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Why your health issues keep flaring up – and how to switch them off

Author, accredited Clinical Nutritionist, Functional Medicine Practitioner, Coach, Trauma Therapist & PhD Scholar Filipa Bellette shows us how you can tap into your body's ancient wisdom and finally find relief from chronic health issues by learning to deeply listen, connect, and trust yourself. Have you been struggling with chronic health issues for years, maybe even decades? Things like fatigue, anxiety, gut issues, food sensitivities, body pain, headaches, menopausal symptoms (if you’re a woman)? You’ve probably tried everything under the sun - GP visits, lab tests, naturopaths, supplements, diets, even yoga and breath-work - but still those annoying symptoms keep coming back. Sound familiar? My Chronic Health Story I was there once too. I have experienced chronic “weird” health issues three times. I struggled with a mix of anxiety, insomnia, gut issues, low immunity, body pain, female hormone issues, low energy, chemical sensitivity and histamine intolerance. The first time was after my first baby and I resolved some of the issues with lifestyle changes - sleep, movement, wholefoods and low-tox living. It was GREAT, until baby number two came along, and all my symptoms flared back up, even though my lifestyle was dialled in. This is when I came across functional medicine, and I <a href="https://www.chrisandfilly.fm/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">became a practitioner</a> and started lab testing my own body systems and therapeutically supporting imbalances in my body with natural medicine supplements. This worked amazing, and I got on top of my symptoms. Until … COVID came along, and I was under a lot of stress, and all the same issues flared up again! I realised I still hadn’t addressed the deepest root-cause of my health issues, and that was the “baggage” stuck in my unconscious mind (dysfunctional unconscious core beliefs, deep-seated perfectionism, people pleasing and addictive-doing patterns, and unprocessed past distressing events), that were dysregulating my nervous system. The Missing Piece In Healthcare What I’ve found in the health industry as a whole, is that we have lost the ability to communicate with our bodies. You go to a GP or medical specialist and they are the expert dictating what tests to do, and what medications you need to be on. I even see this in natural medicine modalities, like <a href="https://www.chrisandfilly.fm/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">functional medicine (which I practice)</a>, where the practitioner runs some labs and creates a protocol for the patient. This is great for therapeutic support, and something I do with clients, however, it is still promoting the message that “others know best.” This is simply not true. You Are The Expert of Your Body I wholeheartedly believe that 95% of what you need to heal is already inside of you. Our bodies hold ancient wisdom, and you know inherently what is good for you, and what isn’t. The thing is, society as a whole has lost the ability to listen to and communicate with our bodies. I’m here to change that! In our practice we work with clients to rebuild trust with self, to learn how THEIR body communicates to THEM, and to act on the messages. When you act, magic happens! I have literally seen symptoms “switch off” in the moment when clients listen to their bodies and act accordingly. For example, I spoke at a business women’s conference on the Gold Coast on the weekend, and took attendees through a process to communicate with their unconscious mind through the symptoms in their bodies. One lady stood up at the end and said her chronic headache that had been hanging around for days completely disappeared (she’d even taken 4 pain-killers that morning, which didn’t budge the headache!). Oh my gosh, how cool! I see this again and again for myself and with our clients, how quickly chronic health issues can be resolved when you deeply listen, connect, trust and love yourself. I’ve seen: <ul> <li>Chronic fatigue disappear over months</li> <li>Heartburn clear up in a moment</li> <li>Anxiety ease</li> <li>Chronic pain in the body switch off within days</li> <li>Brain fog lift</li> <li>Food sensitivities dissolve</li> <li>Plus so much more!</li> </ul> It’s Not Woo-Woo – It’s Science If you’re someone who needs the facts, let me tell you this way of holistic healing isn’t just “woo woo” or “magic”. It’s how we’re wired as human beings. For example, let’s look at pain. Pain is not your enemy. As humans we have evolved for safety and survival. Pain is a primitive way our bodies have warned us of danger. You touch fire, you get burned, your brain creates a neural pathway to never touch the fire again because it hurts! The nervous system, too, is so important at sending you messages of safety or danger. It’s always trying to keep us safe and alive. So if it deems something unsafe - this could be your own beliefs about yourself, self-doubt, uncertainty, shame, guilt, frustration, or fears about eating certain foods, smelling perfumes, being around mould, etc – your system gets very good at creating symptoms to alert you of danger, which then leads to chronic health issues. When you can create the space to ask: what is unsafe? What’s the story behind the symptom? And what do you need from me, body, to feel safe and loved and to heal? Then you can finally end your state of dysregulation and body burnout. Filipa Bellette, author of Ending Body Burnout ($29.95), is an accredited Clinical Nutritionist, Functional Medicine Practitioner, Coach, Trauma Therapist & PhD Scholar. She is co-founder of multi award-winning health practice Chris & Filly Functional Medicine, best known for ending body burnout (for good!) in “busy” people with energy, mood & gut issues. Find out more at <a href="http://www.chrisandfilly.fm/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.chrisandfilly.fm</a> Image: Courtesy of Filipa Bellette

Caring

How to write creative non-fiction history

Discovering an old photo album from the 1920s, celebrated author and adjunct professor Paul Ashton embarked on a journey to turn historical research into engaging creative non-fiction, blending meticulous evidence with captivating storytelling. Here he shares he insights on the fascinating process. One afternoon my elderly father and niece came to my home for lunch. On their way they had seen something on a council clean up. ‘We thought you might be interested in this,’ said my father handing me a small, brown photo album. I was. The album contained around 100 undated black and white photographs. It became apparent quickly that this was the record of a road trip done in the 1920s or 1930s. A boy, two women and a man had gone on a trip from Sydney up through New England, to Tamworth then to Brisbane and back to Sydney. Shadows in some of the images indicate that they were taken by the man and at least one of the women. The album provided the basis for my first children’s book, Palmer’s Mystery Hikes. One photograph stood out for me. Hundreds of people were gathered somewhere in the bush. In the far left-hand corner in the background was an elevated table covered with a large white tablecloth. With a magnifying glass I could just make out ‘Palmers [something] Hike’. In 1932 Palmer’s men and boys’ department store, in Park Street in Sydney, had established a hiking club to promote the sale of hiking apparel. You bought a ‘mystery’ ticket from New South Wales Railways with which Palmer had an arrangement; turned up at Central Station on Sunday morning; and were taken to a mystery destination. From there you did a ten-mile hike to another station and were then trained back to Sydney. There were five hikes. The third one to the Hawkesbury River attracted over 8,000 people. Turning historical research into believable fiction or creative non-fiction has certain demands. How do you strike a balance between historical research and evidence and the narrative form? This is a big question and will ultimately depend on many things, including the availability of primary and secondary sources and the nature of the particular narrative. But perhaps the most important question is: how do writers use the past to give their work historical dimensions and insights? For me, the most critical element is context. And it’s the thing most missing in much historically based fictional literature. Evoking people, places and periods involves understandings of things such as continuity and change over time, historical process – like colonisation and suburbanisation – ideologies and superstitions. Where appropriate, these should form subtle backgrounds to the narrative. Fiction and creative non-fiction as historical modes of presenting history should also show – not tell. My edited collection, If It’s not True It Should Be (Halstead Press), explores writing history using fictional techniques. As Peter Stanley has written in that book, ‘those who seek to illuminate the past through the imaginative recreation of historical fiction … [are] motivated by the fundamental conviction that what links the fidelity of the historian and the imagination of the historical novelist is that the work of both should be offered and read as if it were true.’ ABOUT THE AUTHOR Paul Ashton is adjunct professor and co-founder of the Australian Centre for Public History at the University of Technology Sydney and adjunct professor at the University of Canberra and Macquarie University. He has authored, co-authored, edited and co-edited over 40 books and is editor of the journal Public History Review. His series of creative non-fiction children’s histories – Accidental Histories – is being published by Halstead Press. Images: Supplied

Books

"I’m not going to be cured". How breast cancer awareness and support sidelines people with metastatic disease

