything I can.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I use a ‘happy light'”</h2> <p>Getting a daily dose of morning sunshine has been proven in multiple research studies to help people deal with depression, especially those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in autumn and winter. But while sunshine definitely helped Mary Rogers, the winters just didn’t provide enough light. Then her therapist suggested she use a ‘happy light’ – a large artificial light that mimics the spectrum of light found in natural sunshine – on days she couldn’t get outside. “This has been the key for me, getting outside and using my light every day, along with medication, prayer, music, and playing with my children,” she says.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I eat an ultra-clean diet”</h2> <p>When his doctors told Dennis Legori he was in remission from cancer, Legori assumed the worst was over. However, his oncologist told him that post-chemo depression is a real thing and more common than people think. Sure enough, his mood started to drop and he decided to take steps to fix it immediately, starting with following a diet of whole foods. “My diet includes a lot of greens, berries, and smoothies and I limit red meat, avoid soda [soft-drinks], and drink plenty of water,” he says. Legori also gets 30 minutes of exercise every day. Now he feels better than he ever has and, he notes, even has fewer grey hairs than before.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I use EMDR therapy”</h2> <p>This non-traditional treatment for depression turned out to be exactly what Lindsey Letendre needed when she had a bout of severe depression after the birth of her son. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, and the therapy uses hand-tapping and eye movements to help people process traumatic or painful memories. While Letendre had struggled with depression on and off previously, the postpartum episode was so intense it made her seek out alternatives. “I still struggle with depression but I found EMDR to be the most helpful form of therapy for me,” she explains.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I got the right diagnosis”</h2> <p>Not all depression is the same, and there are many mental health diagnoses that are often lumped together under the umbrella of depression. Getting an accurate diagnosis was the key to finding effective treatment for Rachel Larson. For nearly a decade, she’s gone through periods of being really down, but it got very bad during her first pregnancy – and it was then that she finally got an answer to her extreme mood swings. “It turns out I suffer from bipolar depression, which has aspects of both depression and bipolar disorder, and using medications for bipolar disorder, rather than regular antidepressants, has made all the difference,” she says. “Now I go to counselling and take medication and I am so much happier!”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I make sleep my #1 priority”</h2> <p>As a mum of four kids under six – including a one-month-old infant – Janette Kudin knows all about sleep deprivation. Thanks to postpartum depression, she also understands the mental fog and dark mood of the mental illness and the toll it takes. It was only recently, however, that she discovered the connection between sleep and depression. “I get postpartum anxiety and depression and have found one of the best things I can do is to get enough sleep,” she says. “I force myself to sleep whenever I can, even if that means putting off household chores or other duties. Right now, having a newborn means I have to let my bigger kids watch a show so I can nap while the baby does. Those are things I don’t necessarily love to do, but if I get over-tired, I’m a mess and it’s worse for everyone.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I do yoga twice a week”</h2> <p>Monica Haines has been on medication for depression for 14 years; while the meds definitely help, she found greater relief when she started yoga, she says. “What is so helpful is how it teaches you to just be present wherever you are and to be gentle with yourself,” she says. “Depression feels so intolerable that just having someone coach self-acceptance, one moment at a time is extremely helpful for me.” Another benefit is that her yoga classes get her out of the house and with her friends, two other things that help her depression.</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I take CBD oil every day”</h2> <p>Cannabidiol oil is all the rage these days, with people using it for everything from pain relief to dealing with their dog’s anxiety. April Olshavsky, decided to give it a try: at first, she was using it for chronic pain, but she soon discovered it helped her chronic depression as well, eventually replacing her antidepressant medication. “I take a low dose of 125 mg tincture by mouth as a daily preventive measure,” she explains. “I gave up my pharmaceutical prescription because I didn’t like that it numbed my mind, dulled all emotions, and killed my sex drive. With CBD, I noticed I was still able to feel my emotions and process them appropriately through tears, joy, and clearer thinking.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I rely on my family”</h2> <p>Katie Meier has learned that her depression needs a multi-pronged approach to keep it under control. She uses medication, exercise, and therapy but says the thing that has made the biggest difference is having the loving support of her family. “They listen and I can tell them anything,” she says. “I never feel like I have to hide anything. I can tell them if I’m having an anxiety attack, am on or off my meds, need help, or just need them to listen. Having them provides so much relief and comfort for me.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I practice mindfulness”</h2> <p>Mindfulness is the practice of being intentionally aware and present in your life – an especially important antidote to the chronic distraction of our tech-driven society. It can also help with depression, by helping you see connections between how you’re feeling and what you’re doing, along with recognising negative moods sooner, says Kevin Lynch. “For me, living mindfully has taught me that my depression is not something I can just sweep under the rug. It’s important to acknowledge it,” he says. “Counselling, journaling, meds, sleep, daily walks to the local coffee stand, playing drums and guitar, listening to music, sketching, sitting with our cats, hanging with my family, building stuff, brewing beer, my faith – they all sound like small things but all of them together, working in unison have helped combat my depression.”</p> <div> </div> <h2>“I connect with my spiritual side”</h2> <p>“For me, the most powerful treatment for my depression is praying,” says Tasha Kaye. “I do so much praying! Being spiritually grounded and close to God allows me to take a much-needed breath.” It’s not just Kaye; people who are spiritual and focus that outward into religion and caring for others (versus inward) are less likely to have depression and have fewer symptoms when they do get depressed, according to a report published in The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease.</p> <p>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/healthsmart/conditions/mental-health/how-to-deal-with-depression-what-worked-for-16-real-life-people?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

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