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> There have been incredible <a href="https://www.cancer.gov/types/breast/research">advances</a> in breast cancer diagnosis and treatment in recent years. And stories about celebrities who have “beaten” breast cancer continue to be a source of inspiration for many people. However, this emphasis on fighting, beating and surviving cancer shuts out the voices of those who will not survive. That is, the many people diagnosed with incurable, life-limiting metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">which kills nine Australians every day</a> or nearly <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">3,300 people</a> a year. Yet an <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">estimated 10,000</a> Australians are living with the diagnosis. Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, as one of the authors has been, means ongoing treatment to live as long, and as well, as possible. It also means an ongoing need for emotional and practical support. However, society, health-care professionals, cancer advocacy organisations, even a patient’s closest family and friends, can struggle to understand what it is like to live with an incurable and life-limiting cancer and how best to provide support. <h2>Why is there so little awareness?</h2> <a href="https://www.breastcancer.org/types/metastatic">Metastatic breast cancer</a>, also called stage four breast cancer, is the most serious form of breast cancer. Unlike early breast cancer that is contained within the breast or nearby lymph nodes, metastatic breast cancer has spread to other parts of the body, most often the bones, lungs, liver, or brain. There is no cure for metastatic breast cancer despite decades of advocacy, funding and research. Treatment continues for as long as it helps to control the cancer and is tolerated by the patient. Median survival is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.5694/mja2.51687">two to three years</a>, although newer, novel treatments mean some patients are living much longer. As a society, we can be uncomfortable <a href="https://theconversation.com/before-you-go-are-you-in-denial-about-death-34056">talking about and facing death</a>. When it comes to cancer, we usually prefer focusing on good news stories. These narratives are often perceived to be better for fundraising and are reassuring for people newly diagnosed. But they fail to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">represent</a> the diversity and reality of cancer experiences. Despite considerable research into people with non-metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">relatively little</a> is known about Australians with metastatic breast cancer. <h2>Feeling silenced and unsupported</h2> Through our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">research</a> we wanted to better understand people’s experiences of metastatic breast cancer. We interviewed 38 participants from around Australia with diverse experiences of metastatic breast cancer. Participants were recruited through breast cancer and community organisations. We found messages and public campaigns about cancer survivorship, which emphasise hope and positivity, drowned out the voices of those with metastatic breast cancer. The focus on “success stories” about surviving breast cancer made some people feel like it was their responsibility to “beat” cancer. If they didn’t, it was their own fault. As one interviewee told us: "I react quite badly to all the, ‘we’ve had breast cancer and we beat it and we’ve survived. Aren’t we fantastic.’ There’s almost a feeling if you haven’t beaten your breast cancer you haven’t tried hard enough." Silence around metastatic breast cancer was common in research participants’ experiences. It prevented many from connecting with others and to the support they needed. It even affected relationships with those closest to them leaving them feeling misunderstood: "They don’t realise I’ve got to be on treatment forever. I’m not going to be cured. I think society thinks everything can be fixed; metastatic breast cancer actually can’t be fixed." Sharing deep fears and worries about their life expectancy can leave people with metastatic breast cancer feeling drained rather than supported. Many participants reported having to support and shield family, friends, acquaintances and work colleagues from the reality of their terminal diagnosis. "You hide how you feel because you don’t want to be avoided […] You put on that big, happy face. But like an onion if you peeled the layers away, you’d find out what’s going on." While many participants wanted to join a community of people with metastatic breast cancer, they struggled to know how to find one. Those who did, emphasised how invaluable it had been: "Being able to identify with and know that these people really get me is a huge relief and it reduces the isolation." These findings echo <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">previous research</a> demonstrating people with metastatic breast cancer have higher support needs than those with non-metastatic breast cancer. And these needs are <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">less likely to be met</a> by <a href="https://bmchealthservres.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12913-022-08269-8">health care, support services</a>, family or friends. <h2>A new path</h2> Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer can be terrifying, lonely and create significant support needs. It is essential people with metastatic breast cancer have their <a href="https://ascopubs.org/doi/10.1200/OP.20.00183">voices listened to</a> and their needs met. Next steps should include: <ul> <li> <a href="https://bcna-dxp.azureedge.net/media/d32bhdzf/bcna_making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count_2022.pdf">improving data collection by cancer registries</a> so we know exactly how many people in Australia have metastatic breast cancer </li> <li> increasing representation of people with metastatic breast cancer in advocacy, support organisations and research </li> <li> nationwide access to peer-to-peer programs and professionally led metastatic breast cancer support groups. </li> </ul> We must ensure people with metastatic breast cancer are the ones to speak to their experience and needs. As a colleague with metastatic breast cancer said: "I read an article written by an early-stage breast cancer ‘survivor’. It felt like someone describing winter when they had only ever experienced autumn." If you or someone you know has metastatic breast cancer, these organisations may be able to support you or connect you with others with the same diagnosis: <ul> <li> <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au">Breast Cancer Network Australia</a> for information and support </li> <li> <a href="https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/">McGrath Foundation</a> for information about access to metastatic breast care nurses. </li> </ul> <hr /> The authors would like to thank the members of Breast Cancer Network Australia’s Metastatic Breast Cancer Lived Experience Reference Group for their review of this article.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215458/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, Senior Lecturer, University of Sydney, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, Research fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, ARC DECRA Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/im-not-going-to-be-cured-how-breast-cancer-awareness-and-support-sidelines-people-with-metastatic-disease-215458">original article</a>.

Caring

6 ways to be more supportive to those closest to you

Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today. During difficult periods of life, such as experiencing a tragic loss or sudden break-up, those you care about need you to be there for them. At other times, your loved ones may not need help, but at least would like some support and encouragement. It’s well known that receiving social support is one of the best and most effective ways to cope with stress. People who perceive themselves to be supported are also most likely to be happier, and may even live longer than those who don’t. New research on social support for parents of autistic children shows just how you can be the person on whom your loved ones can most rely. The ageing parents of adult children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) undoubtedly face major challenges in their daily life and, according to this new research, benefit tremendously from the type of social support that friends and loved ones can provide. Christine Marsack, in the School of Social Work at Eastern Michigan University, teamed up with Preethy Samuel of Wayne State University (2017), to investigate the role of social support in mediating the amount of perceived burden and quality of life. As the authors point out, caregiving research on adult children and their ageing parents has typically focused on predicting burden in the children. There is far less known about what happens to ageing parents when it’s the children themselves who are in need of caregiving. The Michigan team based their work on the cognitive model of stress and coping, in which it’s the appraisal of an event as stressful that leads it to have a negative impact on the individual. In the case of parents of children with ASD, after coping with the challenge of receiving the diagnosis itself, their next step is to come “to grips with the condition and obtain access to support services to assist with caregiving” (p. 2379). The question that Marsack and Samuel investigated was whether formal or informal social support would have ameliorating effects on parental stress. Using a sample of 320 parents aged 50 and older, the majority of whom were under 70 years of age, the research team administered an online survey inquiring about psychological quality of life, perception of caregiving burden, contact with formal support agencies, and perceived degree of informal social support. Formal supports were used heavily by sample members, including psychiatric, financial, counselling, and adult day care, for example. Even the relatively wide range of opportunities to get help in this way was not enough to stave off the effects of perceived burden on parental mental health outcomes. Instead, it was their answers to a six-item questionnaire of informal support that proved to be key in reducing their perceived stress. The questionnaire used by Marsack and Samuel was one developed for use in assessing perceived availability of social support by coronary heart disease patients that has been widely adapted to other situations. It’s from this measure, known as the Enhancing Recovery in Coronary Heart Disease (ENRICHD) Social Support Index (ESSI), that we can now look to see how you can support people coping with challenges in their own lives right now: 1. Be available to listen. The ESSI asks whether there is someone who will be available to listen when needed. This means that you provide a sounding board when the person who needs your support approaches you. It doesn’t mean that you provide help regardless of whether you’re being asked for it. Let the person you care about know that you’re willing to listen, uncritically, when the situation demands it. 2. Be available with advice. When you are approached for help, providing advice can prove to be very supportive. Again, providing unsolicited advice isn’t perceived as particularly supportive, but being ready for it when asked will help ensure that your advice hits a receptive audience. 3. Show love and affection. Without providing anything in the way of objective support, it’s often enough just to know that someone cares to help get the stressed individual through tough times. The love and affection could be of the face-to-face form, and it's probably best when it is, but it can also come in the form of virtual cheers. 4. Help out every now and then with daily chores or by running errands. This is something you need to be able to do in person, so if you live some distance away from the individual you would like to support, it may mean that you take a trip there every few months to do some of the heavy lifting around the house, or just help with some on-site logistics. 5. Support the individual during the decision-making process. The person you care about may have to come up with plans that require more than just a sounding board or advice. Being patiently willing to go through the steps required to solve the problem can give the person you care about a more balanced perspective than would be possible if he or she were making this decision alone. 6. Be a person who the person you care about can trust and confide in. The ESSI inquires about being actually present, but if this isn’t feasible, that quality of being trustworthy seems to be key. Caring for an adult child with ASD may have led some of the parents to wish they could talk about their frustrations, perhaps even about those they felt toward their spouse, with someone outside the relationship. Worrying that the person they told might violate that trust would only add to the stress of their situation. You might think it’s enough for the person you care about to sign up for an established support network or to be able to receive financial or emergency assistance. The Marsack and Samuel study shows that the quality of the friendship, trust, and sensitivity you provide that can make an even greater difference. There’s no way to avoid all of the stressful situations that life can present, whether through family situations, work problems, or emergencies. Fulfillment in our relationships involves, as this study shows, that willingness to give the support that will make the most difference in helping those we care about. Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/4141/the-neuroscience-joyful-education-judy-willis-md.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Psychology Today</a>. Images: Getty

Relationships

3 reasons you should never view or share videos showing children being assaulted – even if you think it helps ‘raise awareness’

Australians have been shocked by an <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/mar/22/queensland-children-aged-between-12-and-14-charged-after-allegedly-assaulting-girl-over-several-hours">incident</a> on the Sunshine Coast this month in which a 13-year-old girl was imprisoned, assaulted and tortured over many hours, allegedly by three girls aged 12, 13 and 14. The alleged perpetrators also filmed the abuse, which went <a href="https://www.news.com.au/national/queensland/crime/three-girls-charged-after-13yearold-allegedly-lured-to-home-and-tortured/news-story/c08af6c838e54fc0d39c449e57f9719a">viral online</a> with photos and videos being shared across news outlets and social media profiles. Some people may think they’re supporting victims by watching the videos and then expressing their outrage at their treatment. Morbid curiosity about the event might also prompt people to view the photos or videos. But there are three key reasons why you should never view, download or share photos or videos of children being assaulted. <h2>1. You may be committing a criminal offence</h2> Photos and videos showing this 13-year-old girl allegedly being assaulted and tortured are unlawful. Content such as this is called child sexual abuse material (CSAM), which has <a href="https://theconversation.com/whats-in-a-name-online-child-abuse-material-is-not-pornography-45840">previously been called child pornography</a>. Child sexual abuse material is <a href="https://theconversation.com/virtual-child-sexual-abuse-material-depicts-fictitious-children-but-can-be-used-to-disguise-real-abuse-180248">offensive or sexual online material</a> depicting children. It’s a criminal offence to possess, view, share or create it. It isn’t just pornographic material. These laws extend to material that depicts children being assaulted and tortured, even without a sexual element. Criminal offences exist for possessing, viewing, sharing or creating such material. Each state and territory jurisdiction, and the Commonwealth, has their own legislation which may have a slightly <a href="https://bridges.monash.edu/articles/journal_contribution/Lawful_Acts_Unlawful_Images_The_Problematic_Definition_of_Child_Pornography/10064963/1">different perspective</a> on whether a person has committed an offence. Criminal offences can be committed in the following circumstances: <ol> <li> if someone <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2277239">downloads</a> a child assault photo or video, they are “possessing” child sexual abuse material </li> <li> where someone posts it to their social media page or <a href="https://heinonline.org/HOL/LandingPage?handle=hein.journals/utasman40&div=14&id=&page=">sends it</a> via email to others, they are “distributing” or “disseminating” child sexual abuse material </li> <li> when someone <a href="https://www.cdpp.gov.au/crimes-we-prosecute/child-exploitation">watches</a> a child assault video online without downloading, or looks at a photo, they are still “accessing” (viewing) such material, which can be an offence. </li> </ol> It doesn’t matter if the child victim indicates their approval for the material to be promulgated. Children are <a href="https://www.aic.gov.au/sites/default/files/2020-05/58-1213-FinalReport.pdf">unable to consent</a> to material depicting their own assault being shared or viewed by others. <h2>2. You are perpetuating the abuse suffered by the victim</h2> Watching and sharing child abuse photos or videos does not support the victim. Every photo and video depicting child abuse <a href="https://theconversation.com/it-is-not-child-pornography-it-is-a-crime-scene-photo-12465">shows a crime scene</a>. A victim’s abuse being captured and shared as a video is a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213419303667">regular reminder</a> of their abuse. The photos or videos can cause <a href="https://www.aic.gov.au/publications/tandi/tandi653">ongoing harm to a child victim</a>, beyond any physical harm they may have recovered from. US researchers conducted <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213418301510?via%3Dihub">a study</a>, published in 2018, to analyse the complex experiences of survivors (adults who, as children, had material of their abuse shared online). The participants described ongoing feelings of guilt and shame, and a feeling of enduring vulnerability because their records of abuse will always be online for others to see. As one survivor, not part of this study, <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/978-1-83982-848-520211053/full/html">said</a> "I have to live with the knowledge that my abuse will never end, and that every second of every day, someone could be – almost certainly is – watching my torture and abuse. Even once I’m dead, my degradation will continue. I will never be able to escape it. This trauma is infinite. Some also described an empowering dimension because the material provided validation of the abuse they suffered, or could be used as evidence in court. While victims may all process their experiences in different ways, it’s important to be mindful of the detrimental and ongoing effects on a child victim of an assault being captured and shared online. As a community, we must do everything we can to support those children, including refusing to watch or share photos or videos of their abuse. <h2>3. You are giving undeserved notoriety to the perpetrators</h2> Some perpetrators use records of their offending to create social media content for notoriety. “Performance crimes” allow perpetrators to use their online platform <a href="http://www8.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/journals/CICrimJust/2015/21.html">for attention</a>. Terrorism is another example, where terror attacks have been <a href="https://theconversation.com/social-media-create-a-spectacle-society-that-makes-it-easier-for-terrorists-to-achieve-notoriety-113715">livestreamed</a> and media outlets have responded by refusing to name the perpetrators. Do not reward the perpetrators by giving them a platform. <h2>How should we respond?</h2> It’s important we, as a community, acknowledge that children whose assaults are captured in photos and videos have been through a traumatic experience and need support. Watching or sharing their assault only perpetuates the abuse. We must refuse to watch videos of child abuse, and delete them if they’re sent to us. We then need to trust that police will conduct thorough investigations that will result in an appropriate outcome. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/3-reasons-you-should-never-view-or-share-videos-showing-children-being-assaulted-even-if-you-think-it-helps-raise-awareness-202610" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Images: Shutterstock

Technology

5 hidden sugar bombs you should be aware of

It seems like a pretty easy rule to follow – when you’re doing your weekly shop, if an item is packaged, it's likely laden with sugar. We all know that the sweet stuff is absolutely everywhere and that food companies use clever little tricks to disguise this from us when it comes to food labels. So, if you're not careful, sneaky foods packed with sugar will make their way into your home. Here we bring you some tips on how to arm yourself with the knowledge to avoid an accidental sugar binge. Fruit yoghurt It seems innocent enough, but fruit yogurt can be one of the biggest sugar bombs at the supermarket. Have you ever noticed how this popular morning snack feels like it would be more appropriately placed as a dessert option, well that’s because they are loaded with sugar. Opt for natural yoghurt and add cinnamon or berries to naturally sweeten. Pasta sauce Never mind the shortcomings of refined white pasta, it's the sauce that should be of concern. Pasta sauce alone can carry up to 12 grams of sugar for every half cup. Agave Despite it being sold in health food stores and renowned as a healthy alternative to sugar, it doesn’t change the fact that agave is pretty much just sugar dressed up in a healthier looking outfit. As it's 85 per cent fructose, it may be worse for you than cane sugar, which is all sucrose. What does this mean? Well, fructose is metabolised almost exclusively by your liver, which is hard work, and we’re still learning about the way different forms of sugar affect our health. Dried fruit Given it’s fruit it’s not surprising that most people count dried fruits amongst healthy food options, however, in some cases it might as well be like eating lollies. Just one-third of a cup can have 24 grams of sugar. Granola bars A convenient snack that is easy to carry in your bag to enjoy on the run? Yes. But the health factor of these bars depends on the ingredients. Most varieties aren't only made of wholegrain oats. In fact, one bar can pack as much as 12 grams (or much more) of sugar, so be sure to read the label before adding these to your shopping trolly. Image credits: Getty Images

Food & Wine

There’s a serious ethical problem with some sunscreen testing methods – and you’re probably not aware of it

As summer approaches, we need to start remembering to slip on sun-protective clothing, slop on sunscreen, slap on a hat, seek shade where possible, and slide on sunglasses. When it comes to sunscreen, we all know we need to wear it to protect against the harmful effects of ultraviolet (UV) radiation, which can cause skin cancer. But what about the sun protection factor, known as the SPF rating, we see on our sunscreen bottles? It indicates the level of protection – but is it always what it says it is, and how is it actually tested? <h2>Risking human health for SPF testing</h2> While there have been some cases of <a href="https://www.tga.gov.au/news/news/sunscreen-testing-ama-laboratories-condition-listing">sunscreens not matching up to their SPF claims</a>, this is the exception and not the norm. In Australia, we can be comfortable knowing these products are tightly regulated to ensure they are safe and meet their claimed SPF rating, according to current SPF testing methods. However, problems arise when it comes to how sunscreens are tested for their SPF rating. Most people would not be aware that the SPF value on their sunscreen bottles is determined by testing on humans. Ultimately, this means we are risking people’s health to test how effective our sunscreens are – and we urgently need to change this. <h2>How is sunscreen SPF tested?</h2> Once a sunscreen formulation has been developed by a manufacturer it needs to go through testing to ensure it only contains approved ingredients, and ultimately, that it does what it says it does. All sunscreen products available in Australia are <a href="https://www.tga.gov.au/news/news/about-sunscreens">tested according to the Australian Standard to determine the SPF</a>. This is great and provides assurance of safety and quality for the consumer – but the problem is with how this testing is done. Currently, testing sunscreens on humans is the approved international standard to rate the UV protection level of a sunscreen. This testing involves volunteers wearing strictly defined amounts of sunscreen and being exposed to artificial solar <a href="https://www.arpansa.gov.au/understanding-radiation/what-is-radiation/non-ionising-radiation/ultraviolet-radiation">UV radiation</a>. Performance is measured by determining the time it takes for erythema or redness to occur. <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/about-us/policy-and-advocacy/prevention-policy/national-cancer-prevention-policy/skin-cancer-statistics-and-issues/sunburn">This is, basically, sunburn</a>; based on this, an SPF rating is assigned. <h2>Why is human testing of SPF a problem?</h2> If sunscreens only contain approved ingredients we know are safe, is it really a problem they are tested on humans? Sadly, yes. Human testing involves exposing people to harmful UV radiation, which we know can cause skin and eye damage, <a href="https://www.arpansa.gov.au/understanding-radiation/radiation-sources/more-radiation-sources/sun-exposure">as well as being the leading cause of skin cancer</a>. This alone is <a href="https://www.phrp.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/PHRP3212205.pdf">unethical and unjustifiable</a>. There are also other issues associated with testing sunscreen on humans. For example, the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/phpp.12095">use of erythema to determine sunscreen effectiveness is highly subjective</a>, and may differ from one person to another, even for those with the same <a href="https://www.arpansa.gov.au/sites/default/files/legacy/pubs/RadiationProtection/FitzpatrickSkinType.pdf">skin type</a>. This makes the reliability of such testing methods questionable. Further, testing is only done on a small number of people (a minimum of <a href="https://www.tga.gov.au/sites/default/files/australian-regulatory-guidelines-for-sunscreens.pdf">ten people is required in Australia</a>). This is great for exposing as few people as possible to harmful UV radiation to determine a product’s SPF rating – but not so great when it comes to inclusiveness. Testing such a small number of people is not representative. It does not include all skin types and leads to real <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ics.12333">challenges in achieving reproducible results</a> across different laboratories testing the same product. The testing itself is also very expensive. This adds to the already high cost of buying sunscreens, and potentially limits manufacturers from developing new and better products. These, along with many other issues, highlight the urgency for non-human (in vitro) testing methods of a sunscreen’s effectiveness to be developed. <h2>Human-free SPF testing technology is in development</h2> While efforts have been made to develop non-human testing methods, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165993622002072">there remain several challenges</a>. <a href="https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/292777">These include</a> the materials used to simulate human skin (also known as substrates), difficulties in applying the sunscreen to these substrates, reproducibility of results, and ensuring that results are the same as what we see with human testing. However, scientists at <a href="https://www.rmit.edu.au/">RMIT University</a>, with support from the Australian Radiation Protection and Nuclear Safety Agency (<a href="https://www.arpansa.gov.au/">ARPANSA</a>) and the <a href="https://www.cancervic.org.au/">Cancer Council Victoria</a>, are <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165993622002072">working on a solution to this problem</a>. So far, they have developed a prototype sensor that <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-06273-3">changes colour when exposed to UV radiation</a>. This <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-06273-3/figures/5">sensor</a> could be customised for human-free sunscreen testing, for example. Reliable in vitro testing methods will mean in the future, sunscreen manufacturers would be able to quickly make and test new and better sunscreens, without being limited by the time and cost constraints involved with human testing. So the next time you buy a bottle of sunscreen, look to purchase the highest-rated sunscreen of SPF 50+ – and know that work is underway on getting that rating classified in a more ethical way. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/theres-a-serious-ethical-problem-with-some-sunscreen-testing-methods-and-youre-probably-not-aware-of-it-195359" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Beauty & Style

“The best thing I’ve ever done”: Answering the COPD wake-up call

Brian is a 62-year-old Aussie bloke from Bendigo who once enjoyed a variety of different sports. He had led a very active lifestyle, was a keen fisherman, and loved playing footy. However, all that changed when, at just 47, he was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). COPD is a chronic and progressive lung condition, sometimes also diagnosed as emphysema or chronic bronchitis, that can cause your airways to narrow and become obstructed and inflamed, making breathing difficult.1 Unfortunately, there is no cure for COPD but there are management plans available – it’s just a matter of knowing what’s best for you. Which is exactly why Brian is sharing his own experience of the moment he became aware of certain symptoms, and proactively discussing his condition with his doctor to manage his COPD and remain as active as he can. The impact of COPD is staggering, making it the fifth leading cause of death and leading cause of preventable hospitalisations in Australia alone – and the third leading cause of death worldwide.2,3 What’s more, the prevalence of COPD increases with age, mostly occurring in people aged 45 and over.2 When Brian was initially diagnosed, he was interested in learning as much as he could about COPD but was not ready to make specific lifestyle changes at that time. Then in 2015, he was also diagnosed with a heart condition, which shares some of the same risk factors as COPD. For Brian, this major health scare was a wake-up call, and he started to take more notice of his symptoms, particularly his breathing. Brian’s new approach included proactively talking to his doctor to understand his COPD – and in particular to know the difference between his “normal everyday symptoms” and the symptoms he felt when his COPD was worsening, and he was having a flare-up. In this context, a "flare-up" constituted a worsening of COPD symptoms that went beyond the normal day-to-day changes, and which needed additional medication as treatment.1 For Brian, in terms of managing his COPD proactively, this has been the key. “The best thing I’ve ever done is create a plan (with my doctor). Because every time you have a flare-up, it causes more damage to your lungs. If you’ve been diagnosed with COPD, do something about it straight away.” Like Brian, there are countless Australians living with COPD who may not be aware of the difference between normal fluctuations in their symptoms and a COPD flare-up that could impact their overall health, and requires medical intervention.1 Understanding the difference between your “normal everyday symptoms” versus your “signs of a flare-up” can ensure treatment is started as early as possible and may greatly improve the quality of your life. 1 This is why <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.beflareaware.com.au</a> gives both patients and caregivers free access to an extensive wealth of information. The website provides more information about the disease and how to recognise the symptoms of an exacerbation, or a flare-up, and take action early. The raft of easy-use-tools include interactive videos, quizzes and advice from healthcare professionals. “COPD does creep up on you,” recalls Brian. “Suddenly you are getting puffed out doing everyday activities like walking to the car or along the beach. For me, everything started to become more of a chore, and I was constantly struggling to breathe.” <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_Brian_Evoke-10_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> Upon reflection, Brian recalled how COPD had started to impact his relationships with his family and friends too, just as he was coming to terms with the importance of managing his condition. “I have always loved footy,” he says. “My grandson and I used to kick the footy at the local park. He’d be up one end and I on the other. We weren’t even half a dozen kicks in before I was totally out of steam, and I had to sit down. For me, quality time with the grandkids is so important. I told myself, if my grandson wants to kick the footy, then I should be kicking the footy with him to the best of my ability.” Brian started to take a proactive role in his health, including speaking to his doctors about finding a plan to manage his COPD, like taking note of the difference between his “normal everyday symptoms” and when he’s having a flare-up and taking action as soon as he notices one beginning; as well as making important lifestyle changes like quitting smoking and putting a healthy diet and sustainable exercise regime first. “We know our bodies catch up to us as we get older and it’s something many of us find difficult to accept,” he explains. “Knowing the signs and symptoms of issues that aren’t necessarily related to ageing, such as breathing, is critical.” Today, Brian’s lungs are operating at just 37% of normal capacity, which means any form of exertion is difficult. Despite these challenges, Brian has become very flare-aware and actively manages his COPD so that he is able to maintain activities that are important to him. Brian encourages other people living with COPD to take action as early as possible to best manage their condition too. <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_BeFlareAware_videoThumb_02_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="659" /></a> “In everything I do, from taking out the rubbish or going for a walk, I need to pace myself,” he says. “I always say that I could have made more of a difference to how I’m living now if I had taken action earlier and made lifestyle changes straight away.” Brian urges anybody who has been living with COPD to take the diagnosis seriously and <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">seek out resources</a> to help you become flare-aware. Early recognition and the ability to manage the disease is important as it can minimise negative impacts of COPD and help prevent future flare-ups.1 If you or someone you care for are feeling overwhelmed by a COPD diagnosis and would like to become more proactive in your management of COPD, <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.beflareaware.com.au</a> is an excellent resource to educate both patients and caregivers – and also includes useful links and information created by Lung Foundation Australia. Check out the video below to hear more of Brian’s inspiring story, and to find out how you can live better and Be Flare Aware. <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/O60_BeFlareAware_videoThumb_1280.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="644" /></a> References: 1. Lung Foundation Australia. COPD Factsheet. <a href="https://lungfoundation.com.au/resources/copd-fact-sheet/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://lungfoundation.com.au/resources/copd-fact-sheet/</a> [Last accessed: September 2022] 2. AIHW. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Available at: <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/chronic-respiratory-conditions/copd/contents/deaths" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/chronic-respiratory-conditions/copd/contents/deaths</a> [Last accessed: September 2022]. 3. Quaderi SA, Hurst JR. The unmet global burden of COPD. Glob Health Epidemiol Genom. 2018; 3: e4. Published 2018 Apr 6. Images: Supplied This is a sponsored article produced in partnership with AstraZeneca’s <a href="https://www.beflareaware.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Be Flare Aware</a> campaign.

Body

"Find a life worth enjoying": Dame Deborah's final letter to her family

Dame Deborah James wrote a heartwarming letter to her family in her final days before succumbing to bowel cancer at the age of 40. The popular British media personality, mother-of-two and podcaster who raised millions of dollars for charity <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/vale-dame-deborah" target="_blank" rel="noopener">passed away</a> “peacefully” on June 28. In a section of a book titled How To Live When You Could Be Dead, Dame Deborah penned the final letter which her family would be left with. “I am currently sitting here next to the love of my life, Sebastien,” the letter began. “I never quite knew if you could really have a love of your life, but I now know what the very core of unquestioned love is between two people. “I have always loved my husband. I fancied him from when I first met him, and I knew I would marry him after our third date. It was clear to me that, while he wasn’t perfect, there was something about him that was right for me.” She then reflected on their time together and said it was so important to take time for the marriage and how sometimes you forget your loved one is there when life gets busy. “It’s easy to forget that the person you love is still there in front of you when things are clouded by the annoyance of childcare logistics, money pressures and living like ships in the night,” her letter continued. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Deborah James (@bowelbabe)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I wish I had learned at a young age that making time for your marriage to work should be as much a part of your timetable as going to the gym or cleaning your teeth. “It’s important that you don’t allow the big arguments to build up, when all you really want is to forget about everything and cuddle the one person who you love.” Dame Deborah then got candid about her feelings following her diagnosis with cancer, confessing that she felt “robbed” for not being able to be herself. “As cancer brings my life to an end, I feel this cruel realisation that I’m not fully able to be myself with the one person I have adored and needed in my life more than anyone else,” she wrote. “I feel robbed of the freedom of a body without pain to kiss with, the freedom for us to make whimsical plans for our future and retirement together. “Our goals and dreams have had to be adjusted week by week and day by day, depending on my cancer.” The media personality then reached a part for her children Hugo and Eloise as she recalled precious memories she had while raising them. “I’ve learned that there are many ways to parent — nothing is right or wrong as long as there is love,” she wrote. “There are mental snapshots of being a parent that will never leave you. But the beautifully etched memories that will come to you in your death are not necessarily the ones you might expect. “One of my first is of Hugo when he was four days old. He was lying next to me in our double bed in our flat, and he was looking for my breast to feed on — he was yellow and had a big conehead. “I remember looking at this little 6lb ball cradled against my tummy and thinking that it was only at this point that I had begun to understand what love was. “I now look at that same 14-year-old boy, who still takes the time to cuddle up next to me on the sofa, and I would give anything to continue being able to protect him in the way I did when he was just four days old.” Dame Deborah then ended with a reminder, telling readers that it is okay to relax and take time for yourself. “Take time out. Relaxing isn’t an indulgence — it’s a form of refilling ourselves. None of us can drink from empty cups. “Each day, do things that make you happy — build them into your life and never criticise others for the things that make them happy. “Every day we wake not knowing if we will see the full 24 hours of the day, so as the sun comes up on a new day, we should feel blessed. “We are given 86,400 seconds every day, and we each choose how to use them. “It is only as they begin to slip away from us that we understand the value of each and every one of those seconds.” You can read the entire letter from Dame Deborah James from How To Live When You Could Be Dead, by Deborah James out on August 18, 2022. Images: Instagram

Caring

Partnering up can help you grow as an individual

It’s common to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-43747-3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">want to become a better version of yourself</a>. Much like the desires to eat, drink and avoid harm, human beings also experience a fundamental need to learn, grow and improve – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195398694.013.0005" target="_blank" rel="noopener">what psychologists call self-expansion</a>. Consider your favorite activities. Things like reading a book, spending time in nature, volunteering with a new organization, taking a class, traveling, trying a new restaurant, exercising or watching a documentary all broaden the self. Those experiences add new knowledge, skills, perspectives and identities. When who you are as a person expands, you enhance your competence and capabilities and increase your ability to meet new challenges and accomplish new goals. Of course, you can achieve self-expansion on your own by trying new and interesting activities (like playing Wordle), learning new things (like advancing through a language app) or working on a skill (like practicing meditation). Research confirms that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2012.746999" target="_blank" rel="noopener">these kinds of activities help individuals expand themselves</a>, which encourages them to put forth more effort on subsequent challenging tasks. Interestingly, romantic relationships can also be a key source of growth for people. <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=v2ai_5wAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao" target="_blank" rel="noopener">As a relationship scientist</a> for over 20 years, I’ve studied the effects all kinds of romantic relationships can have on the self. Today’s modern couples hold high expectations for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721415569274" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a partner’s role in one’s own self-development</a>. <h2>Growing in your relationship</h2> Falling in love feels good, and spending time with a romantic partner is enjoyable, but love’s benefits run even deeper. People tend to value partners who help them become a better version of themselves. One way to optimize self-growth in your relationship is by sharing in your partner’s unique interests and skills. When “me” becomes “we,” partners <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02399" target="_blank" rel="noopener">blend their self-concepts and include the other in the self</a>. That merging encourages partners to take on each other’s characteristics, quirks, interests and abilities to some extent. Romantic partners inevitably have different life experiences, knowledge bases, perspectives and skills. Each area is an opportunity for growth. For example, if your partner has a better sense of humor than you do, over time, yours will likely improve. If they have an eye for interior design, your ability to put together a room will evolve. A partner’s differing views on climate change, politics or religion will grant you new perspectives and a deeper understanding of those topics. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.60.2.241" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Your relationship helps you become a better person</a>. This isn’t to say that individuals should try to completely merge, running the risk of losing themselves. Rather, each person can maintain their own identity while augmenting it with desirable elements from their partner. <h2>Relationship consequences of more or less</h2> The science makes it abundantly clear that couples with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195398694.013.0005" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more self-expansion are better relationships</a>. Specifically, people who report more self-expansion in their relationship also report more passionate love, relationship satisfaction and commitment. It’s also associated with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519875217" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more physical affection, greater sexual desire, less conflict and couples being happier with their sex life</a>. Because self-expansion is so critical, when expanding relationships end, participants describe <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00120.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">feeling like they have lost a part of themselves</a>. Importantly, when less-expanding relationships break up, individuals <a href="https://youtu.be/Cw2qD87KDHc" target="_blank" rel="noopener">experience positive emotions and growth</a>. When a relationship provides insufficient expansion, it can feel like it’s stuck in a rut. That stagnant malaise has consequences. Research finds that married couples who at one point indicated more boredom in their current relationship also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reported less marital satisfaction nine years later</a>. Insufficient relationship self-expansion also encourages people to have more of a wandering eye and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510382321" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pay more attention to alternative partners</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.3200/SOCP.146.4.389-403" target="_blank" rel="noopener">increases susceptibility to cheating on one’s partner</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000148" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lowers sexual desire</a> and comes with a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518768079" target="_blank" rel="noopener">greater likelihood of breakup</a>. <h2>How does your relationship measure up?</h2> Maybe you’re now wondering how your own relationship is doing on this front. To provide some insight, <a href="https://www.garylewandowski.com/post/sustainable-marriage-quiz" target="_blank" rel="noopener">I created the Sustainable Marriage Quiz</a>. On a scale from 1 to 7, with 1 being “very little” and 7 being “very much,” answer these questions: <ol> <li>How much does being with your partner result in you having new experiences?</li> <li>When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of them?</li> <li>How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?</li> <li>How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?</li> <li>How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?</li> <li>How much do your partner’s strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc.) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person?</li> <li>How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?</li> <li>How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?</li> <li>How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?</li> <li>How much does your partner increase your knowledge?</li> </ol> Before adding up your score, know that these categories are generalizations. They suggest where your relationship may need attention, but also where it’s already strong. Relationships are complicated, so you should see your score for what it is: one small piece of the puzzle about what makes your relationship work. <ul> <li>60 and above – Highly Expansive. Your relationship provides lots of new experiences and helps you reach new goals. As a result, you likely have a more fulfilling and sustainable relationship.</li> <li>45 to 60 – Moderately Expanding. Your relationship has produced some new experiences and additions to your self-concept, but you have some room for improvement.</li> <li>Below 45 — Low Expansion. Currently your relationship isn’t creating many opportunities to increase your knowledge or enhance you. Consequently you likely aren’t improving yourself as much as you could. Consider making an effort to seek out more new and interesting experiences with your partner. You may even rethink if this is the right partner for you.</li> </ul> What makes a relationship great? While there are many factors to consider, one area deserves more attention: how much it helps you grow. A relationship that fosters self-expansion will make you want to be a better person, help you increase your knowledge, build your skills, enhance your capabilities and broaden your perspectives. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/partnering-up-can-help-you-grow-as-an-individual-heres-the-psychology-of-a-romantic-relationship-that-expands-the-self-175422" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation.</a> Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Lisa Wilkinson’s book price slashed by 70 percent

The price of Lisa Wilkinson’s new book has been slashed by more than 70 percent. The former Today Show co-host released a memoir called It Wasn't Meant To Be Like This in November 2021, which addressed – among other things – her pay dispute with Karl Stefanovic. However, her book was not well received as the RRP took a massive cut by up to more than 70 percent at some retailers. Kmart was selling a paperback copy of the memoir for $24 and placed it on clearance for a measly $6. Big W had the book for RRP $45 and slashed a massive 73 percent off the pricing to just $12. Amazon also had the book for $12 with only Booktopia and Dymocks keeping the price at $36 and $45 respectively. Despite the price cuts on her book, it has now been revealed that Wilkinson is making money off it in a different way. The Project host is promoting her memoir at exclusive women’s networking breakfast group Business Chicks, where attendees are also being charged the full $45 for her book. She also held an event at the luxurious Melbourne Crown Palladium to a sold-out crowd of more than 500 attendees. Tickets to the event ranged from $145 to $185 per seat. In an Instagram post in April, Wilkinson promoted her new book tour “after a couple of false starts at the end of last year, courtesy of good old COVID”. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcfEm0IhvYR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcfEm0IhvYR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Lisa Wilkinson (@lisa_wilkinson)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I’ll be telling the stories BEHIND the stories in the book, the truth about some of the headlines you may have read in recent times, the many lessons I’ve learnt across the years, the people I’ve met, and why the book almost didn’t happen,” her caption read. “And if you already have the book, please bring it along for me to sign, or you can purchase one on the day, and I’ll be signing those too.” She went on to convince attendees about the event which would include some “darn good coffee” as well as a great networking space. “And again, thank you to everyone who continues to send me messages, stop me in the street, and share their thoughts in book clubs around the country about how much the book has meant to them…you sincerely have no idea how much your feedback has, in turn, meant to me. Thank you.” Image: Instagram

Books

Do it for Dolly: Bullying awareness day

If Australian mum Kate Everett could turn back time, she would tell her little girl Dolly to speak up and reach out for help. That opportunity was taken from them forever when the young girl, at only 14-years-old took her own life in January of 2018. This was a result of online bullying. Her death sent shockwaves around the country and five years on, the Everetts are using their grief to fight back against bullying with the common goal to prevent others from going through the same hardship. The family from the Northern Territory launched a charity in their daughter Dolly’s name and created “Do it for Dolly” - an annual day of bullying awareness on May the 13th. “The loss of a child changes a family forever,” Everett said “but creating Dolly’s Dream has helped us with healing.” Dolly’s story touched the hearts of people across the country, sparking the family’s plan to channel their grief into something bigger. They launched Dolly’s Dream and Do it for Dolly Day in 2018 as a way to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. The organisation aims to help change the culture of bullying and raise awareness about the devastating impact it can have on young people and their families. Recounting the family’s tragic story does take its toll, but the impact they have had on the lives of others makes it all worth it. “Dolly’s Dream gives us the ability to focus on what positive can come from this, it’s Dolly’s legacy,” she said, adding it helps the family find comfort and healing. Image: Instagram

Caring

"I was not aware": Audrey Hepburn's son responds to casting choice

An upcoming biopic focusing on the life of Audrey Hepburn <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.empireonline.com/movies/news/rooney-mara-to-play-audrey-hepburn-in-new-biopic/" target="_blank">has revealed</a> who will bring the classic film star to life - and Hepburn's son has since weighed in on the decision. The news broke that American actress Rooney Mara (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) has made a deal to portray Hepburn in the future film from Call Me By Your Name director Luca Guadagnino in early January, as Mara prepares for a role in Guilermo del Toro's Nightmare Alley. Sean Ferrer, Hepburn's son, told Fox News he had no idea about the upcoming project. "I was not aware of the project," he told the outlet. “Rooney is a delight. Sounds like there is a lot of love there.” Ferrer has spent much of his life keeping his mother’s legacy and memory alive since her passing in 1993 from cancer. In 2020, Ferrer and his wife, Karin, wrote Little Audrey’s Daydream, a children’s book that followed Hepburn’s rocky childhood in Holland during the war and her dreams of becoming a Hollywood star. Speaking to Fox News <a rel="noopener" href="https://nypost.com/2022/01/10/audrey-hepburns-son-responds-to-rooney-maras-biopic-casting/" target="_blank">at the time</a>, Ferrer said his favourite moment with his mother was “anytime I made her laugh”. “It’s one of the greatest things you can take from any relationship if you can make someone laugh and give them that moment of sunshine,” he said. “But there are many moments I think about. “I think about when she drove me to the airport and I left to do my first job. I was walking through security and when I turned around, there were tears coming down her face. As a parent and having been through it, I now understand. “But I take great comfort in those moments when I simply made her laugh.” Hepburn was known for her roles in Breakfast at Tiffany's, My Fair Lady, Charade, and Sabrina, and she received a Grammy award posthumously in 1994, making her the fifth person to receive an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award. Though the plot of the new film is still <a rel="noopener" href="https://variety.com/2022/film/news/rooney-mara-audrey-hepburn-apple-luca-guadagnino-1235148712/" target="_blank">under wraps</a>, Apple has backed the project, with The Giver’s Michael Mitnick writing the script and Mara producing. Images: Getty Images

Movies

Tempers flare on The Project over mandatory vaccinations

Tuesday night’s episode of The Project saw two hosts clash over mandatory vaccinations. A disagreement between Kate Langbroek and Hamish McDonald played out on live television following a news segment about mandatory jabs for employees in some workplaces. Langbroek shared that the pair had disagreed on the issue in an earlier off-air briefing. “You weren’t calling me a gentleman at that point,” MacDonald said. “Nearly everyone was (pro) mandatory vaccine, but I’m not mandatory vaccine for work,” Langbroek explained. “I’m not anti-vax,” she admitted, “but I’m very uncomfortable prescribing mandatorily to people what they have to put in their bodies to work or participate in - I’m just not.” She argued that her aversion may be due to her upbringing as a Jehovah’s Witness. “They had the concept of disfellowshipping, which I find so repugnant. I hate the thought that people will be disfellowshipped from their lives because they have hesitation or doubts about the vaccination,” she said. But, MacDonald countered that her doubts could be impacting others. “So as an employer, you’re responsible not just to Kate, who might be cautious, you’re responsible to all your employees, right?” he said. “If you let Kate continue to come into work, you can transmit it to us and then we can transmit it to our families. If you want to visit…” “That’s when your vaccine has to do its work, mate!” Langbroek interrupted. “And my vaccine.” “But the vaccine doesn’t prevent you from contracting the virus or transmitting it, it just reduces the likelihood that you will end up in hospital or that you will die,” MacDonald explained. “The reality is, if someone comes to our workplace, gives it to me, I can take it to a residential aged care facility, where my father might be, and then spread it through there. I don’t want to do that,” he said. “People bringing Covid into the workplace is not safe.” Though Langbroek agreed with his point, she pressed that it shouldn’t be mandatory to get the jab. “If you had the right to go into your workplace and feel protected, does someone else also not have the right to decide what they put in their body?” The fiery conversation came to an end with Langbroek pointing out that she has had one dose of the vaccine and one of her children was vaccinated earlier that day. Image: The Project / Channel 10

"What about justice?" Tempers flare on Q&A over Christian Porter debate

A Liberal senator and a Labor MP clashed on ABC's Q&A on Thursday night over a question around the historical rape allegation against Attorney-General Christian Porter. On Wednesday, Porter revealed himself as the minister at the centre of a rape claim involving a 16-year-old girl in Sydney in 1988. He has never been charged and police confirmed there was "insufficient evidence" to proceed with an investigation and labelled the matter "closed". The question was asked by an audience member and immediately caused tension on the panel. The question that was asked was whether the panel thought Prime Minister Scott Morrison should launch an independent inquiry into the allegations against Mr Porter. Queensland National Party Senator Susan McDonald threw her support behind Mr Porter, saying she felt “deeply” for the woman and her family but that the justice system must be adhered to. “We do have a system of justice in this country. We do have a police service that is well resourced and the most capable of understanding whether or not evidence needs to go to trial. And they have closed the matter,” Senator McDonald said. “I don’t think that this is an easy subject but we can’t have a situation where allegations equate to guilt. And I think that the minister has made a full statement and I think that we need to some justice in the law and the rules of the land, because otherwise, you know, do we back a kangaroo court and a court of public opinion?” <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Should the Prime Minister launch an independent inquiry into the rape allegation against Christian Porter? <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/QandA?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#QandA</a> <a href="https://t.co/24SVvJVM14">pic.twitter.com/24SVvJVM14</a> — QandA (@QandA) <a href="https://twitter.com/QandA/status/1367413261134483457?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 4, 2021</a></blockquote> Western Australia Labor MP Anne Aly cut in, asking: "What about justice for the victim?" “We keep talking about justice for the accused. What about justice for the victim?” she said, to a round of cheering from the audience. “I am infuriated by this because I’m sick and tired of the lip service that we hear in parliament about hearing victims’ voice, about listening to women, about respect for women, and right now is a moment.” Aly also said it was time for the Prime Minister to show leadership and launch an independent inquiry. “What did he do? He came out and he said, ‘Well, I have asked him if he did it and he said no, and that’s enough for me.’ And then suddenly you’ve got all of these men invoking justice, justice, justice,” she said. “That inquiry will either exonerate Christian Porter and prove his innocence, as he is — as he is saying, that he is innocent, or it will prove otherwise. Either way, this is a serious, serious allegation. It needs to be treated seriously,” she said.

Eddie McGuire reveals Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestant suspected of cheating

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> Eddie McGuire revealed the time he suspected a contestant of cheating on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and had security search the man for a wire. He shared the incident during an interview with Kyle and Jackie O on KIIS FM this morning. “I thought … absolutely something was wrong,” the game show host said. The contestant was the second person to win the million dollars on the Australian show, Martin Flood. “He just had this peculiar way of answering a question,” McGuire said. “He was going all over the place.” “We actually checked him to see if he had a wire on because we thought maybe he had somebody outside and he had a phone attached to his calf. It was just so odd what was going on.” Turns out Mr Flood was just nervous because he wanted to win. “He was fantastic and he’d relaxed,” the host said. “What we found out is that he (Mr Flood) took a year off work to study every question he could get his hands on from around the world. He also studied me for any ticks or any gives that I was giving.” Mr Flood agreed and shared the incident to the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/where-are-they-now-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire-s-20th-anniversary-20190418-p51fcd.html" target="_blank">Sydney Morning Herald</a> to explain how intense he was. “I watched every episode of every quiz show I could, I read many trivia books and I went to many trivia nights. “I could hardly chat with anyone without trying to turn the conversation to last week’s episode,” he said. </div> </div> </div>

Are you aware of these new changes that can impact you financially?

As the financial year for 2019 has drawn to a close, there are a whole range of changes that you need to know about that have started impacting you since July 1. Small business write-off has lifted The instant asset write-off has jumped from $25,000 to $30,000 for small businesses which aims to give a much-needed boost to the books. “As we get towards the end of the financial year, now is a good time to do some last-minute planning,” H&R tax expert Mark Chapman told <a href="https://www.news.com.au/finance/money/tax/ato-tax-return-claim-all-the-changes-coming-july-1-what-you-need-to-know/news-story/c65e8ac48427544a0c0ab2aa73c8b3f0">news.com.au</a>. “It’s a really good time for a cash flow perspective to take advantage of that,” he said. “It’s a real win for small businesses because if you’re buying tax-deductible office equipment, computers, laptops, tools, or even motor vehicles and utes, you write off the cost completely against your tax.” Inactive superannuation accounts have closed If your life insurance is wrapped in your old super account, you might want to pay attention. Super accounts that have been inactive for 16 months have their default life cover switched off. If you have multiple superannuation accounts, the one that is most active will have life insurance attached to it. With more than 50 percent of Australians being unaware of the changes, it’s not looking good for those who are unaware. “This legislation has been introduced for very good reasons,” Association of Superannuation Funds for Australia (ASFA) chief executive Martin Fahy said. “However, the time frame for implementation has meant it has been challenging for superannuation funds to engage their members to ensure they understand the consequences of the changes in just a few short months.” Other superannuation changes Superannuation is getting an overhaul in the new financial year, with a variety of changes which include: <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Low balance accounts with less than $6,000 will have fees capped at 3 per cent to avoid accounts being gouged by fees</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">All super fund exit fees will be banned</li> <li style="font-weight: 400;">Those who have retired or are aged between 65 and 74 can make voluntary superannuation contributions if their super balance is under $300,000 </li> </ul> Luxury car owners tax Cars valued at $100,000 and $150,00 will be charged a duty of $14 per $200 of market value in Victoria. For cars that are worth more than $150,000, a duty of $18 per $200 of market value will be charged. Low emission cars and farming vehicles are exempt from these charges. Increase to minimum wage The minimum wage will increase by 3 per cent to $740.80 per week or $19.49 an hour for the first full pay period starting on or after July 1.

Money & Banking

Top 3 car rental scams you need to be aware of

Planning on renting a car on your next trip away? If you plan on doing your research before hiring a vehicle, then it can be a great investment as it allows you to see sights and scenery on your own accord. But while having your own car for a few days is generally a good idea, there are also scams one should be aware of before booking. Most companies aren’t out there to con you out of your money, but there are a few bad eggs, and this is what you should look out for. 1. Overdue rental scam While it’s known that a heavy penalty fee occurs if you drop off the car after the so-called agreed drop-off time, many times companies conveniently leave out important information – such as returning the car by noon. This is why it’s important to read the fine print and checking with the clerk before driving off. 2. Compulsory insurance fee scam If you own a Visa, Mastercard or American Express card then chances are your provider automatically covers you for insurance. But in saying that, many customers are being coerced into paying hefty insurance fees, which is why you should check with your credit card company before tapping the EFTPOS machine. 3. The GPS scam Let’s be honest, in this day and age with a smartphone at everyone’s fingertips, there is no need to pay extra for a GPS. While it’s an easy upsell, you don’t have to be out of pocket for a feature that’s available on your mobile phone. And if you’re worried about running out of data, you can pre-map routes before heading off on your trip. And don’t forget… It seems like a no-brainer to go for the cheapest car rental company you can find, but just remember, that isn’t always a good thing. Many times, you can be sucked into paying hidden fees which result in a huge price bump. Also, don’t forget to keep petrol receipts and photograph any damage to the car before leaving the rental lot.

Travel Tips

Warning: The new Coles scam you need to be aware of

Shoppers have gone absolutely nuts over the new Coles collectables, but customers are being warned of the new scam preying on those collecting the mini figurines. The supermarket giant has caused a frenzy thanks to their Stikeez range of miniature fruits and vegetables, with a select few being “ultra-rare” and coveted, such as the golden banana. The golden banana is in such high demand, they are fetching for more than AUD$20,000 online. With only 100 circulating through stores for customers to get their paws on, it is no wonder fans of the Stikeez range are going crazy over this rare find. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7824921/stikeez-golden.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/61e0f711024e496b92e9c71fd3dd3fff" /> With over 25 collectable items, there are an additional five rare Stikeez including metallic Eddie, see-through Brodie, sparkly Cooper, glow in the dark Carlo and the rarest item – Golden Billy Banana. <img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7824922/golden-banana-stikeez.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/7692ae91c3054506b047fbc970229a39" />Prices for the Golden Bily Banana has been auctioned for AUD$10,000. With rare treats like these, scams are bound to arise. The popularity of the collectable items and the determination to land one of the 100 golden bananas by customers has not gone unnoticed, as it has left fraudulent figurines to be sold to unsuspecting collectors for hefty price tags. Retail Analyst Barry Urquhart told<a href="https://au.news.yahoo.com/shoppers-warned-latest-coles-collectables-scam-230506590.html"> 7News</a> the latest scam is a reminder of the previous tricks pulled during the sale of the extremely popular Little Shop promotion. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7824920/stikeez.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/155756ad48a143cdb8f51344c89777fb" /> “In all three incarnations of the Stikeez promotion there has been that sort of behaviour arise very quick,” he explained. Coles has urged shoppers of the Stikeez promotion to be diligent when purchasing the rarer items, saying that every golden banana comes with a certificate of authenticity. Would you pay $20,000 for a Coles collectable? Let us know in the comments below.

Legal

6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

Be careful what you look for because you might just find it “My great grandmother always told me to be careful what you go fishing for because you may come out with snakes. As a therapist, I share this with my clients when they are suspicious of what their partner are doing. They may think they want to know everything but are the results worth the fallout from that information? Often we tend to think we are ready to know all the dirty details only to realize we were better off before.” —<a href="http://www.shannonbattle.com/">Shannon Battle</a>, licensed professional counsellor Saying no has a price “My grandmother told me, ‘What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.’ As a married woman, I’m finally beginning to understand the wisdom in her advice. Sometimes we get comfortable and think our spouse will never look elsewhere. Marriage can get stale so it’s important to be open to making adjustments as we go through different experience, age, or change.” —Shannon Battle It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it “As a child, my Southern grandmother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. As such, her favourite saying was ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Now that I work as a marriage counsellor I see how true that is. It’s important to always speak kindly even in tense situations as kind words help couples establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a stronger bond.” —Bill Benson, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counsellor at The Mental Gym Let him (or her) win “When I first got married my grandma told me to ‘always let him win.’ At the time, I didn’t like this advice because I didn’t think it was fair. Why should I always let him win? As I got older and more mature, I see her point and see why this is such an amazing way to be in a relationship. It’s not that we get taken advantage of, or let ourselves be used or abused, but it’s about letting your partner win with the small things. It’s about compromising for the sake of a peaceful marriage. You give in to smaller conflicts for the good of the whole, and for a more peaceful union.” —<a href="http://www.karennaalexander.com/">Karenna Alexander</a>, dating and relationship coach, based in Connecticut and New York City Have a hot meal ready “My grandma always had a delicious meal waiting for my grandfather and told me to do the same. At first when I heard her saying this it seemed outdated and even a little silly. I figured a guy should love me for me, not for my cooking skills. And it’s true, if you have a good guy, you aren’t going to lose him if you are a bad cook. But that said, cooking a meal for someone you love is a way of showing them love and that a you are there for them every day. It’s a form of communication, even on days when you both are exhausted and have nothing left. It’s a way of communicating love and creativity and caring, even when words aren’t spoken.” —Karenna Alexander Pretend you can’t open the pickle jar “My grandparents were married for 41 years and my grandma told me her secret: ‘Sometimes you have to let the other person feel needed, even if they aren’t.’ She explained how she would have my grandfather do little things like filing papers, or opening jars for her. She knew how to open a tight jar herself but she would still leave the tight jars until he came home from work. ‘Nobody wants to feel like you don’t need them to do nothing!’ she’d tell me. I understood later in life that even though I can change my own tire, my significant other wants to feel like he is the only one who can do it. And I am okay with that.” —Whitney Tillery, relationship coach and blogger at <a href="http://shewriteablog.com/">shewriteablog.com</a> (Here are <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/happy-marriage-feel-loved/1">12 other tiny ways to make your spouse feel loved</a>.) Written by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">Reader’s Digest</a><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">.</a> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

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6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

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